Confession -- Reinstatement -- I don't know what to do
« on: June 09, 2020, 09:06:09 pm »
Three days ago, my akathisia, intrusive thoughts, irritability got so bad. It had been just over one month without klonopin. I wanted to celebrate, but the perceputal distortions, dp/dr, and other symptoms were bad too. I literally was afraid of losing control. I had these awful tics — was laying on the floor screaming “F— you” to any car going by. I had strong urges to yell at my wife, tear stuff off shelves, etc. Mind you, **this is not me.** I was never like this before withdrawal.
Long story short, I felt hopeless and desperate, because I can’t put myself at risk of being like this every day. I took some Kpin and dashed it down with vodka (maybe equivalent of 3 shots). I am not even a drinker — I don’t even like alcohol, so this is not a “pattern” mind you — I just needed reprieve from these tics and thoughts until I could figure out a new strategy, because this CT isn’t working. I had terrible panic and tightness all day long, plus ‘mental akathisia,’ unable to escape my own brain. I am afraid for my future. I cannot stay married like this and do this to my family. Well now that was 3 days ago, the withdrawals are going to kick in again. I really went and did it this time. I thought the worst of the acutes would peak by month one but clearly I was wrong. How to taper a med that’s paradoxical? Seems a V crossover is my only chance but my doc won’t do it.
« on: March 27, 2020, 01:17:04 am »
I am 3 months since I stopped Klonopin. This past week after losing half of my retirement funds because of the stock market crashes (I know should have been smarter). Now uncontrollable and constant anxiety and unable to hold down food. Would taking a few doses of this drug set me back hopelessly. Need something to keep from doing something bad.
My heart couldn't handle my withdrawal
« on: January 09, 2020, 02:11:18 pm »
I am back now taking my regular dose of clonazepam. I lasted 15 days without a benzo, those 15 days were the longest, confusing, hellish days of my life. Without a doubt my effort to quit caused my blood pressure to spike to the point where I need to take a pill for my heart at age 34. I would love to be happy and benzo free, it just seems like I could get benzo free but I would be regretting it because your body feels so different and changed from the benzo. I’ve already been kicked out of enough Doctor’s offices so I think I’m going to take this Dr.’s advise and stay on the benzo even though it’s not suppose to be taken for more than 2 months and I’m on over a decade. At some point there will be a Class Action Lawsuit on everyone involved in this scheme, however I don’t want money I want myself to be able to live without Big Pharma. Good luck to everyone out there fighting the good fight, keep it up love is reciprocal.
Job in Jeopardy
« on: January 09, 2020, 08:48:32 pm »
I’m prescribed 8mg Klonopin daily. I’m an emergency dept EMT. I must’ve had a benzo hangover and a patient reported to my boss to say I seemed drunk. I was sent for a urinalysis and admitted I am in fact prescribed Klonopin. It’s been nearly two weeks and haven’t heard back yet. I have to get off this stuff. Thinking about rapid detox.
« on: December 10, 2019, 08:59:44 pm »
Can someone tell me why as I taper I feel like drinking. I stopped drinking 5 years ago. Haven’t a desire until now. I know alcohol works on the same receptors as benzos. I’ve had a few bad panic attacks since tapering. As I lower my Klonopin my craving increases. Yikes.
Re: What happened to Benzodiazepine Information Coalition?????
« Reply #17 on: November 23, 2019, 04:52:23 am »
I don’t think patients should be forced off of benzos. I had severe dystonia symptoms from klonopin withdrawal, and would never wish that on anyone. klonopin and benzos are one of the few meds that can treat dystonia. (dystonia is a movement disorder where your body twists and contorts in unnatural ways). Little kids are screaming in pain as their feet bend backwards, and this can go on for several hours at a time, for some it is non-stop. Benzos should ALWAYS be allowed for that reason, and I went through absolute hell from my prescribed klonopin. That being said, as much as I am against klonopin, had I continued with the severe dystonia movements, I would have gone back on. You are literally trapped in bed with your body twisting painfully in strange ways.
There may also be people with anxiety who are stuck in that fight or flight without benzos. Just like pain meds, some people are helped, or are willing to deal with the risks. What I think is most important is making people aware of the risks before they start the medicine. But I would never want to see a person with bad dystonia from accessing benzos. Basically, think of the pain that shoots through your foot when you smash it against something and bend in backwards until it bruised. That is what dystonia can do, but it keeps it bent for hours at a time. I had times where my legs looked like someone beat the crap out of me from how bad the spasms were. For someone who suffers this on a daily basis, benzos should be available.
Re: What happened to Benzodiazepine Information Coalition?????
« Reply #11 on: November 14, 2019, 10:56:08 pm »
I think it is important to say that for some people it is not the right thing to get off of them
I should never have tried to stop diazepam which I was on the same low dose of for 20 years for muscle spasm from spinal injury and surgery.
WD is literally crushing my spine and I am now paradoxical to all meds.
I had no interdose WD or to,ere veg on the diazepam.
I know ppl in dystonia groups who only get relief from Clonazepam some of whom have been on it for 40 years without problems.
Re: Watch "This is Life" With Lisa Ling
« Reply #96 on: September 29, 2019, 02:21:11 am »
Quote from: [Buddie] on September 29, 2019, 01:53:48 am
Quote from: [Buddie] on September 29, 2019, 12:47:21 am
Quote from: [Buddie] on September 29, 2019, 12:40:35 am
Quote from: [Buddie] on September 29, 2019, 12:36:04 am
I’m curious: Does this piece with Lisa Ling address at all, people who live long, productive & happy lives while using long-term benzodiazepines as prescribed?
No it does not. That’s a different show.
Thanks for the quick response. Do you mean Lisa Ling will be doing a different show that reflects the lives of real people who are benzo dependent and continue living long, productive & happy lives? Or do you mean there is no show that you are aware of which reflects this reality that does exist? Thanks in advance.
I’m sure those people exist. Our aim is to let people know the risks, as they will not receive it in the doctors office and are being rapidly tapered. Many people doing well on benzodiazepines became harmed by trying or being forced to stop. And many don’t. This episode is a warning about the drug, not an ode to the drug. I’m unsure if such an ode exists.
You’ve answered my questions and for that I’m appreciative. I will resist the urge to question in detail any motive(s) in you choosing to use the word “ode” to describe the reality of many, many people living long, productive and happy lives while being dependent upon and using benzos as prescribed. I will continue to extend my best wishes.
« Last Edit: September 29, 2019, 02:27:07 am by [Buddie] »