Cult women give up everything to remain in Benzo Buddies

Lost my looks, my body....my life!
« on: November 22, 2020, 08:53:26 pm »

[Buddie]

Of all the horrible symptoms we suffer with each day, physical, mental, emotional….what about all this has done to our outward appearances? I used to take care in how I presented myself to the world. Showered daily, sometimes twice, always did my hair and makeup (not to an extreme, just so I could feel confident), dressed nicely, walked with my head up and a smile for everyone I met. Confident in my ability to go up to strangers and start a conversation and feel respected and liked.

Now, two years later I can’t even shower, let alone take care of my hair, looks, body. This has destroyed everything about my outward appearance. I have gone gray, lost so much hair, the texture of my hair is slimy and sticky feeling (even after washing), have gained so much weight from being immobile, my face is all broken out and greasy and the rest of the skin on my body is dry, peeling and looks so old. My eyes look like someone who’s extremely deranged. They have lost their color, I have bags and they are ALWAYS swollen. My eyes were so bright and blue now they are a dull gray without any spark.

I can’t even look anyone in the eye anymore (and I’m talking about my husband and children, since they are the only ones I see because I am housebound). How can I ever go back out into the world like this even if my brain and physical torture gets better? I don’t have hair that I can just pull back in a ponytail because of the extreme loss and texture. I don’t have skin that looks even one bit okay without foundation on. I don’t have any clothes that fit me anymore because of the extreme weight gain. And I have a closet full of beautiful clothing.

The people who have seen me since this terrible injury happened look at me as if I am a disgrace and the kindness and compliments I used to get, even from strangers, has turned into people treating me like I am a castaway.

How, how can I face the world again like this even if I ever heal? I know there has to be others out here who have lost their appearances too. How do we get our self-confidence back when our appearances have been destroyed?

Re: Lost my looks, my body....my life!
« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2020, 10:00:33 pm »

[Buddie]

I have no idea but I feel the same way. I used to be a runner and a gym fanatic, had amazing hair (I’m a hairdresser) and looked pretty good for my age. Now …. wow. I hope I don’t run into people I used to know because I look like I’ve been in a concentration camp. It’s changed the way I look I doubt I’ll ever go back to how I used to look again. But I’ll take that if it means “feeling” normal again. Because when we feel good, we look good. Well as much as someone who has gone thru a massive life changing trauma can look good! I’m sure burns victims wish for this all the time too. When I get down about it I think of them. And then I stop and I’m just greatful for what I do have. X we have a chance at healing and we just have to keep moving towards that goal x

Benzo Buddies members forced to give away belongings, live like hermits, to remain in cult

Giving away belongings
« on: November 13, 2020, 08:26:44 pm »

[Buddie]

I’ve noticed a few people (e.g. Baylissa) who report that they gave away a lot of their belongings while in withdrawal but have little memory of that time. For me, I’ve noticed the urge to get rid of a lot of my stuff – I think it stems from getting easily overwhelmed and wanting to simplify my life. I actually think it’s a good thing because I live in a small apartment with minimal storage space. Benzo withdrawal is helping me realize what I value most in life and most often that is not material objects. I have way too many clothes and was never able to part with them before, but now it comes easy. I plan to clean out my storage unit this weekend!

Re: Giving away belongings
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2020, 09:19:51 pm »

[Buddie]

Simplifying my life makes me feel good, when I’m distressed I’ll often pick a closet to clean out. I get a feeling of freedom from the weight of too much stuff and those I donate to can benefit as well.

Re: Giving away belongings
« Reply #2 on: November 22, 2020, 03:35:21 am »

[Buddie]

I am doing the same thing. I have never edited so much. Feels great. Feels free.

Re: Giving away belongings
« Reply #3 on: November 22, 2020, 07:08:34 am »

[Buddie]

I have been doing this too. Feels right to be clearing the junk out while clearing meds out of my body. Also makes me want to cut my hair. 😂

Re: Giving away belongings
« Reply #4 on: November 22, 2020, 08:56:49 am »

[Buddie]

I give stuff away all the time but its mostly because I think I’ll never heal or make it through this alive to use them.

Benzo Buddies forces members to choose cult over family

Anyone else can't stand their family?
« on: May 10, 2020, 01:32:11 am »

[Buddie]

I have been posting for support as I have been having problems since my last cut…

Has anyone else experienced this: I find it hard to tolerate my family. I’m ashamed to say my kids in particular. One of them keeps checking on me as, unfortunately, it became impossible to hide what I am going through. But, my tolerance of my kids is so low. And I feel so weird. Detached is close. Makes me feel awful about myself and more anxious. I just wish I could run away. They wouldn’t have to witness this. Of course, COVID makes it worse.

Mother signs billion year Benzo Buddies contract after three weeks of benzos

make my family believe this hell can happen after using for only 3 weeks
« on: January 29, 2020, 01:23:05 am »

[Buddie]

my adult children want me to cut faster or cold turkey. they think my withdrawal symptoms are “in my head” and they think I am making my misery up. i am very loved but they don’t believe me when I say how miserable and hard this withdrawal is. it’s getting so tough for me now and i am so uncomfortable but they want me to cut faster. their pressure is so overwhelmingly depressing for me. i feel so alone in this war.

Kook dumps husband to marry Benzo Buddies cult

Leaving Partner in WD
« on: June 17, 2019, 04:45:28 pm »

[Buddie]

I’ve decided to leave my husband, i can’t take the verbal and emotional abuse any more, we’ve been to counseling but the counselor said he was narcissistic and won’t change. The stonewalling, gaslighting and passive aggression from him is hindering my recovery I’m sure.

I’m on my third day of driving 900 kms with my dog to be with my son, having to stay in motels and getting a barrage of cruel emails from him. Tomorrow i will be there, hopefully i won’t get too much of a setback from this. Leaving the house was very difficult but i know I’ve made the right decision.

Anybody else out there done this in wd? Any support appreciated from anyone.

Addict ditches wife to marry cult

Losing Marriage
« on: March 01, 2019, 11:16:21 pm »

boomboxboy21

Has anyone felt the withdrawal process caused you to completely lose the connection you had with your spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend? I am pretty worried my wife and I aren’t going to make it through this. We never have fun together anymore, even though we do try and do things, but it just feels forced now. We tried to play darts the other night and we both acknowledged that we weren’t having fun. It honestly feels like we are still together because we have a child now. All […] do is talk about what I’m going through and she doesn’t want to hear it, which I understand, and even when I don’t talk about, I feel like we have nothing to talk about or do together.