Benzo Buddies tells member to hold off going to psych ward, continue suffering

How am I supposed to survive
« on: July 24, 2019, 10:41:05 pm »

[Buddie]

I’ve reached my breaking point. How am I supposed to survive this if I am scared of my own thoughts in general. I’ve had racing, ruminating, looping/earworms, obsessive intrusive thoughts and memories for 8 months straight. Distraction doesn’t work I’ve tried everything. My attention won’t detach from my thoughts.
I am only getting worse as time goes on.

I don’t really know how to survive this.

Can anyone honestly say they have or had mental symtoms this bad.

I’m about to go to the psych ward and have them pump me with whatever. At this point I dont care.

Re: How am I supposed to survive
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2019, 10:54:20 pm »

[Buddie]

Korny, get a grip here.
You are NOT the only one who has truly bad symptoms. I sure did. I went CT off Klonapin 6 mgs and Ambien 10 mgs and 2 SSRIS. Holy hell ensued. That first entire year I was certifiably insane. I had such bad symptoms that I did not sleep for an entire year. The only reason I did not reinstate was because I was SO paranoid of doctors I could not bring myself to see one. Thank GOD I didn’t.
Here is what you might try. Find a nice soft place to sit. And do slow deep “belly breathing.” This technique DOES work to calm such severe anxiety. I spent MONTHS doing this.

When I tell you my wd symptoms were just as bad and maybe even worse, I am NOT lying. Korny: The first couple months I was hallucinating with all five of my senses. I saw things. I heard things. I tasted and smell things…that were not real. At one point I hallucinated a nurse hiding behind my old table fan. She and I had a very real conversation. I remember it quite well. She was quite real to me back then.
I sat on my sofa and rocked back and forth, doing deep breathing and trying to get through just another minute of this torture. This was not easy to do .I also had extreme FEAR and anxiety and was having panic attacks frequently. I also had numerous physical symptoms, too many to list.
Korny, if you are feeling completely out of control go to the nearest ER. But if you can hold on a bit longer, please do. We all want you to succeed.
[…]

Addict lands in ER after Benzo Buddies taper fails

Please help.... absolutely hopeless and broken
« on: July 18, 2019, 12:06:20 am »

[Buddie]

So I’ve been off Klonopin about 1 month now. I have a phobia about dying. It’s only gotten worse. Last night I felt very weak and scared and was absolutely certain I’d die in my sleep. This morning I woke up at 6, very weak and TERRIFIED. I can usually tell a panic attack is happening, but I fully thought I was dying and called 911 for the first time. I was telling my boyfriend goodbye, ffs. My vitals were fine, my urine was fine, my blood sugar was fine. They sent me home. I still feel terrible and scared out of my mind. A terror I’ve never felt. I’m obsessing about meningitis or septic shock… I don’t know why. They didn’t do blood tests which is the major reason I cannot calm down. I’m so depressed. Majorly depressed. I’m so done with this. I’m the worst I’ve ever been. I keep going into full panic screaming that I’m dying, begging my Mom to help.

This just feels so real and different. But I’m not in excruciating pain. I just feel weak, confused, really depressed, my head is heavy, and sheer terror that I’m dying and nobody will help me. 🙁 Please tell me this is withdrawal and that I can make it through this, because I’m considering giving up completely.

Benzo Buddies members compare psych wards

Womp womp psych hospital
« on: February 21, 2019, 10:50:43 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello,

So my taper has ended in the acute mental hospital 2 days ago. Not ideal. Although it’s not that terrible here. I was brought here by family for my ‘withdrawal delusions’ and nighttime terrors.

I’m at 0.06 mg ativan and have been holding. The pharmacist here and psych dr are patiently letting me taper here but would like to see me taper down here. Their diagnosis is that I am manic with delusions about ativan symptoms, and they want to go through withdrawal here to prove a point to myself that it’s not that bad. I don’t want to be on this drug anymore but I am scared to jump here. But maybe better here than at home.

There are other benzo people here. It’s sad. I dont want to say too much but it’s not a good thing to see.

They want me on 12.5 mg of seroquel. I’ve taken 2 doses. Worried about movement disorder because of fahrs.

Sx… high heart rate. Bowel stuff. Brain zaps. Tremors. Burning skin.

I think i have to stop this med soon but worried about acute in front of psychiatric team.

My question I guess is if anyone has advice.

Thanks.

Re: Womp womp psych hospital
« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2019, 11:14:40 pm »

[Buddie]

I am SO SO sorry! I wound up in psyche twice and they were pretty much no help, switched my ADs, put me on gabapentin which I tried to get off and couldnt, Trazadone which stopped working, remeron which made me sick, they did get me stable on a generic brand of K but I’m still not tapering and still sick since my failed rapid taper and now I’m on ambien ::)

I suppose you can fake it as best you can to get out? then go back to your taper? Maybe?

Seroquel can help with sleep and 12.5 is a CRAZY low dose! It is safer in the hospital because they can be there if you seize or need any other meds I guess? I’m happy they let you have your phone at least, we werent allowed ours

Benzo Buddies tells mentally ill drug addict NOT to go to the psych ward

Re: Mom wants me to go to the psyche ward...
« Reply #22 on: January 20, 2019, 12:35:31 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on January 19, 2019, 07:19:22 pm
Hope you are holding up, […]. Things hit the fan here because all my cuts caught up with me in a really bad way, so I can definitely sympathize with what you are going through. I’m in a holding pattern because this has become too much to bear.

I hope you are doing ok. Sometimes life can be dealt with only 1 minute at a time.

I’ve also had an attempt in 2016, so I understand all too well. Stabilizing is the most important thing now. I am not tapering any further until these extreme thoughts subside a bit for me. It’s too much to bear for me at the moment, so that’s why I am holding.

Oh no! I hope you stabilize soon Lfree!!! It really is an awful feeling having those thoughts and I think the dp/Dr makes them somehow feel easier to accomplish (at least for me) like there were no consequences.
I had a bad day today, restarted an old drug for pain/ sleep and even though I was only off it for 2 weeks I think it’s hitting me hard. Migraine most of the day, just wanted to sleep and just felt unwell. But it’s also that ‘special’ monthly time AND I tried vaping CBD oil last night…so many things at play right now, we also had a snow storm (which flares my fibromyalgia)

Re: Mom wants me to go to the psyche ward...
« Reply #23 on: February 17, 2019, 04:58:09 pm »

[Buddie]

NO, don’t do inpatient, I did that twice and they poly drugged me to death. was so scary locked up with crazy people and an evil shrink. taper slow, u can do it

Re: Mom wants me to go to the psyche ward...
« Reply #24 on: February 20, 2019, 05:06:56 am »

[Buddie]

[…], I hope you’ve been able to avoid the psych ward. It’s the absolute worst place for anyone in psych drug withdrawal as the people there have no clue what is wrong with you and only heap on more poisonous drugs. I’m so sorry for your suffering. Stay home regardless of how bad it gets….that’s the safest place to be, unless you are truly and actually in the process of trying to take your own life.

Benzo Buddies gives free reign to doctor-bashers

Overcoming fear/mistrust of Doctors.
« on: February 19, 2019, 10:28:13 pm »

[Buddie]

I know from all posts I’ve read that I’m very far from alone in this and do have that question. (I’m not even sure whether or not moderators will take down this thread or let it be, since I do find it a little odd that I haven’t already come across a thread like this. I do take great care composing a thread/posts that they won’t possibly distress or offend anyone.) I’m concerned some symptoms I’m having are serious, but I have these mistrust and fear issues. My experiences with doctors haven’t been highly favorable to begin with, never mind this travesty. My doctor had prescribed for over a decade and when his group practice was taken over by a larger one informed me, on phone, that the refill he was giving was the last – which, rapid detox could’ve killed me. I’d only known about tapers b/c I’d had a gut feeling that the depression I’d been feeling for 2 years @ that time was due to the ativan, so I’d already begun my research. He’d also overprescribed, which I hadn’t taken full amount, so I’ve had a reserve to do my dry cuts…

I’ve been experiencing many w/d sxs; won’t go into all the details here; anyone wanting more back-story can click on my username and look through my posts history. Since August ’18 have experienced steady weight gain (especially in truck of body) and pain in right ankle. I don’t remember twisting it; but it’s possible I did. Since end of December, everything’s much worse, & which I’ve attributed to w/d with decreasing amounts being in my system & all the poisons having to be expunged. I can’t, though, ignore how much worse the right ankle pain is (the only time I’m not in pain is when asleep, blessed relief/hard to come by), along w/both calves swelling now & the calf skin being tight & shiny. Now, I’m thinking the additional weight gain may all be water-retention (esp. as I’ve been slim whole life & so were parents).

My concern is that this may be heart-related, as my blood pressure had been borderline high & it may have been the ativan keeping it even at that level & not higher. During this same time period, a loved one had awful experiences of her closest loved ones & their ultimate demises; one of whom had much swelling w/skin weeping & an awful 2-3 months before he was finally granted the ultimate respite from a higher power, but not before doctors/hospitals tortured him further. I know how much she detests and reviles doctors now, too, from those experiences, but that she does keep her own doctor appointments. Hearing those experiences, combined with my own already existing ones during this same time period, I’m more mistrustful and fearful of the medical community than ever. I do have a call out to her (leaving out the exact specifics, b/c even w/her, I’m afraid she’ll just advise going to dr. or hospital) asking how she gets over any of her own feelings in order to visit a doctor at all. She’s actively grieving (& why I’d hated to pose this question to her at all, but did it as obliquely as possible, b/c I know she’ll be concerned about me & she’s been though enough) – so, I don’t know if/when I’ll hear from her…

Any helpful tips appreciated. (on getting over the fear/mistrust – please, not just advising “go to” dr./hospital- thank you)
« Last Edit: February 19, 2019, 11:16:41 pm by [Buddie]

Mentally ill cult member begs Benzo Buddies for ways to avoid being committed

How to present to hospital to avoid being forced into psych ward/detox
« on: February 02, 2019, 05:42:14 pm »

[Buddie]

So my new PCP has screwed me. Gave me 30 day bridge and referred me to a psych for taper. Unfortunately the generic from the new pharmacy made me feel sick so we asked to switch to the old one. We brought back 20 days worth of medication to her office in good faith and she wrote a script for… 5. 5 days. On a friday. Same day we finally get ahold of the psych she referred us to – doesn’t even prescribe benzos.

My friend can give me a couple more days but basically I have a week to figure out what to do or be forced to go to a hospital. But the hospital is likely to just commit me/force me into a ward or detox. I feel screwed.

What can I do in this situation? Where should I try to go to find a prescriber to taper in such short notice (1 week)? If I have to go to the hospital for “rescue”, how do I get them to help me without forcing me into a ward or detox? I’m so scared and so alone.

I’m in Anne Arundel county Maryland, if someone can help me.

For the sake of our membership, all references to self-harm and/or harming others have been removed from this thread. Please click on this link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self-Harm/Ideation (Revised)
« Last Edit: February 03, 2019, 06:27:24 pm by [Buddie] »

Anti-psychiatry rabble at Benzo Buddies lie to their doctors out of fear of getting locked in psych wards

How are you speaking with your GP
« on: March 01, 2018, 08:43:03 am »

[Buddie]

Hi everyone,

Are you telling to your GP when you going to talk to him about a symptom like blood pressure spikes, headache, etc you are on withdrawal?

I’m afraid to tell to my GP when I’m going with blood pressure problem because the previous one want to send me back to psychiatric doctor after 5 month off when I was still in strong symptoms.

Re: How are you speaking with your GP
« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2018, 09:32:55 am »

[Buddie]

I don’t go to my GP or to psychiatrist because I would probably not tell them nice things about what I think about them, their profession and their knowledge.

Re: How are you speaking with your GP
« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2018, 10:30:30 am »

[Buddie]

I know what you mean. I thought long time same. Now I’m just afraid to go because I not want to hear any bad.

Re: How are you speaking with your GP
« Reply #3 on: March 01, 2018, 11:23:42 am »

[Buddie]

I avoid GP unless essential visit. No point. Just stresses me out.

Re: How are you speaking with your GP
« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2018, 01:00:50 pm »

[Buddie]

My advice is, YES, tell your GP that you know why you are having high BP and anxiety issues. Tell him that you have been doing a lot of homework that most in his profession don’t even bother to do. I have almost developed the opinion that if I want to get sick, go visit the doctor! If your GP gives you any condescending comments or shows any sign of brushing your concerns off as if you don’t know what you are talking about………Find another doctor!

Re: How are you speaking with your GP
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2018, 01:49:24 pm »

[Buddie]

My GP is a good guy, who’s been doing this for 30 years, but has NEVER seen a reaction like mine.
he kinda sits there befuddled as i describe all this to him. im like “dude, im TELLIN ya im not exaggerating, and then i ramble for 10 minutes on the horror.”
He sorta skeptically believes me, and he actually feels bad, takes some responsibility. in my case, i tell him its not his fault because my whole ordeal im convinced was brought on with insane levels of binge drinking the last two years before i went sober. my alcohol withdrawal melded right into my benzo withdrawal.

hes doing what he can, taking frequent blood tests, monitoring my bp and all, but hes pretty uncertain on just what the hell to do with me. when im really struggling, hes like, well, the number one thing you need you cant take now.

its the irony of my life that 5 years ago i went completely sober, got in the gym, hit it hard, changed so many things in my life to try and “see the light” as i cruise through my 40’s…and its been an absoulte unholy hell since the day i put a beer down, quite frankly…and ive never felt as effed up in my life as i have when i went straight….yeah…

Mother on cocktail of benzos and narcotics wonders if she can ever be free

"You have changed"
« on: January 30, 2018, 04:28:03 am »

[Buddie]

Hi, my 26yr old daughter and an old friend recently noticed that I have changed. Others may not comment but their eyes and actions say it. I was prescribed valium in 2004 for muscle spasms and electric surges in my body. I have severe chronic pain from neuropathy. I was a happy mom,working a job i loved,very involved at church until i was sent to a pain doc. Started me on Vicodin and increased my Val from 4mg to 8mg a day. Worked up to 8 Vic a day. I wanted to die at this point. After two yrs got off Vic but i was told by many docs that Val wouldn’t hurt me. I would take chronic pain and constant electric vibrations any day over the shell of a person I’ve become. My pain and electric shocks are worse now. It took me 6 mo last yr to taper down to 4 mg, felt better until a family emergency took me cross country for 30 days. I freaked. I went back to 8 mg a day and I’m taking Vic or perc for pain and to feel normal when the doc will give me a few. I am desperate to get off all drugs but life and family and demands don’t stop.