This taper failed: 60-year-old wants back on Klonopin after sitting in garage with gun in hand, ready to end it

Failure
« on: June 30, 2021, 07:19:46 pm »

[Buddie]

I am 9 wks CT from K at .75 mg that I was on for three months. Now I remember why doctor put me on this to begin with. I have extreme health anxiety. I have been doing fairly well with my withdrawal symptoms and even sleeping pretty well. Now I have just got news that something was wrong with my liver function test. I haven’t talked to doctor or got results, but I am living in extreme fear and panic and it’s not the withdrawal. I just can’t deal with health issues. If he tells me there’s problems with my liver I don’t know what I’d do. I can’t even make the appointment. I don’t know how I’d […] see him or get liver tests done. Seriously what would happen if I went back on K? I know it’s not recommended but lots of people do it. I think I’d rather live my life calmer than live with this anxiety even if it means a lifetime of drugs. Or would it not work for me? I can’t do it. I mean I literally can’t. I can’t get it out of my head the what if’s. I am paralyzed with fear. I would be like this for any health emergency for life, not just because I’m in withdrawal. I have been suicidal. Yes have even sat in the garage with the car running, taken the overdose, had the gun in my hand. Please help me make a decision. What else could possibly help me. Is there a drug that’s not a benzo? I can’t wait for an antidepressant to work. I’ve tried two and they made me sick as a dog. . I can’t […] on like this. I’m 60 yrs old.

Cold turkey leaves addict unable to have sex with wife (or even masturbate)

Sexual issues during WD
« on: March 07, 2021, 03:10:24 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi,
I made C/T from lormetazepam 24-1-21 and I’ve bit hit by my 1st long wawe. I experienced ED related with insomnia and anxiety. I lost night erection and was basically unable even to “have sex with myself”.
Then I had a small window during which I started to feel normal. More arousal, better erections, masturbation ok. Anyway I was too anxious for having sex with my wife.
I tried to force myself taking some tadalafil (Cialis) and it has been horrible. I became even more anxious after taking it. I just told my wife it’s not worth trying.
Even worse. We started watching a film together and I couldn’t stand thrilling scenes. I didn’t sleep and a new wave is starting. I’m back to the point where I can’t do anything.

I think it’s mostly related with insomnia and anxiety but I’m afraid of developing a vicious circle insomnia – ED – depression.

Have you ever experienced sexual issues during WD? How did you manage them? How long they lasted?

PS: how can I add my benzo history after my posts?

Re: Sexual issues during WD
« Reply #1 on: March 07, 2021, 10:08:20 pm »

[Buddie]

You’re definitely not alone. Since I’ve been on benzos my sex drive has been decimated. Before I was on them I was on opiate maintenance, and just on opiates I was able to have a healthy sex life with my girlfriend, so that shows how much benzos kill your libido. Try not to get caught up in the mental struggle about it because it will get better with time. Personally I haven’t gotten off benzos yet so I can’t speak to when things get back to normal after you stop taking them, but it will happen. It’s totally normal to be freaked out by random things while you’re in withdrawal too. The fear center in your brain is going haywire along with lots of other parts of your brain. Going cold turkey must be extra tough. By the way, if you want to add your signature go the profile option, then go to the “forum profile” option. It’s definitely a good thing to have so people know where you’re coming from.
« Last Edit: March 07, 2021, 11:50:52 pm by [Buddie] »

“A rude psychiatrist at the hospital forced me on Zoloft”

Face twitching
« on: November 12, 2020, 03:49:57 am »

[Buddie]

Hey guys so I’ve been trying to stay strong and hang in here but it’s so hard. I just keep going somehow but am still recovering. I’m 6 weeks out this Saturday. Just always having different symptoms but the head muscle symptoms are the worst. I’ve been wearing a headband on my head and that has helped a lot but its like my face has a mind of it’s own. I sleep fine and eat fine. Occasionally I get cog fog but coffee helps. I am able to eat healthy and do get days of going out but things feel so terribly hopeless sometimes. I do not know what normal feels like since this hell started 6 months ago. I am a member of surviving antidepressants also but find it hard to concentrate to even fill out my signature. Does this really end and do people fully recover and get to return to a normal life. I hear stories of so many people years out and not yet recovered. It makes me sad. I am having my teeth out next week and getting nitrous oxide which scares me that it might kindle my gaba receptors. I would hate to make things worse. Anxiety wise I do not know what to do. While I am seeing great improvement in that field I do not know if I will manage without anything but I do not think my brain can handle more chemicals. I live at home and have been able to rest because of my family which don’t care if it takes 2 years for me to get better. Hopefully all this cbt will get rid of the anxiety enough that got me here in the first place. I really wanna be able to go back to school… and work out but the most I can manage right now is some cardio. Does this really get better? My dad has gone on and off benzos his whole life easily and I am honestly jealous. He does not take them anymore but takes flexeril. He too had a bad reaction to ssri’s which almost killed him. However he thinks I should try a tricyclic antidepressant because we have many family members who did find with this drug, but they also did fine on benzos. I had an aunt with a klonopin addiction she died very young and ended up on methadone and I am afraid of following her footsteps and ending up an alcoholic or on methadone. Something tells me she did it to supress klonopin withdrawal that a doctor put her on at 19. She also died very young. I do not know what to think anymore. All these people friends and therapists care about me but I feel lost and have lost complete trust in the medical community. I also feel cursed that my body does not tolerate medication when I am so mentally ill. Another part of me is greatful I have time to recover and sleep off years worth of stress hoping that one day I wake up better from both anxiety and withdrawal. I was brutally cold turkeyed off ssris by a very mean doctor who called me crazy when withdrawal started. Then :knowing that I was having an adverse reaction to ssri’s. I ended up having to take a benzo everyday to cope and after a 8 week taper am better then most but clearly still unwell. Thank-you for listening to me rant.

KLONO-HELL

I REALLY NEED SOME ANSWERS....cannot live like this any longer
« on: November 04, 2020, 09:38:05 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m at 7 1/2 months off .5 clonazepam taken as directed daily for 20 years. I was in tolerance for a year and a half before I ct’d. I have been unfunctional and bedridden for two years now. My whole body is shutting down. I can’t even touch my skin without having extreme pain. Cognitive function has not improved…getting worse. The tinnitus is getting worse every day. I have to have the volume on loud on the t.v. to try to drown it out.

The looping thoughts and constant phrases from a song go through my head all day long. The dp/dr is worsening I’m existing in an alternate universe) and I haven’t been able to even go sit outside anymore (I used to go out for just a couple minutes a few times a day). My vision is so bad that I cannot even look at my cellphone for more than a couple minutes at a time. The last time I was out of my house at all was 2 weeks ago. I went for a drive with my husband, which was excruciating. The only time I’m out of bed is to go lay on the couch in pain for a few hours each night so I can try to watch t.v. with my husband (we haven’t slept in the same bed for over 2 years, let alone have any sexual intimacy). I have to constantly twirl my hair or pick at myself because of the extreme anxiety. My heart races and my skin burns. I am not sweating as severely as I once was, but the body burning is so bad.

My brain thinks of something random and then all of a sudden it is gone and a few seconds later I cannot remember what the thought was. I have no contact with anyone…not even on the phone. This has been going on for 2 years. The phone gives me extreme anxiety. Trying to be around people has become non-existent too.

This has taken a toll on my relationships with my kids….non-existent now, my husband, the rest of my family and my friends.

I ask for God to let me die in my sleep. Is there anyone out there who has been affected as much as I have and gotten any better? How long do I have to exist in hell like this?
« Last Edit: November 04, 2020, 09:48:03 pm by [Buddie] »

30 years of Xanax ends with a cold turkey

Benzo hell
« on: July 15, 2020, 05:56:55 pm »

[Buddie]

After recently researching Xanax withdrawal and symptoms was directed to this group. Been on a cocktail of psych meds since the age of 25 currently 58 years old. This was for the all so common depression and anxiety Diagnosis, started Xanax at 25 years of age with ever increasing doses up to 55 years of age. Emergency room visit at 55 years of age was abruptly taken off Xanax, and that’s where the horror begin.

It sounds like a real medical problem

DAY 80 CT "BENZO BELLY" NEED REASSURANCE?
« on: April 20, 2020, 12:31:56 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi Everyone

Day 80 C/T from 15mg of Diazepam.

I need to get this out there it’s the most bothersome symptom at present, The only way to describe this is the right upper abdomen feels swollen under the ribs i was thinking possibly my liver 🙈 freaking out big time because of it, i get aches and pains roundabout where i feel it’s swollen and it radiates sometimes to the side and back, my gas smells awful (sorry) and i also have this tightness around the upper back also, I’ll get the occasional itchiness also n that has me almost in panic attack! Because I can’t tell if it’s inflammation or simply wd and benzo belly!

Explosive diarrhea 5 days ago, then pale stools, now it’s back to normal 🤦

Can someone pls share their experiences and does this sound like WD/benzo belly???

Thank you.

Woman’s vagina goes numb after Ativan cold turkey, husband very worried

Private area
« on: November 25, 2019, 04:17:59 pm »

[Buddie]

I was CT off Ativan for 6 week use. I knew nothing of the meds. It was in August and I have so many symptoms I don’t know how I’m surviving. My private area feels numb it started after I stopped the meds had anyone had this happen and does it ever fix. My husband is very worried and I am afraid we will never have what we once did

Re: Private area
« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2019, 04:39:55 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi Mrt, Your sig says that you are still taking .25. But you C/T’d, right?
Anywhere you have nerve endings, one can experience numbness/tingling or pain. It’s hard but I could cope better with this compared to the burning painful nerve sensations. It’s not permanent. You are getting hit hard with sxs right now. Sounds like acute and it is miserable and terrifying. The good new is that is slowly improves. For some, it can improve rather quickly.
Hang in there Mrt.

Re: Private area
« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2019, 04:48:49 pm »

[Buddie]

I have numbness and electrical shock sensations in vagina area.

I have lost all internal sensation and who,e body feels like made of waxy latex.