Do you need to go blind in order to join Heather Ashton’s benzo cult?

Freaking out
« on: September 25, 2018, 08:15:49 pm »


The side effects have gotten a little too much for me this week because they are hitting areas that are huge triggers – my eyesight. I’m an artist and design for a living. I’ve been able to work throughout this ordeal but now things are complicated because I have visual snow. I need to go for an eye exam to rule out actual eye damage, but eye exams are a huge stressor for me. I have fainted in my last two exams, and that was WITH Klonopin. What the heck do I do now? My fear is actually enough for me to want to skip out on the appointment completely which I know is stupid but I don’t want to faint. I don’t know what to do or how to cope right now. I cried hysterically earlier. The exam isn’t until Thursday morning.

Re: Freaking out
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2018, 10:22:35 pm »


I cancelled my appointment. I can’t do it :(

Crazytown: “I am on 1-1.5 mg of clonazapam, hemp CBD, fish oil, and magnesium”

Trying to escape the cold dark cave named "Benzo"
« on: February 21, 2018, 04:03:08 am »


Hello Friends,
I found BenzoBuddies thru hours of research online. Finding help is almost as hard as the taper, or so it seems. About 12 years ago, I was started on lorazapam(dont recall the dosage, sorry benzo brain) my family physician “helped me” when life seemed overwhelming, I had a traumatic job change, and a newborn was sick in the hospital the first week of my job. The anxiety of life and worry for my child was overwhelming… I needed a break, or so I thought. Benzo to the rescue. I still vividly remember taking that first pill. I was in the hospital with my newborn. Holding him and finally feeling relief from life, I believed I could do anything… boy if I could only have that day back…
What started out “as needed” turned into maintenance daily, along the way Paxil was added. Not knowing any better, I thought Paxil was the far more dangerous of the 2. I hated the side effects of Paxil, so I quit cold turkey. With the Benzo as my “helper” I managed life quite well I thought. But signs of the side effects started to manifest. Cognitive issues, anxiety crept back, depression, isolation, etc. So I searched for a professional with Mental health experience. I found a Psych that explained my symptoms as everyday life, that is what prescriptions are for and was prescribed a daily dose of 2mg clonazapam. This got me along for 4 years until her sudden onset of cancer left me without a Doc or therapist.
Fortunately she wrote up a report and instructions for any new physician to prescribe Clonazapam again. I found a local physician to prescribe Clonazapam 2 mg again, but my “everyday life” symptoms seemed to be getting worse. So I started dabbling in MJ/CBD for the first time in my life well into my 30’s, on the advise of the now deceased Psych. Who would do that, I thought? A church going fellow who never drank or did drugs is now willing to try illegal drugs (no offense intended, my views have changed considerably under the right direction) to get better.?
But it seemed to help get me back to myself. I was a bit surprised, I felt somewhat happy again, but now a daily user of both to manage life. This was about 1 year ago. Needless to say this wasnt sustainable and I got concerned. I approached the physician about what was going on with my head, but all I could get was I needed to get of the Benzo. No support of how or where to turn for help. Merely its time to stop, I needed to get off the Benzo. So I was given 3 months, 3 prescription of 45 1 mg pills, 1.5 a day. In doing research preparing for what was to come, I was horrified at what I found, I realized all along the “everday life” symptoms were actually Benzo side effects. Fear like Ive never felt set in, but I convinced myself I could do it. So with the help of MJ/CBD I was able to taper to .5 mg/day in 2 months with what I thought were minor side effects. Not as bad as what everyone says… But I too reliant on MJ/CBD and my asthma was not happy with vaping. So I began to wean off MJ/CBD.
And Hell hit me with a fury like I cant describe, I thought it was from the MJ/CBD withdrawals but soon realized it was minor compared to the Benzo sudden taper. Thinking MJ/CBD could be reintroduced in moderation to help. I found what worked in the past, now made my withdrawal magnified. What helped before now just added paranoia to the growing list of issues. So here I am no physician, half of the last prescription left. Full withdrawal mode. Broken down and hurting, fearing Ill lose my job as the lone provider and ruin my family. All consumed anxiety I wont have the will power to take on the challenge that lays before me. I am on 1-1.5 mg of clonazapam, hemp CBD, fish oil, and magnesium. I dont have a taper schedule, but reading the forum I realize I need to create one.
And just to add another dynamic into the mix, my insurance provider changed, so I need to explain all this to a new doctor who will accept my new insurance plan. Thank you Benzo board for hearing my story. I hope to one day be an asset to the community, but right now I need your help. Prayers are welcome and needed.


« on: January 22, 2018, 02:41:09 pm »


I want to join for support as I have relapsed.
I did a successful taper off Klonopin using Ashton from 2012-2014 with help of Psy NP. I cannot go back to him as he has retired and no one took his place.
Took 19 months to get off 4 mg K—was benzo free for 3 years then had A major life trauma — my son committed a crime attempted suicide and I had to help him through the criminal justice system by getting him lawyer and being his support person.
It was a horrible time and I fell apart after it was all over.
I started taking left over K and V I kept from original taper.

Relapsed around March 2017 on small doses – now up to 20-30 mg Valium or 2-3 mg K or a mixture of 5-10 mg V and 1-2 mg K
I am not going to beat myself up for going back on when I knew better.
I am starting down the path of dark hole depression, staying in bed, unable to take care of my house, I know it’s the drugs.
I need to get off and I want to do a CT as these are leftover pills from my table and I am not under a doctors supervision.

« on: January 22, 2018, 02:58:06 pm »


I did a successful taper off Klonopin using Ashton from 2012-2014 with help of Psy NP. I cannot go back to him as he has retired and no one took his place.
Took 19 months to get off 4 mg K—was benzo free for 3 years then had A major life trauma — my son committed a crime attempted suicide and I had to help him through the criminal justice system by getting him a lawyer and being his support person.
It was a horrible time and I fell apart after it was all over.
I started taking left over K and V I had kept (should have tossed it all) from original taper.
I Relapsed around March 2017 on small doses – now up to 20-30 mg Valium or 2-3 mg K or a mixture of 5-10 mg V and 1-2 mg K. Running low on stach.
I am not going to beat myself up for going back on when I knew better.
I am starting down the path of dark hole depression, staying in bed, unable to take care of my house, not wanting to go anywhere or do anything. There is no food in the house because I do not want to shop. I know it’s the drugs and some PTSD from my son.
I need to get off and I want to do a CT as these are leftover pills from my previous taper and I am not under a doctors supervision.
Hello and help!
« Last Edit: January 22, 2018, 03:38:01 pm by [Buddie] »

Klonopin eater goes on hate-filled doctor-bashing rant

Is the System evil or ignorant?
« on: September 01, 2017, 10:44:05 pm »


Is anyone else ANGRY at the doctor who turned you into a drug addict? I submit that most doctors ignorantly believe if patients take their meds as prescribed, there won’t be any issues. Here’s the problem: Your brain doesn’t give a flying f%@$ about US law or what your doctor thinks. All it knows is that it’s regularly been influenced by a powerful psychoactive and it wants more. We’re every bit as much an addict as anyone else, and our addiction can actually kill if you just stop taking it. It also creates the longest and most horrific withdrawal known to man. (I’ve confirmed this with heroin addicts, alcoholics, meth addicts, anyone who has been through a withdrawal). Heroin addicts feel sorry for me! No one is taking responsibility for ruining lives by the million in the name of the almighty dollar.

Pharmaceutical companies send hot girls to doctors offices to persuade them to hand out their drugs. Wtf?! Our society is so brainwashed by the DSM-V, thinking about which acronym fits them because life sucks sometimes for everyone but there has to be something wrong with you. ADHD, OCD, PTSD, GAD, MDD…choose a f@$!ing acronym so you can become a lifetime customer.

We’ve all gone through he’ll because our doctor’s either didn’t know or didn’t care what they were doing. Our society gives so much reverence to doctors…we trust them implicitly because they went to med school. My doctor literally opened Web MD when prescribing my klonopin. They’re not f@$&ING special, they’re human beings just like anyone. They are succeptible to greed and the powers that be are so god damned cocky they don’t even attempt to hide the fact that the people we trust with our health are being bribed by drug companies. Doctors who prescribe things they don’t understand have betrayed the public trust and should be dealt with accordingly. They’re drug dealers…in every sense of the word. We have a war on drugs that imprisons people for smoking a plant while the system were supposed to trust is getting us hooked on the drugs they can profit from.

Anyone who has suffered as I have suffered must surely feel the same injustice. I got out of the military after serving honorably for 6 years…I told my doctor I didn’t feel quite right. Then I was a drug addict. Klonopin took everything in my life. I barely survived it….and that piece of shit probably did the same thing to someone today.

No one should ever go through what I’ve been through. Helping people who are suffering with hope and advise is great, but shouldn’t we be doing something to stop the system that put us here? The average person has no idea what a benzo is…if they tell their doctor they’ve been anxious lately, chances are they’re gonna join our ranks. How do we save those people?

Stevie Nicks blames psychiatry, not abuse of illegal drugs, for her decline

The anti-psychiatry cult venerates Nicks as an anti-benzo apostle yet Stevie was an out of control drug addict:

  • Fleetwood Mac singer Stevie Nicks was so addicted to cocaine, alcohol and Quaaludes she blacked out and nearly overdosed repeatedly
  • She wore gold and turquoise bottle inlaid with diamonds around her neck so she was never without coke
  • To avoid body searches by customs in Europe, they hired Hitler’s private rail car complete with the elderly attendant who served the Fuhrer

She quickly descended into drug hell and became addicted to cocaine, alcohol, Quaaludes to sleep, and cigarettes – until her system broke down and she started having nosebleeds, falls on stage, blackouts and near overdoses.

She bought $1 million worth of cocaine and it burned a hole in her nose the size of a dime. Rumors spread that she had to have the drug blown up her derriere by an assistant.

“There was no way to get off the white horse and I didn’t want to,”  the now 66-year-old Nicks said.

She only slowed down her drug consumption when her doctor warned her she was risking permanent mental and physical damage as well as heading for a brain hemorrhage or an early grave.

The group called for an intervention and saved her life by urging her to check in to the Betty Ford Center.

Can anyone blame Big Pharma, or psychiatry, for that?

In a March 2017 Rolling Stone interview, instead of advising her younger self never to take illegal drugs, and thereby help other addicts, Nicks irresponsibly blames the psychiatrist who tried to help her recover:

What advice would you give to your younger self?
“How about my early-forties self? That’s when I walked out of Betty Ford after beating coke. I spent two months doing so well. But all my business managers and everyone were urging me to go to this guy who was supposedly­ the darling of the psychiatrists. That was the guy who put me on Klonopin. This is the man who made me go from 123 pounds to almost 170 pounds at five feet two. He stole eight years of my life.”

Look at what this poor, brainwashed, slob at Benzo Buddies says about Nicks:

« on: May 24, 2017, 02:51:03 am »


Start fighting back folks. No more suicides. Lost jobs and homes. No more drugged toddlers and babies, elderly and infirm. Come on guys! This is a grass roots effort! If Stevie Nicks still has the balls to stand up against big pharma and the drug dealers that push their poisons, so do you!

Love you all,

Talk about delusional.

Endless taper pushes addict over the edge

Screaming out in mental agony
« on: May 13, 2017, 10:54:21 pm »


I don’t know what happened to me today but the mental tension got so much, I just screamed in agony, begging God to take me…I just cried hysterically pleading for relief and release from this horrible, painful agony….Need help but there’s no help

Klonopin addict loses mind, torches house

I'm 45 and have lost ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.
« on: March 14, 2017, 10:16:14 am »


I’ve been fighting clonazepam withdrawal for four years now. I’ve made it through it twice only to b launched back into it by mistakes. Once from taking a prescribed drug called perphenizine which totally reset me back to zero. And once from taking Aleve. I’m 45 and have lost everything I own. My savings, my 401 k, my stock portfolio and my house ..which burned down while in clonopin withdrawal. My credits destroyed too. I’ve lost over 200,000 total.

I’m 45 yrs old and feel there’s no use in trying to start over. I’m too old. My life is over and I simply do not want to exist anymore.

Benzo Buddies destroys another life

How do you cope? **Don't read this if you are sensitive**
« on: March 01, 2017, 08:57:00 pm »


I know everyone experiences this differently, but I am having the most horrendous depression that never ends. Sometimes I feel like I can’t go on another hour. It just never ends… I feel like the whole time I was on Benzo’s (mostly for 1.5 years) I’ve been depressed and was just getting worse. But now that I’m off them, I’m not any better. It’s almost worse because I don’t have any options left except to try more antidepressants – I’ve tried over 12 in the past 2 years; 90% only tolerated for no more than a couple of days. I still have horrible depression and nothing is moving forward. I might get to the gym a few times a week but that’s basically my life. I spend days in my house; not going out or laying in my bed not sleeping… I don’t want to try anymore psychotropic medication but I don’t think I’m ever going to get any better without it. A big part of it is because I’m not working and just so bored without any inclination / motivation to do anything. But when you feel like sh*t all of the time, how do you get back to work / back to life? I don’t want to work just anywhere… that will make things worse for me I think. I just want to feel well enough to get back to at least half of what I was doing. I’m starting to believe that part of me has gotten so used to feeling like sh*t that my mind is just planning for the end. It’s like I don’t even want to try to survive this anymore. Does anyone feel this way? This is absolutely crazy! I feel like I’ve been so psychologically damaged by this whole experience (which started in Jan 2015 for the first time in my life) that I’m never going to get out. I have so much fear, anxiety, mental exhaustion, stress, worry, bad intrusive thoughts / major depression (which I also never had). Do I just go on suffering day after day? I mean my wife loves me but 2 years already of this crap and I haven’t been working for at least 3/4 of that. I’m not sure how long she’s going to be able to deal with this… no matter how much she cares about me. I used to be a very well paid sales executive and now klon. I feel like there’s no hope… and I’ve felt like that for 6 months now. I keep trying to do stuff (I just finished an insurance course for 2 weeks; got myself to class barely every day) but as soon as I have nothing in front of me, I’m done. Back to ultimate despair. I can’t distract; it’s cold where I live. My family comes and visits. I talk to one friend who knows what’s going on; all of my other friends are busy living their lives (I’m 42). I’m just in such a bad place. I can’t go to the hospital and be admitted to a psyche ward; that will really be the end of me. I already spent 2 months in a clinic for mood disorder (not knowing I was slowly being killed by Benzo’s)… and that just traumatized me beyond repair I think.

I can’t go on like this and wait it out… I’m alone all day while my wife is at work. I don’t even know if this is Benzo withdrawal or just major depression? I started taking Benzo’s first PRN and then I tried some AD’s and then I was placed on and off Klonipin with no small tapers.. so I just don’t know. That’s the worst, is not knowing.

Anyway, I’m just really messed up every day now with no hope. I’ve tried everything… I’m working with an ND in the UK (I live in Canada). He has some experience working with withdrawal but everything he wants to do is completely opposite to what’s suggested on this site. But I’m starting to think that not everyone is going to recover the same way. He is suggesting about 40 supplements per day to help with BDNF / brain regeneration, anxiety / stress control, and depression. I don’t even know if I can make it through the regiment he has planned for 6 weeks. That’s about as long as an AD will take though.

Whatever you do, don’t ever quit your job unless you absolutely have to. I made the mistake of making that decision when I was in inter-dose withdrawal and didn’t know it. I was also not grateful for what I had and thought that by eliminating that major stress, I would start to feel better. Things just spiralled downward from there. Now I’m paying the ultimate price.

Re: How do you cope? **Don't read this if you are sensitive**
« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2017, 09:32:34 pm »


Also, I’m sorry I haven’t really supported anyone here. I’m just in a really bad place and it’s tough to support other people when you feel like you are suffering every day. If I ever get well again, I will be back to help support those who need it. But for now, I’m just trying to stay alive… however dramatic that sounds.

Headbangers vow to taper forever

Can't handle this symptom any more
« on: November 23, 2016, 07:21:31 pm »


I have bot posted on this forum too much before but right now my anxiety is ramped up sky high.

I am again experiencing the extremely upsetting symptom of wanting to bash my head against the wall that I understand from others can be a Klonopin w/d s/x.

It is showing no sign going away. And that is really, really upsetting and worrying me.

These feelings went away pretty much totally before, so logically then can do again but that is my intellect talking, not my heart. I find it hard to believe they will and all the while I am in the deepest possible distress.

I am losing faith that I can survive, my confidence is in tatters and I wonder how much more hell I have to go through before I get t a place of mental stability again, that I last had two months ago – although it feels much longer.

The onset of dark evenings and winter mean more time cooped up alone.

I have to get my anxiety levels down to ease the symptom I so dread, and writing this has made me realise I need to focus full time on me now to get a sense of balance back and resume my taper. Right now everything is on hold and it’s so distressing.

Re: Can't handle this symptom any more
« Reply #1 on: November 23, 2016, 07:54:25 pm »


[…], I have no experience of Klonopin but I do know what it is like to be sobbing and banging my head on the refrigerator. And nobody can understand this unless they’ve been through it.

If you are feeling the worst you’ve ever felt then it will get better. It will probably be a while before you are properly better but the crisis reaches its peak and then falls again. So listen to your intellect.

I thought I couldn’t go on any more earlier today but, for better or worse, I am still here.

We don’t have any choice, do we?

I hope you feel better soon. […] x