Kook dumps husband to marry Benzo Buddies cult

Leaving Partner in WD
« on: June 17, 2019, 04:45:28 pm »

[Buddie]

I’ve decided to leave my husband, i can’t take the verbal and emotional abuse any more, we’ve been to counseling but the counselor said he was narcissistic and won’t change. The stonewalling, gaslighting and passive aggression from him is hindering my recovery I’m sure.

I’m on my third day of driving 900 kms with my dog to be with my son, having to stay in motels and getting a barrage of cruel emails from him. Tomorrow i will be there, hopefully i won’t get too much of a setback from this. Leaving the house was very difficult but i know I’ve made the right decision.

Anybody else out there done this in wd? Any support appreciated from anyone.

Ain’t no love in the heart of the city: Girlfriend dumps addict for man who isn’t tapering Klonopin for 1000 years

Dumped during taper
« on: April 10, 2019, 12:33:03 am »

[Buddie]

Just lost one of the key players in my support network. She said, “I can’t do this for another 6 months, year, however long it’ll be before you’re better. I love you, I want you to get better, and I don’t want to be with anyone else. But I just can’t do this anymore. I have to let go. I have to live my life”

This was 2 weeks ago. I tried to remain her friend, but she couldn’t help but rub her new relationship in my face. When I’d finally had enough and blocked her number, and on social media, she got pissy and finally left me alone. It’s strange how the ones we love the most can end up being the most toxic. Prior to this she would always be at my bedside. Checking in on me every day. Assuring me I’d get through this and that I’m strong for having made it this far.

I found myself up-dosing. I messed up. I let her hurt me even more. I’m trying to get back down to 0.5mg Klon per day, but the nights without her are much harder. Maybe I shouldn’t have been dating in this state. She tapered off klon a long time ago, I thought she’d be more understanding.

If anyone’s suffered a blow like this during taper, any advice would be appreciated.
(I know, “Try not to think about her, occupy your mind with other things.” I got that much, I’m trying.)

Pothead begs Benzo Buddies for help

17 yrs benzo and 17 months off + weed
« on: April 10, 2019, 09:44:26 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello to all of you :),

I am extremely happy I found this forum.  :laugh: I am 35 yrs old male single. I was diagnosed with depression/ADD/ADHD when I was 17. The dosage I consume is very consistent throughout the years, 1 benzo and 1 anti depressant. Two years ago, I discover weed reduces my anxiety and sleep so much. I started to hang out with pothead friends then I found out benzo is @(*#! I cold turkey 17 months ago and I created a new habit of smoking pot. Everyday, all day none stop. A year ago, I didn’t smoke for a month and I still had serve symptoms. So I continue to consume cannabis ever since.

symptoms :

anxiety
dizziness and headache
foggy brain, there is like a pressure in the brain
muscle tightness entire body
impossible to have a good posture
extremely isolated with reality
depression
memory lost
hard to concentrate
heart palpitate
hypersensitive to noise, sounds, light
chest pain
hard to breath
blurry eyes
foggy brain
eeeeeeeeeeeeeee on my ear
coordination
directional lost

psychological :

family and friends are the biggest joke ever
2019 we communicate with our fingers and eyes on screen, I can’t stand the fact that people don’t reply or take my messages seriously. I get extremely upset that I would just give up and block the person right away. Why not call?
suicidal thoughts
severe repetitively negative thoughts
especially on tinder ( dating app ) I talk to ppl with respect but I get mistreated, like super mad with these girls. I know their mindset is not very healthy to begin with. Anyway I deleted the app yesterday.
tons of childhood memory came back
unable to maintain any relationship
fear of going out
takes a lot of effort to do a simple thing. ( going to grocery store, food )
is it weed or is it benzo withdrawal
nobody understand and sometimes I think I am crazy
feeling hopeless
tire, fatigue feeling all day
I do get this weird feeling coming back and forth. Sometimes it’s not obvious so I don’t know how to describe it. All of sudden my chest and heart have this tingling feel. It is hard to breath and then it’s gone.

For the past one and half year, I didn’t do anything. Blaze and youtube everyday. Whenever I tell someone my benzo withdrawal. They couldn’t understand and most of them want to argue with me. I don’t have any friends anymore, I don’t talk to my family.  Sometime, I feel extremely lonely but I am so afraid I will end up any relationships. I can’t afford to loose more friends. Is it me or is this benzo withdrawal????????

FM2(Flunitrazepam): Modipanol/Rohypnol        ***7 years
Syndoman 30mg.  FLURAZEPAM HCL                    ****4 years
MESYREL 50MG TRAZODONE HYDROCHLOR
LENDORMIN Brotizolam
Valdoxan Agomelatine

I only take 1 benzo and 1 anti depressant a day. Like the tablets we see from normal pharmaceutical drugs.

My apology for the long and boring words. It’s just so much anxiety even typing these out.

Best,

[…]

Meet the Benzo Buddies Team: Pianogirl

pianogirl

My story starts with a trip to the ER for what were some dizzy, lightheaded symptoms I was having. I remember the day clearly, I had been painting our bedroom and although I had had episodes like this before, this time it was much worse. All the tests were normal and my doctor told me it was a middle ear issue and sent me to an ENT. Unfortunately the doctor was very busy and spent little time with me. He gave me a prescription for Ativan and said that the condition I had would just go away. After 6 weeks of taking Ativan I was dependent but didn’t know it, in fact I didn’t even know what a benzo was, because I’m stupid and have lived under a rock for the past 50 years. I was told to stop it, since it was a very low dose, for a vestibular wellness test, and that’s when I became very ill. Little did I know that I was going through withdrawal. My doctor said it wasn’t the Ativan because I had stopped it 2 weeks before. All the many medical tests came back normal. I was indeed anxious at this point and having so many scary symptoms, rather than keep trying the many sample meds my doctor gave me, which also made me ill, I decided to see a psychiatrist.

After being diagnosed as severely mentally ill, I was put on clonazepam and many antidepressants and other medications that my sensitive system could not tolerate. I began to feel sicker still and went for more tests and procedures. Around this time I started to research my medications, and asked my doctor many times about the safety of taking the clonazepam long term. My psychiatrist was on the right route, he just took a wrong turn. He’s stupid. He had my hormones tested as well as my thyroid because he didn’t see a psychological reason for the anxiety and other symptoms. After changing doctors once again, both my new doctor and I decided the medications were making me ill. I came across the Ashton Manual and we used it for a cross over to Valium since I was finding it difficult to taper from the clonazepam.

I found BenzoBuddies after I finished my taper and as with many here I so wish I had found it earlier. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done, but the most important. I am so much more proactive about my health and knowledgeable thanks to the people here at BenzoBuddies. They provided me a safe, kind and caring place to come whenever I needed encouragement or validation that what I felt was normal for withdrawal. This is a community of believers, believing that recovery will happen, that healing will occur, that Ashton and Colin are our gurus. Never lose sight of the goal to be benzo free, every day is a step in the right direction. I am happier than ever before even though I am not completely healed and I am so happy to be able to give back to those who have helped me so much.

2012-03-27

BENZO LOVE THE WRONG KIND OF LOVE

Straw that broke the camels back
« on: November 19, 2017, 03:32:19 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey all, maybe some of you have read my I frequent postings. My story is like many others, overuse of benzodiazepines, a really hard withdrawal and a gradual recovery. I elected to dismiss the common knowledge of this board and keep pushing as hard as I could throughout my recovery, despite several severe life circumstances I just kept going. I had an ex girlfriend unexpectedly call me saying […] had given birth, and was planning on giving the baby away. I got to spend 3 days with my daughter, and it shattered my heart. I moved to Australia to work on a super high visibility project, working long hours away from all support. I fell in love while I was there, deeply, and in the midst of my withdrawal. I had a tumor found in my testicle, and had it removed, no cancer though. And finally the girl who I loved told me […] had been dating someone new back in Germany, and I shattered. It was the straw that broke the camels back, and I flew home to the USA to unravel. I am so alone, so empty, I feel like the life I have I don’t recognize anymore, I’ve used up all my resilience and I just have nothing left. I never dealt with grieving the baby, grieving my withdrawal, grieving my operation, it was just move forward, move forward, go go go, don’t stop don’t be a victim don’t stop. And now I’m back on a benzo because I can’t stop having panic attacks thinking about all the things that happened the past year that I buried, and the girl who helped me get through it who decided […] would rather someone else.

I feel so weak. Like such a failure

Benzo Buddies addict goes from binging on pills to binging on donuts

You mean chocolate donuts are not good for you?
« on: November 13, 2016, 02:11:42 am »

[Buddie]

I’m writing as kind of a confessional and I wasn’t sure where to even post this. Maybe a blog is in order but I am not good at tending to a blog, I think. And I don’t have a therapist at the moment. There is someone I spoke with on the phone but I owe her money and, well, I think I have to use BB forum as my therapist. It sure has been more helpful than anything or anyone else. Except for chocolate donuts.

So less than 2 months off, I’m beginning to see where my habits as a person are now not serving the person that needs help. I won’t get too into this too much – but I come from a family that left me emotionally scarred and very insecure. I have run the gamut of ADs and Ativan. Lunesta was the last. So now, as a woman in her 50s in the midst of w/d, I have to take care of myself.

I was rather undisciplined before all this with a lot of self-doubt and self-sabotage. I practice alot of fear-based emotional responses to the brain fogged/sleep deprived state that I know I must survive in spite of the fear I have that it may never end. I know I am not alone in this.

Of course I am depressed and tired. “Of course you deserve 6 of these chocolate donuts” I think. You can’t drink, smoke, drug. You feel like s**t. More donuts. I write because I want to begin taking care of myself. I mean really want to. I want to do my little p.t. excercises tired without complaint and quit chasing my beautiful organic veggies with sabotaging chocolate donuts (or other). They are a kind of metaphor. I practice self care and dash it with something or some behavior not good for me. I rebel at self-discipline. Why must I hate myself? It’s time. Thanks WBB
« Last Edit: November 14, 2016, 03:15:06 am by [Buddie] »

Hallucinations 14 months out? That’s NOT in the Ashton Manual!

my kitchen cabinets were warping..
« on: January 07, 2016, 11:39:46 pm »

[Buddie]

I am 14 months out, and I have had a variety of symptoms, but the warping object one I have never had until tonight. I went into the kitchen to make some tea and suddenly the cabinets began warping in and out, side to side. I felt a bit woozy also and had to hurry to sit down. Why am I just now getting this symptom? Shouldn’t I have gotten this while I was in acute? Can brand new symptoms crop up like this? My ears are clicking too when I swallow.

Thanks to anyone who can shed light on this for me.

[…]