Super-rich drug abuser wants to cold turkey 50 zillion drugs

Biggest withdrawl ever on here.
« on: May 10, 2019, 02:04:05 am »

[Buddie]

CT Klonopin .5mg, Seroquel XR150mg, Cigarettes, and everthing. I going to restrict myself with no phone and on call support for meals, and I did pay for 2 years of bills today. And food for three months in deep freezer and eat to make meals. I’m prepared for the worst like my health anxiety, and best on normal ground to deal every day stuff. I only took drugs for sleep but sleep dep and sleep med side effects, WD and sleep anxiety cause al sort of s***! No normal human should indure. I have been off K before 3 weeks and moderate sx’s. My last WD.
I been through it all already. F-it.

P.S. I have been up in the past with insomnia for 22 days straight documented in med history. So what do you think is worst! Your stomach, or sweats, or a nightmare, I have had it all. So I”m burnout and say F_it!

P.S. I went through 16 meds for a month at a time each with dieffernt doasages, and highest recommended strengths for sleep this past 13 months. EX: Ambien CR 12.5 at 2 at bedtime. I have taken sleep meds to the max extreme also this last year. And it only prolonged the insomnia with side effects and wd from them also. To me a 12-pk of beer and a 1/8 mg of K is fine by me.
« Last Edit: May 10, 2019, 03:09:27 am by [Buddie] »

Re: Biggest withdrawl ever on here.
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2019, 02:18:03 am »

[Buddie]

TrenchMob,

I am worried about you. That is a lot to quit all at once.

Do you live with family or have family close by to double check on you?

Please be careful and stay safe.

Re: Biggest withdrawl ever on here.
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2019, 02:26:34 am »

[Buddie]

I too am worried. You do risk having to reinstate which may cause more issues in the future. Is there a reason you want to jump from such a high dose? I highly advise against it. I was on .5 milligrams of klonopin as well and cut it to 50% and it was very difficult. I then cut to .125 and i had to updose it was so bad. I know you have likely read your share of horror stories and I’m not trying to scare you. I just know what it feels like and you are at a pretty high dose to jump from. If you don’t have to, I wouldn’t.

Re: Biggest withdrawl ever on here.
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2019, 02:31:13 am »

[Buddie]

CTs are not the way to go. They aren’t safe despite what you hear on here from one person in particular but others as well. You’re creating a situation where you’re at a really high risk of losing your life when you CT not to mention psychosis that can complicate and screw up your mental health for life. It’s a fact that once you have one attempt or a psychotic episode you’re at higher risk of having them again throughout your life. Don’t do that to yourself. Do a rapid taper if you need to and get in person support to minimize those risks but a CT is just harming yourself. People are here to support you and there have been so many who’ve gone off the medication some of which didn’t make it but we’ve benefitted from their experiences and you can too.

Re: Biggest withdrawl ever on here.
« Reply #4 on: May 10, 2019, 02:37:25 am »

[Buddie]

Well I can’t CT tonight, drinking hard for one normal night in a long time, But will not take meds tonight. Will wait with hungover 1-2 days. Than continue taper at Seroquel first than K. Yes, I do live with family and well off. Everything is paid for the house,cars, and everything else. $$$$$$$$$. But if need to i’m a hard ass extremist but I don’t to view that now since Benzos affected half of my life so far now with tolereance WD and now taper. F-it its a low dose CT now with 4 other CT’s.
« Last Edit: May 10, 2019, 02:44:30 am by [Buddie] »

McDonald’s salad sends brainwashed Benzo Buddies kook into frenzy

I ate a McDonald's grilled salad and holy cow!!!
« on: March 27, 2018, 01:15:52 am »

[Buddie]

I’ve been feeling normal lately and ate a McDonald’s salad for lunch and it threw me into acute so since 130 pm I have been shaking with the flu times ten. It’s let up a little but I’m cock eyed. I am so sick of not getting to eat the things I love. I’ve eaten the salads before and this hasn’t happened but that’s been months ago. Crazy how we go through phases.

TERROR AT TESCO

I went to TESCO today!
« on: January 02, 2018, 05:19:06 pm »

[Buddie]

In the car!! By myself!!!

I haven’t been able to go there to do any shopping at all for months and the whole ‘online shopping and getting someone to get bits and pieces in between’ has become so stressful I decided that was one of the first things I was going to try and do when I felt stronger.

Last night I had a better sleep and felt half-decent after lunch so decided to have a go.  I haven’t been able to drive on the main roads outwith the housing estate but thankfully TESCO is about 10-15 minutes away from the house but still within the estate.  However even if I get there, I can’t go in the normal way because there are traffic lights and I seem to freak out if I get ‘trapped’ anywhere like a queue or a busy roundabout or lights.  And then I figured out I could maybe park in the staff car park round the back which is reached via a side street before the main entrance to TESCO and means I don’t have to negotiate any traffic lights at all so that’s what I did today.  And then did a LOT of deep breathing in order to get out of the car and make it to the front entrance!

But make it I did.  I grabbed two filled rolls, two salads and 4 yoghurts, saw an empty checkout and tried not to hyperventilate going through it.  There was a Holland and Barrett shop in the same complex so I popped in there afterwards and got some papaya and pineapple as a snack treat then stopped at the cash machine on the way back to the car to get money out as well.  Three things I would have had to ask someone to do for me normally.

And I discovered the other good thing about the staff car park is that it’s pretty quiet so I was able to give a whoop of delight when I got back to the car without any men in white coats appearing to take me somewhere padded :laugh:

And then I took the car for a 10 minute run which involved going onto one of the main roads which did produce a mild panic attack but I was able to calm myself down once I turned off into a side street.

Now that’s a big deal for me because whenever the panic has started before when I’ve done something like that, it’s always just got worse and worse and no amount of breathing exercises or calming strategies have worked in the slightest.  As you can imagine, being the driver in a car when that happens and still having to have a 20 minute journey to get back home makes that a frightening experience and results in eventual avoidance.  So the fact that I seem to now be able to become calmer while still IN the car says to me that my brain is very definitely healing and reduces the terrible fear factor somewhat.  Well it reduces it in theory ……  ;D

Once home, I popped the shopping in the fridge and took myself off for a walk to celebrate.  Possibly being the only human being on the streets, it being a very wet and windy afternoon but you know how it is – you feel better and you just want to do some ‘normal’ stuff for a change.

I was able to go much further away from the house than I normally do although timewise my walk was only 5 minutes longer than yesterday’s but it was much more of a WALK if you know what I mean.  Yesterday I was tootling around the lanes and paths very close to my house and eking out the walk to give me a decent time – today I was properly walking on the pavements at a good pace and being ‘normal’ tired rather than ‘scared’ tired.

Which of course means I am now knackered, feel terrible and could go off to bed right this minute!! :laugh:

Still it’s nice to put a tick (for a window) in the notebook where I’m keeping track of what I take and how I feel on a daily basis instead of a cross because there’s been somewhat of an abundance of crosses lately :-\

Good start to the year eh?

Addict turns benzo taper into lifelong career

Feel like I completely screwed myself and now feel hopeless
« on: November 20, 2017, 10:07:02 pm »

[Buddie]

I can’t help but feel like my failed Valium crossover and then all of the one off updoses that I very stupidly took to help me sleep have completely screwed me up. I’ve never felt so physically sick or mentally off. It’s unbearable I’m bed ridden and absolutely overwhelmed with terror and irrational thoughts 24/7. I don’t know what to do anymore I think I kindled myself so badly. I just wanted relief. This is my history:

Last year I did a daily liquid microtaper from February until November. I would liquefy one of my .5 mg tablets in 100 mL’s of milk and take our 1.2 mL’s a day until it was gone. So I got down to 1.5 mg’s around November of last year when I was slammed with symptoms/side effects and after seeking advice I decided to updose to 2 and then ultimately reinstate back at 2.5. This did not stabilize me at all and I wish more than anything I had just held at 1.5. In May of this year I had a failed Valium crossover. I then went back to 2.5 and tried a dry cut going extremely slow and only got from 2.5 to 2.375 cutting at a little less than 5% but I felt so terrible that I again went back to 2.5 and actually tried going to 3 mg’s for six days to see if I could get relief and did not so I then went back to 2.5 which is where I am now and have been for a few months with occasional 5 mg Valium updoses mixed in.