Feel like I completely screwed myself and now feel hopeless
« on: November 20, 2017, 10:07:02 pm »
I can’t help but feel like my failed Valium crossover and then all of the one off updoses that I very stupidly took to help me sleep have completely screwed me up. I’ve never felt so physically sick or mentally off. It’s unbearable I’m bed ridden and absolutely overwhelmed with terror and irrational thoughts 24/7. I don’t know what to do anymore I think I kindled myself so badly. I just wanted relief. This is my history:
Last year I did a daily liquid microtaper from February until November. I would liquefy one of my .5 mg tablets in 100 mL’s of milk and take our 1.2 mL’s a day until it was gone. So I got down to 1.5 mg’s around November of last year when I was slammed with symptoms/side effects and after seeking advice I decided to updose to 2 and then ultimately reinstate back at 2.5. This did not stabilize me at all and I wish more than anything I had just held at 1.5. In May of this year I had a failed Valium crossover. I then went back to 2.5 and tried a dry cut going extremely slow and only got from 2.5 to 2.375 cutting at a little less than 5% but I felt so terrible that I again went back to 2.5 and actually tried going to 3 mg’s for six days to see if I could get relief and did not so I then went back to 2.5 which is where I am now and have been for a few months with occasional 5 mg Valium updoses mixed in.
struggling to leave my room any adive or input would be helpful
« on: November 15, 2017, 03:46:47 pm »
ive only been leaving my room for bathroom n shower n to eat n do landry other then those small thing ive spent the better part of the last 5 weeks just laying in bed all day watching movies or tv on my laptop !! monday i got out of the house for about 2 hours just to do some things in the yard n had two attacks while i was outside im on 1.625mg of ativan daily the window started slowly closing on me this summer and has pretty much shut me in my room where i keep all light out so it pitch black n i feel some what at ease still have attacks once a day or more but some days our good days and i dont have any ! has anyone been in this position before ? if so how do i over come it ? i need to be able to atleast get out side cut my grass take the trash out ect !! im in a pretty lucky situation im 31 with no kids or a job and my mom lets me live here for free n pays what little bills i have but i used to do all kinds of remodling projects for her and painting and yard projects but now i cant even cut the grass and input would be very helpful i have everything i need to start a titration but the alcohol to disolve the ativan but havent started because of fear n the situation im in
« on: November 03, 2017, 12:55:46 am »
I just ate some venison for supper and my symptoms flared right up what the fuck is going on i dont get it
« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2017, 04:15:20 pm »
guess im the only one thanks for the help this website is unreal
« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2017, 05:27:28 pm »
This should crack you up! I hunt chipmunk for the pelts. I was skinning them in the woods by the fire and had the idea if I ever had to survive out there I could eat chipmunks. So instead of just feeding the coyotes I cooked one on a stick. Very well done I might add and it was delicious just one test bite. For days I wasn’t feeling well and thought back to that incident when I went into a relapse. It’s so crazy how my mind keeps trying to find a definitive reason for feeling so bad over and over again. I’m fine now and you will be too. It’s just the physical and mental nature of the benzo beast! Take care and keep fighting. By the way always cook wild shit well done.
An In-Person Support Group
« on: October 31, 2017, 04:49:37 pm »
I have heard of these for us, I am remembering now as I type this out. How do we get more going, what is the protocol?
Any thoughts…? Thanks ahead of time.
(I’d like to start one in my area, maybe for victims of pharmaceutical violence in general. I’m only in the thinking and planning stages though.)
Re: An In-Person Support Group
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2017, 04:59:37 pm »
Well I just saw that we aren’t supposed to even mention or talk about this in general. I can’t delete my own post though, I have found.
I don’t see the harm in discussing this and being non-specific about location, kind of a depressing rule if you ask me.
Dealing with loss of income/job:
Here’s a message for everyone who has lost their job due to benzo withdrawal syndrome.
I ran into a guy I used to work with at a previous company from a few years ago. Here’s how the conversation went:
He said “Are you still working at (company)?”
I said “no, I’m still unemployed“.
He said “Really? What do you do all day?”
This was a question I wasn’t prepared for and at first I panicked and thought to myself “oh my God, what DO I do all day”? Then…it dawned on me…I’m fighting a secret battle to save my mind and my very soul. I spend all my energy researching this horrible curse, interacting with others who are going through the same thing and experimenting with the right diet and supplements to restore some form of normalcy to my life. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I am probably working harder than I ever have in my entire life 24/7 just to keep myself from going insane. And a wave of calmness came over me and all of a sudden I felt proud of myself for fighting the toughest battle I’ve ever faced.
This is our “job” now! Fighting Benzo Withdrawal Syndrome. And that is something all of us should be proud of. I don’t know many people that could endure so much physical and emotional pain, embarrassment, humiliation, guilt and anger all at once and still get up every day.
So I answered his question by simply saying “I’m working on something big”. And that answer was the truth, in fact, it was an understatement.
I just want everyone to give themselves a pat on the back for fighting this battle every second of the day and winning. This is our new job as far as I’m concerned. And it’s the hardest one we will ever have.
Hope this post helps everyone to feel good about themselves tonight and show yourself some compassion and love. You have all earned it.
Peace and love to all!
« on: September 09, 2017, 09:29:07 pm »
I see this term thrown around a lot. What exactly is it?
Re: Benzo Belly
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2017, 01:42:27 am »
It’s sort of a catch-all term for belly/G.I. symptoms. It includes, bloating, reflux, nausea, weight gain, weight loss, and may also include constipation/diarrhea.
HELP!!! Got fleas in home, can anyone tell me if insecticide safe to use pls
« on: September 08, 2017, 02:49:50 pm »
About a month ago my friend brought his dog in who had fleas.
I thought I was just catastrophising at the time, due to anxiety, so I hoovered and forgot about them.
Now the eggs have hatched, I have larvae pupae and adult fleas and i need to use an insecticide but I am afraid of inhaling it as it acts on gabaa
The ingredients are permethrinand Pyripoxyfen which controls growth of eggs.
I am anaemic and in withdrawal so vaccumming every day is out of the question and salt doesnt work either.
Has anyone used flea spray in thier home while tapering and been ok or does it affect you?
Desperate for help, cos i am gettting more and more bites every day now.
They’re in my bed.