Lunatics at Benzo Buddies tell member with compromised immune system from leukemia (therefore at risk of dying from COVID-19) to keep tapering

Need to stop tapering..need advice
« on: March 21, 2020, 04:08:50 pm »

[Buddie]

I have decided that I am no longer going to able to tolerate the side effects of withdrawl. My leukemia has relapsed out of remission and I cant fight both battles at once. I tried to wean, got really sick and had to updose. My questions
1 I am 60 years old. Has the damage already been done? Is my brain fubar?
2 Will I really feel better when I can kick my 4 mg Xanax habit?
3 Is it worth all the suffering that comes when you taper?
I don’t want my last years on earth to be filled with Xanax side effects. I started on .5mg 30 years ago. Here I am at 4 mgs after 4 months of trying. Is there a kinder,more gentle way to come off this?
Havent given up the fight, just have hit the pause button. Thanks for your replies. I am so worried about everything. This coronavirus has me trapped in the house since I have a compromised immune system and if I catch this virus it could kill me..

Re: Need to stop tapering..need advice
« Reply #1 on: March 21, 2020, 05:09:23 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with so much at once. Everyone’s burdens feel so much more intense with the coronavirus fears right now.

You might consider tiny cuts every week or two just to keep the downward trajectory going if you want to work towards eventually getting off Xanax. At 4mg daily, a cut of .0625mg every few weeks might be tolerable.

Ultimately, you must do whatever you feel is best. We support whatever your decision is.

:smitten:

Re: Need to stop tapering..need advice
« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2020, 10:46:37 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi Star

Your brain isn’t fubar. You’re withdrawing. 4 months is great success in getting down 1 mg! That’’s equivalent to .125 each month. It’s ok that it takes time. Imagine, if you keep going, in 12 months you could be down even more 🙂. That said, you are in charge of your healing, your taper. It’s fine to rest awhile at a dose. I think try not to count time. Count success. In my opinion, it is worth it (dying? – editor).

Re: Need to stop tapering..need advice
« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2020, 02:43:16 pm »

[Buddie]

I would deal with the leukemia first. That is priority. My advice is not to updose and stay at the mg you are on until you are ready. As for your healing process with Xanax I wouldn’t give up all hope. I think when you continue after you are cancer free you should go super super superrr slow. I have a family member who also is tapering but does so In a very slow way. They cut and hold for months at a time so they can maintain their lives. I am almost at a year off and my life is way better than it has been in terms of symptoms. They still exist but I have quality of life most of the time. Don’t give up. And manage what is most important right now which is getting healthy and the leukemia back into remission. You are doing your part to manage the Xanax by not updosing and staying at a consistent dose. Don’t take this all on at once. Take it a day at a time. I wish you the best of luck.

Re: Need to stop tapering..need advice
« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2020, 07:07:24 pm »

[Buddie]

I felt I needed to updose then hold about 18 months ago when my teenage son became very ill. So I am only down in dose .25 mg of K from my 1 mg, which I was on for quite a while (but have been on/off K for 20+ years, never had any trouble stopping previously).

I have NO REGRETS. There are times in life that are very, very hard and I could no longer torture myself trying to get off the drug. We all have to figure out our own path. I do not feel like I have any side effects from the medication other than weight I cannot get rid of, but that is something I can accept. I was having 24/7 nausea, very bad anxiety and insomnia while tapering, and in reality I missed many of my son’s health issues early as I was too focused on tapering.

Ain’t no love in the heart of the city: Girlfriend dumps addict for man who isn’t tapering Klonopin for 1000 years

Dumped during taper
« on: April 10, 2019, 12:33:03 am »

[Buddie]

Just lost one of the key players in my support network. She said, “I can’t do this for another 6 months, year, however long it’ll be before you’re better. I love you, I want you to get better, and I don’t want to be with anyone else. But I just can’t do this anymore. I have to let go. I have to live my life”

This was 2 weeks ago. I tried to remain her friend, but she couldn’t help but rub her new relationship in my face. When I’d finally had enough and blocked her number, and on social media, she got pissy and finally left me alone. It’s strange how the ones we love the most can end up being the most toxic. Prior to this she would always be at my bedside. Checking in on me every day. Assuring me I’d get through this and that I’m strong for having made it this far.

I found myself up-dosing. I messed up. I let her hurt me even more. I’m trying to get back down to 0.5mg Klon per day, but the nights without her are much harder. Maybe I shouldn’t have been dating in this state. She tapered off klon a long time ago, I thought she’d be more understanding.

If anyone’s suffered a blow like this during taper, any advice would be appreciated.
(I know, “Try not to think about her, occupy your mind with other things.” I got that much, I’m trying.)

Benzo Buddies member’s photo revealed: devoted to brutal micro-taper, addict eats by attaching food to fan and having it blow into her mouth

Klonopin eater can’t get off the toilet, vows to keep tapering

Anyone struggling with diarrhea during taper?
« on: March 17, 2019, 02:38:19 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello. I have been tapering klonopin for a 4 months. I was on 8mg for 23 years. I’m tapering .25mg per 30 days. I can’t get off the toilet. I have lomotil that I have been taking, but it is not helping like it usually does. Has anyone else had this withdrawal symptom?

Re: Anyone struggling with diarrhea during taper?
« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2019, 09:15:49 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey, sorry you’re having stomach issues. That is no fun at all. I (like you) was on Klonopin and when I tapered I had bouts of diarrhea (and vomiting) that would come and go. And yep, when I had it nothing would help. I do believe this is all related to w/d. I was on 2mg for 7 years so with you being on 8mg for 23 years I am willing to bet this is all related to w/d. But again, it did pass for me but it took awhile. If it gets really bad that would be something most def worth getting checked out by the DR. I would hate to see you get dehydrated from prolong bouts of it. I wish I could give you some advice on what helped me, but nothing did. I had to just grin and bear it unfortunately. So sorry you are dealing with that, I feel for you

Re: Anyone struggling with diarrhea during taper?
« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2019, 11:05:34 pm »

[Buddie]

[…] – Bummer. Diarrhea is a really annoying s/x. I’ve had some IBS problems for years but worse during the taper.

I can say that eating more natural foods – fresh fruits and veggies apparently provided more fiber and helped the problem a whole lot. I also cut out most meat though have small amounts occasionally.

The diet change was due to high sugar levels from diabetes which the doctor said would require insulin if I did not get it under control fast. From my reading a whole food, plant based diet would regulate the sugar. The much improved bathroom issue was just a bonus.

I’m really sorry you are dealing with this and know it can be a serious problem. I hope that will level out for you.

All the best, LA

Cult members endure shameful diarrhea episodes in order to satisfy insane Benzo Buddies tapering demands

Almost (had a bathroom accident)
« on: March 07, 2018, 10:16:10 pm »

[Buddie]

Starting on Sunday, the minute I feel any stress or anxiety diarrhea hits & im running for the bathroom. It was coupled with insomnia on Sunday night, but I was home. Today, I was at the mall, not cool.
Any suggestions? Anything I should avoid eating or should eat? I don’t have much of an appetite.

Re: Almost (had a bathroom accident)
« Reply #1 on: March 07, 2018, 11:12:18 pm »

[Buddie]

This makes me not want to be here… censor my title and move my post.

This really is my worst side effect so far & wanted some input on anything that can help alive it.

Re: Almost (had a bathroom accident)
« Reply #2 on: March 07, 2018, 11:29:00 pm »

[Buddie]

I believe that diarrhea is a common effect when you stop benzos completely, it happened to me but after a month or six weeks went away – and I have a very sensitive stomach anyway. Try eating a lot of white rice with your meals, and stay away from cake and other sweets for a while.

« Last Edit: March 08, 2018, 12:13:08 am by [Buddie] »

Re: Almost (had a bathroom accident)
« Reply #3 on: March 07, 2018, 11:39:42 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m sorry that you are going through this , but believe me you are not alone. When I am in a bad wave my colon acts up and sh-t happens:laugh: My worst moments were on a long drive from Northern C.A. to B.C. Canada. I had foolishly enjoyed Panda Express for lunch in Medford. It was a wild ride to the pit stop. What stops the crap dead in it’s tracks is over the counter immodium. I keep it for true emergencies and it seems to be O.K. as far as affecting withdrawal symptoms.

This stuff is unpleasant but like everything else it will get better.

Re: Almost (had a bathroom accident)
« Reply #4 on: March 08, 2018, 12:55:48 am »

[Buddie]

I had this too last summer and I jumped in June. I would get up 3-7 X a night to go poopy. I was losing weight because I had no appetite except for specific things and they would go right through me. My pants got baggy. I was scared.

By September/October this resolved and I got a healthy appetite back. Now I wish my pants were loose.

[…]

Ashton worshippers replace benzo addiction with food addiction, pile on the pounds

Can't stop eating
« on: March 06, 2018, 12:17:44 pm »

[Buddie]

My brain is telling me to every minute of every day.

It is not like hunger but a sort of panic stricken compulsion that I am unable to ignore. I can’t get any control over it.

I am gaining weight fast.

I don’t know what to do.

I have never experienced anything like it. I lost half my body weight a couple of years ago and don’t want to be fat again.

I think it is tied to my being completely unable to feel any senstion from inside my body including feeling full.

Re: Can't stop eating
« Reply #1 on: March 07, 2018, 02:49:32 am »

[Buddie]

I went through a similar phase. I ended up gaining a fair amount of weight which I then had to work back off. And like you, I had lost a bunch of weight (102 pounds) the year before I withdrew.

Maybe go for a nice long walk (without taking any food). Or make sure all the food around the house takes a good hour or more to prepare (no ready-to-eat foods or snacks laying around).

Re: Can't stop eating
« Reply #2 on: March 07, 2018, 03:24:15 am »

[Buddie]

I understand what you mean when you say you can’t feel sensations on the inside of your body.

For awhile I was so numb internally I wondered if my heart was still beating. I would have thoughts that would make meme panic mentally but I couldn’t feel any physical response. My body felt dead.

I wonder if your hunger signals are simply misfiring and miscommunicating too. Hunger (or lack thereof) is signalled by various hormones like leptin and ghrellin. I would say that amidst the chaos of benzo withdrawal, the signal to release those appropriately has been temporarily affected.

It could also be that your body is under a lot of stress and is working very hard so is interpreting the need for excess energy.

I would focus on physical exercise where you can. In terms of eating, all you can do right now is try make healthy balanced food choices. Think protein and fibre every meal to try keep your GI low. That should aid satiety and feelings of fullness. And then try and eat as frequently and as much as you know to be healthy for your body. If you logically know you’ve had enough, then perhaps try distraction (although I know how hard this is.

Overall, don’t beat yourself up. You can only do your best. Once you have recovered you can focus on the weight aspect if you still find that to be an issue

:smitten:

Re: Can't stop eating
« Reply #3 on: March 07, 2018, 07:49:49 am »

[Buddie]

Don’t let the weight issue get out of hand. It’ll be hard to comeback later, no matter what they tell you. Eat healthy, and above all, exert control.

Re: Can't stop eating
« Reply #4 on: March 07, 2018, 12:56:41 pm »

[Buddie]

You know I am going through something similar… the absence of internal sensations, an undiscript urge which feels like an urge to eat. It is confusing and harrowing… especially when you had already worked so hard to get back into shape!…

Do what you can. This is withdrawal… but don’t let go either. Don’t beat yourself up, is what I mean, and try to stay as healthy as you can – but know that this is not the way it will always be.

So I agree with not keeping snacks around, or if there are any, no more than what would feel like a decent portion, something “healthy”… nutrients which will help you function and heal.

Do you cook? Do you share meals with family? Try new recipes, take time to prepare and plate nicely… that could help you think of food differently…?

Brush your teeth after eating… you might feel less tempted to reach for the fridge again…

Plan your meals and snacks, that way you may be able to bargain with yourself…

Exercise and relaxation should also benefit you – especially if like me, you feel a weird “urge”. And any distraction, anything you enjoy…

Not sure whether that is advisable… I chew gum. Yes, full of yucky stuff but it helps with the “urge”… looking forward to being able to give that nasty habit up!!…

And tell yourself that you are healing. That things will get better… because they will. No matter what you believe right now!

Hugs  :smitten:
[…] xx

Re: Can't stop eating
« Reply #5 on: March 07, 2018, 04:21:30 pm »

[Buddie]

I am not able to exercise much due to ME/CFS.

I had managed to get my exercise up while tapering but I think I pushed itto much and have made ME/CFS worse as well as withdrawal stuff.

I am mainly housebound.

I can’t explain the eating thing – it does not feel like a normal craving. It feels qualitively different and related to the hypersalivation and neck/jaw tightness that makes my body feel like it is chewing all the time I am awake – like the signals are all messed up.

Also the feel and taste of food is all wrong in my mouth.

The lack of sensation applies to my sense of touch as well – my body feels like it is made of something inert like plastic and the world feels too insubstantial. I manage to forget about it sometimes and then I rub my face or something and the full horror of it returns.

I think I need to talk to the neurologist again.

Before withdrawl I had a very small appetite and ate a paleo style diet. I mainly had one meal a day.

Benzo Buddies members being brainwashed into giving up their jobs to taper

I dont know how to continue.
« on: March 02, 2018, 02:09:14 pm »

[Buddie]

I got down to . 110mg of k. 2 weeks aftee my last cut i got withdrawals. They have been getting worse. I woke up this morning not able to leave my bed. Bad anxiety and trembling. Had to call in sick. Updosed to .120mg. Im going to lose my job. I cant function. I dont know what to do

Ashton devotee gives up job in order to keep tapering

Lost job
« on: March 01, 2018, 07:07:47 pm »

[Buddie]

Was wondering if anyone has ever lost their jobs over going through withdrawals? I did and I am very discouraged and upset over it. It’s hard to let go of it. I am at home by myself my wife works and I am very lonely and discouraged.

Benzo Buddies cult members wallow in filth ridden benzo-homes in pursuit of eternal taper

My home is one big mess
« on: February 28, 2018, 10:30:33 am »

[Buddie]

I’m really ashamed, but that’s the truth. I don`t usually like this, but I can`t clean. I live alone.

Is it just me who has this, how are you? Do you have any tips?

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2018, 11:31:01 am »

[Buddie]

Hey […]-

I too had this the first 6 months or so when I was in acute phase. I am normally a very tidy person. I have always like things organized & put in place. I was in such bad condition that I was not physically able to do ANYTHING. I literally sat in my chair with laptop or lay in bed for 6 months. It actually may have been longer (I would have to go read my journal but I still am not able to go back & look though that journal PTSD issues :( ) Anyhow,  I do remember at the time telling myself “it is ok, you can deal with this later”.  So I lived in squalor for all that time because I truly had NO one to help me. So just tell yourself that “it is ok & that you will deal with it later when you are better able to cope”. That is all you need to do… :thumbsup:  :smitten:

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2018, 11:49:01 am »

[Buddie]

My house is also much more messy than before because I have less energy and I need to save it for the essential. It’s a benzo-home 

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2018, 11:57:21 am »

[Buddie]

Same as you guys, it was on of the first things to go south. I think it began due to the mental anxiety of the unknown road ahead, I would find myself needing to be distracted positively and not doing things like house work. Then I could not lift a finger without my heart racing and suffering symptoms as I cleaned.

Ironically, I feel soooo much better if the place is clean though 

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #4 on: February 28, 2018, 01:14:00 pm »

[Buddie]

I was keeping up until the valium sedated me so badly. Now, unfortunately it has gotten away from me. My husband does quite a bit but he works all week as well. oh well, it will be here when I feel better again. We’ll tackle it then. I am predicting a lot of stuff that has needed to be thrown away will get thrown away then 

Re: My home is one big mess
 « Reply #5 on: February 28, 2018, 02:01:32 pm »

[Buddie]

The worst part is when my friends come with my food, they have to wait in the doorway, I don`t want to let anyone in. It feels so bad! But maybe I can clean tomorrow? No….

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #6 on: February 28, 2018, 02:08:55 pm »

[Buddie]

I have been messy for a while now, and I really think benzo brain is to blame. I mean, even back when I was still taking them, as prescribed, I had a hard time managing and keeping things clean. I stopped caring what others think about my mess a while ago. I’ll let people in. You would be surprised how many people have times where their places or someone they know is so messy. My old landlady used to come once a month and clean my house with me. That was always so much easier to have someone else to clean with.

I had a cleaning person for a little while, but I think I was too friendly with her, because I felt like she was taking advantage of me. She would mop all the floors and then dump the buckets in the bathttub and leave a giant muddy mess in my bathtub and all my floors would be sopping wet. Then when I asked her to dry the floors she would come up with weird excuses. In fact, she had a ton of excuses. One time I asked her to clean the oven and she told me a whole sob story about how she was chemically burned from oven cleaner. It was so annoying cause she could have cleaned the oven with just regular soap and water, instead of just taking up all that time to tell me the story.

Oh I am very talkative today.

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #7 on: February 28, 2018, 04:22:46 pm »

[Buddie]

Whenever I go into rough patch, my place is an absolute mess. I’m embarrassed about it, but my OCD thoughts about recovery are so overwhelming that I lose sight of connecting with the normal part of myself. Once I get over the hurdle, then I start cleaning again. But then I get into another rough patch. This has been going on for years, and I see no way of it ending until I start feeling really well.

You’re not alone, believe me!!

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #8 on: February 28, 2018, 05:49:56 pm »

[Buddie]

My entire life is in disarray because of this. And it isn’t that I lack the physical ability to do something about it, it is because my organizational skills are so bad that if I move things around I have a very hard time finding them again. The lack of motivation to do anything productive is the icing on the cake. Those two things make it very difficult for me to keep everything clean and organized.