Parents send “gentle giant” to funny house after threats and violence

Son in hospital
« on: December 18, 2017, 06:42:17 pm »

[Buddie]

Anyone here been hospitalized when in full psychosis, and the docs don’t believe you were in w/d and gave you anti-psychotics? That’s what has happened to my son this past few days, due to an episode at our home that involved physical violence, and threats. He’s a really big guy and we had no choice but to call for help.

Re: Son in hospital
« Reply #1 on: December 18, 2017, 06:50:41 pm »

[Buddie]

I truly believed this happened to me 3 weeks ago. I first had a panic attack then started rambling then had an episode of full rage. I was shaking back and forth and had no idea what I was saying or doing.. Wow did it scare me and my parents. I had no control over my actions or thoughts and I don’t remember much of what I did. I finally calmed down but they were also going to call for help. My uncle convinced them they they were only going to give me benzo-like medications to calm me down so they decided not to.

I’m so sorry for your son, I truly hope he gets better. I haven’t had an episode since but my god did it scare us. My mom cried for days afterwards.

Re: Son in hospital
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2017, 06:52:00 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on December 18, 2017, 06:42:17 pm
Anyone here been hospitalized when in full psychosis, and the docs don’t believe you were in w/d and gave you anti-psychotics? That’s what has happened to my son this past few days, due to an episode at our home that involved physical violence, and threats. He’s a really big guy and we had no choice but to call for help.

Awful sorry to read this, […]. 

No, I don’t have any experience of what you have described, but i can well believe it, given the current state of “knowledge” among the medics. What happened to the doc you found who had some understanding of benzo WD?!

Re: Son in hospital
« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2017, 09:22:26 pm »

[Buddie]

[…]—–I talked about this on another thread I started (sigh, I’ve got to stop that) but the trouble is, that doc who ‘believes’ we use basically for our family doc although he is an internist, and he has referred son to the psychiatrist and others. So he no longer takes care of son’s psych meds. He hates to refer and then “take back” treatment of a patient while he is still seeing the ref. doc, as it is considered sort of ‘bad form” in the doc world, sort of unethical. He has been wonderful tho, about giving us phone advice and helping us through some of this. My hubby has a call into him right now, he should respond by after office hours. Just to pick his brain about how much damage (or good maybe?) these antipsychotics will do his withdrawal process.

[…]—He is listed at the hospital as “allergic to benzos” so that helps. But otherwise, yes, your uncle is right, they might have done so with you. If you were as big as my son (BIG guy) they might have had to take you somewhere, we are just worried that if this happens again, he could end up in jail or worse. This is not the first time he has been talking out of his head or had auditory hallucinations, but this is the first time our ‘gentle giant’ has ever behaved this way. And you’re right, it is so heartbreaking. We are looking for longer term care (which he is against, of course), for his own safety and ours too. Unfortunately. I’m glad you were able to stay home. I’m going to cry like your mom if we have to find a facility for him…for now.

Re: Son in hospital
« Reply #4 on: December 18, 2017, 09:40:48 pm »

[Buddie]

I caught that on the other thread, thanks.

Hugs :smitten:

Re: Son in hospital
« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2017, 09:59:46 pm »

[Buddie]

Nope but I took anti-psychotics for like a year after I had some terrible hallucinations and other strange things when I tried to take prosac. They might not believe you, but taking anti-psychotics for a bit isn’t the end of the world. I hope it helps.

Re: Son in hospital
« Reply #6 on: December 18, 2017, 10:05:08 pm »

[Buddie]

Nothing like a chemical straight jacket to kill the buzz.
If someone is in extreme mental distress and begging for benzos, It is cruel to disregard them. Anti-psychotics are very disabling drugs, and should not be used on people who are not delusional.
If anti-psychotics are the answer to the problem. It should resolve in a few days.
If not, it is more difficult and you should have your son’s back.

Re: Son in hospital
« Reply #7 on: December 19, 2017, 12:54:56 pm »

[Buddie]

After I crossed over to Librium from Klonopin things became manic for me. On top of that I recently quit Suboxone at the time and started taking kratom daily. At the time, I was taking phenibut as well and switched to baclofen. The day I switched to baclofen, literally day 1 on baclofen….I went to an intensive outpatient group meeting. I was acting weird the entire time. I realized that I forgot to take a baclofen pill on the way to the meeting. I expressed my concern with my dad but he said I would be okay on drive over there. I was pretty much okay I think but I said something that set alarm bells off. I said I wanted to punch my dad over an argument we had and that sometimes I wish he was dead. I kind of yelled it too and was really amped up when I said it. They called the police and they took me to a hospital. Then they sent me to a psychiatric hospital for violent individuals. They would not listen to me. They didn’t care about my withdrawal symptoms. Once you start acting crazy and making threats in a public place it is over. I didn’t hurt anyone either.

They didn’t force me to take antipsychotics but when I was at the hospital they constantly threatened to give me a shot of Haldol and Ativan mixed together. I got injected with it the first day I was there. It was an extremely painful shot. Not a place you want to go. I’m sorry about your son.

Benzo Buddies members can’t stop crying after torture of years-long tapers

Cannot Stop Crying......
« on: December 09, 2017, 08:58:05 pm »

[Buddie]

From the relentless nonstop torture utter despair and sorrow this has all caused me
The sorrow is so deep
Please make it stop

Re: Cannot Stop Crying......
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2017, 10:09:37 pm »

[Buddie]

I’ve so been there. Sending hugs.

Re: Cannot Stop Crying......
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2017, 10:15:07 pm »

[Buddie]

Me too….. incredibly hard at times. ….and to make things worse my boyfriend basically gets upset with me and tells me to “get myeflf under control”. 🙁 Sending you comforting hugs.

Dr. Jenn retires after being disabled by a wave: “I don’t want to be a leader… no more coaching ever!”

Re: We are losing soldiers in the fight. Jennifer Leigh and Recovery Road
« Reply #5 on: August 15, 2017, 06:01:47 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey everyone. Colin or mods may pull this as I’m breaking anonymity here. I’m jennifer. My site will be taken down in six months. I’m
Retired from coaching. My set back is severe. After a very lengthy time of feeling healed I’m
Back in the snake pit. I will not risk my health ever again so I must stop working with benzo clients. The stress, as you can imagine, is too great. Baylissa’s site Baylissa dot com, is still up. I talk her her every morning. She’s still helping benzo people. She’s not leaving the community. I wish I was more well and could help. But I’m not and I can’t. It was an honor and a priveledge helping so many of you. Even though I’m in a set back I continue to believe that we do heal. Some take longer. But the outcome is recovery. Hold on. Don’t give up. Be good to yourselves.

Re: We are losing soldiers in the fight. Jennifer Leigh and Recovery Road
« Reply #6 on: August 15, 2017, 06:41:54 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on August 15, 2017, 06:01:47 pm
Hey everyone. Colin or mods may pull this as I’m breaking anonymity here. I’m jennifer. My site will be taken down in six months. I’m
Retired from coaching. My set back is severe. After a very lengthy time of feeling healed I’m
Back in the snake pit. I will not risk my health ever again so I must stop working with benzo clients. The stress, as you can imagine, is too great. Baylissa’s site Baylissa dot com, is still up. I talk her her every morning. She’s still helping benzo people. She’s not leaving the community. I wish I was more well and could help. But I’m not and I can’t. It was an honor and a priveledge helping so many of you. Even though I’m in a set back I continue to believe that we do heal. Some take longer. But the outcome is recovery. Hold on. Don’t give up. Be good to yourselves.

jen,

i will pray for you. i will pray harder than i have for anyone yet. this can’t go on for long. god has to stop this and restore you your life.

Re: We are losing soldiers in the fight. Jennifer Leigh and Recovery Road
« Reply #7 on: August 15, 2017, 07:16:18 pm »

[Buddie]

Thank you. That’s very kind of you. I’m praying too, for all
Of us. Hopefully In another few weeks or months I’ll be back on my feet. Out in my garden. I’m working on a novel to distract me. Friends are cooking for me and taking care of me. God walked me through this once before. No reason to believe God will stop and let me walk the way to complete healing on my own.

Please know that we heal. If I didn’t believe this I wouldn’t have done the work I did all these years. I’ve seen clients get well. And I saw my own healing. I went from deranged after my cold turkey to functional. I even taught a class at Stanford. Had a bad wave from doing to much, then recovered from that. The last six months before this setback were the best in many many years. But, I guess I did too much. I’ve probably got a much more fragile CNS than most due to my years of trauma before Benzo’s. I over estimated my capacity for listening to others pain and suffering. It finally took its toll on me, along with The physical extertion I put myself under. You can avoid a setback if you take care of yourself. If you are an over achiever like myself, you’ll want to really watch yourself and slow down.

When I crawl out of this setback I’m dedicated to taking life easy. I don’t want to be a leader. I don’t want to be responsible for people’s lives in any way shape or form. No more coaching ever. I just want to write. Grow flowers. Be among friends and family. Hold my grandchildren. And appreciate every sunrise I’m given. This is my wild one and precious life, no matter how shattered it feels at the moment. It is mine.

Hophead begs cult’s permission to try Remeron

losing all hope
« on: June 06, 2017, 08:23:44 am »

[Buddie]

I am losing hope to recover. Even if I am only fighting for such a short time compared to all of you.
I can handle it all, but not the insomnia.
I thought things were getting a bit better, I slept 17 hours last week. But the past 3 days I slept NOTHING. I feel relaxed, still stay awake, heart pounding, night sweats etc.
I am going to lose my job over this, my social life is already nothing for months.

Sure, I can still try remeron, but I feel I am masking the problem only by taking medication. And what if I take it for a while and have to cut back on that eventually, then I get rebound insomnia from that too? And I just really get depressed if I gain weight. I already gained a lot past years. My weight is healthy now, but I don’t want any more.

I need to get to work (interacting with a lot of people and making decisions). I took some time off, but it didn’t help with the insomnia at all.

I lost all hope for a good (normal) life.

Sorry, to complain, but I am crying my eyes out here….

BENZO BUDDIES PITY PARTY

Am I just lazy?
« on: May 21, 2017, 02:56:23 pm »

[Buddie]

Yesterday I got out and cut the grass and felt bad. Today I have the don’t wants. So much to do. Whoa is me.

Re: Am I just lazy?
« Reply #1 on: May 21, 2017, 03:23:38 pm »

[Buddie]

I feel so down. Anything I see depresses me. I wish I had someone to talk to. Nothing are no one to get motivated for. I just sit here and post. It feels like a big weight on top of me.

Re: Am I just lazy?
« Reply #2 on: May 21, 2017, 04:10:42 pm »

[Buddie]

Well you’ve already done more than I have in a year I bet lol. I am normally outside from morning to dark last two summers, nope and I am not seeing much being dif so far this summer.

K sucked the life out of me and I don’t do shit all day.

You’re not lazy I asked the same thing one day, you can’t just change like that.. its the w/d. You will be back to normal one day just keep hanging on.

BENZO FREE AND LOVING IT? NOT EXACTLY.

Healed after 12 years!
« on: April 13, 2017, 05:51:33 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m coming up on 12 years benzo free. On may 5, 2005 I was cold turkeyed in the hospital. It was the most horrific and unforeseen event in my life and it has changed me as a human being forever. Slowly, very slowly over 1-5 benzo free years my symptoms waxed and waned until at 5 years benzo free my life was about 80% of what I was pre-benzo. Life was good but not great for a few months. The unrelenting horror, mental anguish and general displeasure for life had abated but the physical symptoms were still alive and well… just milder and I expected them to all abate as well as time marched on.

At almost 6 years benzo free the flood gates reopened again and I was cast back into what I would call acute benzo withdrawal! It was just as bad as the beginning if not worse… as a matter of fact a lot worse! All the progress I made was suddenly gone and I was left a 40 year old man with a wife and two kids, a beautiful home crying on the floor with no hope for a future. It nearly broke me as a human being and I was ready to give up.

Luckily I had tremendous support from the person I had been with my whole life…My loving wife. She knew me since high school and knew that this was not the man she married. Luckily she believed in me because I didn’t and at 6 years I didn’t think recovery was possible. I thought I had permanent brain damage from the ativan and I would never recover.

My wife got busy and contacted many people on my behalf.  Una Corbett, Barry Haslam, Baylissa Frederick (Bliss), and even to professor Ashton herself! They ‘ALL’ said to my amazement ‘HE WILL RECOVER’ and ‘THIS SOMETIMES HAPPENS’. She even made an account here to talk to people on my behalf (I was too unwell to post then). I’m Mr. B by the way!

The symptoms were very hard up until 11 years benzo free and right now at almost 12 years benzo free my life is brilliant!!!  I can see the light again and feel love, joy, and happiness. I’m 47 years old and have a new lease on life and you will too. Please people believe in recovery…BELIEVE!!!

It happens for ‘EVERYBODY’ given time and staying off  benzos and ‘ALL’ chemical crap!

Mr. B