FLICKO THE SICKO

Flick was a rather colorful member of Andrew Bressler’s benzowithdrawal.com and Colin Moran’s benzobuddies.org (Colin would later ban him). As readers can see, from Flick’s cannabis-fueled ramblings below, he was crazy, and DEEPLY involved in cults, long before he ever took a benzo, or heard of Ashton…

Nice post NC it’s good to feel that connection with Spirit, wherever it comes from. Personally maybe I will get into a bit of “head” stuff here myself, since I am a man after all. I find it interesting that the three biggest teachers in my life of spirituality died in the past year. Maharishi, Sri Chinmoy, and Adi Da. I learned the TM thing when I was 22 and strung out on hard drugs and could not quit them. The TM worked for me. I did it for years. Now there is a lot of controversy around Maharishi too, like maybe he approache Mia Farrow sexually, but that has pretty much been debunked now. Certainly there has been a kind of “cult” grown up around him and the “yogic flying” seems pretty silly. Still TM saved my life and Maharishi and his teachings have been very beneficial to many. I can’t find fault with his ideal of “world peace” through the vehicle of many people meditating. Now it is is easy for the doubt mind to debunk anything “spiritual” and always throw out the baby with the bath water.

When I was a young ballet dancer in New York, I went to an intro with Sri Chinmoy and this was my first experience of a transmission guru. I felt an intense descending light and bliss in his personal company and also meditatiing on his photo. I became a disciple and wore all white and tried to be celibate and hung out with Carlos Santana and John McGlauphlin who were also disciples. Now I could not handle the sort of strictness with that guru and the two musicians also left in their own time, but that does not devalue Sri Chinmoy or his group in any way. he was very respected in the United Nations did some cool yogic tricks with lifting weights and so forth. His transmission was very real and quite blissful also. Also is was pretty cultic around him , as it always is around a charismatic transmission guru. people like to feel blissful.

I came across Adi Da in 1975 in New York when I heard “Garbage and the Goddess” on WBAI radio “IN the Spirit” by lex Hixon. I had a bad flu and was so moved by Da’s laughter, that I had a sudden and spontaneous lifting of the flu. I read the KOL and saw a “A diffiicult Man” and went to California to join the community. This was the only time I have every felt actual transmission from a book. I felt it in all of Adi Da’s books. For most people, including myself, a relationship with Adi Da is a mixed bag. I felt incredible light and clear and conscious bliss and also states of non separation or “non duality” around him just like he always described in his books. There was always a hard edge to being a disciple of his though. And a certain sort of “darkness” , but I would not necessarily say it is the community’s darkness or Adi Da’s darkness. We all have our dark side and I tend toward depression and fear myself. This is a pretty weird life. Of course Adi Da was not your usual teacher or guru. I know people who were around him in the inner stuff and some feel bad about it and others feel just fine. I never was around the inner stuff and only got the “trickle down” Some people say they were hurt. I don’t know any of them personally except for a couple ahnd they are both still very angry. So everyone who was ever with Adi Da is still trying to figure the whole thing out. many play the “gotcha” game and he is easy to play this game with because of his controversial activities. I think it is a good thing to call out abuses in any arena , whether it be political or spiritual. I would say that George Bush has dwarfed any guru in history with his abuse of the whole world . So is goes round and round and we always feel abused by life itself. But Adi Da has passed now, and people are still so angry that they are beating a dead corpse. Wow I would check out this anger thing.

I am pretty versed in the Traditions since I have studied extensively in Buddhism and under Tibetan lamas and also zen and vipassana. These are real practicing schools. I have never been much attracted to the Ramana lineage myself , partially because it can be pretty mental and I have seen the circus that Poonjaji created by creating all these mini gurus like Andrew Cohen and Gangaji, both of which I have seen and I feel to be real “talking school” so to speak, Just my opinion and preference,

But many love Ramana Maharshi and also Sri Nisardagatta and I respect that for their practice with their teachings. There is certainly and incredible radiance coming off the photos of Ramana and this is not to be discounted. I feel that your really can tell something about a teacher by their photo. This is an intuitive matter and not a mental one.

I have also spent quite a bit of tiime around Ammachi , the hugging saint, and there is a very strong transmission with her too. Of course, many people debunk her too. And certainly it is somewhat “cultic” around her. So what .

I gave lots of money to Adi Dam and to Adi Da personally although it was all underground. I am pretty broke now , but i do not regret it . I felt good about it at the time and felt like i was doing some good with my money rather than hoarding something that never really belongs to you to start with. Generosity is a founding principle of Buddhism. Money comes and goes, and we are closer to death every moment, Flick Rahke

https://nonduality.org/2008/11/28/adi-da-is-dead/#comment-1175

When convicted drug dealer Flick joined Benzo Buddies Colin forced him to change his name to Jetstream

new member post
« on: October 04, 2011, 01:26:47 AM »

jetstream

Hi folks, my name is jetstream, which says it all. I am cruising high and happy in the clouds these days. I did a 2.5 year taper off of 1.25 mg of klon, which I had been on for two years. I switched to 25 mg of valium and did a slow slow taper, which I managed very well in spite of various sx. I switched to liquid valium at 10mg and did a daily titration from there, which did make it quite a lot easier.

I have been off for three years as of Thanksgiving and am grateful very much. I still have a dash of dp/dr, which may resolve in more time and a tad of peripheral neuropathy in my fingers and toes. that is about it. not bad, eh? sure it takes time to taper and heal, but well worth the effort and a forum such as this is invaluable in the process. I hope I can contribute some positive input here . In my journey I have learned many valuable things. I no longer have anxiety disorder or panic attacks for a long time now. I am no longer depressed at all, and if fact am feeling very happy with life. and believe me, I went through my own private hell for years. hang in there Buddies. peace to you Jetstream

Rahke’s Ramblings – Memorial Day Edition: How Flick took LSD to get out of going to Vietnam

Re: Flickster Blog
« Reply #122 on: September 11, 2007, 11:21:49 PM »

Flickrahke

Hi anyone out there in benzoland  Good morning Vietnam  You know that movie don’t you?  Well that was my war.

yeah when I was 18 I got my papers from the U.S military to report to the induction center for my draft physical and induction into the army to go to Vietnam to fight.

What?

for heaven’s sake I was a hippie.

and I don’t like the idea of killing people I don’t know or being killed by them either.

I wrote on my forms that i was a member of every evil organization you could be part of including the communist party and even the Black Panthers and i am white.

I stayed up on LSD for 2 days before I went also so they would think I was crazy and flunk me on that score.

the really funny thing is that they did not flunk me on any of that stuff. I had a letter from my doctor that one third of my kidney was gone from a previous gunshot wound and that was all I needed. i did not have to go through all the rigamarole and lies . i was automatically disquaified. I could not have joined the service if I wanted.

the guy in front of me in line was very patriotic and trying to join the marines. They actually flunked him for having very flat feet. He was a big matcho guy and was weeping like a child when they flunked him. i was behind him and jumping for joy and shouting hooray when they flunked me.

i think he wanted to punch me out.

A lot of my friends came back from Vietnam junkies and in a lot of post traumatic stress.

Of course, they did not have to pull my arm to hang out with them and do heroin with them.

that’s how I got hep c.

After one year jail stint site mascot Flicko the Sicko spent a year living in a tent before being bitten by a tick

“Do not tell anyone outside here that you have suicidal thoughts LOL they will lock you up for even mentioning it”

Re: Be careful what you say!
« Reply #19 on: Today at 10:41:47 AM »

Flick

Unless you are now 80 years old and have lung cancer or emphysema, smoking will probably not kill you anytime soon, I would worry first about stabilzing, getting off benzos and getting your health together the best you can and then doing what you need to do to get off cigs. they are very hard to come off of. don’t feel bad about it. you need all your wits about you for that ,and being on benzos takes your wits away. Uncle Flicky

and do not tell anyone outside here that you have suicidal thoughts LOL they will lock you up for even mentioning it. I used to have a lot of suicidal thoughts and I only talked about them on this forum LOL I never got locked up for that either

Re: Be careful what you say!
« Reply #20 on: Today at 10:52:24 AM »

Smoke

You’re not my uncle. But thanks. I’ll throw them away one way or another.It’s probably not so much my lungs (they check out ok with an MRI). The pancreas is more my worry.

Re: Be careful what you say!
« Reply #21 on: Today at 10:57:12 AM »

Flick

Quote from: Smoke on Today at 10:52:24 AM
You’re not my uncle. But thanks. I’ll throw them away one way or another. It’s probably not so much my lungs (they check out ok with an MRI). The pancreas is more my worry.

Hey Smokey, don’t be so touchy about it. My name on the forum is “Uncle Flicky da water walker” that name is not “personal ” to you. I use it with everyone , even on facebook now LOL it is a fun name for me and not a toxic one at all, but a humorous one. you want a “toxic” name? Ask “texwatson” about that.

And , yes , pancreas can be a worry. After all, my buddy Patrick Swayze’s one bad habit was heavy cig smoking and he got pancreatic cancer and died young. but still, you can only do the best you can do with yur health, quit the cigs when you can and try to relax about it all the best you can Uncle Flicky

Re: Be careful what you say!
« Reply #22 on: Today at 11:03:32 AM »

Smoke

DUH Flick. Mom dropped me on my head a lot but I did manage to retain my sense of humor. And I have been on the forum for a long time so I do know who you are.Um,, who’s texwatson? Does he post much? Are his posts lengthy, helpful and informative?

Nostril damage from snorting pills causes nose picking leading to liver failure? Huh?

Anyone dealing with terrible nose problems??
« on: May 19, 2013, 04:34:19 pm »

[Name hidden]

I posted earlier about how I have reached bedrock as far as my nostrils go. Going on 6 months and I dont ever think I will regain anyutyp of lining in my nose. And the roof of my mouth is raw also.

Re: Anyone dealing with terrible nose problems??
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2013, 04:49:47 pm »

[Name hidden]

[…],
Ive been complaining about something like this for weeks. When I breathe in, the air feels too cold and sort of raw. And Ive had a runny nose for 9 monthes. (Watery, harmless but annoying.) The inside of my mouth feels raw and burns, even my throat and my gums itch and burn. Sometimes my teeth feel sort of metallic.
Is this anything like what you are feeling?
[…]

Re: Anyone dealing with terrible nose problems??
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2013, 05:36:15 pm »

[Name hidden]

Yep. My mouth has cycled through many changes from one end of the spectrum to the other. After c/t I had burning mouth as if I had a few habrenero peppers. My teeth feel like they contain a electrical charge. I tap them together and they feel hollow but echo in my skull. My biggest problem is my nostrils. I had a cold last week and for the first time in many months I had some color blow out. But i have pardon the pun but I have picked up a nose picking issue. This watery stuff summons me to constantly go after it. My finger has been in there way to long and so when i say I hit bedrock I mean I down to bone. And these intense violent sneeze attacks.

Re: Anyone dealing with terrible nose problems??
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2013, 05:47:10 pm »

[Name hidden]

I couldnt help it…I laughed when I read this. A nose picking habit! A friend and I have an ongoing joke about this as we both admitted to secret nose picking.
I live with a box of tissues in every room.
Unfortunately I lost a few teeth after my cold turkey…old crowns, mostly, one large filling (where food always gets stuck! Yeek!) and I broke one tooth. I know dentures are in my future but hell, I cant afford a dentist, even.
Could you possibly have allergies???
[…]

Re: Anyone dealing with terrible nose problems??
« Reply #4 on: May 19, 2013, 05:59:37 pm »

[Name hidden]

My entire life its been nuts and cats. No offense I know you have several cats. I cant single cats out, I am allergic to many breeds of dogs. But yes I have developed allergies. I started to get more concerned when I started to itch after i ate. It was Greek yogurt which I have never had befog9re. A member replied check your liver. Well I cant pop the hood and take a look so I did a follow up on some other blood work. Enzymes are in range and so are kidneys but that is not a real check. All of my intense reactions to smells and chemical sensitivity and also new allergies just adds to the pile of liver problems namely cirrhosis. I went on another forum and read those with end stage cirrhosis and all complained of weakness and debilitating fatigue which I no longer have. I can work 10 hours and the fatigue has been gone for about 2 months. My liver pain persists so I just live and eat as if I did have a serious problem. If I turn yellow I am going in and say look now doc, what do you think.

Re: Anyone dealing with terrible nose problems??
« Reply #5 on: May 19, 2013, 06:47:33 pm »

[Name hidden]

My sinuses feel like I have cement stuck on the walls of my cartilage. And everytime I sneeze it jolts my whole head and makes my whole body ache. It’s like when you have the flu. I also find myself digging for treasure constantly throughout the day. I’m obsessed with trying to clear it out that I have run dry of mucus in my nose. And to top it off it feels like the sinus muscles are swollen and adds to my list of breathing issues.

Rahke’s Ramblings: “Welcome to ignore you weird hippy a**h***”

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« Reply #7196 on: July 04, 2011, 05:19:40 PM »
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Yes, donny and nina, turns out my lesbian stripper friend just recently started dating men again. lol.  she does still have her regular lover girlfriend too.  her girlfriend is 50 and very nice and very smart.

I just came home from dropping her in the city and we had a great time at “Enchanted Forest” camp out rave party.   music all nite till 6 a.m.   one state outside and one inside the lodge , where they were also serving vegan food day and nite all nite.   great crepes, salads and raw deserts and cooked muffin desserts.

This was a beautiful boy scout camp in the redwoods.  a river was right there and we did some nude swimming and sunbathing there.    of course, there were no boy scouts around lol.    In the mornings , they had Indian kirtan chanting and yoga class.   hardly anyone went to those lol.   I mean , up all nite.    the ages ranged from around 18 up to people in their seventies. { a few}    mostly people in their mid twenties to late thirties.   a very good group of pretty mellow and loving people.   all into raving music and dancing.   there sure was a lot of sweet cannanbis smoke blowing around everywhere and people were quite happy and ecstatic.  these camp out festivals are fantastic.

I think I am going to one around my birthday on the July 23 in southern oregon called “Mystic Garden Party”   It is for 5 days  , but I would just go for 3.   then , next weekend it the African dance and drum camp campout in the Sierras for 6 days . I will go for 4 days.   they have drumming and dancing classes all day and then  music and singing around the large campfire at nite.   the teachers are all native Africans.   I like to smoke pot with them lol   they are some of the best dancers and drummers on the planet.     Uncle Flicky da water walker

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on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

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« Reply #7197 on: July 04, 2011, 07:15:05 PM »
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Flick, lay the f**k off my youtube chan and stop posting hateful remarks. Bit childish for a 60 year old. stuff like ha ha ha and saying someone posting something up that looked like me, since when have I been an a**h*** to you. You some across as pretty stuck up child, I only posted those vids to help people.

Honestly, there’s more nutjobs here than I’ve encountered. Do it again and I’ll report you. Don’t mess with me flick, let this be your last warning.

Welcome to ignore you weird hippy a**h***.

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Used valium and lots of zolpidem on and off for 3 years, didnt use daily and didnt develop addiction, could stop and start. Started again in December 10-15mg daily for 3 months and accidentally went into addiction mode. Freaked out and spoke with the doc and went cold turkey. Spent 3 weeks out of my mind then was told to reinstate at 2.5mg daily. 3 weeks later built a tolerance and started getting worse. Spoke to a proper shrink and went up by 30, realising that over the years there was no ‘set’ pattern, I’d down them like smarties when I wanted to sleep. Needing to go slow, don’t want to end up like I was in c/t when I couldn’t breathe, had severe vertigo and balance was off.

Now down to 19.

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« Reply #7198 on: July 04, 2011, 08:33:23 PM »
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Just a thought…. but the former member who shall remain nameless impersonates people.  My guess?  It wasn’t Flick at all who made a comment on youtube.  I could be wrong though.  Just a thought.

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Put on klonopin for a mis-diagnosis of temporal lobe epilepsy, which turns out, I didn’t have.  k made me very depressed, so I ened up on 3 different anti-depressants.  Eight years later, epilepsy was ruled out and I was cold-turkey’d off 3 mg klonopin and 3000 mg keppra.  Depression lifted entirely within one week.  I got very physically ill from w/d.  Four months later, developed tardive dyskinesia.  Began taper off 300 zoloft, 300 effexor, 300 seroquel, finished those tapers in October 09.  Seven weeks later, terror symptom began.  Next eight months were pure Hell.  July ’10, began 15 mg of remeron and 10 mg celexa, which reduced the symptoms enough to continue to heal.  Currently at 3.75 remeron and 10 mg celexa.  Feel 90 % healed at this point.  Continuing toward goal of drug freedom.

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« Reply #7199 on: July 04, 2011, 08:39:02 PM »
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Yea it was the former member. There was just a misunderstanding, lol.
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2 years of 1 mg Klonopin, did very rapid 3 week taper and jumped.
If someone is causing trouble here please put them on ignore, Here’s how! Go up to “profile”, then click on “personal message options”, then put their exact id in the big box and click “change profile”. That’s it, it should ignore their pm’s AND their posts!
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« Reply #7200 on: July 04, 2011, 08:42:49 PM »
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Yeah, it was him. Flick I apologise SINCERELY.
« Last Edit: July 04, 2011, 08:44:52 PM by Jam76 » Report to moderator    Logged

Used valium and lots of zolpidem on and off for 3 years, didnt use daily and didnt develop addiction, could stop and start. Started again in December 10-15mg daily for 3 months and accidentally went into addiction mode. Freaked out and spoke with the doc and went cold turkey. Spent 3 weeks out of my mind then was told to reinstate at 2.5mg daily. 3 weeks later built a tolerance and started getting worse. Spoke to a proper shrink and went up by 30, realising that over the years there was no ‘set’ pattern, I’d down them like smarties when I wanted to sleep. Needing to go slow, don’t want to end up like I was in c/t when I couldn’t breathe, had severe vertigo and balance was off.

Now down to 19.

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« Reply #7201 on: July 04, 2011, 09:49:18 PM »
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I wish I could sing like Steve Perry. haha this is an awesome song too.

 
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2 years of 1 mg Klonopin, did very rapid 3 week taper and jumped.
If someone is causing trouble here please put them on ignore, Here’s how! Go up to “profile”, then click on “personal message options”, then put their exact id in the big box and click “change profile”. That’s it, it should ignore their pm’s AND their posts!

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« Reply #7202 on: July 05, 2011, 02:00:36 AM »
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You want some feedback , jam whatever? go blow yourself.   you can hang with texwatson here from now on and don’t attack me on my blog.   this blog is my happy diary and not to be invaded by t roll types.   Uncle Flicky da water walker
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on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

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« Reply #7203 on: July 05, 2011, 03:24:51 PM »
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2 years of 1 mg Klonopin, did very rapid 3 week taper and jumped.
If someone is causing trouble here please put them on ignore, Here’s how! Go up to “profile”, then click on “personal message options”, then put their exact id in the big box and click “change profile”. That’s it, it should ignore their pm’s AND their posts!

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« Reply #7204 on: July 05, 2011, 04:09:15 PM »
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Jam76, never even think of posting on my blog again with your hateful and nasty vitriol. you are one deluded a hole.  you would do better off hanging out with the  t rollsters here like texy watson and marky { the famous “Mr. M”}  I don’t know what the hell you are talking about with your youtube stuff.  you might consider wising up a bit lol   {NOT}

Uncle Flicky da water walker

Well, I think I will stay home today instead of going to african dance class and dinner in the city. but I might change my mind in a while after sunning on the deck and working some.  I don’t have much food made around here anyhow.

Will be driving up to the Sierra’s  on sunday to start the african dance and drumming camp .

I am pretty sure I will go to the next camp out music and dance festival , the Mystic Garden party .  that starts on right at my birthday , which is July 23.   I might even take some real Ecstacy for my birthday, since I have never done that and life is an adventure.

Tomorrow is acupuncture in san fran and the dentist.  my temporary bridge for my front tooth fell out so I look like some kind of Appalachia backwoods redneck pot grower now lol.    Uncle Flicky da water walker

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on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

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« Reply #7205 on: July 05, 2011, 04:22:34 PM »
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By the way donny, good music vids. yes that is the best song Journey ever did. the only really good thing about Journey was Steve Perry’s voice and a couple of classic songs  they did like this one.   I do like the Crystal Method a lot though.    I guess i was born in the wrong generation, I left rock behind a long time ago and am only into electronica now and some ethnic and world music.   the early hippie rock was o.k.  like Hendrix, Led Zep and the beatles and so forth. that was all very good in its day.   Now rock is pretty much junk, except for some U2 stuff and so forth.    To me , also the old rock is boring and uncreative compared to modern electronica.   Uncle Flicky da water walker
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on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

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« Reply #7206 on: July 05, 2011, 04:26:19 PM »
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I am somewhat disappointed in andrew, our illustrious founder.   I really thought he had finally wised up to who Marky 49 is and his real mission on this forum and had permanently “dumped the trash” so to speak.   too bad he did not get it straight yet.   now he let marky back on and he is up to his old shenanigans.    was mostly peaceful and postive here without him  .  Get it together andrew, lol      Uncle Flicky da water walker
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on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

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« Reply #7207 on: July 05, 2011, 04:34:54 PM »
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I am somewhat disappointed in andrew, our illustrious founder.   I really thought he had finally wised up to who Marky 49 is and his real mission on this forum and had permanently “dumped the trash” so to speak.   too bad he did not get it straight yet.   now he let marky back on and he is up to his old shenanigans.    was mostly peaceful and postive here without him  .  Get it together andrew, lol      Uncle Flicky da water walker

Well, Flick, old Friend…Charlie Boy is still on “vacation.”
Guess you can’t have everything , at least for now.  You wished for the stars, but at least you got the moon.   JIMBO The Wise Sage of the South

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Last benzo use, around  April 26, 2010.
Got off by dry cutting fairly fast from 1 mg of ativan.
Not a doctor or health care person. Just offering friendly advice based on personal experiences.  Good luck, all my forum friends.  JIM

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« Reply #7208 on: July 05, 2011, 04:35:37 PM »
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By the way donny, good music vids. yes that is the best song Journey ever did. the only really good thing about Journey was Steve Perry’s voice and a couple of classic songs  they did like this one.   I do like the Crystal Method a lot though.    I guess i was born in the wrong generation, I left rock behind a long time ago and am only into electronica now and some ethnic and world music.   the early hippie rock was o.k.  like Hendrix, Led Zep and the beatles and so forth. that was all very good in its day.   Now rock is pretty much junk, except for some U2 stuff and so forth.    To me , also the old rock is boring and uncreative compared to modern electronica.   Uncle Flicky da water walker

Flick go to pandora.com and type in crystal method and it will make a radio station of just that style, haha.

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« Reply #7209 on: July 05, 2011, 05:52:10 PM »
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If any of you don’t want to spend an arm and a leg for a nice pair of headphones, treat yourself to a pair of these. I’ve been watching movies with these and they are unreal for the price.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/tech-data/B003LPTAYI

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« Reply #7210 on: July 05, 2011, 05:55:26 PM »
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Listening to Collie Budz right now. excellent stuff. i have been buying and downloading albums off I tunes. they got about everything. I can burn my own cd’s cheap for in the car.   wow, I have been reading up on the Mystic Garden Party and it looks beyond awesome. I am going to go for all five days.  this will beat hell out of Woodstock, no doubt about it,   much more advanced.    the hippie movement has actually come into its own with the newer,. younger generation combined with us oldsters in the movement.   for one thing, we are now dancing a lot more and a lot better.

I cannot believe the wonderful quality of the male dancers at the dance events i go to.  I grew up as a male in the dance and it was always a woman’s world there.  except for a whole bunch of gay dudes, but still it was ruled by women in general.   Men in our culture tend to be stuck in their heads and not much in their bodies in any kind of sensual way.  So you see these incredible stiff and unrhythmic dancers{ the white dudes lol} in the bars, mostly just trying to pick up women  and get laid.   pretty obnoxious really lol.

Now in the current hippie dance movement that really got going with the modern clubbing in Europe and the warehouse rave scene all over the world and merging more and more with spiritual and hippie values,  the men are pretty much on an equal footing with the women.  of course, black dudes always were at least pretty good, and mostly very good dancers.  now the young hippie guys at my dances are fantastic dancers .  I mean, just as good as the women.  very impressive and heart warming to me .  Of course, there has been a huge influx of ethnic dance classes all over the place including African and Brazilian, but still mostly women take those trainings[besides me and a few other men}.  so that does not explain it.  it is simply that guys have loosened up and they go to all these dances all the time. so they just get better and better. and , of course, so many are doing hatha yoga too these days, so men tend to be much more fluid and flexible than before.

to me this is part of the whole evolutionary movement of humankind.  I like it.

So this mystic garden party festival will be great.  my first african dance and drum master teacher, Chris berry will be headlining the live music.   he has a whole band now and is world famous.  there are theme camps this year{ like at Burning Man} and Chris is hosting an African dance and drum camp. that means that there will be drum circles and drum classes day and nite. I am going to bring a couple of my djembe drums with me to sit in the circles. i will also be jumping into the middle of the circle to do african dance solos.    it is fun to hear all the women in the circle giving you cat calls lol.    Only  a Leo like me would say that.   lol.

So this festival I am very excited about, even more exciting than the African dance camp.   Uncle Flicky da water walker

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« Reply #7211 on: July 05, 2011, 06:01:48 PM »
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« Reply #7212 on: July 07, 2011, 04:37:26 PM »
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Off to harbin hot springs for the dance tonite and nude hot bathing and steam and sauna.     back to harbin tomorrow for  hiking , swimming , more nude bathing   and an awesome dinner.   going to go look at my friends big outdoor medical grow around sunset then.     side of a mountain. nice.

many dances to choose from on friday nite.   then one day at home and off to the Sierra’s for african dance camp.  very busy with fun stuff in my  birthday month of July.     Whoopee      really look forward to “Mystic garden party

I think I have at least two beautiful woman riders with me for that one, maybe three    .  Uncle Flicky da water walker

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« Reply #7213 on: July 07, 2011, 04:41:49 PM »
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Off to harbin hot springs for the dance tonite and nude hot bathing and steam and sauna.     back to harbin tomorrow for  hiking , swimming , more nude bathing   and an awesome dinner.   going to go look at my friends big outdoor medical grow around sunset then.     side of a mountain. nice.

many dances to choose from on friday nite.   then one day at home and off to the Sierra’s for african dance camp.  very busy with fun stuff in my  birthday month of July.     Whoopee      really look forward to “Mystic garden party”

I think I have at least two beautiful woman riders with me for that one, maybe three    .  Uncle Flicky da water walker

Aw Heck,   Some guys have all the fun. Good Karma?
Have fun, Uncle Flicky…  JIM

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Last benzo use, around  April 26, 2010.
Got off by dry cutting fairly fast from 1 mg of ativan.
Not a doctor or health care person. Just offering friendly advice based on personal experiences.  Good luck, all my forum friends.  JIM

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« Reply #7214 on: July 07, 2011, 05:02:13 PM »
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No problem , Jimbo.  save up some money and come on out to the fun zone for awhile.   there is plenty more fun to be had this summer and into past october with the good weather in  the fall here   more festivals and harbin is always there. you are not too old to learn surfing either  , never too old to have fun. Uncle   Flicky    One has no excuse not to come to california.
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« Reply #7215 on: July 09, 2011, 01:23:33 PM »
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Had a great time up at harbin in Lake co.  it is a very beautiful , semi mountainous county.   the dj at the dance thurs nite was fantastic.  he played electronica in many forms from the eitghties and nineties and contemporary,  house music,   trance,  drum and bass,  plus the more “modern” stuff.   he has created an album combining kirtan chanting{ the guy has a great voice too} with electronica dance music.  pretty cool I bought the cd and have been listening in my car.Anyhow I had my usual steams and saunas and mineral  water hot soaks and swimming laps in the large spring water pool{ no chlorine at all than God}  .  finished with a great dinner in their fabulous restaurant.  they always have 2 chicken dishes , two fish dishes and two or three vegan dishes and always soups and salads and raw deserts. I had one of the best curries I ever had with a side salad and tofu. I had a raw mango mousse for desert and it was amazing too along with some organic gunpowder green tea from China from the Numi tea company which is local in Oakland.  great teas, some of the best.

There are a lot of organic outdoor marijuana growers up there in Lake Co. and I got to tour the one of one of my friends  .   full sun on the side of a gorgeous mountain and completely legal.   LOL   large, beautiful plants with wonderful smells.   anyhow, the law enforcement helicopters fly over every day, not to arrest anyone{ unless they are cartels with over the legal limit numbers of plants} but to check up and make sure they are o.k. and that there is no robberies or violence going on.    now that is a good use of law enforcement.

Getting ready to dance in Oakland in the morning, grab a lunch and drive off to the Sierras to African drum and dance camp.  I will be dancing again there on sunday nite and for the next three days after.  these Africans are not only master dancers and drum musicians but they also like to paaarty. there will be campfire parties every nite with singing and dancing .   these guys love it when I come to camp , because I bring my “goodies” lol.  and I share.A week from sunday is guru purnima day, which is the celebration of the guru or great teacher in Hinduism. I will go to a big celebration for that, which will include meditation and a lot of chanting .  then the next week off to Mystic garden party for a five day festival and camp out in south Oregon.  lots of dancing, swimming and so forth.   Uncle Flick da water walker

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« Reply #7216 on: July 11, 2011, 01:29:54 PM »
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did not make my African dance camp due to work schedule right now.   think I might try a regular surf or rent a paddle board and practice trying to catch waves. there is a lot of overcast here now , but good waves from a south swell.  I think I will have a protein green smoothie and get out there walking on the water.  I will get in some african dancing tomorrow nite however in san fran.  that is fun too . Uncle Flicky da water walker
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on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

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« Reply #7217 on: July 11, 2011, 03:28:28 PM »
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Hi Flick,
Thought i would stop by and say Hi. I am seeing some amazing transformation physically. The vegetarian diet some new supplements i am taking for the gym it is unbelievable . I have gone from a flabby 187 to 157 of toned muscle in a matter of three and half months. I knocked another mg off the poison too. I started a thread in the lounge on massage I am thinking of going to school and looking in to the healing touch courses. I love giving massages and have been told i am good at it. I want to start a career where I can give back and help others. I am not going to let B/W beat me it can just go to hell lol. Anyway looks like you have a busy Birthday weekend trip planned I hope you have a great time.
Take Care Anton
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Crossed from 1.5 mgs of Kolonpin to 30mgs of Valium stabelized 12/09/09. First cut to 28 mgs
01/05/10.Second drop 01/15 to 27 mgs 01/24 26mgs 03/15 24mgs 03/21 22 mgs 04/04 20mgs 04/16 19mgs 4/29 18mgs 05/09 17mgs 05/19 16mgs 06/09 14.5mgs 06/17 14mgs /07/07 13mgs 07/22 12.5mgs 08/04 12mgs 08/18 11.5mgs 08/28 11mgs 09/12 10.5 mgs.Lost my partner of ten years and like a fool updosed to 12mgs late 01/11 trying to get back on track big mistake 11.5 04/13 11mgs 05/01 10 mgs 06/12 9 mgs 07/07 Three years On Benzos starting with Ativan then Klonopin .Can’t wait to be free god help me

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« Reply #7218 on: July 12, 2011, 12:30:12 PM »
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Thanks for posting on my blog, anton. you are doing great with your taper and life these days. you have overcome a lot of obstacles,  and that is what life is all about, eh?Well here is something I got a laugh and hoot out of today.
sometimes, I look in at bb.
So he is harboring a guy who attacks me regularly {and also others from here} all over the internet, from facebook, to youtube  LOL.    Uncle Flicky da water walker
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“C IS NOT EVEN A REAL LIVING PERSON”

I did have a ballerina girlfriend at one point and also a bit later , a Roumanian girl who was a big time violinist in the symphony there in New York, I tried it a couple of times with a guy, that is my experience with it, although one roomate was always going at it with guys in our apartment, I got to hear a lot, ha ha Flick frak

No ,not gay, I decided to try it very briefly as an adult and did try it exactly twice, I did not get turned on and it was somewhat a fiasco, I am not sure what being attracted to women in their twenties and thirties has to do with gayness, or being single and not married,. Many older married men come out after years of marriage. I am not obsessed with it all like you, because i am not Catholically repressed. I do not consider women in their thirties and twenties to be “very very young women” i would consider women in their teens to be very very young, so why not go for it? just be your real self and come on out, Flik frack

Don’t pay too much attention to “texwatson” he is just an imaginary character dreamed up in the twisted mind of “Mike 59” who was foolish enough to pick the name of a sick and twisted Manson family psycho killer for the username here{due to Mike’s overly crazy fascination with the manson family} Flick

Mark 49 is the dumbest version of the Mike 59 troll. texwatson, with the obvious obsession with the Manson familiy killers is the most kinky and bizarre, which makes sense, since this character is pretty dumb but also kind of kinky and bizarre. “James” is the closest to the original, because “he” is the most obnoxious, toxic, and just nasty. “C” is rather bizarre because of the sudden change, but that was kind of an interesting effect. making him this whacked out pothead that he was attacking and then having “C” become his bosom buddy over nite and becoming “clean” ha ha. I wish these posts I put to remain, so when this all comes to the light of day, which is soon will, that people will remember what I wrote here and see how incredibly dumb they have been , buying this sick load of bull from the troll. pathetic reallly. Flick

Thank you , Julie for your common sense attitude that you posted here. a breath of fresh air in the midst of some rather narrow minded and hypocritical hysteria. sometimes these threads are like reading something from the movie “Reefer Madness” film that is now considered a comedy , but, as a propaganda film was taken seriously way back in the thirties. I don’t see any harm in coffee, but is is a stimulant, so many who are anxious{which is most who took benzos} or have trouble sleeping might want to be cautious about drinking it. depends on the individual. I can’t drink coffee myself, but i can use herbs with no problem . Heck marijuana does not impact me like coffee does . but I was never able to drink coffee after college. I think I had an overdose of espresso in an Italian place in Little Italy in New York when i lived there. ha ha that was the end of coffee for me. got wired over the top on three cups of espresso Flick

Yes, Mike 59, other wise know as scotty, holds the honor of being the biggest and nastiest troll here. been at it for quite a while. he was “laying in wait” for quite a while and then emerged from his cocoon to harrass as many as possible. gets a “thrill” out of it. Flick

Mikey 59 is off his five day ban now , and will be very activated here again in the form of his “sock puppets{imaginary and fake personnas}, “James”, “Mark 49”, “Texwatson{with the chosen user name of the Manson family psycho killer since MIke 59 is obsessed with Manson},“C”.
I love wednesdays. someday the w/d will be totally over too, not yet though ha ha

Yes, “abusive” to the troll who has hijacked this forum. he should be abused until he is outed by the light of day. This is not at all about “difference of opinion” or “freedom of speech”. this is about a troll deceiving and torturing people by using different sock personalities. this is not paranoia. the troll is the psycho one here. not me . If i had not been persistent about this here{and it truly is a pain in the butt} then this would just go on forever here, and it is not creating a healing forum to let this sick charade go on forever.

I will be glad to get back to more blogging . I will be glad to help some newer people{like I still do when they pm me} when this gets over, which I feel will be quite soon. Flick

no I am not wrong about any of it. and the proof of it will be shown.

Yes, Allison Kellagher used to describe the intense fear and anxiety that comes from benzos and w/d as “organic fear”. It is induced by the brain chemistry that was disrupted by the drugs, and not a lot to do about it except ride it out while the brain is healing, when it is very acute anyway. Flick

Looks like the troll put his “James” version down for the nite. haha or perhaps “james” went for his 7 hour bike ride. I hope you are following this , Andrew, so that I can tell you “I told you so” when this really comes to the light of day. this is shameful that this is being allowed here. Flick

Yep. “Mikey” or “C” has been obsessed with this doll thing for quite a while , obsessed with “dolls” obsessed with rats, this troll is a strange person to say the least. He gets very mixed up trying to play at being so many other people. mental suffering is pretty painful sometimes. obsessions really suck Flick oh he is obsessed with Charles Manson too. ha ha

Sorry , I will let the troll just talk to himself here all nite long . what a boring person. sits on his thumb and talks to himself all nite. wow

Mikey talking to himself again. who cares about a pic of Lyndon Larouche? no one knows who he is or what he looks like anyhow. hardly anyone on the planet has ever even heard of the kook . another “legend in his own mind” much like his brainwashed lil puppet.

“troll on board” the Mikey troll with his pet personna , “C” getting more clownish everyday buffoon clownish Flick

Yu can post your garbage “art” of reworked pics of me all over . who cares? I don’t . About as many people have heard of me as Lyndon Larouche

Hey Julie, thanks , when I was a teen in high school, there were always bonfire parties in the fall after the football games{ I was on the football team, if you can imagine that} these bonfire parties were all about getting drunk. everyone was getting loaded on whisky and beer. too bad really. I did it myself and am lucky to be alive with all of us teens driving drunk back then. some of us did get killed then , teens are still getting killed today drunk driving . bad stuff.

I go to dances and dance ecstatically with hundreds of people all at once. sometimes I do some pot vapor before. like tonite. not had much of late though. but still dancing . went to a hotshot Chinese medicine clinic today in San Fran. had a two hour consult and she gave me harbs to take for my chronic sinus stuff. I have a good feeling about it, but I will have to see how it goes. gave me instructions on “moxibustion” which is great. you have this stick of mugwort that you light up and it burns very slowly and puts out intense concentrated heat . you put it above your skin above various acupuncture points. it is like doing self acupuncture and the burning mugwort smells fabulous. very very relaxing. she also taught me some self massage on my head around my sinuses. they gave me some custom herbs too , next week they will start giving me a kind of sinus acupuncture. had a busy day.

I see that the troll caused such a stir that a thread I started on natural approaches to depression got axed due to too much fighting. well that would be the definition of a troll, to disrupt and create havoc, bad feelings , and chaos. we have a resident one here who also plays other characters he dreams up in his mind.

People seem to have sympathy for his “James” version, since it got banned , perhaps for good for all I know . I think I might post some emails “James ” sent me . I will post them here on my blog I think very nasty stuff and it tells how it works the forum with sock accounts , very nice

off to harbin tomorrow nite for dancing, hiking, soaking, swimmiing , and good food. I hope to get more health back over time ., but I am learning to be happy , whether that happens or not Flick

You might notice that the troll gets especially active late at nite with his sock puppets, because Andrew has retired for the nite, so no chance of getting banned for his shenanigans and trolling activities. and of course, Mike 59 rarely sleeps himself. he is on here day and nite. must be tiring, but , all that coffee keeps you going {and manic ha ha} Flick

the troll likes to talk to himself all nite long too much coffee, I guess , plus a large dose of schizophrenia, and paranoid delusions of grandeur. must be lonely though trapped in that bad mental cage. sitting on computers day and nite talking mostly to yourself what a silly image, but true enough sad but true, suffering comes in strange forms
Flick

Glad to see the troll activity is pretty minimal today here. made it to the market , which had some kind of harley biker convention in town an awful racket and the farmers were very upset by the loud adolescent noise of the weekend wanna be Hells Angels there. very loud and obnoxious. whatever , just one day. got lots of good veggies, fruits and greens . worked and will now attempt to get over to Bolinas for a surf , although the sun is going down earlier and earlier. don’t know how much I can get in before sunset. am not feeling that great either. but I like to push it. Flick

Hey julie thanks don’t know who the other woman was who posted but seemed nice enough well I guess ai was a bit wrong about the trolling activity. the troll gets pretty bored by nitetime and has been acting out on the cooking thread and of course drawing his fake socks out in support. same with Befuddled joke thread, flooding it with jokes for an 8 year old kid. very infantile and obvious. no one cares anyhow .

I will let the troll self destruct and get another one of his socks banned{like the “James” sock was banned again recently} The tactics are so much out of the “playbook ” of Lyndon Laroche, it is silly. I may have to post some of the yahoo emails that Mikey sent me under the guise of his sock puppet “James” remember that “James ” is not a real person. oh well, I will get some dinner. tired out. Flick

Hey Brent you are right about that. still, I am disappointed in you shmoozing up with one of the worst troll enablers here. not so good. but good luck. Flick

Yes, the whole thread has become very “MIkey” “bash and crash” “MIkey ” and his really really crass “creations” have fun talking to yourself ha ha I’m off to dinner. real food. Flick

Hey Matt , that sounds great to have some time for yourself in Thailand after what yu have been through it is a very healing and relaxing kind of place. I know that the Thai hospitals are excellent and much much cheaper than American. I know people who go to thailand for medical and dental care, because it is inexpensive and great quality. I have been to the islands on the other side, but not to Phukett town or Pi Pi. I hear Phukett is pretty busy and wild and Pi Pi is quiet and luxurious. Yes , I like Asian and southeast Asian women. I don’t know if it is because I just turned sixty, but I just don’t feel lonely at all anymore. I could have a wife or not, and it would make no difference to me one way or the other. I guess I am a committed bachelor, although I will probably go to thailand again and could easily “hook up”

My friend , Evan , who is an artist and also designs clothes that he has made mostly in thailand to sell out of his large pavilion each season at Harbin springs, will go live on one of the islands there this winter. his girlfriend lives there , she is Thai. He invited me , but I don’t have the time or money until maybe a year from now. Ashley, the young woman who works for him , is going there with her mom and sister and will hang with Evan there for several weeks. that sounds great,

Well I get to go to Kaui for a couple of weeks in either Dec or Jan, so I am satisfied with that.

They have these full on modern hospitals in Malaysia that specialize in treating with ozone . They have a new technology that delivers the ozone throughout the blood system safely and are having good results with a lot of diseases, including hepatitis. It cost on twelve thousand for a month stay with all treatments and herbs or whatever included. I would go to one of those places for a month if I had the money and time probably would get rid of my sinusitis and maybe even the hep c.

I had a pretty good day. the dance was really poppin, with good strong music and lots of people . I got a serious sweat on, felt very ecstatic and did a lot of yoga too. I got my 20 min super massage and went for a good lunch , did some shopping , and dropped a little medical weed off to a friend who has been having trouble sleeping, now that is a service if I ever saw one ha ha.

I got back to Marin Co. pretty late and made it to Whole Foods for some kombucha on tap. got some more groceries there and made it on home to here , now it is late 11 p.m. and I just finished my dinner, which I posted on the cooking thread. the day started out not so good , but evolved into something pretty awesome . that is how I intended it to be, I could have just moped at home over my problems and illnesses but i just kicked my butt in gear instead. that is my “secret” and was also my secret of tapering off benzos. now , I emphasize the word , “tapering”, because I also had the cold turkey experience first way back when , and that devastated me so much, that I could barely walk and it took months before I could hike or dance or anything else So a taper was certaintly much easier for me Flick

Jim, you did not get the whole pic yet. not many trolls , but one person troll with several hidden sock accounts creating false personnas to support his agenda.

one thing i decided on is that I will heretofore not address{“speak to”} the troll{Mike 59, Scott G} , any or his fake personnas{sock accounts such as “C”, “James”{if he ever comes off ban}, “mark 49”, “texwatson”, or any of the female troll enablers{the troll’s clueless “gang”] directly. not worth my precious time and energy to do so. I may comment on the trolling when I see it{which is pretty often} and I might post some relevant info on the troll and troll activiities, but that is about it. probably the info and comments I post will be here on my own blog. Flick

Hey Carl and Jim. I can’t think of any jokes and I don’t want to just copy and paste one, but just remember that “C” is not even a real living person He is just an image cooked up by the troll. that is what is called a “sock puppet”. so when you are addressing the “C” character, you are really addressing the troll . that is the reality. Flick

Mikey the troll is liking this thread, he uses two of his socks and maybe another on it. that shows an “interest” , a subject fond to his and Larouche’s hearts. anything “natural” is bad and evil. very Larouche. Flick

Hey Carl , I see the troll dug up your blog to hound you. I forgot you even had one. but the troll loves to dig through people’s blogs and bring old stuff up, even if it is years old. he has lots of time on his hands for his little “playground ” here. you don’t have to shut it down, just shut him down by keeping him off. the troll stays off my blog . Flick

I think I will take a break today at least. need to focus on my own healing and it is not the same for me to post on this forum on my own blog like it used to be. i used to post all my own fears, benzo w/d sx, my process in dealing with it, all personal and intimate things . for years, I got support for that here on this forum. things have changed radically since the Mikey troll took over and added all his fake sock accounts to back his dark garbage up. now he digs through my blog from over the years here, finds things that no one else would bother even looking for, twists them around, lies about it all and posts it all over the place.

so I mostly stopped posting here about my own physical and mental process of difficulties and also healings. I just get attacked for it anyhow. nice support forum it has become.

I even get stalked off the forum in the form of my yahoo email account and on Facebook by mikey the troll.

I think later on, I will post some of the toxic emails he sent me in the form of his “James” sock account. they are very relevatory as to how he works on this forum with lies and deception. Flick

This is pretty choice. “wake up and smell the coffee” coming from a complete caffeine addict in the form of excess coffee. If one want to call something a “drug” then caffeine would fit that much closer. it is physically addictive with a real w/d syndrome, it has side effects of anxiety, mania, insomnia, and digestive dysfunction, great for those in benzo w/d. The hypocrisy is rather obvious.

then the “road paved to drug hell ” ha ha. i really don’t think some niacinamide or peppermint tea {one of them “dangerous drug herbs”} is going to lead one down the road to “drug hell” hilarious . sounds like the propaganda movie “Reefer Madness” that people today look upon as a rather dated and old fashioned comedy. not reality. not at all Flick

So for MTV cartoon lovers, the question remains. Based on the “jokes” and “art” posted here , would one say that Mike’s created character , “C” , is based more on “Beavis” or “Butthead”. now this is a subtle distinction, since those cartoon characters are very similar to each other. Flick

I see the troll, Mikey is doing his wonderful “art” again. this guy is pathetic. Larouche really messed up his mind. Flick

Funny thing, that the “C” character has always been into organic psychelelics as a means of consciousness expansion. of course, that is before he “came out” as who he really is, that is the troll , “Mikey 59”. pretty funny stuff. Flick

A warrior must cultivate the feeling that he has everything needed for the extravagant journey that is his life. What counts for a warrior is being alive. Life in itself is sufficient, self-explanatory and complete. Therefore, one may say without being presumptuous that the experience of experiences is being alive.
~ Carlos Castaneda quotes from Tales of Power

Famous Quotes on: Attitude, Appreciation, Life, Warrior

Piss off nasty,angry, troll nut job. close all your silly, disruptive threads down, most were simply started to get into arguments. and you got your way and your thrills. very Mikey. flick

Remember that you are the one that posted the extensive article on the netopath referring to Mike 59. In fact you approached me via pm and asked why the obvious netopath here “mike 59” had not been banned already . now who here is psycho? not me. there are reasons I think that the troll has multiple accounts and personalities. I am finding out that that is often internet troll behavior, because they can get away with it. this is not paranoia but simple observation, and I don’t know how many I am right on, but certainly some . Flick

Yes, C, you are the one who brought out the netopath article, then you underwent a mysterious change. Also , I note that while you are talking , Mike 59 has been silent for a while. Not like him to remain silent very long. He seem to be getting his talking done through you, who i still suspect may be merely a sock puppet account of Mike59. Mike 59 is computer savvy, and is too interested in dominating this forum to not make use of sveral account, I think. You are one of several accounts that I suspect are really Mike59 and or his wife/partner. JIM

Well, still gradually but definitely recovering and got down to pt. reyes to the grocery to get fabric softener and some cinnamon raisin to make French toast with my fat organic eggs. got some veggies and fruits too. looked at the gym there, it is very small but looks like it has all the machines that I would use to buff up my upper body{need nothing for my legs with all the running and dancing I do} . it has aerobic machines to warm up with . very close to me and I would actually get to use it a few times a week, yippee. I like

I think eggs are going to to heavy for me. I forgot about that part. probably won’t stay with them. but they taste pretty good.

Aha another creepo posting on my blog I already told not to post here. the only user name I have ever mentioned on this place is the “texwatson” one , the name of a manson cult psycho killer, very bizarre user name that reflects the mind of the chooser. Sedv is a sock puppet that needs to stay off my blog too. stay off creepo. Flick don’t clog my blog anymore with any of your garbaage posts. you will get that sock banned too if you do.

I always need to remember the daily joys I find in life, in spite of various kinds of mental and physical sufferings that tend to also arise daily. things like benzo w/d and other chronic illness and pains and discomforts. things all being are subject to.

I also am very well aware of the fact that finding any kind of joy or comfort in times of acute benzo w/d and illness can be pretty much impossible. then it is a matter of holding on and “riding the tail of the tiger” often just blogging and venting and getting support from others is all one can do. I certainly have been through those times, sometimes for many months on end. it is a kind of hell or, really a “purgatory”, because that hell does get better and end. but it certainly feels unbearable and unending in the midst of it. of course, that is the worst that benzo w/d throws at you and , often, during a slower taper, many people do not experience that kind of hellish intensity.

So many in taper and benzo w/d actually can find joy in their daily life if they open to it and intend it. proactive is the way as much as you can. even after my c/t and 10 months of pure hell w/d, I would go outside and force myself to walk on my street in the neighborhood and just seeing some nice homes and knowing that there were people enjoying life in them gave me some solace. I would have moments of enjoying nature , just moments , but still there. it got easier and better over time, and I got more and more exercise and strenght too. walking outside is good.

Anyhow, yesterday , I had many moments of joy. I got stuck in heavy traffic on the way to San Fran and it was very irritating and stressful. but I got to the Clinic and got to lay back on the table and they gave me a hot pack for my chest, which felt great. and then the acupuncture needles , which were very relaxing. the a wonderful young woman came in and gave me a moxabustion treatment and head and sinus massage. very joy and comfort producing.

Driving over the Bay Bridge to Berkeley, you get a wonderful view of the docks in Oakland and the houses all through the berkeley hills. lots of sparkling lights on the docks and the hills. very beautiful to perceive and I felt very grateful to be able to see such beauty , God’s “artwork”

going the other way into the city, you are literally still at the level of some high buildings as you come into San fran on the bridge. it is magnificent. you are coming in over the water and it looks like you are descending to land as if in a commercial airliner. always gives me a thrill.

then I was walking in downtown S.F. just after my appointment and it was nice out, very beautiful city and that made me feel appreciative too.

I got to the macrobiotic restaurant in Oakland and had a wonderful and peaceful dinner, there were lots of people in there. older people , younger people, black folks, Asians, much diversity. made me joyous to be around such diversity of people enjoying such peaceful and healtful food.

I got to talk to Lobsang, the head cook after it quieted down a bit and he had just seen his teacher, the Dalai Lama the day before in San Jose., there were 14000 people there. { I found it amusing that Sarah Palin was in San jose the next day talking to a few hundred people and they made such a big deal of it on the news ha ha sign of the times} Anyhow, this cook got to sit up in the front row and he was pretty stoked by it. So that was my day. Oh I got to shop in the wonderful Whole Foods in Oakland and got a raw chocolate pudding desert , some laundry stuff and some greens and frozen fruit for my smoothies. much diversity of people shopping there, many many young and hip adults of all races who are interested in their health.

Flick

Go ahead if you want the late nite troll frolickng , Mikey. no is here to care anyhow. just pissing in the wind. I don’t really care, I am watching a movie and find your impotence here amusing enough. so frolic on, but you will not be posting on my blog tomorrow in the day ha ha. I don’t get people banned. they get themselves banned. sock puppets of Mike’s are good at getting “themselves” banned. a seedy mind is not my fault.

Amma dolls, pet rats and drugs – lots of drugs

Fancy rat

What’s not to love?

“Hey C, I don’t really appreciate you letting Mike the netopath post pathological lying about me on your blog. I would have thought you would not support that sort of stuff.  I have lived in a couple of houses the last couple of years that had rats, they are all over the place in these parts. The first house, I caught over twenty of them in ‘have a heart’ traps and let them loose outside down by the creek, because Idon’t like them in the house, I never had any pet rats personally. I don’t particularly not like them either, but don’t like them in a house. for one thing, they die in the walls and stink the place up. That is my ‘history’ with rats,  the real truth that I put on my blog ages ago,  without Mike’s filthy and pathological lying.

“I don’t ‘hug dolls’either. The Indian saint, Ammachi, hugs people as a form of spiritual blessing and I have had that several times. I talked about how the ashram produces little Ammachi dolls that the little girl kids like a lot and I bought one for fun and put it on my mantle. I can’t ever remember hugging it though. So this stuff from your local nasty netopath is all total bull, like most of the lies that come out of him, mostly lies, including non stop lies about himself.

“He is always hitting on the pretty young women who start posting here too,  personally I never stoop to that.  So you have fun conversing with your pet netopath. Flick

“By the way, I don’t particularly love rats and would love not to ever have any infesting my house where I live. There are still some hanging in the basement and I allowed my friend to put some traps down there. I will get cats to deal with it in the fall. Ridiculous to even have to talk about it, but the troll keeps bashing away with nonsense and lies. Flick”