Brainwashed woman wants divorce because husband refuses to believe cult dogma

Really!???
« on: May 03, 2021, 06:56:13 pm »

[Buddie]

I am the point I am contemplating divorce – […] to see if Im overreacting. Hubby was never really supportive of my taper. I have been through a lot- new mom, laid off – got new job and keeping the household together and paying bills. Right?! All while tapering! However, I feel that hubby discounts what Ive been through!!!! Everytime I bring it up? Ok but your better now so…ok but dont discount what Ive been through? Last night I commented on it and got a ok ok yea whatever youre done with that. How can someone who supposedly loves you treat you so poorly after everything ive done with a smile on my face for him? The one time I needed him he wasnt there and continues to not be :-\

Mayo Clinic recommends psych ward after wife loses everything to Ashton

Nursing Home until I become healed?
« on: December 09, 2020, 09:28:18 pm »

[Buddie]

After 2 years of being bedridden, unable to care for myself, I cannot live like this anymore. My husband has been doing his best to care for me, but I have not seen any signs of improvement. My mental function is gone. I live in extreme pain, with over 100 extreme symptoms daily. I am only 56 years old but living a life of a senior shut-in.

I am wondering if any of you know people who have ended up in a nursing home because of benzo injury? What happens when our only caregiver cannot take it anymore and wants to get on with their life? Then what? I am unable to go anywhere (have even cancelled all my dr. appts. in the last years), cannot shower except for maybe once every 5 days now, live in my unkempt bedroom all alone while my husband is out living his life. But, he wants to be able to travel, do outdoor activities, ALL the things we once enjoyed together, which kept us extremely busy. He has been leaving town here and there to do some activities but has to be back by dark because I cannot be alone in the dark anymore. My mind has been damaged and I no longer have any hope. I have not had any windows and I’m only getting worse.

The guilt is unbearable to me, even though I know I didn’t cause this injury myself. What am I supposed to do?

P.S. It took me a very long time to write this and everything I have to try to make sense of this post. I cannot express myself, even in writing anymore, let alone with words.

Re: Nursing Home until I become healed?
« Reply #7 on: December 31, 2020, 10:13:04 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on December 22, 2020, 10:03:02 pm
longing

First let me tell you that your post makes sense. As awful as you feel, you are very much coherent. Your sentences string together and your word usage is accurate. As challenging as it was to write, your cognitive function seems fine here.

Your husband is tired. It’s normal. Sometimes caregivers feel they aren’t allowed to struggle, because the person they care for is struggling more. But that isn’t true. It is really lonely to be a caregiver. It is hard work. It is frustrating. It’s normal that he wants his partner to share life with him. This doesn’t make him bad or unloving. I don’t say this to guilt you. More to shine a light on the big picture. Who cares for the caregiver?

I doubt a nursing home could do much for you. First, you would have to qualify by virtue of age. You are too young. Many seniors who are very disabled are waiting to get in to nursing homes. Nursing homes are very expensive, too. Also, it would be so disempowering.
It is like saying that nothing can be done and healing is futile. Maybe this age and money thing is only true in Canada.

You say you have over 100 symptoms every day. Bedridden. Cannot even bathe yourself. There is no improvement at all. So, this is a severe and rare case of protracted withdrawal. What have you done to improve your situation? Again, not to doubt you, because you have likely done many things. Recovery is an active process. It doesn’t happen just by waiting for it. Others cannot give it to us, no matter how well they care for us. Maybe if you list what you have done, then we can perhaps add ideas?

I wish you could find someone to talk to. Possibly locate an online therapist?

I have had many tests, even been to Mayo Clinic two times. They just want to put me into the psych ward because they don’t believe in benzo withdrawal. They tell me it’s just a severe case of depression. Well, of course, I’m depressed. Who wouldn’t in my situation? But I was never depressed or had any kind of mental illness until I became tolerant to the clonazepam. I was on it for over 20 years, daily. My life is gone. I have tried many supplements over the time I’ve been suffering, but none have helped. I take a multi vitamin daily and an adrenal support supplement. I have to take .25 mg. Trazadone to help with sleep, which is pretty much non-existent still. This is the reason I was put on clonazepam in the first place. I have chronic daily migraine and for years, I have not slept. My neurologist is the one who put me on benzos and now he has flat out told me that he doesn’t know anything about benzo injury and withdrawal and therefore, cannot help me. He actually told me that if I find someone to help to let him know. I wish his life would have been ruined, like he did to me. Horrible, horrible doctor!

One of my family members thinks that if I would just start smoking weed that all this will go away. I tried it…one puff…one time about a week ago. I became even more depersonalized and it was awful! Not for me. I hear it helps others though.

If I have to continue to exist in hell like this, I won’t. There are many who have not been damaged nearly as much as I have. Why does God not listen to me? I have been a christian all my life and have always prayed, but it’s like He’s not even real to me anymore.

Benzo Buddies kooks discover new fear: lawn fertilizer

Lawn fertilizer exposure - please talk me out of anxiety over this
« on: November 02, 2020, 06:02:32 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi guys,

I’m having major anxiety attacks over this… I’m hoping it’s irrational? My neighbor had her grass fertilized today. My husband noticed that some of our garbage had blown into her yard, so he walked into the yard while the sprinklers were running to pick it up then immediately got into our car to drive it up the driveway. I have to leave to pick up my child from school in the same car and I’m having near panic attacks about having to get into the car with fertilizer residue all over the driver’s side floor. I’m worried about inhalation or any kind of exposure to it. I don’t know if I’m reactive to fertilizer at all, but I feel so fragile in this state that I worry about anything and everything. Is there any reason to worry over this? Please help… I feel like I’m drowning in anxiety.

Cruel taper forced on 74-year-old?

Day 19 and terrified Please help is this normal?
« on: January 02, 2020, 11:12:29 am »

[Buddie]

Dear all
After a long difficult taper from just 4mgs of valium taken for 3-4 months and over a period of 17 months with a blip in the taper September 2018 wen in hospital for 3 days and put back to 4mgs from taper reduction down to 2.5mgs, since October 2108 tapered off suffering all way down with many symptoms , mostly fear related, but many others,
Tapered to zero with a DMLT for the last 2mgs and taking 4 months to reduce the last 1mgs reducing at 0.01mg a day ,

Now at day 19 and absolutely terrified, , Lots of symptoms, tinnitus (Severe) numbness hands face lips mouth teeth, toes

Little to no sleep. Agoraphobia, unable to deal with any stress at all, Major weight loss,

Please can you tell me is it normal to be this bad at 19 days off?

I don’t want to take anything just to know this is how it is and it will ease?

I am 74 and still cannot believe this has happened , shaking like mad, Icy cold, hands feet,

Teeth hurt nose hurts , not sure what to do as I cannot distract,

Just words of assurance I guess

Please help me

[…]

62-year-old woman at end of her rope after being abused by Benzo Buddies

Checking in after 4.5 years
« on: April 01, 2019, 08:04:08 am »

[Buddie]

Just wanted to stop by to check in as it’s been a few years. I bounced in to BB in 2014 whe I was about to get off my clonopin. I was a mess. Well I got off them and became more of a mess. Then put on Prozac and gabapentin.

Here’s my timeline now:

4.5 years off benzos
2.2 years off Prozac
2 years off gabapentin

Med free

It’s been grueling. I live all alone with no support except online. I had to keep working to stay off the streets which has been extremely difficult. I declared bankruptcy after I spent 12,000.00 on an amino acid therapy and countless other things I thought would help.

My symptoms are still extreme and all mental, psychological, emotional, spiritual and cognitive. I’m scared and alone.

I thought I would reach out to you all. I have had no windows or any breaks though I’m better than I was 4 years ago. In total it’s been about 10 years of hell on and off meds. So I’ve lost hope. 2010 was wake up call when I rapid tapered off Xanax and nearly died while unconscious. Fortunately my Neigbors found me and I woke up in a hospital with extreme hallucinations for 3 weeks. Once released I had to go back to work but couldn’t so they put me on clonazepam. On and on until I got worse and worse with more meds (ad’s)

Then found BB

Long story long road

Like many others

Anyway here I am med free and could use some hope if your not to busy

I’m 62 and it doesn’t seem or feel like I’ll ever heal. Maybe something else is wrong but had 2 MRIs and tests which bankrupt me. So now I’m just trying to keep a roof over my head.

All I want is to be well to feel love and joy and know what well being feels like again.

Thank you

Woman wasting away to nothing in grip of insane Benzo Buddies taper regimen

Family is now concerned
« on: October 03, 2018, 02:41:01 pm »

[Buddie]

I’ve been battling Benzo discontinuation syndrome for almost 3 years now. No one but my husband has really ever taken me seriously… must be your original symptoms coming back.. Yada Yada.. well this year my body just started wasting more. I’ve lost weight all along but this year 25 pounds and now I look sick. Now I’m being worried about and being told to see specialists by my parents. I don’t want to see them worry but I don’t have the energy to go through all the testing for all the symptoms I have. I also don’t want to be put under for an upper and lower GI. Their badgering now makes me think it’s something else.. it’s getting in my head and now I think I have cancer.

Re: Family is now concerned
« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2018, 10:09:57 am »

[Buddie]

First let me say, I’m glad your husband understands, at least you have someone on your team. Let me akso say, I know it’s hard to get the testing, physically and mentally hard to do…but if you do it, both you and your family can get done relief. Either they treat a bigger problem or they find nothing. Either way it’s a win win situation.

May I ask, off subject, has the lamictal helped you?

Re: Family is now concerned
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2018, 10:29:47 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on October 04, 2018, 10:09:57 am
First let me say, I’m glad your husband understands, at least you have someone on your team. Let me akso say, I know it’s hard to get the testing, physically and mentally hard to do…but if you do it, both you and your family can get done relief. Either they treat a bigger problem or they find nothing. Either way it’s a win win situation.

May I ask, off subject, has the lamictal helped you?

Hello, thanks for responding I did wind up making a appt. to get started with tests starting with blood work. I started the Lamictal the same time I started Klonopin in 2015. I’ve never increased my dose and don’t plan to but yes it did help me greatly at the time. I was having extreme rage and could not be a good parent. I was so hesitant but I had to and lucky for me I have absolutely no issues with it so far… now coming off might be a different story. What I do know is that I can miss a day of taking it and I don’t notice. I hear when I do decide to come off the anger will return but it’s the very last one I plan to remove.