Addict goes doctor shopping

Just a little rant against Doctors
« on: September 25, 2017, 07:50:51 pm »

[Buddie]

So I wasn’t sure where else to put this, but just wanted to get it off my chest. I went to see my 2nd p-doc within the last month in order to attempt to obtain a legitimate prescription to valium for the purposes of tapering. Also was looking for a script to remeron, since my sleep is still pretty bad even after reinstating. I made the mistake of mentioning tapering down, and switching over from the klonopin that I had previously been on. Big mistake. In the US, doctors just don’t get it. He actually said “well if there’s an addiction, we need to stop the benzos. You’ll feel a little anxiety for a few days, but then you’ll be ok” Lol. He then said but if you have GAD, and valium or klonopin seem to work for you, then we can go that route. I immediately said yes, I think I’ve have GAD. You see, docs just don’t want to get involved in the whole tapering business. It’s messy. I’m not sure if they’re completely ignorant to protracted WD, or if they just don’t want to get involved in a tapering schedule. With them, everything HAS to have a diagnosis. And if it’s benzo dependancy (addiction or not), than they are apparently almost never willing to write a script to taper. Because if it’s dependance, the solution is to get off the drug right NOW, find some other diagnosis, and put you on some other med that probably won’t help, and will likely make things worse. Long story short.. I get ONE WEEKS supply of valium and remeron, and have to go back in a week (another $150) to re-evaluate. I’m just going to stick to my GAD diagnosis and taper on my own. Hopefully he will trust me enough to change the visits to once a month.

Here is the real kicker: In the whole visit, he offered me gabapentin, paxil, effexor, anafranil (which I’d be willing to retry at some point b/c it of positive past with it). And the most outrageous of all.. He actually offered me buprenorphine (Suboxone) to help treat DEPRESSION!! Are you kidding me?? I was trying to be as personable and friendly as I could, so I just said “hmmm.. I haven’t been on opiates in about 8 months. That might have made a little more sense if I made the transition back then, but at this point, I’m not sure what the benefit would be?”. Come to find out, their have actually been clinical trials using buprenophine for depression, and it’s soon going to be a new depression treatment! What’s next? Oxycodone for depresssion? It makes you feel good, right? Anyway, he just refused to believe or accept that I’m trying to allow my brain to slowly recover from years of addictive psychotropic drugs. And that it takes time. But that’s just not how they think. It can’t last that long, they say. There must be some underlying condition that needs to be treated with a new drug. That’ll fix it. Sigh. Western medicine.. I guess that’s how they stay in business.

“When I finally got a 4 mg fix from that ER doctor what a great high that was!”

Re: Addiction/Dependence Discussion
« Reply #42 on: June 26, 2017, 06:04:04 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on June 25, 2017, 05:07:42 pm
Those of you who don’t understand the difference between dependence and addiction, have never actually had an addiction.
<<“Those of you who don’t understand the difference between dependence and addiction, have never actually had an addiction.”>>

I’ve had both. I am currently dependent on immunosuppressants to control an autoimmune disease. Without them, the disease would progress to a dangerous stage. There are side effects but there is no withdrawal. Thank goodness I’m not also dependent on Insulin. But I do depend on the U.S. Postal Service, as unwise as that may seem.

But, up until 6 months ago, I had been physically addicted to lorazepam for 20 years. I engaged in drug seeking behavior. When faced with the possibility of running out of the drug, I would contact my dealer (doctor) and arrange for a stealthy pick-up (pharmacy). And there certainly was withdrawal every six hours, although not as difficult as when my first supplier 20 years ago abruptly cut off my 3mg daily supply of Xanax and I ended up in fetal position on my bathroom floor begging God to kill me. (But boy, when I finally got a 4 mg fix from that ER doctor…what great high that was!)

So yes, I understand the difference between dependence and addiction because I’ve experienced both. But, honestly, that’s not why I take issue with the herd moving toward the nice, safe-space-friendly word “dependence.” The beef I have with the word is that it has no clear meaning “out there.” No edge, no bite and too many word-associations that dilute its meaning. It’s not the kind of word that motivates action and can help force a solution to a public health problem. I’ll give you this, though, it’s better than “iatrogenically injured.” Try that one on Main Street!

First question: “How do I find a doctor (who will give me benzos)? I fucking love them!”

My first question to everyone...
« on: February 26, 2017, 08:24:34 pm »

[Buddie]

How do I find a doctor that will taper me over a long period of time. All three tapers I have tried were between 1 and 3 months. And they all resulted badly, severe depression and anxiety along with cognitive effects and pain.
It seems like every doctor knows how to prescribe Benzos and I can’t find one to taper me off them without crashing me.
3mg clonazapam for 17 years. Was great for the first year and the years after just got worse and worse. It has changed me for the worse in so many ways.

“What is an addict?”

  • Ask a spouse or parent who has struggled for years to help a drug user and you might hear that an addict is someone who betrays you and takes whatever they can get, who bankrupts you and breaks your heart.
  • Ask a law enforcement officer who tried to help at first but then gave up because of the overwhelming extent of the problem and he might talk about the hopelessness of even making an effort.
  • Ask a doctor who has seen too many patients scream at him and his staff if he fails to give them the pills they want and he may rant about how horrible and dangerous “these people” are.
  • Ask an emergency room nurse and she might wave her hand in despair of ever being able to do more than keep a person alive so he can use drugs again the next night.
  • Ask someone who tried to help an addicted person again and again but then gave up in disgust when the person always returned to the bottle or the needle, despite that offer of help. Perhaps he can’t be blamed for concluding that an addict is someone who can’t be helped, who is hell-bent on destroying himself, who is degraded all the way down to his soul.

Cult lionizes Stevie Nicks but always leaves out she abused illegal drugs

Stevie Nicks: ‘I was the worst drug addict’

  • Fleetwood Mac singer Stevie Nicks was so addicted to cocaine, alcohol and Quaaludes she blacked out and nearly overdosed repeatedly
  • She wore gold and turquoise bottle inlaid with diamonds around her neck so she was never without coke
  • To avoid body searches by customs in Europe, they hired Hitler’s private rail car complete with the elderly attendant who served the Fuhrer

Before Stevie Nicks checked herself into rehab in 1986, she had snorted so much cocaine it tore a hole through her nose. She bought $1 million worth of cocaine and it burned a hole in her nose the size of a dime. Rumors spread that she had to have the drug blown up her derriere by an assistant.

“All of us were drug addicts,”  the 66-year-old rock icon admitted to Rolling Stone. “There was no way to get off the white horse and I didn’t want to,” Nicks said.

Some poster girl for Ashton’s Church of Benzos huh?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2912497/I-worst-drug-addict-Stevie-Nicks-recalls-cocaine-habit-discusses-dating-60-Rolling-Stone.html

Benzo Buddies addict goes from binging on pills to binging on donuts

You mean chocolate donuts are not good for you?
« on: November 13, 2016, 02:11:42 am »

[Buddie]

I’m writing as kind of a confessional and I wasn’t sure where to even post this. Maybe a blog is in order but I am not good at tending to a blog, I think. And I don’t have a therapist at the moment. There is someone I spoke with on the phone but I owe her money and, well, I think I have to use BB forum as my therapist. It sure has been more helpful than anything or anyone else. Except for chocolate donuts.

So less than 2 months off, I’m beginning to see where my habits as a person are now not serving the person that needs help. I won’t get too into this too much – but I come from a family that left me emotionally scarred and very insecure. I have run the gamut of ADs and Ativan. Lunesta was the last. So now, as a woman in her 50s in the midst of w/d, I have to take care of myself.

I was rather undisciplined before all this with a lot of self-doubt and self-sabotage. I practice alot of fear-based emotional responses to the brain fogged/sleep deprived state that I know I must survive in spite of the fear I have that it may never end. I know I am not alone in this.

Of course I am depressed and tired. “Of course you deserve 6 of these chocolate donuts” I think. You can’t drink, smoke, drug. You feel like s**t. More donuts. I write because I want to begin taking care of myself. I mean really want to. I want to do my little p.t. excercises tired without complaint and quit chasing my beautiful organic veggies with sabotaging chocolate donuts (or other). They are a kind of metaphor. I practice self care and dash it with something or some behavior not good for me. I rebel at self-discipline. Why must I hate myself? It’s time. Thanks WBB
« Last Edit: November 14, 2016, 03:15:06 am by [Buddie] »

“May I please have a glass of wine with my Klonopin?”

A glass of wine while Tapering
« on: October 26, 2016, 03:00:36 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi All,

I am down to .25 a day of klonipin (.125 8am and .125 8pm). My psychiatrist said it’s okay for me to have a glass of wine at this point if I want to. I have a date this Friday, and would like to have a glass of wine, no more than that because I don’t want to get awful side effects.

My question is, if I have the wine before my 8pm dose, do I still take the 8pm dose? My doctor doesn’t seem to think there’s an issue as it’s only .125, but wanted to know others’ opinions/experiences.

Thank you!

Maria

Pill-crazed hophead eats handfuls of benzos in search of nirvana

Major setback to hell.
« on: October 08, 2016, 09:03:51 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi friends

I’ve just done the most stupid thing. I’ve been pretty stable on 5mg Lorazepam for 3 weeks now.

I was just about to take my 5mg and accidentally found a supply of Valium that my partner was hiding from me. I’ve had some bad news today and my anxiety/stress has been off the scale all day.

I was like a child in a sweet shop and just couldn’t help myself. I took my 5mg Lorazepam and 10x 5mg Valium. This adds up to 90mg benzo if I’m not mistaken.

My question is will this reset my taper/tolerance and will I have to start again. Will I go through a withdrawal process again until I stabilise.

I’m so mad at myself right now if I didn’t have family to worry about I would hang myself tonight.

Please help.

New drug guidelines send junkie into panic

Opiates & Benzos
« on: October 05, 2016, 11:59:23 pm »

[Buddie]

Went to my PCP today to get hydrocodone refilled (taking it for severe neck/back pain).

He told me the FDA is setting up new guidelines for prescribing opiates and benzos at the same time. I had been on clonazepam and recently tapered off, but he thought I was still on it, and told me to stop taking it because of the new guidelines. Of course, I told him I had tapered and was already off of it, but my thought was what if I hadn’t already been off of it I would have been c/t’d. He isn’t willing to prescribe both meds now, so he would have taken me off benzos (or opiates). If I were someone that was on a fairly high dose of benzos (or even not a high dose), I would have been cold turkeyed.

I certainly can’t go off the hydrocodone right now because of pain. I would have been screwed. That’s what’s so scary about benzos, opiates, or other addictive meds.