I really can’t take this paranoia anymore it’s ruining my life « on: January 08, 2021, 03:46:36 am »
Hi everyone. I hope that you all are hanging in there tonight. I am not. The paranoia, which has been probably my worst symptom, is just getting worse and worse. I went to my girlfriend’s house last night after not having seen her for a week. Every little thing she said I felt like she was messing with me, criticizing me and trying to control me and judging me. I ended up getting upset with her over a game of cards. I felt like such a jerk. I don’t feel any love towards her and she just irritates me yet I don’t believe her when she says she loves me and I’m afraid she’s gonna leave me any second. It sucks because just a few days ago all I felt was how much I missed her and loved her. These emotional roller coasters make me feel like I’m bipolar. I feel so scared of everyone. I feel like I don’t wanna be around anyone because I’m so paranoid that everyone thinks I’m crazy or messed up. I feel unlovable and utterly worthless, and like I don’t understand how anyone could wanna have anything to do with me. When she tells me she loves me or friends tell me they love me I just think that they’re full of shit. I don’t believe anyone and I have no feelings except for anger and fear and deep sadness. I don’t feel like I’m in my body ever. I feel like I’m watching myself from up above. What have I become?