Bucksfan - going off clonazepam (20 years) need help please.
« on: July 10, 2018, 07:46:21 am »
hi. my name is mike and i have been on clonazepam for 20 years (1 mg) and am tapering off it (down to 0.5 mg). i and am very sick and i think i have been in withdrawal for 15 years and never knew it. i have had hundreds of doctor visits and many hundreds of blood tests and they can’t find anything wrong with me.
the symptoms i have been having for 15 years are:
-terrible inflammation in my joints especially my sacrum and shoulders, neck and spine. has recently moved to my toe and sometimes my kness
-terrible and excruciating muscle spasms in my back, shoulders, right toe and my sacrum
–cannot sleep (4-10 hours per a week maybe)
-terrible pain in my right toe (epsom salt seems to help).
terrible constipation (seriously feel like i am gonna die from this)
-incontinence and trouble urinating
-random fluttering heart palpitations
–random twitching of muscles all over the body when i feel like i might have to go to the bathroom (#2)
–audible hallucinations (sounds like someone is clapping to boards together right when someone first starts talking. it’s a loiud CRACK! type noise
–visual hallucinations – when my dose gets to low to fast (was down to 1/4 mg) the wood panel on the door looked like a conveyer belt moving
–feel like my brain is floating outside of my head in the upper right front part.
-my face feels hot while at the same time my body feels cold and my temp drops to 96.3 randomly
the reason i think the clonazepam is causing all this is because i forgot to take a dose a few years a go and as the day went on my muscles loostened up and i could urinate properly. then i realized i forgot to take the dose. so i took the dose immediately and about 20 minutes after taking the dose my ears started ringing, i tried to uirinate and it was difficult again and then about 45 mins later my back muscles spasm’d as well.
so i was’t sure at the time why i felt better and then i missed a dose again and i felt better again – exact same thing as before.
then it happened again and that was when i thought wait.. maybe it is this clonazepam that is making me sick? so i intentionally didn’t take a dose for a couple hours and felt great and then i consciously remembered how i felt before taking the dose compared to afterward and it was apparent that this drug was making me sick all these years.
for the last 20 years i have been on it i have had terrible muscle spasms and i now suspect it has been this all along. can anyone confirm this might be the cause? the doctors cannot figure anything out except when i get too inflamed they give me prednisone which drops the inflammation and then the muscle spams stop.
so i started to taper off it about a year and a half ago and i am having terrible time with this.
can anyone help me with the terrible muscle spams and sleep problems or general advise.
please help me
« on: July 11, 2018, 04:21:25 am »
ambulance just left my house. was talking to my husband. i felt very dizzy. started to vomit and some stomach cramps. my legs shaking uncontrollably. felt like i was gonna pass out. then the chest pain and arm pain. called 911. ambulance came. ekg ok. blood pressure good. heart rate ok. they told me i was just anxious. didnt recommend i go to er. i literally felt like i was going to die right then and there. i have never felt anything so scary. i am still nauseous and my left arm hurts. about 50 days into my slow klonopin withdrawal. bam! out of nowhere this came. i was decent up until tonight. anyone can reassure? anyone have a nightmarish thing like this? i was feeling like i had to say goodbye to my kids for good. does this mean i should go back up and drop the wean. i cannot go through this every night
« on: December 09, 2017, 06:23:32 pm »
That is it. I feel confused and loopy. Dumbfounded and cloudy. Like I might be on the verge of going insane. Are these normal mental symptoms?
Feel like I completely screwed myself and now feel hopeless
« on: November 20, 2017, 10:07:02 pm »
I can’t help but feel like my failed Valium crossover and then all of the one off updoses that I very stupidly took to help me sleep have completely screwed me up. I’ve never felt so physically sick or mentally off. It’s unbearable I’m bed ridden and absolutely overwhelmed with terror and irrational thoughts 24/7. I don’t know what to do anymore I think I kindled myself so badly. I just wanted relief. This is my history:
Last year I did a daily liquid microtaper from February until November. I would liquefy one of my .5 mg tablets in 100 mL’s of milk and take our 1.2 mL’s a day until it was gone. So I got down to 1.5 mg’s around November of last year when I was slammed with symptoms/side effects and after seeking advice I decided to updose to 2 and then ultimately reinstate back at 2.5. This did not stabilize me at all and I wish more than anything I had just held at 1.5. In May of this year I had a failed Valium crossover. I then went back to 2.5 and tried a dry cut going extremely slow and only got from 2.5 to 2.375 cutting at a little less than 5% but I felt so terrible that I again went back to 2.5 and actually tried going to 3 mg’s for six days to see if I could get relief and did not so I then went back to 2.5 which is where I am now and have been for a few months with occasional 5 mg Valium updoses mixed in.
Better Off, Really?
« on: November 07, 2017, 05:58:24 pm »
Well, I am 68. Off 13 years of benzos for 39 months now. To say this has been hell is being kind. I can’t think of a strong enough word. So, in the past years I seldom sleep. This has led to severe depression, extreme sadness, no life,no hope. I have aged externally and internally exponentially. Given my age I am believing now I would have been better off staying on. I know many heal, and I also know some do not. I am just venting here. I realize most comments will be stay strong and don’t give in and you will heal. I felt that way for many months and years. No more.
So, I am giving this through February. If after that I am not better, I am going back on and buying myself whatever good weeks or months I can grab. I can’t take years more of this. I see some have been 5 or more years struggling. Maybe if I were younger. I didn’t work 30 years and save money to now stay home and cry and hope. Which is worse really, no life or a short time of living again. Hmmmmm….
Dealing with loss of income/job:
Here’s a message for everyone who has lost their job due to benzo withdrawal syndrome.
I ran into a guy I used to work with at a previous company from a few years ago. Here’s how the conversation went:
He said “Are you still working at (company)?”
I said “no, I’m still unemployed“.
He said “Really? What do you do all day?”
This was a question I wasn’t prepared for and at first I panicked and thought to myself “oh my God, what DO I do all day”? Then…it dawned on me…I’m fighting a secret battle to save my mind and my very soul. I spend all my energy researching this horrible curse, interacting with others who are going through the same thing and experimenting with the right diet and supplements to restore some form of normalcy to my life. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I am probably working harder than I ever have in my entire life 24/7 just to keep myself from going insane. And a wave of calmness came over me and all of a sudden I felt proud of myself for fighting the toughest battle I’ve ever faced.
This is our “job” now! Fighting Benzo Withdrawal Syndrome. And that is something all of us should be proud of. I don’t know many people that could endure so much physical and emotional pain, embarrassment, humiliation, guilt and anger all at once and still get up every day.
So I answered his question by simply saying “I’m working on something big”. And that answer was the truth, in fact, it was an understatement.
I just want everyone to give themselves a pat on the back for fighting this battle every second of the day and winning. This is our new job as far as I’m concerned. And it’s the hardest one we will ever have.
Hope this post helps everyone to feel good about themselves tonight and show yourself some compassion and love. You have all earned it.
Peace and love to all!
« on: September 11, 2017, 10:23:00 am »
I have this constant rage or anger where I just want to start screaming or punching walls. It lasts almost all day. I have zero patience with anything/anyone. Can anyone relate/validate this for me? When did it subside for you? I have a 2 year old daughter and I get so frustrated way to easily.
I need reassurance
Re: Extreme Rage/Anger
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2017, 10:30:00 am »
deep massage in the liver
it went away with time for me
Re: Extreme Rage/Anger
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2017, 03:05:03 pm »
I’ve been having this on and off during my taper. It is very hard to not actually get very angry at something for me. I think the longest it lasted was two weeks but it seems to keep coming and going for me.
FREAKING OUT!! PLEASE HELP!
« on: July 01, 2017, 05:49:55 am »
Ive been having EXTREMELY BAD short term memory problems for the past few days. I can’t remember yesterday, a few days ago, a week ago or a month ago. I’m a long term user. I have tapered to a low dose. And this just started. I feel like everything before today is just a black hole. I’M FREAKING OUT!!!!! Is this permanent? I’m seriously afraid. And i can’t handle this being a withdrawl symptom permanently or long term. Hopefully you guys understand this post.
Is this amnesia!?!?!
« Last Edit: July 01, 2017, 02:17:02 pm by [Buddie] »