Confused addict wakes up in cult, misery to follow

Re: Anxiety at 4 p.m. every day
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2017, 07:55:50 pm »

[Buddie]

I need desperately to talk to someone about how to navigate this forum. I also notice that most of the posts I read are often many, many years old. What’s up with that? I also had a question about any updated versions [other than the 2011 supplement] of the Ashton Manual or something similar. Has there really been hardly anything new discovered or able to be shared that can help those of us who are suffering so badly? I have so many questions and would really like to speak to someone who might be able to help me. Like I said, navigating this forum is very difficult for me. I am not as literate as I’d like to be with it, plus the drugs during surgery and the benzo’s have really messed up my cognitive abilities. I used to be really “sharp.” I had gotten off of Klonopin and onto Valium June 25, 2017 and then tapered from 12 mg. Valium to “0” on Sept 1, 2017. My body was burning the whole time from 9/1/17 to 11/15/17 and then progressed rapidly to almost total sleeplessness and “acid” burning over my whole body and inside every “cavity” in the body. All my bones hurt and everything the dr.’s tried me on did not help: Gabapentin, Trazadone, Hydroxyzine, muscle relaxants, sleep aids, Beta-blockers, etc. I couldn’t even move anymore and was literally dying. Dr. put me back on 10 mg. valium, but I instantly dropped it down to 6.25 mg. I take 5 mg. to sleep at night and .25 first thing in the morning. I desperately want to get off this “poison,” but am literally scared to death! I was told later by a doctor at the Urgent Care I visited that I tapered wayyyyyy too fast. He said he advises his patients to take at least a half a year. I did my 12 mg. taper a little over 2 months. I suffered while tapering, but thought that was all part of the process. I am really ignorant when it comes to supplements, medications and drugs. I didn’t use them. I ate very healthy and even taught health and nutrition. I am told by a new neuropsychologist and all the past doctors that the drugs during surgery [anethethesia, antibiotics, or pain meds such as morphine, oxycodone, etc.] messed up my mind and then all the benzo’s and antidepressants [including Mirtazepine] they tried without success, all added to the attack on my poor brain. Now I am still suffering from a very sensitive brain response and increasing depression because of all of this mess, but see no way to get out of it. How can I taper when I am feeling so very badly? Are my symptoms from the benzo withdrawal? The Mirtazepine withdrawal [did this along with the benzo withdrawal–a big “no-no” I am finding out later]? Or is my brain permanently messed up due to the drugs at surgery? Since I don’t know, I am confused as to what to do. Any thoughts? Can someone please at least tell me how to navigate the forum and at least be willing to answer any questions about it if there is nothing you can help me with about my physical/mental condition post-surgery/benzo/antidepressant?

Please, please help me.
Thanks,
[…]

Heartless family sends woman flying into arms of another family… a cult family

Pisses me off that this is not seen as a legimate illness (rant)
« on: December 14, 2017, 01:54:09 pm »

[Buddie]

My mom and other family members love to laugh about panic disorder and anxiety. Why? Because they don’t understand it. My distant cousin who’s gone through some trauma of her own is on 4 different medications for anxiety and depression. The way they just talked about her and another family member who has social anxiety really angered me. They dismiss everything about this illness and just made fun of how she shakes constantly and how the other one can’t look up to say hi to a stranger. I heard them in the back laughing how everyone has a panic disorder. The ignorance just blows my mind.

I don’t find this funny at all. I’m shaking cause I’m so upset right now. What would they do if they experienced 5 minutes of panic? 5 minutes of the mental torment. I bet they’d swallow every pill in sight as well in the hopes of feeling normal again. I know I’m healing and what I’m going through is w/d but there are people out there with legitimate illnesses. For some people this isn’t w/d and is a part of their everyday lives..

Do we need to get cancer for someone to actually care? Do people with mental illnesses need to be hooked up to 4 ivs in a hospital bed for someone to understand? This is not cool. There needs to be more awareness, more compassion in our society. This just sickens me.

I might’ve lost my temper at them and am complelety ok with that. Someone needed to.

That’s not in the Ashton Manual

Spine feels like a snake?
« on: December 01, 2017, 12:05:52 pm »

[Buddie]

Does anybody get this?

My spine and spinal muscles feel like they are a snake thrashing around and trying to escape.

All the muscles down either side of my spine and in my hips, shoulders, neck and face have become stringy and brittle and have no elasticity.

I have had all of this a long time following a spinal injury in 1998 but without the diazepam it is really bad.

Cult members give up children to embark on endless benzo tapers

How do you parent in withdrawal?
« on: May 21, 2017, 12:02:25 am »

[Buddie]

I have not been able to do anything for my son since this happened to me. I worry that if I don’t get better, he will be taken from me. How do people even parent in this kind of mental decline?

Re: How do you parent in withdrawal?
« Reply #1 on: May 21, 2017, 05:28:56 am »

[Buddie]

You don’t know how long this will go on.
It might be best to make an agreement with someone you trust
who can be ready in case things at home become unsustainable
and too difficult for your son.

I assume you are doing all the right things, but things might not work out in time.

Brainwashed cult member willing to cancel surgery based on ravings of doctor-hating old woman

Surgery
« on: April 26, 2017, 07:28:52 pm »

[Buddie]

May 9 I’m supposed to have surgery on my left ankle, and they will be using general anesthesia to sedate me during the surgery. I’m 12.5 months out since jumping and still very symptomatic. Cog fog, headaches, balance issues seem to be the most intolerable of my current symptoms, and I’m worried that the drugs they use to sedate me will set me back and potentially make me worse. I was wondering if anyone has any experience with surgery during the recovery phase and if it had any adverse effect on their brain? I will cancel the surgery if needed. I don’t want any setbacks.

Re: Surgery
« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2017, 07:32:04 pm »

[Buddie]

I would like to know this too. I hope somebody will have some answers for you.
Love and healing
[…]

Cult realizes it’s only a handful of self-pitying kooks, clinging to harmful beliefs invented by a madwoman

The rest of the internet has glowing positive reports about benzos.
« on: April 19, 2017, 01:26:19 am »

[Buddie]

It seems that the rest of the internet loves benzos and does not share the negative experience that we do. They don’t believe in side effects. They don’t believe in withdrawal syndrome.

They either don’t withdrawal at all or have a minor 2 week withdrawal, and this is with heavy doses. Some have gone on and off of the meds over decades, dozens of times and never experienced kindling or any problem going off whatsoever.

I’m in several support groups for issues like insomnia and IBS. Whenever a question comes up about what meds they’re taking or what meds cold be helpful, benzos are always eagerly suggested. Whenever I warn about the dangers of benzos, 10 people come to the aid of the person who mentioned the benzo to argue against me.

I have been banned from groups. I have been told I am fear mongering, am negative, am lying, am selling something, or have an underlying disease, and that I’m wrong. It is so frustrating. What is going on here?

Are we really a like a 5% minority of super sensitive people with weak gaba function or diseases? (5% LOL not even close, try something like 0.000001% of all benzodiazepine users – editor)

Re: The rest of the internet has glowing positive reports about benzos.
« Reply #1 on: April 19, 2017, 02:05:10 am »

[Buddie]

My doctor says that what I went through with Klonopin was rare. However, coming on this board assures me that I am not the only one who has suffered horrific effects from benzos. I’m curious as well to know the percentage of people that go through what we have gone through with benzos.

Re: The rest of the internet has glowing positive reports about benzos.
« Reply #2 on: April 19, 2017, 05:58:28 pm »

[Buddie]

Its true. The majority of people have few problems getting off benzos. But you were banned, so that’s good because they were not good sites for you to be on. “I Don’t Want to Belong to Any Club That Will Accept Me as a Member.” Groucho Marx. lol.

Ashton tapers turning people into addicts?

Becoming more addicted with taper plan
« on: April 07, 2017, 01:08:02 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello!

I have recently startet a taper plan after getting adviced that my original plan by going cold turkey was not the smartest idea.

As i have not made a sig yet ill quickly explain what dose ive been on previously and for what period:
Been on Valium for about 1 year, I do not however take it everyday, on average I have been taking it 5-6 days a week.
My doses for the past 4 months has varied between 15-35mg the days I have taken it (I have only taken it based on what I feel I need when I would experience social anxiety). I have also been on Valium in the past, then on smaller doses (max 10-15mg) and maximum 3 months time. I have cold turkey then without any problems.

Four days ago I started a taper plan with 10mg a day, (2,5mg in morning, 2,5mg afternoon, and 5mg night). Prior to this I was going cold turkey for about 9 days with two “rescue doses” in total of that period, first one being 10mg and 2nd being 15mg, so 25mg total in those 9 days.
I have not experienced any side effects with my taper plan so far, except for slighty “cloudy mind”.

My problem with the taper plan however is that I more and more feel like I am building up a much bigger addiction to the drug with my taper plan as I now know I absolutely need to take it to certain times, and it was not like this before at all, where i would just take it based on my actual needs. Now I know that when I wake up I will need to take a dose, around dinner time ill take another dose and before going to bed ill take a third dose. I truly feel like I am getting alot more addicted to the drug than I have been before, and I am really afraid that this is going to make it alot harder to quit it.

Does anyone have any suggestion to what I could do in my situation to make it better not worse?