Addict turns benzo taper into lifelong career

Feel like I completely screwed myself and now feel hopeless
« on: November 20, 2017, 10:07:02 pm »

[Buddie]

I can’t help but feel like my failed Valium crossover and then all of the one off updoses that I very stupidly took to help me sleep have completely screwed me up. I’ve never felt so physically sick or mentally off. It’s unbearable I’m bed ridden and absolutely overwhelmed with terror and irrational thoughts 24/7. I don’t know what to do anymore I think I kindled myself so badly. I just wanted relief. This is my history:

Last year I did a daily liquid microtaper from February until November. I would liquefy one of my .5 mg tablets in 100 mL’s of milk and take our 1.2 mL’s a day until it was gone. So I got down to 1.5 mg’s around November of last year when I was slammed with symptoms/side effects and after seeking advice I decided to updose to 2 and then ultimately reinstate back at 2.5. This did not stabilize me at all and I wish more than anything I had just held at 1.5. In May of this year I had a failed Valium crossover. I then went back to 2.5 and tried a dry cut going extremely slow and only got from 2.5 to 2.375 cutting at a little less than 5% but I felt so terrible that I again went back to 2.5 and actually tried going to 3 mg’s for six days to see if I could get relief and did not so I then went back to 2.5 which is where I am now and have been for a few months with occasional 5 mg Valium updoses mixed in.

After 39 months of post-taper hell 68-year-old wants back on Xanax so he can live again

Better Off, Really?
« on: November 07, 2017, 05:58:24 pm »

[Buddie]

Well, I am 68. Off 13 years of benzos for 39 months now. To say this has been hell is being kind. I can’t think of a strong enough word. So, in the past years I seldom sleep. This has led to severe depression, extreme sadness, no life,no hope. I have aged externally and internally exponentially. Given my age I am believing now I would have been better off staying on. I know many heal, and I also know some do not. I am just venting here. I realize most comments will be stay strong and don’t give in and you will heal. I felt that way for many months and years. No more.

So, I am giving this through February. If after that I am not better, I am going back on and buying myself whatever good weeks or months I can grab. I can’t take years more of this. I see some have been 5 or more years struggling. Maybe if I were younger. I didn’t work 30 years and save money to now stay home and cry and hope. Which is worse really, no life or a short time of living again. Hmmmmm….

Angry addict’s rage puts two-year old at risk

Extreme Rage/Anger
« on: September 11, 2017, 10:23:00 am »

[Buddie]

I have this constant rage or anger where I just want to start screaming or punching walls. It lasts almost all day. I have zero patience with anything/anyone. Can anyone relate/validate this for me? When did it subside for you? I have a 2 year old daughter and I get so frustrated way to easily.

I need reassurance 

Re: Extreme Rage/Anger
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2017, 10:30:00 am »

[Buddie]

deep massage in the liver

it went away with time for me

Re: Extreme Rage/Anger
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2017, 03:05:03 pm »

[Buddie]

I’ve been having this on and off during my taper. It is very hard to not actually get very angry at something for me. I think the longest it lasted was two weeks but it seems to keep coming and going for me.

Ashton tapers cause amnesia

FREAKING OUT!! PLEASE HELP!
« on: July 01, 2017, 05:49:55 am »

[Buddie]

Ive been having EXTREMELY BAD short term memory problems for the past few days. I can’t remember yesterday, a few days ago, a week ago or a month ago. I’m a long term user. I have tapered to a low dose. And this just started. I feel like everything before today is just a black hole. I’M FREAKING OUT!!!!! Is this permanent? I’m seriously afraid. And i can’t handle this being a withdrawl symptom permanently or long term. Hopefully you guys understand this post.

Is this amnesia!?!?!
« Last Edit: July 01, 2017, 02:17:02 pm by [Buddie] »