“A rude psychiatrist at the hospital forced me on Zoloft”

Face twitching
« on: November 12, 2020, 03:49:57 am »

[Buddie]

Hey guys so I’ve been trying to stay strong and hang in here but it’s so hard. I just keep going somehow but am still recovering. I’m 6 weeks out this Saturday. Just always having different symptoms but the head muscle symptoms are the worst. I’ve been wearing a headband on my head and that has helped a lot but its like my face has a mind of it’s own. I sleep fine and eat fine. Occasionally I get cog fog but coffee helps. I am able to eat healthy and do get days of going out but things feel so terribly hopeless sometimes. I do not know what normal feels like since this hell started 6 months ago. I am a member of surviving antidepressants also but find it hard to concentrate to even fill out my signature. Does this really end and do people fully recover and get to return to a normal life. I hear stories of so many people years out and not yet recovered. It makes me sad. I am having my teeth out next week and getting nitrous oxide which scares me that it might kindle my gaba receptors. I would hate to make things worse. Anxiety wise I do not know what to do. While I am seeing great improvement in that field I do not know if I will manage without anything but I do not think my brain can handle more chemicals. I live at home and have been able to rest because of my family which don’t care if it takes 2 years for me to get better. Hopefully all this cbt will get rid of the anxiety enough that got me here in the first place. I really wanna be able to go back to school… and work out but the most I can manage right now is some cardio. Does this really get better? My dad has gone on and off benzos his whole life easily and I am honestly jealous. He does not take them anymore but takes flexeril. He too had a bad reaction to ssri’s which almost killed him. However he thinks I should try a tricyclic antidepressant because we have many family members who did find with this drug, but they also did fine on benzos. I had an aunt with a klonopin addiction she died very young and ended up on methadone and I am afraid of following her footsteps and ending up an alcoholic or on methadone. Something tells me she did it to supress klonopin withdrawal that a doctor put her on at 19. She also died very young. I do not know what to think anymore. All these people friends and therapists care about me but I feel lost and have lost complete trust in the medical community. I also feel cursed that my body does not tolerate medication when I am so mentally ill. Another part of me is greatful I have time to recover and sleep off years worth of stress hoping that one day I wake up better from both anxiety and withdrawal. I was brutally cold turkeyed off ssris by a very mean doctor who called me crazy when withdrawal started. Then :knowing that I was having an adverse reaction to ssri’s. I ended up having to take a benzo everyday to cope and after a 8 week taper am better then most but clearly still unwell. Thank-you for listening to me rant.

Benzo Buddies members attempt top another suicidal member from going to psych ward

My pulse is 201 off and on 3rd time since 10 pm psyche ward?
« on: November 05, 2020, 11:27:36 am »

[Buddie]

Wha do i do. I quit my last dose of effexor xr 37 mg tapered off with 20 mg tablets on october 6th. was put back on a small dose February 2020 in a psche ward for attempting S. I was also forced on risperdal which i quit in august. About 3 days ago my symptoms have gotten worse. My head started crackling and squeezing more and my brain went even more numb and squeezed like crazy, also my muscle spasms and tightness are worse, my chest is fluttering and very tight. My spine is crushing. And tonight it has happened 3 seperate times. I cant breathe well. I am wobbling and shivering back and forth like crazy. . If i go to a psych ward they will just give me drugs and benzos. But my brain is so numb ativan does not work anymore anyways. They did it to me before n november 2019 and it did not work. Help, my 3rd unbearable attack tonight. Is my brain and body failing? It feels like am dying, i am so weak. I am scared. Dont know what to do.

Re: My pulse is 201 off and on 3rd time since 10 pm psyche ward?
« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2020, 12:02:14 pm »

[Buddie]

I want to help you, John, but I don’t know how. Psychiatry has no other cure besides these drugs that led us to this state. The more we took them, the more sick we became.

Re: My pulse is 201 off and on 3rd time since 10 pm psyche ward?
« Reply #2 on: November 05, 2020, 12:09:29 pm »

[Buddie]

The worst thing is that both psychiatrists and patients themselves often do not understand that this is not a disease, but comes from their medicines.
Psychotropic drugs are scary things that they do to people. You have a drug disorder, John, caused by chronic brain damage from psychotropic drugs
« Last Edit: November 05, 2020, 12:15:42 pm by [Buddie]

Re: My pulse is 201 off and on 3rd time since 10 pm psyche ward?
« Reply #3 on: November 05, 2020, 08:44:17 pm »

[Buddie]

Yeah, i am about done with all this. I cant take any of this anymore
2 years now and my brain is mush. Cracks, squeezes, itches, spine squeezes, dozens of other side affects. i am losing all hope. . How the heck can you stay positive with all this horrendous , indescribable horror going on with us? the positive people are the ones who get relief and see improvements. I want peace and happiness. I trusted psychiatrists. I was only 15 when i was given effexor xr. Oh, it is safe they said. I was given prozac in the 3rd grade because i kept to myself. What quacks this medical industry is.

Re: My pulse is 201 off and on 3rd time since 10 pm psyche ward?
« Reply #4 on: November 05, 2020, 09:05:24 pm »

[Buddie]

It is indeed an industry of great quackery John. I’ve had it shit in other ways. 21 months for me. It’s still a struggle. Wearing.

The only thing that in any works for me is to roll with it best I can. Acceptance is key for me now. Acceptance coupled with distraction, action, is even better. Sometimes hard for me to do.

You have been on psychotropics since early childhood it makes sense to me that you would feel the way you do. Your brain is trying to recalibrate. Give it time.

Re: My pulse is 201 off and on 3rd time since 10 pm psyche ward?
« Reply #5 on: November 05, 2020, 09:16:52 pm »

[Buddie]

Thanks […]. I am trying. Ever since ECT while going through drug withdrawal i have so much damage, it is ridiculous.

Benzo Buddies tells member to hold off going to psych ward, continue suffering

How am I supposed to survive
« on: July 24, 2019, 10:41:05 pm »

[Buddie]

I’ve reached my breaking point. How am I supposed to survive this if I am scared of my own thoughts in general. I’ve had racing, ruminating, looping/earworms, obsessive intrusive thoughts and memories for 8 months straight. Distraction doesn’t work I’ve tried everything. My attention won’t detach from my thoughts.
I am only getting worse as time goes on.

I don’t really know how to survive this.

Can anyone honestly say they have or had mental symtoms this bad.

I’m about to go to the psych ward and have them pump me with whatever. At this point I dont care.

Re: How am I supposed to survive
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2019, 10:54:20 pm »

[Buddie]

Korny, get a grip here.
You are NOT the only one who has truly bad symptoms. I sure did. I went CT off Klonapin 6 mgs and Ambien 10 mgs and 2 SSRIS. Holy hell ensued. That first entire year I was certifiably insane. I had such bad symptoms that I did not sleep for an entire year. The only reason I did not reinstate was because I was SO paranoid of doctors I could not bring myself to see one. Thank GOD I didn’t.
Here is what you might try. Find a nice soft place to sit. And do slow deep “belly breathing.” This technique DOES work to calm such severe anxiety. I spent MONTHS doing this.

When I tell you my wd symptoms were just as bad and maybe even worse, I am NOT lying. Korny: The first couple months I was hallucinating with all five of my senses. I saw things. I heard things. I tasted and smell things…that were not real. At one point I hallucinated a nurse hiding behind my old table fan. She and I had a very real conversation. I remember it quite well. She was quite real to me back then.
I sat on my sofa and rocked back and forth, doing deep breathing and trying to get through just another minute of this torture. This was not easy to do .I also had extreme FEAR and anxiety and was having panic attacks frequently. I also had numerous physical symptoms, too many to list.
Korny, if you are feeling completely out of control go to the nearest ER. But if you can hold on a bit longer, please do. We all want you to succeed.
[…]

Addict lands in ER after Benzo Buddies taper fails

Please help.... absolutely hopeless and broken
« on: July 18, 2019, 12:06:20 am »

[Buddie]

So I’ve been off Klonopin about 1 month now. I have a phobia about dying. It’s only gotten worse. Last night I felt very weak and scared and was absolutely certain I’d die in my sleep. This morning I woke up at 6, very weak and TERRIFIED. I can usually tell a panic attack is happening, but I fully thought I was dying and called 911 for the first time. I was telling my boyfriend goodbye, ffs. My vitals were fine, my urine was fine, my blood sugar was fine. They sent me home. I still feel terrible and scared out of my mind. A terror I’ve never felt. I’m obsessing about meningitis or septic shock… I don’t know why. They didn’t do blood tests which is the major reason I cannot calm down. I’m so depressed. Majorly depressed. I’m so done with this. I’m the worst I’ve ever been. I keep going into full panic screaming that I’m dying, begging my Mom to help.

This just feels so real and different. But I’m not in excruciating pain. I just feel weak, confused, really depressed, my head is heavy, and sheer terror that I’m dying and nobody will help me. 🙁 Please tell me this is withdrawal and that I can make it through this, because I’m considering giving up completely.

Benzo Buddies members compare psych wards

Womp womp psych hospital
« on: February 21, 2019, 10:50:43 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello,

So my taper has ended in the acute mental hospital 2 days ago. Not ideal. Although it’s not that terrible here. I was brought here by family for my ‘withdrawal delusions’ and nighttime terrors.

I’m at 0.06 mg ativan and have been holding. The pharmacist here and psych dr are patiently letting me taper here but would like to see me taper down here. Their diagnosis is that I am manic with delusions about ativan symptoms, and they want to go through withdrawal here to prove a point to myself that it’s not that bad. I don’t want to be on this drug anymore but I am scared to jump here. But maybe better here than at home.

There are other benzo people here. It’s sad. I dont want to say too much but it’s not a good thing to see.

They want me on 12.5 mg of seroquel. I’ve taken 2 doses. Worried about movement disorder because of fahrs.

Sx… high heart rate. Bowel stuff. Brain zaps. Tremors. Burning skin.

I think i have to stop this med soon but worried about acute in front of psychiatric team.

My question I guess is if anyone has advice.

Thanks.

Re: Womp womp psych hospital
« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2019, 11:14:40 pm »

[Buddie]

I am SO SO sorry! I wound up in psyche twice and they were pretty much no help, switched my ADs, put me on gabapentin which I tried to get off and couldnt, Trazadone which stopped working, remeron which made me sick, they did get me stable on a generic brand of K but I’m still not tapering and still sick since my failed rapid taper and now I’m on ambien ::)

I suppose you can fake it as best you can to get out? then go back to your taper? Maybe?

Seroquel can help with sleep and 12.5 is a CRAZY low dose! It is safer in the hospital because they can be there if you seize or need any other meds I guess? I’m happy they let you have your phone at least, we werent allowed ours

Benzo Buddies tells mentally ill drug addict NOT to go to the psych ward

Re: Mom wants me to go to the psyche ward...
« Reply #22 on: January 20, 2019, 12:35:31 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on January 19, 2019, 07:19:22 pm
Hope you are holding up, […]. Things hit the fan here because all my cuts caught up with me in a really bad way, so I can definitely sympathize with what you are going through. I’m in a holding pattern because this has become too much to bear.

I hope you are doing ok. Sometimes life can be dealt with only 1 minute at a time.

I’ve also had an attempt in 2016, so I understand all too well. Stabilizing is the most important thing now. I am not tapering any further until these extreme thoughts subside a bit for me. It’s too much to bear for me at the moment, so that’s why I am holding.

Oh no! I hope you stabilize soon Lfree!!! It really is an awful feeling having those thoughts and I think the dp/Dr makes them somehow feel easier to accomplish (at least for me) like there were no consequences.
I had a bad day today, restarted an old drug for pain/ sleep and even though I was only off it for 2 weeks I think it’s hitting me hard. Migraine most of the day, just wanted to sleep and just felt unwell. But it’s also that ‘special’ monthly time AND I tried vaping CBD oil last night…so many things at play right now, we also had a snow storm (which flares my fibromyalgia)

Re: Mom wants me to go to the psyche ward...
« Reply #23 on: February 17, 2019, 04:58:09 pm »

[Buddie]

NO, don’t do inpatient, I did that twice and they poly drugged me to death. was so scary locked up with crazy people and an evil shrink. taper slow, u can do it

Re: Mom wants me to go to the psyche ward...
« Reply #24 on: February 20, 2019, 05:06:56 am »

[Buddie]

[…], I hope you’ve been able to avoid the psych ward. It’s the absolute worst place for anyone in psych drug withdrawal as the people there have no clue what is wrong with you and only heap on more poisonous drugs. I’m so sorry for your suffering. Stay home regardless of how bad it gets….that’s the safest place to be, unless you are truly and actually in the process of trying to take your own life.

Benzo Buddies gives free reign to doctor-bashers

Overcoming fear/mistrust of Doctors.
« on: February 19, 2019, 10:28:13 pm »

[Buddie]

I know from all posts I’ve read that I’m very far from alone in this and do have that question. (I’m not even sure whether or not moderators will take down this thread or let it be, since I do find it a little odd that I haven’t already come across a thread like this. I do take great care composing a thread/posts that they won’t possibly distress or offend anyone.) I’m concerned some symptoms I’m having are serious, but I have these mistrust and fear issues. My experiences with doctors haven’t been highly favorable to begin with, never mind this travesty. My doctor had prescribed for over a decade and when his group practice was taken over by a larger one informed me, on phone, that the refill he was giving was the last – which, rapid detox could’ve killed me. I’d only known about tapers b/c I’d had a gut feeling that the depression I’d been feeling for 2 years @ that time was due to the ativan, so I’d already begun my research. He’d also overprescribed, which I hadn’t taken full amount, so I’ve had a reserve to do my dry cuts…

I’ve been experiencing many w/d sxs; won’t go into all the details here; anyone wanting more back-story can click on my username and look through my posts history. Since August ’18 have experienced steady weight gain (especially in truck of body) and pain in right ankle. I don’t remember twisting it; but it’s possible I did. Since end of December, everything’s much worse, & which I’ve attributed to w/d with decreasing amounts being in my system & all the poisons having to be expunged. I can’t, though, ignore how much worse the right ankle pain is (the only time I’m not in pain is when asleep, blessed relief/hard to come by), along w/both calves swelling now & the calf skin being tight & shiny. Now, I’m thinking the additional weight gain may all be water-retention (esp. as I’ve been slim whole life & so were parents).

My concern is that this may be heart-related, as my blood pressure had been borderline high & it may have been the ativan keeping it even at that level & not higher. During this same time period, a loved one had awful experiences of her closest loved ones & their ultimate demises; one of whom had much swelling w/skin weeping & an awful 2-3 months before he was finally granted the ultimate respite from a higher power, but not before doctors/hospitals tortured him further. I know how much she detests and reviles doctors now, too, from those experiences, but that she does keep her own doctor appointments. Hearing those experiences, combined with my own already existing ones during this same time period, I’m more mistrustful and fearful of the medical community than ever. I do have a call out to her (leaving out the exact specifics, b/c even w/her, I’m afraid she’ll just advise going to dr. or hospital) asking how she gets over any of her own feelings in order to visit a doctor at all. She’s actively grieving (& why I’d hated to pose this question to her at all, but did it as obliquely as possible, b/c I know she’ll be concerned about me & she’s been though enough) – so, I don’t know if/when I’ll hear from her…

Any helpful tips appreciated. (on getting over the fear/mistrust – please, not just advising “go to” dr./hospital- thank you)
« Last Edit: February 19, 2019, 11:16:41 pm by [Buddie]