« on: September 25, 2018, 08:15:49 pm »
The side effects have gotten a little too much for me this week because they are hitting areas that are huge triggers – my eyesight. I’m an artist and design for a living. I’ve been able to work throughout this ordeal but now things are complicated because I have visual snow. I need to go for an eye exam to rule out actual eye damage, but eye exams are a huge stressor for me. I have fainted in my last two exams, and that was WITH Klonopin. What the heck do I do now? My fear is actually enough for me to want to skip out on the appointment completely which I know is stupid but I don’t want to faint. I don’t know what to do or how to cope right now. I cried hysterically earlier. The exam isn’t until Thursday morning.
Re: Freaking out
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2018, 10:22:35 pm »
I cancelled my appointment. I can’t do it
word of caution
« on: March 07, 2018, 08:23:12 pm »
please do not move this post to the supplement section as I think it’s something everyone needs to see
i am going to be taking a break from BB for a little while due to lots of travel but wanted to post something – i am 9 months out now and had been doing amazing – then – in a frustrated moment with sleep – i decided to try – literally – a 1/2 capsule of GABA – i had used it years ago before z drugs, i had carefully carefully avoided all GABA impacting things until then – well – for 72 hours – i went back into acute – severe severe withdrawal – absolutely terrifying – no sleep in those 72 hours – my heart rate that had been back in the 60s went back to 100 – severe muscle pain, constant chemical induced panic – not anxiety – panic. so – for those of you who have been dabbling with GABA supplements thinking they will ease the burden of withdrawal – this experience showed me that – it is indeed true what the ashton manual says– that anything acting on GABA really isnt helping you but delaying or preventing healing…… withdrawal is horrible – and its just something you have to get through – i really believe that anything acting on GABA is going to hinder or prevent healing – so carefully research what you take – things like holy basil, ashwagandha, relora, passionflower, CBD – they all hit the GABA receptors. if you find you aren’t getting better – this may be why.
thankfully after 72 hours everything went back to normal and i learned a very valuable lesson. i suspect alcohol would have this same effect so will continue to abstain for a good long while – not worth the terror of what i went through in those 72 hours wondering if i had totally reset the clock back to zero… looking forward to my vacation in the sun and then lots of work travel – i am grateful to have reclaimed my life and will never risk my recovery again. I accept sleep will be up and down a while longer!
Re: Anxiety at 4 p.m. every day
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2017, 07:55:50 pm »
I need desperately to talk to someone about how to navigate this forum. I also notice that most of the posts I read are often many, many years old. What’s up with that? I also had a question about any updated versions [other than the 2011 supplement] of the Ashton Manual or something similar. Has there really been hardly anything new discovered or able to be shared that can help those of us who are suffering so badly? I have so many questions and would really like to speak to someone who might be able to help me. Like I said, navigating this forum is very difficult for me. I am not as literate as I’d like to be with it, plus the drugs during surgery and the benzo’s have really messed up my cognitive abilities. I used to be really “sharp.” I had gotten off of Klonopin and onto Valium June 25, 2017 and then tapered from 12 mg. Valium to “0” on Sept 1, 2017. My body was burning the whole time from 9/1/17 to 11/15/17 and then progressed rapidly to almost total sleeplessness and “acid” burning over my whole body and inside every “cavity” in the body. All my bones hurt and everything the dr.’s tried me on did not help: Gabapentin, Trazadone, Hydroxyzine, muscle relaxants, sleep aids, Beta-blockers, etc. I couldn’t even move anymore and was literally dying. Dr. put me back on 10 mg. valium, but I instantly dropped it down to 6.25 mg. I take 5 mg. to sleep at night and .25 first thing in the morning. I desperately want to get off this “poison,” but am literally scared to death! I was told later by a doctor at the Urgent Care I visited that I tapered wayyyyyy too fast. He said he advises his patients to take at least a half a year. I did my 12 mg. taper a little over 2 months. I suffered while tapering, but thought that was all part of the process. I am really ignorant when it comes to supplements, medications and drugs. I didn’t use them. I ate very healthy and even taught health and nutrition. I am told by a new neuropsychologist and all the past doctors that the drugs during surgery [anethethesia, antibiotics, or pain meds such as morphine, oxycodone, etc.] messed up my mind and then all the benzo’s and antidepressants [including Mirtazepine] they tried without success, all added to the attack on my poor brain. Now I am still suffering from a very sensitive brain response and increasing depression because of all of this mess, but see no way to get out of it. How can I taper when I am feeling so very badly? Are my symptoms from the benzo withdrawal? The Mirtazepine withdrawal [did this along with the benzo withdrawal–a big “no-no” I am finding out later]? Or is my brain permanently messed up due to the drugs at surgery? Since I don’t know, I am confused as to what to do. Any thoughts? Can someone please at least tell me how to navigate the forum and at least be willing to answer any questions about it if there is nothing you can help me with about my physical/mental condition post-surgery/benzo/antidepressant?
Please, please help me.
Pisses me off that this is not seen as a legimate illness (rant)
« on: December 14, 2017, 01:54:09 pm »
My mom and other family members love to laugh about panic disorder and anxiety. Why? Because they don’t understand it. My distant cousin who’s gone through some trauma of her own is on 4 different medications for anxiety and depression. The way they just talked about her and another family member who has social anxiety really angered me. They dismiss everything about this illness and just made fun of how she shakes constantly and how the other one can’t look up to say hi to a stranger. I heard them in the back laughing how everyone has a panic disorder. The ignorance just blows my mind.
I don’t find this funny at all. I’m shaking cause I’m so upset right now. What would they do if they experienced 5 minutes of panic? 5 minutes of the mental torment. I bet they’d swallow every pill in sight as well in the hopes of feeling normal again. I know I’m healing and what I’m going through is w/d but there are people out there with legitimate illnesses. For some people this isn’t w/d and is a part of their everyday lives..
Do we need to get cancer for someone to actually care? Do people with mental illnesses need to be hooked up to 4 ivs in a hospital bed for someone to understand? This is not cool. There needs to be more awareness, more compassion in our society. This just sickens me.
I might’ve lost my temper at them and am complelety ok with that. Someone needed to.
Spine feels like a snake?
« on: December 01, 2017, 12:05:52 pm »
Does anybody get this?
My spine and spinal muscles feel like they are a snake thrashing around and trying to escape.
All the muscles down either side of my spine and in my hips, shoulders, neck and face have become stringy and brittle and have no elasticity.
I have had all of this a long time following a spinal injury in 1998 but without the diazepam it is really bad.
“according to her son, John, she is in failing health and probably won’t survive..she is now 88 years old… she deserves a sainthood”
“I will probably cause a storm of protest but I have got to say that although I have gained so much support and love through this group, I have also been scared witless. So many do’s and dont’s. I’ve been afraid to eat the foods I love. Afraid to take a supplement. Afraid to have a glass of wine with a meal. Afraid to take a pill when I felt I needed to. I felt inadequate because I couldn’t cope with all the w/d symptoms and yet others were soldiering on after years of suffering. I was terrified at the symptoms people had and I identified with them. Every symptom I got I blamed on valium. I reached a point where I realised valium was ruling my life as it had when I was in the depths of addiction. I decided to say ‘no more’. Yes… I’ve taken an antidepressant. I’ve slept for the first time in months and feel a whole lot better. I’ve had a glass of my favourite wine with a meal. Wonderful... I’m living again. I had no adverse reaction. I’ve had ice cream, cake, chocolate. No reaction. I have some quality in life. I’m not sitting waiting for the day I might wake up and think I feel better today. I might be too old to enjoy it. It might never happen. We are all so very different. Please find your own path. Trial and error. You may not have to give up all the things that help to make life a bit more worthwhile. I’m hoping this helps someone.”
One cult member's response:
“While I understand you saying you were afraid of many things you have been cautioned about here, some stories are very scary. We as admins have to walk a tight rope of not wanting to hurt or discourage anyone, but for the greater good of the community here we must also take a stand against wd antagonists. But I’m sorry I just have to say something here… while everyone is different, it is extremely ridiculous to think that you are going to heal if you keep throwing gasoline on your recovery. Eating chocolate or drinking caffeine is one thing, but to tell people it is alright to drink and take random valium or anti-depressants is another! This is so completely irresponsible! While you may not feel any ill effects, that does not mean you are not maligning your recovery time. Alcohol is a liquid benzo! It does not make it more innocent because you drink a glass with your dinner. At only 4 months off you are doing a disservice to your recovery, and this is not just my opinion. We can only go by what we have learned and the Ashton Manual was written based on more than 12 years of clinical experience from Dr. Ashton dealing with people in withdrawal and recovery. If you do not want to wait until you are healed to drink that is your business but please to not advocate that this is something everyone should just go ahead and do. Taking extra doses of valium or random anti-depressants are like playing with fire as well.”
WTH IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?
« on: June 25, 2017, 12:45:03 am »
There are people out here REALLY hurting and no one responds even though over 60 people read this persons thread? I don’t get it, is it too damn much to write a word or two?
DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOU WERE NEW HERE AND WERE HURTING AND PEOPLE READ YOUR CRY FOR HELP AND NO ONE RESPONDED? OR DID YOU ALL FORGET OR NEVER HAVE THAT PROBLEM OR YOU JUST DON’T CARE ANYMORE?
sorry this shit pisses me off!!
« Last Edit: June 25, 2017, 01:10:15 am by [Buddie] »