Do you need to go blind in order to join Heather Ashton’s benzo cult?

Freaking out
« on: September 25, 2018, 08:15:49 pm »

[Buddie]

The side effects have gotten a little too much for me this week because they are hitting areas that are huge triggers – my eyesight. I’m an artist and design for a living. I’ve been able to work throughout this ordeal but now things are complicated because I have visual snow. I need to go for an eye exam to rule out actual eye damage, but eye exams are a huge stressor for me. I have fainted in my last two exams, and that was WITH Klonopin. What the heck do I do now? My fear is actually enough for me to want to skip out on the appointment completely which I know is stupid but I don’t want to faint. I don’t know what to do or how to cope right now. I cried hysterically earlier. The exam isn’t until Thursday morning.

Re: Freaking out
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2018, 10:22:35 pm »

[Buddie]

I cancelled my appointment. I can’t do it :(

FEAR OF SHOWERING?

Re: More anxiety when I shower
« Reply #12 on: July 09, 2018, 08:47:54 am »

[Buddie]

The first irrational fear for me was getting in the shower. It was puzzling but even though i have always showered at night i didnt that night. And since then its a struggle .some days easier than others. But its been constant.

Benzo Buddies member stops eating, has first window

7 months today and have had my first all day window!!
« on: February 12, 2018, 01:28:00 am »

[Buddie]

7 months today with a great window all day! What a nice suprise for me. Felt good mentally however physically still not there yet or afraid to push it. In the last month have started with diet changes. Dropped dairy products, most all red meat, all nightshade fruits and veggies. It seems to be helping alot. I have been making a special crock pot chicken, cabbage, carrots, onions, green bean and peas dish for myself daily to clear skin problems and it’s working quite well. Ad salt pepper garlic and a couple of chicken bullion cubes and it’s pretty tasty as well. I’m looking forward to more of these good days, what a long strange trip it’s been!! I choose not to fill any of physic drugs thE doc wanted to try on me in the last 7 months and now I’m glad I don’t have them to taper.

15 years Xanax multiple fast tapers
30 day rehab 10 years ago unsusfull
Home tapers cutting pills
Liquid K taper
Two year slow taper finished July 11 17
7 month free from benzodiazepines today!!

TERROR AT TESCO

I went to TESCO today!
« on: January 02, 2018, 05:19:06 pm »

[Buddie]

In the car!! By myself!!!

I haven’t been able to go there to do any shopping at all for months and the whole ‘online shopping and getting someone to get bits and pieces in between’ has become so stressful I decided that was one of the first things I was going to try and do when I felt stronger.

Last night I had a better sleep and felt half-decent after lunch so decided to have a go.  I haven’t been able to drive on the main roads outwith the housing estate but thankfully TESCO is about 10-15 minutes away from the house but still within the estate.  However even if I get there, I can’t go in the normal way because there are traffic lights and I seem to freak out if I get ‘trapped’ anywhere like a queue or a busy roundabout or lights.  And then I figured out I could maybe park in the staff car park round the back which is reached via a side street before the main entrance to TESCO and means I don’t have to negotiate any traffic lights at all so that’s what I did today.  And then did a LOT of deep breathing in order to get out of the car and make it to the front entrance!

But make it I did.  I grabbed two filled rolls, two salads and 4 yoghurts, saw an empty checkout and tried not to hyperventilate going through it.  There was a Holland and Barrett shop in the same complex so I popped in there afterwards and got some papaya and pineapple as a snack treat then stopped at the cash machine on the way back to the car to get money out as well.  Three things I would have had to ask someone to do for me normally.

And I discovered the other good thing about the staff car park is that it’s pretty quiet so I was able to give a whoop of delight when I got back to the car without any men in white coats appearing to take me somewhere padded :laugh:

And then I took the car for a 10 minute run which involved going onto one of the main roads which did produce a mild panic attack but I was able to calm myself down once I turned off into a side street.

Now that’s a big deal for me because whenever the panic has started before when I’ve done something like that, it’s always just got worse and worse and no amount of breathing exercises or calming strategies have worked in the slightest.  As you can imagine, being the driver in a car when that happens and still having to have a 20 minute journey to get back home makes that a frightening experience and results in eventual avoidance.  So the fact that I seem to now be able to become calmer while still IN the car says to me that my brain is very definitely healing and reduces the terrible fear factor somewhat.  Well it reduces it in theory ……  ;D

Once home, I popped the shopping in the fridge and took myself off for a walk to celebrate.  Possibly being the only human being on the streets, it being a very wet and windy afternoon but you know how it is – you feel better and you just want to do some ‘normal’ stuff for a change.

I was able to go much further away from the house than I normally do although timewise my walk was only 5 minutes longer than yesterday’s but it was much more of a WALK if you know what I mean.  Yesterday I was tootling around the lanes and paths very close to my house and eking out the walk to give me a decent time – today I was properly walking on the pavements at a good pace and being ‘normal’ tired rather than ‘scared’ tired.

Which of course means I am now knackered, feel terrible and could go off to bed right this minute!! :laugh:

Still it’s nice to put a tick (for a window) in the notebook where I’m keeping track of what I take and how I feel on a daily basis instead of a cross because there’s been somewhat of an abundance of crosses lately :-\

Good start to the year eh?

Benzo Buddies member sees flea on dog, spends entire night shaking

Help please
« on: December 16, 2017, 12:47:15 pm »

[Buddie]

in summer was going to go to liquid titration but stayed doing dry cuts. Well I was doing good until I think I cut too much too quickly and got to .50 mg klonopin and day 2/3 I hit massive anxiety/my entire body trembling and shaking all night-partially it was a build up I think of general anxiety and also I saw a flea on my dog and that was it-but it coincided with the dosage lowering.
My question is did I do the right thing by upping my benzo back to around .75mg? Also having weird dreams, can’t eat, can’t sleep.
I am wondering if it is better to up all the way to 1 mg and then start daily micro taper after I stabilize. Will I stabilize?
Please help.

Anti-psychiatry Benzo Buddies ghouls try to talk hallucinating addict out of seeking professional help

Considering Nursing Home care
« on: November 01, 2017, 11:34:47 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello everyone,

I have been through multiple withdrawals, almost on a monthly basis, over the past 5 years of being on klonopin. I made a huge mistake doing that, and I now know it. I was so frightened and terrified that I couldn’t even think straight. Even on the medication, I was in a lot of distress. I am now hardly able to take care of myself. I have lost almost all proprioception and can’t feel the muscles I’m tensing. This actually started possibly years ago. I am at a point where I have encountered near death experiences of being completely out of my body, much more than just dr/dp. I haven’t been able to let my body relax since my high anxiety took me into dr/dp 7 years ago (upon which I became frozen in my own body and couldn’t get help or info anywhere), 2 years before I was on meds. I am afraid to move or even think about most of my body and head. My sense of my body is constantly fluctuating. I have saucer sized pupils almost all day every day. When I look at them under light in the bathroom, they are constantly becoming huge then small. My mother has been taking care of me for the past 3 years, but she is getting older and I can’t put this on her anymore. I am only 31, but I am becoming severely disabled by this. If I even think about my body I feel pain. Over the years of repeated withdrawal, I have been mentally running away from what is happening to me more and more. The more I go on, the worse everything is getting. I am now having near-death compelete out of body experiences frequently. My nervous system is so wired that when I get up to do something, I am completely out of my body and can’t feel anything. When I sit down I start to feel all kinds of pain and horrible sensations. My proprioception is totally gone. My mouth feels sideways sometimes. Other times it starts to feel gigantic. And it is all I can really notice. Something is very wrong with me. I’ve done some kind of damage that I couldn’t feel because I’ve been outside of my body for years. I do have a feeling that I’m going to die, but it’s not a panicky one that I had 7 years ago when I entered dr/dp. This is an oddly calm acceptance.

So, I really think I need to be in a nursing home under medical care despite my age. I just contacted my doctor about it and I’m waiting for a reply. I know this seems crazy to everyone else in my life, but I know it’s what needs to be done in case something happens and to relieve the burden on my mother. I’m only getting worse and worse, and I have a feeling I’m on the verge of a serious occurrence that may threaten my life. I may even have to go back on klonopin just to stabilize. Just maybe there is a possibility I could do a supremely slow taper at some point in the distant future after I possibly correct the things that are physically wrong with me. To be honest, a lot of what I read here is what I experienced during my first or second year on the med. I feel like I unknowingly kindled myself dozens of times and found out all of this information I found way too late.

So, I guess my question is, what do you guys think? I’m losing my abilities to do anything even worse than before. I was hardly able to take care of myself the last few years on klonopin. I just sat in my chair hoping to distract myself at my computer. I had to leave grad school a year before I had my phd, and I pretty much became homebound then. I thought it was all just some mysterious thing that was destroying me and no one could figure it out. Now I know, but it’s too late. Do you think I will be able to do this? Do they have to have a definite diagnosis for me to be put in there? Please let me know anything you have to say about this.

Re: Considering Nursing Home care
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2017, 12:05:41 am »

[Buddie]

If you tell your doctor what you just wrote they won’t put you in a nursing home unfortunately, they’ll send you to a psych hospital. I know your feeling rough and guilty but you got to pull yourself together for your family. Vent all you want, it helps for sure but just know that you aren’t broken forever. This will end one day. You might have underlying issues as so I as well but this isn’t baseline if you weeent like this prior to the meds.

Klonopin eater goes on hate-filled doctor-bashing rant

Is the System evil or ignorant?
« on: September 01, 2017, 10:44:05 pm »

[Buddie]

Is anyone else ANGRY at the doctor who turned you into a drug addict? I submit that most doctors ignorantly believe if patients take their meds as prescribed, there won’t be any issues. Here’s the problem: Your brain doesn’t give a flying f%@$ about US law or what your doctor thinks. All it knows is that it’s regularly been influenced by a powerful psychoactive and it wants more. We’re every bit as much an addict as anyone else, and our addiction can actually kill if you just stop taking it. It also creates the longest and most horrific withdrawal known to man. (I’ve confirmed this with heroin addicts, alcoholics, meth addicts, anyone who has been through a withdrawal). Heroin addicts feel sorry for me! No one is taking responsibility for ruining lives by the million in the name of the almighty dollar.

Pharmaceutical companies send hot girls to doctors offices to persuade them to hand out their drugs. Wtf?! Our society is so brainwashed by the DSM-V, thinking about which acronym fits them because life sucks sometimes for everyone but there has to be something wrong with you. ADHD, OCD, PTSD, GAD, MDD…choose a f@$!ing acronym so you can become a lifetime customer.

We’ve all gone through he’ll because our doctor’s either didn’t know or didn’t care what they were doing. Our society gives so much reverence to doctors…we trust them implicitly because they went to med school. My doctor literally opened Web MD when prescribing my klonopin. They’re not f@$&ING special, they’re human beings just like anyone. They are succeptible to greed and the powers that be are so god damned cocky they don’t even attempt to hide the fact that the people we trust with our health are being bribed by drug companies. Doctors who prescribe things they don’t understand have betrayed the public trust and should be dealt with accordingly. They’re drug dealers…in every sense of the word. We have a war on drugs that imprisons people for smoking a plant while the system were supposed to trust is getting us hooked on the drugs they can profit from.

Anyone who has suffered as I have suffered must surely feel the same injustice. I got out of the military after serving honorably for 6 years…I told my doctor I didn’t feel quite right. Then I was a drug addict. Klonopin took everything in my life. I barely survived it….and that piece of shit probably did the same thing to someone today.

No one should ever go through what I’ve been through. Helping people who are suffering with hope and advise is great, but shouldn’t we be doing something to stop the system that put us here? The average person has no idea what a benzo is…if they tell their doctor they’ve been anxious lately, chances are they’re gonna join our ranks. How do we save those people?