Feel like I completely screwed myself and now feel hopeless
« on: November 20, 2017, 10:07:02 pm »
I can’t help but feel like my failed Valium crossover and then all of the one off updoses that I very stupidly took to help me sleep have completely screwed me up. I’ve never felt so physically sick or mentally off. It’s unbearable I’m bed ridden and absolutely overwhelmed with terror and irrational thoughts 24/7. I don’t know what to do anymore I think I kindled myself so badly. I just wanted relief. This is my history:
Last year I did a daily liquid microtaper from February until November. I would liquefy one of my .5 mg tablets in 100 mL’s of milk and take our 1.2 mL’s a day until it was gone. So I got down to 1.5 mg’s around November of last year when I was slammed with symptoms/side effects and after seeking advice I decided to updose to 2 and then ultimately reinstate back at 2.5. This did not stabilize me at all and I wish more than anything I had just held at 1.5. In May of this year I had a failed Valium crossover. I then went back to 2.5 and tried a dry cut going extremely slow and only got from 2.5 to 2.375 cutting at a little less than 5% but I felt so terrible that I again went back to 2.5 and actually tried going to 3 mg’s for six days to see if I could get relief and did not so I then went back to 2.5 which is where I am now and have been for a few months with occasional 5 mg Valium updoses mixed in.
struggling to leave my room any adive or input would be helpful
« on: November 15, 2017, 03:46:47 pm »
ive only been leaving my room for bathroom n shower n to eat n do landry other then those small thing ive spent the better part of the last 5 weeks just laying in bed all day watching movies or tv on my laptop !! monday i got out of the house for about 2 hours just to do some things in the yard n had two attacks while i was outside im on 1.625mg of ativan daily the window started slowly closing on me this summer and has pretty much shut me in my room where i keep all light out so it pitch black n i feel some what at ease still have attacks once a day or more but some days our good days and i dont have any ! has anyone been in this position before ? if so how do i over come it ? i need to be able to atleast get out side cut my grass take the trash out ect !! im in a pretty lucky situation im 31 with no kids or a job and my mom lets me live here for free n pays what little bills i have but i used to do all kinds of remodling projects for her and painting and yard projects but now i cant even cut the grass and input would be very helpful i have everything i need to start a titration but the alcohol to disolve the ativan but havent started because of fear n the situation im in
« on: November 03, 2017, 12:55:46 am »
I just ate some venison for supper and my symptoms flared right up what the fuck is going on i dont get it
« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2017, 04:15:20 pm »
guess im the only one thanks for the help this website is unreal
« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2017, 05:27:28 pm »
This should crack you up! I hunt chipmunk for the pelts. I was skinning them in the woods by the fire and had the idea if I ever had to survive out there I could eat chipmunks. So instead of just feeding the coyotes I cooked one on a stick. Very well done I might add and it was delicious just one test bite. For days I wasn’t feeling well and thought back to that incident when I went into a relapse. It’s so crazy how my mind keeps trying to find a definitive reason for feeling so bad over and over again. I’m fine now and you will be too. It’s just the physical and mental nature of the benzo beast! Take care and keep fighting. By the way always cook wild shit well done.
An In-Person Support Group
« on: October 31, 2017, 04:49:37 pm »
I have heard of these for us, I am remembering now as I type this out. How do we get more going, what is the protocol?
Any thoughts…? Thanks ahead of time.
(I’d like to start one in my area, maybe for victims of pharmaceutical violence in general. I’m only in the thinking and planning stages though.)
Re: An In-Person Support Group
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2017, 04:59:37 pm »
Well I just saw that we aren’t supposed to even mention or talk about this in general. I can’t delete my own post though, I have found.
I don’t see the harm in discussing this and being non-specific about location, kind of a depressing rule if you ask me.
Dealing with loss of income/job:
Here’s a message for everyone who has lost their job due to benzo withdrawal syndrome.
I ran into a guy I used to work with at a previous company from a few years ago. Here’s how the conversation went:
He said “Are you still working at (company)?”
I said “no, I’m still unemployed“.
He said “Really? What do you do all day?”
This was a question I wasn’t prepared for and at first I panicked and thought to myself “oh my God, what DO I do all day”? Then…it dawned on me…I’m fighting a secret battle to save my mind and my very soul. I spend all my energy researching this horrible curse, interacting with others who are going through the same thing and experimenting with the right diet and supplements to restore some form of normalcy to my life. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I am probably working harder than I ever have in my entire life 24/7 just to keep myself from going insane. And a wave of calmness came over me and all of a sudden I felt proud of myself for fighting the toughest battle I’ve ever faced.
This is our “job” now! Fighting Benzo Withdrawal Syndrome. And that is something all of us should be proud of. I don’t know many people that could endure so much physical and emotional pain, embarrassment, humiliation, guilt and anger all at once and still get up every day.
So I answered his question by simply saying “I’m working on something big”. And that answer was the truth, in fact, it was an understatement.
I just want everyone to give themselves a pat on the back for fighting this battle every second of the day and winning. This is our new job as far as I’m concerned. And it’s the hardest one we will ever have.
Hope this post helps everyone to feel good about themselves tonight and show yourself some compassion and love. You have all earned it.
Peace and love to all!
« on: September 09, 2017, 09:29:07 pm »
I see this term thrown around a lot. What exactly is it?
Re: Benzo Belly
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2017, 01:42:27 am »
It’s sort of a catch-all term for belly/G.I. symptoms. It includes, bloating, reflux, nausea, weight gain, weight loss, and may also include constipation/diarrhea.
HELP!!! Got fleas in home, can anyone tell me if insecticide safe to use pls
« on: September 08, 2017, 02:49:50 pm »
About a month ago my friend brought his dog in who had fleas.
I thought I was just catastrophising at the time, due to anxiety, so I hoovered and forgot about them.
Now the eggs have hatched, I have larvae pupae and adult fleas and i need to use an insecticide but I am afraid of inhaling it as it acts on gabaa
The ingredients are permethrinand Pyripoxyfen which controls growth of eggs.
I am anaemic and in withdrawal so vaccumming every day is out of the question and salt doesnt work either.
Has anyone used flea spray in thier home while tapering and been ok or does it affect you?
Desperate for help, cos i am gettting more and more bites every day now.
They’re in my bed.
25 YEARS ON XANAX
« on: September 04, 2017, 04:05:35 pm »
I have been on Xanax for about 25 years. Dosages as high as 4.5 mg a day years ago to down to .5 mg a day (and up and down over the years). Currently on.5 mg a day and tapering (i hope). The V.A. is trying to get people off of the Benzos I think because of a (perhaps) causal link to dementia. The Dr has added hydroxyzine on a trial basis starting at 20mg a day….we will see. My primary symptom was dizziness along with (at times) heart palpitations. Before Xanax I was self medicating with beer, up to 12 cans a day. The symtoms would be constant for months and then go away for months…I haven’t figured out what might have triggered the symptoms in that long ago time. They gave me a CAT scan with (happily) negative results ( in about 1987 or so). And then gave me some Halzion to help with sleep. I found that by taking the Halzion in the daytime my symptoms went away almost immediately! Anyhow because Hazion was not for anxiety per se, they went to Xanax. This in spite of the fact I didn’t have to take the halzion on a constant basis, but only as the symptoms showed up. (Dr.s always know best, of course, they are “M.D.s”……Medical deities………) […] says “hello to all”
Is the System evil or ignorant?
« on: September 01, 2017, 10:44:05 pm »
Is anyone else ANGRY at the doctor who turned you into a drug addict? I submit that most doctors ignorantly believe if patients take their meds as prescribed, there won’t be any issues. Here’s the problem: Your brain doesn’t give a flying f%@$ about US law or what your doctor thinks. All it knows is that it’s regularly been influenced by a powerful psychoactive and it wants more. We’re every bit as much an addict as anyone else, and our addiction can actually kill if you just stop taking it. It also creates the longest and most horrific withdrawal known to man. (I’ve confirmed this with heroin addicts, alcoholics, meth addicts, anyone who has been through a withdrawal). Heroin addicts feel sorry for me! No one is taking responsibility for ruining lives by the million in the name of the almighty dollar.
Pharmaceutical companies send hot girls to doctors offices to persuade them to hand out their drugs. Wtf?! Our society is so brainwashed by the DSM-V, thinking about which acronym fits them because life sucks sometimes for everyone but there has to be something wrong with you. ADHD, OCD, PTSD, GAD, MDD…choose a f@$!ing acronym so you can become a lifetime customer.
We’ve all gone through he’ll because our doctor’s either didn’t know or didn’t care what they were doing. Our society gives so much reverence to doctors…we trust them implicitly because they went to med school. My doctor literally opened Web MD when prescribing my klonopin. They’re not f@$&ING special, they’re human beings just like anyone. They are succeptible to greed and the powers that be are so god damned cocky they don’t even attempt to hide the fact that the people we trust with our health are being bribed by drug companies. Doctors who prescribe things they don’t understand have betrayed the public trust and should be dealt with accordingly. They’re drug dealers…in every sense of the word. We have a war on drugs that imprisons people for smoking a plant while the system were supposed to trust is getting us hooked on the drugs they can profit from.
Anyone who has suffered as I have suffered must surely feel the same injustice. I got out of the military after serving honorably for 6 years…I told my doctor I didn’t feel quite right. Then I was a drug addict. Klonopin took everything in my life. I barely survived it….and that piece of shit probably did the same thing to someone today.
No one should ever go through what I’ve been through. Helping people who are suffering with hope and advise is great, but shouldn’t we be doing something to stop the system that put us here? The average person has no idea what a benzo is…if they tell their doctor they’ve been anxious lately, chances are they’re gonna join our ranks. How do we save those people?
Are there hypochondriacs on this forum?
« on: August 28, 2017, 12:58:21 am »
Yes, stopping benzos is not easy but my experience is that it was not as bad as I was made to believe. I think some people on this forum are hypochondriacs. Do people really feel withdrawal a year later? I’m not buying it. Do you really need to taper for years? I doubt it.
Please help, desperate, got fleas in house but flea spray affects GABA
« on: August 08, 2017, 09:50:04 pm »
My friend brought his dog in my flat and the dog has left fleas, ive been bitten.
I’ve tried vaccumming, but I am so depressed and anxious and stressed about other things including withdrawal that I only have the energy to vaccuumm part of a room a day, ,whereas to get rid of the fleas, eggs and larvae you either have to vaccuum every day for a week or use flea spray with insect growth regulator in.
The problem with these substances is that they all have chemicals in which, on doing research, affect gaba in a bad way, I wont ramble.
I even tried to find a respirator online so that I did not breathe in any of the vapours, but there is so much choice that I am totally confused as to which respirator to buy to prevent me inhaling the fumes of the flea spray, as you have to keep windows shut while it works when you spray.
Has anyone ever used any of the strong flea sprays in withdrawal?
Did they react with you in a bad way?
I am desperate to hear of anyone’s experience with these flea sprays, they worked for me when i wasnt on valium but I am scared to use them given what I have read online about them interacting with GABA.