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Tag Archives: My brain feels weird I feel like I’m going crazy!

One beer sends kook over the edge

Posted on May 6, 2019 by Helper

Can one beer really do this? Or am I doing this wrong?
« on: May 06, 2019, 01:35:20 am »

[Buddie]

First of all, I think I have REALLY screwed myself over by trying to go off benzos CT twice (see sig for details). Jumped back onto .25mg K-pin (twice a day) and was feeling pretty darn good for a few days, decided to have a beer with a buddy two nights ago and it’s been downhill ever since. I’m crossing my fingers that it’s correlated, and I’m not gonna drink any more booze and hopefully I rebound soon. But at the same time I have a hard time believing that a single 12 oz beer (mind you, I’m in Utah so only 3.2% alcohol) could do this to me! Or maybe I’m doing this wrong? Do I need to wait to stabilize? I was planning on jumping down 10% in a few days, but maybe I need to start at a higher dose before I start to taper? I find this crazy!! I NEVER took more than .5mg K-pin in a day or more than .25mg Xanax before (and not very often used consecutive days) so shouldn’t .5mg be a high enough starting point??? I don’t want to go higher, I just want this to be over.

I am super new to this and have already made so many mistakes and I can’t afford to make any more. This drug is killing me and I’m not finding any door out of this. My nurse practitioner is little to no help to me, I’ve tried asking questions. I just don’t know what to do.
« Last Edit: May 06, 2019, 01:40:38 am by [Buddie] »

| Tagged Before Xanax I was self-medicating with beer! Up to 12 cans a day!, I've lost my mind!, Is it too late to change my mind about the cold turkey?, KLONOPIN® (clonazepam), My brain feels weird I feel like I'm going crazy!, My spinal cord feels like it's plugged into the wall outlet 24/7!, The party is over! No alcohol for me ever again!, XANAX® (alprazolam) | Leave a comment

Does Benzo Buddies cause schizophrenia?

Posted on April 17, 2018 by Helper

Hearing things that are not there
« on: April 07, 2018, 10:53:57 am »

[Buddie]

Lately i’ve been hearing things / imagining things that are not there. For example:
* Phone ringing, i rush downstairs to find out that the phone had not been ringing.
* People calling my name.
* Hearing gas from the stove being turned on. I then often check the stove if it’s really on or not.

Am i becoming schizophrenic now? Or is someone just messing with me?  :crazy:

Anyone else?

| Tagged Benzo Buddies is a nightmare!, Does Benzo Buddies cause schizophrenia?, HELP!, Help! I feel nuts!, Help! Should I take a rescue dose?, I can't bear to continue reading these posts! It's lunacy to continue such drawn out tapers!, I need help today!, My brain feels weird I feel like I'm going crazy!, Please help! I am miserable!, PLEASE HELP! URGENT!!, SCHIZOPHRENIA, Someone please help!, STOP THE ABUSE! | Leave a comment

‘I’m seven months out and getting worse’

Posted on January 28, 2018 by Helper
tate of stupor/ lightness In body/ DP DR/ feel extremely ill
« on: January 25, 2018, 01:07:11 pm »

[Buddie]

Anybody else have or had a Very Very bad state of stupor, I feel terribly chemically impaired, like a general anxiety 10x stronger. My brain feel Very wrong. I’m weak, fearful, with brain shaking.
I’m 7 months out and its getting worse

Re: State of stupor/ lightness In body/ DP DR/ feel extremely ill
« Reply #1 on: January 25, 2018, 09:18:03 pm »

[Buddie]

Bump… I know i’ve been posting a lot but It gets worse and It scares me, I got heart ache and My brain anxiety is Just off the charts :/ is It possible this far out to feel Just brain poisoned to this point

Re: State of stupor/ lightness In body/ DP DR/ feel extremely ill
« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2018, 06:38:31 pm »

[Buddie]

ive been whacked out of my brain for a very long time, (always dizzy, boaty, lethargic, etc etc) on through month 7 post, im actually in something of a window i guess, im not feeling great, but the horrible month 4 thru 7 wave has finally calmed down. dare i say im seeing a bit of actual improvement for the first time in this whole 2 year process.

| Tagged BENZO BRAIN, My brain feels weird I feel like I'm going crazy!, PERMANENT BRAIN DAMAGE, THIS TAPER FAILED, VALIUM® (diazepam), XANAX® (alprazolam) | Leave a comment

Seven months benzo free cult member wants to pay someone to beat him over the head

Posted on December 31, 2017 by Helper
More OCD? Afraid of thoughts and thinking.
« on: December 31, 2017, 08:23:42 pm »

[Buddie]

My mind is going nuts. This is going to sound incredibly strange, but I’m ‘afraid’ of my own thoughts.. And I don’t mean it in the sense that I’m having violent intrusive thoughts or anything that goes against my morals or beliefs.. I’m deathly afraid of ALL my thoughts, because they all feel intrusive.. They don’t flow smoothly into my mind, it feels like they come from somewhere else and they are always anxiously charged. I briefly mentioned this before, that my intrusive thoughts make me feel trapped in my head, especially when they repeat over and over and I get caught in a loop. When this happens, like this morning, I honestly start to feel like I’m going mad and I can’t think. It traps me in this perpetual state of anxious intrusive thoughts that just cycle through one after the other, with severe panic. I can’t seem to pull myself out of it when it happens. I try to reconcile this by telling myself that it’s all just withdrawal and nothing to be afraid of, but these feel like lies and almost don’t make sense. I’ve tried reasoning with them, I’ve tried just accepting that they are there, but nothing breaks the panic cycle.

If this is anxiety, I don’t know how I’m supposed to handle it because I have never dealt with anything like this in my life. And how exactly is this supposed to just mend itself once the withdrawal is over? I’m legitimately afraid of THOUGHT in general now.. How do you go about undoing this way of thinking/perceiving things once it happens? It’s like I’m always constantly consciously aware of thoughts now and I see them as they enter my head and they feel so strange and abrupt. I don’t want to live like this, I just want to go back to not thinking or noticing any of this stuff. It makes me feel insane and like I have no way out.

I’m so tired of feeling like my mind is an enemy. This isn’t anxiety that anyone should have to deal with.. I understand situational life anxiety, but becoming afraid of NORMAL human processes like thinking and breathing? It’s disgusting that this amount of torment is even possible.

I’ve honestly tried everything.. I just cannot see a way to beat this anxiety. All I can do is sit and suffer and just hope that maybe someday this will all heal on it’s own, but it’s getting harder to put all my chips on that as I get further and further away from my last pill. I mean, nearly 7 and a half months out and still worse than I was during tolerance and acute? I know, this isn’t uncommon, but it also seems like a lot of people are more mentally in control by this time in the withdrawal. Cold turkeying was one of the worst decisions of my life and it’s not anything I can take back or do over.

I almost want to pay someone to beat me over the head with something, so hopefully it causes some sort of amnesia and I can forget all about these things that terrify me, because they plague my thought process now.

Re: More OCD? Afraid of thoughts and thinking.
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2017, 09:41:15 pm »

[Buddie]

Getting out of our own heads can be a challenge in this process. The best way I found to deal with it was to distract myself with something else. I know it sounds trite, but it does work. Distract, distract, distract until this phase passes. Then distract again if it comes back in a wave. Eventually the discordant thoughts will go away if they weren’t pre-existing.

Re: More OCD? Afraid of thoughts and thinking.
« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2017, 09:42:41 pm »

[Buddie]

I have these awful thoughts too. I was just thinking the other omg my brain hates me it’s fighting me. I know that makes no logical sense but I feel like it’s torturing me. And yes I know my brain is actually a part of me but in a weird way it feels separate and like these thoughts belong to someone else? It’s a terrible feeling I can find no relief except to wait it out.

| Tagged Aren't you supposed to be healed?, Benzo Buddies Community Forum, benzodamagedbrain.org, Has my brain been hijacked?, Have you read the Ashton Manual?, I can't look in the mirror because it triggers obsessive thoughts about appearance and aging!, I feel nuts!, Is it too late to change my mind about the cold turkey?, My brain feels weird I feel like I'm going crazy!, SUCCESS STORIES, The reason I sit behind the keyboard is that I fear my own thoughts in the real world!, These pills are just bad news!, THIS TAPER FAILED, WELCOME TO BENZO FREEDOM! | Leave a comment

Medical researchers at Benzo Buddies discover leaky brain

Posted on November 16, 2017 by Helper
Has anyone ever looked into a leaking Blood Brain Barrier?
« on: March 21, 2017, 11:40:04 pm »

[Buddie]

I see alot of similarities between our symptoms and people who have a leaky blood brain barrier.. I also see a connection between people who develop alzheimers who have the leaky BBB. This would explain people’s food sensitivities along with chronic fatigue syndrome
« Last Edit: March 21, 2017, 11:47:29 pm by [Buddie] »

Re: Has anyone ever looked into a leaking Blood Brain Barrier?
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2017, 01:25:38 pm »

[Buddie]

I think you are onto something. Have been looking into leaky gut, and then found that changing my diet to a GAPS Intro Diet (all soup broth, meat, few veggies, super low inflammation), changed my symptoms. And now I think it is leaky brain.

The doctors say I shouldn’t be having this hard of a time with WD, and that I must be ‘sensitive’ to benzo’s.

I know your post is old but if you found anything out on this, I would be interested, and will be looking into it.

| Tagged BENZO BRAIN, benzodamagedbrain.org, CHRONIC BRAIN BUZZ, Do I have addict brain?, Does your brain feel like a "snow globe” inside your skull?, Has my brain been hijacked?, I fear that the doctor in the detox put some kind of device inside my brain!, I had what I called brain quivers! I explained it to the doctor and they said that there is no way that my brain could do that! Well it did!, It's as if there is a divider in my brain!, My brain feels like an undulating vinyl record!, My brain feels weird I feel like I'm going crazy!, PERMANENT BRAIN DAMAGE, Sometimes it feels like there is a hockey puck or a flying saucer traveling throughout my brain! | Leave a comment

Addict gives himself deranged pep talk in mirror

Posted on September 26, 2017 by Helper

Dealing with loss of income/job:

Here’s a message for everyone who has lost their job due to benzo withdrawal syndrome.

I ran into a guy I used to work with at a previous company from a few years ago. Here’s how the conversation went:

He said “Are you still working at (company)?”

I said “no, I’m still unemployed“.

He said “Really? What do you do all day?”

This was a question I wasn’t prepared for and at first I panicked and thought to myself “oh my God, what DO I do all day”? Then…it dawned on me…I’m fighting a secret battle to save my mind and my very soul. I spend all my energy researching this horrible curse, interacting with others who are going through the same thing and experimenting with the right diet and supplements to restore some form of normalcy to my life. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I am probably working harder than I ever have in my entire life 24/7 just to keep myself from going insane. And a wave of calmness came over me and all of a sudden I felt proud of myself for fighting the toughest battle I’ve ever faced.

This is our “job” now! Fighting Benzo Withdrawal Syndrome. And that is something all of us should be proud of. I don’t know many people that could endure so much physical and emotional pain, embarrassment, humiliation, guilt and anger all at once and still get up every day.

So I answered his question by simply saying “I’m working on something big”. And that answer was the truth, in fact, it was an understatement.

I just want everyone to give themselves a pat on the back for fighting this battle every second of the day and winning. This is our new job as far as I’m concerned. And it’s the hardest one we will ever have.

Hope this post helps everyone to feel good about themselves tonight and show yourself some compassion and love. You have all earned it.

Peace and love to all!

| Tagged ASHTON SYNDROME DOESN'T EXIST!, Benzo warriors? LOL, DRUG ADDICTS, I am currently losing my mind!, I am running out of money and will not be able to work for months if I survive this withdrawal!, I feel like I am losing my mind!, I've lost my mind!, LOL! WOW!, LUNATIC PARADE, MICROTAPERING MADNESS, My brain feels weird I feel like I'm going crazy!, OMG! Benzos have ruined my life forever!, PANIC, PITY PARTY, Who are all you freaks? | Leave a comment

Ashton disciples vow to remain bedridden as long as it takes

Posted on March 13, 2017 by Helper
Anyone disabled from withdrawl syndrome
« on: March 10, 2017, 03:58:47 am »

[Buddie]

I lost 13 mos of hell from this drug. Tapered well then crashed near end did not reinstate. Been in hell 13 months as I held for almost a year hoping I would stabilize. Started at 2 mg for sleep. Weaned down to 0.4 crashed been holding on .9 til last month. Started weaning from such a bad place.

Am I the only one debilitated in bed 13 months? Main symptom is my brain feels weird I feel like I’m going crazy. I won’t but it’s hell.

When does it get better? My little boy keeps asking me. Thank you. Plz

Re: Anyone disabled from withdrawl syndrome
« Reply #1 on: March 10, 2017, 05:11:51 am »

[Buddie]

Sorry to hear your feeling bad! I think we all feel trapped in a bit of a nightmare. A large portion of my symptoms seem to be that indescribable feeling of weirdness in my brain to. I personally make it out of bed, but with much effort. But I am going kind of slow. At least in my opinion. I haven’t been to school or work in a year due to benzos. I have that feeling of lost time to.

Re: Anyone disabled from withdrawl syndrome
« Reply #2 on: March 10, 2017, 05:20:40 am »

[Buddie]

I haven’t left my house in 2 months. I’m afraid to drive and afraid to see people. Been almost totally in bed for about a month. I manage to bathe and have simple dinners, but the pizza dude is named Tim and my husband are on a first name basis.

| Tagged Am I the only one debilitated in bed 13 months?, ASHTON SYNDROME DOESN'T EXIST!, Church of Ashton, I am going to take 12840 days to reduce 3.2 mgs of Valium!, I had to stay in the dark for two months and crawled to the bathroom!, I had to wear diapers one year it was so bad! Whatever!, I haven't left the house alone in almost nine months because my body spins into a panic!, MICROTAPERING MADNESS, My brain feels weird I feel like I'm going crazy!, TAPER FOREVER!, TERROR, WOW! LOL! | Leave a comment
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Thoughts of Bliss

“It was even suggested that Valium should be added, like fluoride, to the drinking water. Together people would be blessed both with tranquility and strong teeth.” – Prof. Heather Ashton, December 2011

“A woman is safer in a park at midnight than on a psychiatrist’s couch.” – David Miscavige, October 2006

“Instead of removing the conditions that make people depressed modern society gives them antidepressant drugs.” – Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, June 1995

“Nearly eight years ago, I first gained some very limited access to the Internet. I correctly diagnosed myself in about an hour.” – Benzo Buddies founder Colin Moran, January 2006

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“I must confess, I have thought about becoming either a phone sex operator or a cam sex operator, probs phone first. I wish I knew some girls who would show me the ropes. I can’t seem to get any info online.” – Benzo Buddies member Journey, September 2012

“Did huffing gas do this to me? When I was about 12 or so I huffed gas.” – Benzo Buddies member jr991, March 2011

“I have been told countless times at Benzo Buddies not to listen to my doctor. ” – Benzo Buddies member jessiccarabbit, October 2012

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“Benzo Buddies members are usually anti-psychiatry because they have suffered at the hands of the profession.” – Angela, Benzo Buddies member

“Who are all you freaks? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?” – Benzo Buddies member Whoopsie, February 2013

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