Hearing things that are not there « on: April 07, 2018, 10:53:57 am »
Lately i’ve been hearing things / imagining things that are not there. For example:
* Phone ringing, i rush downstairs to find out that the phone had not been ringing.
* People calling my name.
* Hearing gas from the stove being turned on. I then often check the stove if it’s really on or not.
Am i becoming schizophrenic now? Or is someone just messing with me? 
Anyone else?
tate of stupor/ lightness In body/ DP DR/ feel extremely ill « on: January 25, 2018, 01:07:11 pm »
Anybody else have or had a Very Very bad state of stupor, I feel terribly chemically impaired, like a general anxiety 10x stronger. My brain feel Very wrong. I’m weak, fearful, with brain shaking.
I’m 7 months out and its getting worse
Re: State of stupor/ lightness In body/ DP DR/ feel extremely ill « Reply #1 on: January 25, 2018, 09:18:03 pm »
Bump… I know i’ve been posting a lot but It gets worse and It scares me, I got heart ache and My brain anxiety is Just off the charts :/ is It possible this far out to feel Just brain poisoned to this point
Re: State of stupor/ lightness In body/ DP DR/ feel extremely ill « Reply #2 on: January 26, 2018, 06:38:31 pm »
ive been whacked out of my brain for a very long time, (always dizzy, boaty, lethargic, etc etc) on through month 7 post, im actually in something of a window i guess, im not feeling great, but the horrible month 4 thru 7 wave has finally calmed down. dare i say im seeing a bit of actual improvement for the first time in this whole 2 year process.
More OCD? Afraid of thoughts and thinking. « on: December 31, 2017, 08:23:42 pm »
My mind is going nuts. This is going to sound incredibly strange, but I’m ‘afraid’ of my own thoughts.. And I don’t mean it in the sense that I’m having violent intrusive thoughts or anything that goes against my morals or beliefs.. I’m deathly afraid of ALL my thoughts, because they all feel intrusive.. They don’t flow smoothly into my mind, it feels like they come from somewhere else and they are always anxiously charged. I briefly mentioned this before, that my intrusive thoughts make me feel trapped in my head, especially when they repeat over and over and I get caught in a loop. When this happens, like this morning, I honestly start to feel like I’m going mad and I can’t think. It traps me in this perpetual state of anxious intrusive thoughts that just cycle through one after the other, with severe panic. I can’t seem to pull myself out of it when it happens. I try to reconcile this by telling myself that it’s all just withdrawal and nothing to be afraid of, but these feel like lies and almost don’t make sense. I’ve tried reasoning with them, I’ve tried just accepting that they are there, but nothing breaks the panic cycle.
If this is anxiety, I don’t know how I’m supposed to handle it because I have never dealt with anything like this in my life. And how exactly is this supposed to just mend itself once the withdrawal is over? I’m legitimately afraid of THOUGHT in general now.. How do you go about undoing this way of thinking/perceiving things once it happens? It’s like I’m always constantly consciously aware of thoughts now and I see them as they enter my head and they feel so strange and abrupt. I don’t want to live like this, I just want to go back to not thinking or noticing any of this stuff. It makes me feel insane and like I have no way out.
I’m so tired of feeling like my mind is an enemy. This isn’t anxiety that anyone should have to deal with.. I understand situational life anxiety, but becoming afraid of NORMAL human processes like thinking and breathing? It’s disgusting that this amount of torment is even possible.
I’ve honestly tried everything.. I just cannot see a way to beat this anxiety. All I can do is sit and suffer and just hope that maybe someday this will all heal on it’s own, but it’s getting harder to put all my chips on that as I get further and further away from my last pill. I mean, nearly 7 and a half months out and still worse than I was during tolerance and acute? I know, this isn’t uncommon, but it also seems like a lot of people are more mentally in control by this time in the withdrawal. Cold turkeying was one of the worst decisions of my life and it’s not anything I can take back or do over.
I almost want to pay someone to beat me over the head with something, so hopefully it causes some sort of amnesia and I can forget all about these things that terrify me, because they plague my thought process now.
Re: More OCD? Afraid of thoughts and thinking. « Reply #1 on: December 31, 2017, 09:41:15 pm »
Getting out of our own heads can be a challenge in this process. The best way I found to deal with it was to distract myself with something else. I know it sounds trite, but it does work. Distract, distract, distract until this phase passes. Then distract again if it comes back in a wave. Eventually the discordant thoughts will go away if they weren’t pre-existing.
Re: More OCD? Afraid of thoughts and thinking. « Reply #2 on: December 31, 2017, 09:42:41 pm »
I have these awful thoughts too. I was just thinking the other omg my brain hates me it’s fighting me. I know that makes no logical sense but I feel like it’s torturing me. And yes I know my brain is actually a part of me but in a weird way it feels separate and like these thoughts belong to someone else? It’s a terrible feeling I can find no relief except to wait it out.
Has anyone ever looked into a leaking Blood Brain Barrier? « on: March 21, 2017, 11:40:04 pm »
I see alot of similarities between our symptoms and people who have a leaky blood brain barrier.. I also see a connection between people who develop alzheimers who have the leaky BBB. This would explain people’s food sensitivities along with chronic fatigue syndrome
« Last Edit: March 21, 2017, 11:47:29 pm by [Buddie] »
Re: Has anyone ever looked into a leaking Blood Brain Barrier? « Reply #1 on: November 16, 2017, 01:25:38 pm »
I think you are onto something. Have been looking into leaky gut, and then found that changing my diet to a GAPS Intro Diet (all soup broth, meat, few veggies, super low inflammation), changed my symptoms. And now I think it is leaky brain.
The doctors say I shouldn’t be having this hard of a time with WD, and that I must be ‘sensitive’ to benzo’s.
I know your post is old but if you found anything out on this, I would be interested, and will be looking into it.
Dealing with loss of income/job:
Here’s a message for everyone who has lost their job due to benzo withdrawal syndrome.
I ran into a guy I used to work with at a previous company from a few years ago. Here’s how the conversation went:
He said “Are you still working at (company)?”
I said “no, I’m still unemployed“.
He said “Really? What do you do all day?”
This was a question I wasn’t prepared for and at first I panicked and thought to myself “oh my God, what DO I do all day”? Then…it dawned on me…I’m fighting a secret battle to save my mind and my very soul. I spend all my energy researching this horrible curse, interacting with others who are going through the same thing and experimenting with the right diet and supplements to restore some form of normalcy to my life. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I am probably working harder than I ever have in my entire life 24/7 just to keep myself from going insane. And a wave of calmness came over me and all of a sudden I felt proud of myself for fighting the toughest battle I’ve ever faced.
This is our “job” now! Fighting Benzo Withdrawal Syndrome. And that is something all of us should be proud of. I don’t know many people that could endure so much physical and emotional pain, embarrassment, humiliation, guilt and anger all at once and still get up every day.
So I answered his question by simply saying “I’m working on something big”. And that answer was the truth, in fact, it was an understatement.
I just want everyone to give themselves a pat on the back for fighting this battle every second of the day and winning. This is our new job as far as I’m concerned. And it’s the hardest one we will ever have.
Hope this post helps everyone to feel good about themselves tonight and show yourself some compassion and love. You have all earned it.
Peace and love to all!
