Cult women give up everything to remain in Benzo Buddies

Lost my looks, my body....my life!
« on: November 22, 2020, 08:53:26 pm »

[Buddie]

Of all the horrible symptoms we suffer with each day, physical, mental, emotional….what about all this has done to our outward appearances? I used to take care in how I presented myself to the world. Showered daily, sometimes twice, always did my hair and makeup (not to an extreme, just so I could feel confident), dressed nicely, walked with my head up and a smile for everyone I met. Confident in my ability to go up to strangers and start a conversation and feel respected and liked.

Now, two years later I can’t even shower, let alone take care of my hair, looks, body. This has destroyed everything about my outward appearance. I have gone gray, lost so much hair, the texture of my hair is slimy and sticky feeling (even after washing), have gained so much weight from being immobile, my face is all broken out and greasy and the rest of the skin on my body is dry, peeling and looks so old. My eyes look like someone who’s extremely deranged. They have lost their color, I have bags and they are ALWAYS swollen. My eyes were so bright and blue now they are a dull gray without any spark.

I can’t even look anyone in the eye anymore (and I’m talking about my husband and children, since they are the only ones I see because I am housebound). How can I ever go back out into the world like this even if my brain and physical torture gets better? I don’t have hair that I can just pull back in a ponytail because of the extreme loss and texture. I don’t have skin that looks even one bit okay without foundation on. I don’t have any clothes that fit me anymore because of the extreme weight gain. And I have a closet full of beautiful clothing.

The people who have seen me since this terrible injury happened look at me as if I am a disgrace and the kindness and compliments I used to get, even from strangers, has turned into people treating me like I am a castaway.

How, how can I face the world again like this even if I ever heal? I know there has to be others out here who have lost their appearances too. How do we get our self-confidence back when our appearances have been destroyed?

Re: Lost my looks, my body....my life!
« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2020, 10:00:33 pm »

[Buddie]

I have no idea but I feel the same way. I used to be a runner and a gym fanatic, had amazing hair (I’m a hairdresser) and looked pretty good for my age. Now …. wow. I hope I don’t run into people I used to know because I look like I’ve been in a concentration camp. It’s changed the way I look I doubt I’ll ever go back to how I used to look again. But I’ll take that if it means “feeling” normal again. Because when we feel good, we look good. Well as much as someone who has gone thru a massive life changing trauma can look good! I’m sure burns victims wish for this all the time too. When I get down about it I think of them. And then I stop and I’m just greatful for what I do have. X we have a chance at healing and we just have to keep moving towards that goal x

Benzo Buddies members forced to give away belongings, live like hermits, to remain in cult

Giving away belongings
« on: November 13, 2020, 08:26:44 pm »

[Buddie]

I’ve noticed a few people (e.g. Baylissa) who report that they gave away a lot of their belongings while in withdrawal but have little memory of that time. For me, I’ve noticed the urge to get rid of a lot of my stuff – I think it stems from getting easily overwhelmed and wanting to simplify my life. I actually think it’s a good thing because I live in a small apartment with minimal storage space. Benzo withdrawal is helping me realize what I value most in life and most often that is not material objects. I have way too many clothes and was never able to part with them before, but now it comes easy. I plan to clean out my storage unit this weekend!

Re: Giving away belongings
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2020, 09:19:51 pm »

[Buddie]

Simplifying my life makes me feel good, when I’m distressed I’ll often pick a closet to clean out. I get a feeling of freedom from the weight of too much stuff and those I donate to can benefit as well.

Re: Giving away belongings
« Reply #2 on: November 22, 2020, 03:35:21 am »

[Buddie]

I am doing the same thing. I have never edited so much. Feels great. Feels free.

Re: Giving away belongings
« Reply #3 on: November 22, 2020, 07:08:34 am »

[Buddie]

I have been doing this too. Feels right to be clearing the junk out while clearing meds out of my body. Also makes me want to cut my hair. 😂

Re: Giving away belongings
« Reply #4 on: November 22, 2020, 08:56:49 am »

[Buddie]

I give stuff away all the time but its mostly because I think I’ll never heal or make it through this alive to use them.

Mother signs billion year Benzo Buddies contract after three weeks of benzos

make my family believe this hell can happen after using for only 3 weeks
« on: January 29, 2020, 01:23:05 am »

[Buddie]

my adult children want me to cut faster or cold turkey. they think my withdrawal symptoms are “in my head” and they think I am making my misery up. i am very loved but they don’t believe me when I say how miserable and hard this withdrawal is. it’s getting so tough for me now and i am so uncomfortable but they want me to cut faster. their pressure is so overwhelmingly depressing for me. i feel so alone in this war.

Panicky Benzo Buddies leader tries (and fails) to calm his rabid anti-psychiatry flock

Re: Are we telling people the wrong thing ?
« Reply #118 on: November 08, 2018, 03:15:37 pm »

Colin

This thread is veering far off course now.

There are a couple of points I’d like to address. First of all, everyone agreed to follow rules and policies when joining the forum. This includes being careful with profanity. There are people who are sensitive to the use of profanity and while we don’t edit out each and every occurrence, mostly due to the fact we have a small team to moderate a large forum, it is important to post in a manner than is acceptable by all.

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=108145.0

Please do not post profanity – disguised or otherwise – at this forum. Members will have differing sensitivities to the use of swear words, so it is better to avoid their use altogether. The use of profanity can also contribute to a less calm atmosphere. If a swear word is mild and infrequent, or if the member is particularly upset at the time, we might choose to let the rule infraction go unchallenged. Do not take any such examples of such leniency as a green light to post more of the same.

Secondly, we are not an anti-benzo, anti-doctor, anti-medical profession forum (LOL – Editor). There is a place and a need for medicine and doctors in this world. While some of us, perhaps many, have been subject to inferior medical care, your comments should only refer to your particular instance and not generally debase the entire medical profession.

I know a little boy very well that is still undergoing periodic chemotherapy sessions to make certain his cancer stays in remission. Where would he be without this care?

Anti-doctor, Anti-psychiatrist and Anti-medicine Comments

Whilst some of our members report negative experiences with doctors, psychiatrists, or the wider medical profession, and although we do not wish to outlaw comments about how members feel let down or mistreated in their personal medical care, you are not permitted to use this community as a platform to spread general anti-doctor or anti-psychiatry propaganda. Nor should you, unless you are posting a recommendation, name those involved in your healthcare.

Please read the referenced links for more information.

Colin

Kook takes months to work up nerve to post at online Jonestown

My first post on this website after registering some months ago
« on: October 15, 2018, 12:35:13 pm »

[Buddie]

Dear All,

Finally I decided to write my introduction.

I did a cold turkey on June 21st 2018. I vividly remember that day.
Since then I’ve never touched benzos and throw away everything.

The reason for me going CT (which I absolutely discourage) is because, before quitting, I didn’t know what was making me feel the way I felt. Dr/dp, Insomnia, anxiety, almost run into panic attacks, chest pain, fatigue, headache, brain fog, depression, lethargy, and many more..
As soon as I realized that it was because of the benzo I was taking, I quit immediately.

Little did I know, that you should taper.

The benzo I was taking is called Lormatazepam (Minias – Italian brand). I was taking 7 drops (ca. 0.85mg) intermittently. I started to take them once a week, or once every 2 weeks – when I really couldn’t sleep. After 5 months at this pace, I started taking them almost all nights. In what were not even 2 weeks, I reached tolerance.

The 21st of October it will be exactly 4 months that I am benzo free. Even though I am not having all the symptoms that I was having the first 2 months, the struggle is still a lot.
I fell in severe depression, and my headache doesn’t want to leave me! Not even for a second. I still had dr/dp episodes, but not so strong as the first month. Sleep is coming and going in waves. I can see the improvements, but it feels like the road is still sooo long.

Wish me good luck!
Thanks for reading!

D.

Brainwashed Benzo Buddies members trained to hide symptoms from family, embrace cult family

Hiding your actual feeling for family and friends. Feeling so bad!!!!
« on: September 14, 2018, 10:34:57 pm »

[Buddie]

I am really suffering terribly last months, but don’t speak about my symptoms anymore with family and friends. After so long I don’t want to bother them. I get the question “how are” you several times a week and actually the answer in my head is always bad, because that is what it is. The only reason why I am posting so much is because I need to share my thoughts somewhere. Sometimes with response which I appreciate. I am feeling so hopeless and the only thing I think; what if I don’t wake up tommorow? I am fine, wow the fact that these thoughts are going through my mind is something I could not imagine. I used to be the opposite always positive and happy, but don’t see light at the end of the tunnel right now. The fact that 18 months came and went by with 0 improvement is so depressing. Sorry for my negative post.

For all the (long) term sufferers how do you stay positive and what do you do to distract your mind on the worst days? How do you handle your emotions?

Some positive words are appreciated.
« Last Edit: September 14, 2018, 10:47:23 pm by [Buddie] »

Re: Hiding your actual feeling for family and friends. Feeling so bad!!!!
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2018, 10:42:05 pm »

[Buddie]

I can really appreciate your words. I too am trying so hard to keep how I actually feel to myself . I still breakdown with my husband on occasion . I cry most days and just wish the day away. I was always the happy person at the all the events now getting up is a struggle . I feel like I am falling farther and farther away . I am sorry I do not have any encouraging words but wanted you to know how much I understand . Sending you a gentle virtual hug as it is all I have right now

Re: Hiding your actual feeling for family and friends. Feeling so bad!!!!
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2018, 11:00:15 pm »

[Buddie]

Thanks […], too tired and sick to help others right now. So understand your comment.

A bug hug for you too!!

Re: Hiding your actual feeling for family and friends. Feeling so bad!!!!
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2018, 11:23:41 pm »

[Buddie]

We have each other. We can lean on each other. Cry on each other, and no explanation needed. You Don’t have to exert the energy of faking how you are feeling. We know it’s hard. You are significant and only human. There is no judgement here. No one goes to battle and is happy, rested, feeling and looking their best. Just know that your brothers and sisters in this battle understand, support and validate your journey.

[…]

Benzo Buddies forces abused member to choose between cult and family

Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« on: August 19, 2018, 09:16:29 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m the caregiver for my elderly parents. Today they said they’ve had enough of my debilitating symptoms and that I’m choosing to be this way. That I need to see a psychiatrist because they can’t take it anymore. It’s been 2 yrs. and NOTHING is better. Which is true. I don’t know what to do. This is destroying my family. I have no siblings. I tried to explain.

F4m

Re: Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2018, 09:50:00 pm »

[Buddie]

I can so relate!

Re: Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2018, 09:54:26 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m devastated. It’s my own fault for taking the medication no one forced me.

F4M

Re: Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2018, 10:10:20 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on August 19, 2018, 09:54:26 pm
I’m devastated. It’s my own fault for taking the medication no one forced me.

F4M

You didn’t know… None of us knew.

Re: Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2018, 10:34:30 pm »

[Buddie]

Now, I have to pay the price. It’s been a nightmare and it keeps getting worse. I’m losing everyone I love. I either have to go back on or lose my life. It’s that real.

F4m

Re: Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2018, 10:34:56 pm »

[Buddie]

Your parents are fed up? Doesn’t sound like they appreciate what you are trying to do. Can you let them go find their own help? I am sorry but your priority needs to be YOU right now and they could be preventing you from healing. Bye Bye Mom and Dad! That is what I would do. Sorry.