Benzo Buddies taper regimen leave addicts disabled, in state of panic

Can't do anything
« on: August 15, 2018, 06:21:16 pm »

[Buddie]

Did quite a bit of housework today and then had a big panic attack. As if my body was telling me to rest. So the panic attack was prolonged and it has left me exhausted and I’ve had to come to bed. Now everything is too much. I have no energy to read a book or magazine and the noise from the tv downstairs is really bugging me.

So I’m lying here doing nothing but I have a nagging voice inside me telling me that I should be doing something or I will never get better. Is it normal to have absolutely no energy at all? Thanks.

Re: Can't do anything
« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2018, 06:43:39 pm »

[Buddie]

I have no energy at all on pretty much a daily basis. If your body is telling you to rest than please rest. It can only help , not hurt. you are not being lazy. In fact resting when your body wants to is a way to help heal in my opinion.

I have so little energy that its scary. Also extreme muscle weakness. From where I was at before fitness wise this is a total nightmare and a joke at how little I can do. I guess this happens in Benzo withdrawal. For me it was bone crushing fatigue and then weakness. Its been going on about 14 weeks for me.

Try not to worry, I know its hard. This is withdrawal and it will eventually pass.

FEAR OF SHOWERING?

Re: More anxiety when I shower
« Reply #12 on: July 09, 2018, 08:47:54 am »

[Buddie]

The first irrational fear for me was getting in the shower. It was puzzling but even though i have always showered at night i didnt that night. And since then its a struggle .some days easier than others. But its been constant.

Cult screwball tries GABA supplement, flips out, begs Ashton’s forgiveness

word of caution
« on: March 07, 2018, 08:23:12 pm »

[Buddie]

please do not move this post to the supplement section as I think it’s something everyone needs to see

i am going to be taking a break from BB for a little while due to lots of travel but wanted to post something – i am 9 months out now and had been doing amazing – then – in a frustrated moment with sleep – i decided to try – literally – a 1/2 capsule of GABA – i had used it years ago before z drugs, i had carefully carefully avoided all GABA impacting things until then – well – for 72 hours – i went back into acute – severe severe withdrawal – absolutely terrifying – no sleep in those 72 hours – my heart rate that had been back in the 60s went back to 100 – severe muscle pain, constant chemical induced panic – not anxiety – panic. so – for those of you who have been dabbling with GABA supplements thinking they will ease the burden of withdrawal – this experience showed me that – it is indeed true what the ashton manual says– that anything acting on GABA really isnt helping you but delaying or preventing healing…… withdrawal is horrible – and its just something you have to get through – i really believe that anything acting on GABA is going to hinder or prevent healing – so carefully research what you take – things like holy basil, ashwagandha, relora, passionflower, CBD – they all hit the GABA receptors. if you find you aren’t getting better – this may be why.

thankfully after 72 hours everything went back to normal and i learned a very valuable lesson. i suspect alcohol would have this same effect so will continue to abstain for a good long while – not worth the terror of what i went through in those 72 hours wondering if i had totally reset the clock back to zero… looking forward to my vacation in the sun and then lots of work travel – i am grateful to have reclaimed my life and will never risk my recovery again. I accept sleep will be up and down a while longer!

Benzo Buddies member agonizes over whether or not a cup of French onion soup will drive her insane

Am I screwed
« on: March 02, 2018, 02:32:25 am »

[Buddie]

I went out to dinner with my fiance tonight and had a cup of French onion soup. Well I got home and started feeling almost normal like. I actually feel good. Vision is clear and my head is not pounding I feel almost myself well I was reading some recipes online and in homemade onion soup they use alcohol in it? Im really wondering if I screwed myself over and there was alcohol still in the soup now I don’t know what to think and I’m hoping I didn’t blow my whole recovery I seriously can’t take much more of this bullshit. What do you guys think?

Re: Am I screwed
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2018, 03:08:45 am »

[Buddie]

Why not call the restaurant and ask the chef if they used alcohol in the recipe? They probably don’t, unless they say so on the menu, but it won’t hurt to ask.

Re: Am I screwed
« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2018, 03:14:50 am »

[Buddie]

Just said French onion soup and a price I just don’t get why I was feeling normal

Anti-psychiatry gang at Benzo Buddies unable to help terrorized cop’s wife

In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« on: January 13, 2018, 05:35:39 am »

[Buddie]

He came home yelling at me. He’s a cop. He was in his uniform and he pulled out his gun, waived it around then stuck it to his head and then said he was going to blow his brains out. I threw myself off the other side of the bed to get away. I covered my head and screamed for help. He left. I’m in shock. I’m in the worst stages of withdrawal from an inhumane taper. I already have PTSD. I don’t know if I’m going to be alright. I am safe now. I just keep hoping I will wake up tomorrow and this will have been a nightmare.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2018, 05:38:08 am »

[Buddie]

This is not good, you need to get out— he is coming back and you are not safe. Get out now and call 911 please.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2018, 05:42:34 am »

[Buddie]

He came back and locked the gun up. I locked myself in the bathroom until it was locked up. He’s crying. Idk what to do. I’m in shock. It took a few hours for me to stop shaking enough to use my phone. My heart is hurting physically. A lot of pain. Huge migraine. Dear God someone please save me. My daughter is at a school function for the weekend. There’s one good thing.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2018, 05:44:45 am »

[Buddie]

Don’t let her come home. Have to believe in people outside of this situation, that they will believe you and help.

Moderators can help with this. I have notified them.

Hang in there and breathe slowly.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2018, 05:48:43 am »

[Buddie]

Please no one call the police. Please. There’s no point.They will believe him […] me like when he hurt me before. He would never admit to them the truth. He’s already said that. Just please be there for me on here. Please

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2018, 05:53:35 am »

[Buddie]

http://msmagazine.com/blog/2015/10/26/police-wife-the-secret-epidemic-of-police-domestic-violence/

DO NOT CALL POLICE

PLEASE SEE ARTICLE

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #6 on: January 13, 2018, 06:33:12 am »

[Buddie]

[…], has your husband seen what benzo withdrawal looks like in his line of duty? Does he understand what it’s like? Does he understand what’s going on? Does he suffer from depression?

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #7 on: January 13, 2018, 08:03:39 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on January 13, 2018, 05:48:43 am
Please no one call the police. Please. There’s no point.They will believe him […] me like when he hurt me before. He would never admit to them the truth. He’s already said that. Just please be there for me on here. Please

I personally think you need to admit that you, and your child, are going down a path that historically doesn’t improve on it’s own and doesn’t end well for anyone involved. There are avenues that exist, including recording the violent encounters, and seeking an order of protection through the courts, that can free you from your situation.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #8 on: January 13, 2018, 08:17:15 am »

[Buddie]

If a domestic situation escalate, I think that a voluntary inpatient stay would make a lot of sense. A temporary safety and an opportunity to see if meds need to be adjusted. It’s extremely difficult dealing with severe withdrawal, and such difficult domestic situation at the same time. Safety always comes first.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #9 on: January 13, 2018, 04:43:13 pm »

[Buddie]

Are you okay?

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #10 on: January 13, 2018, 06:10:58 pm »

[Buddie]

Do you have any parents or aunts or uncles or cousins or old friends places, that you and your child could go stay with? I really think you need to find a place to go to. I hope you are doing okay.

TERROR AT TESCO

I went to TESCO today!
« on: January 02, 2018, 05:19:06 pm »

[Buddie]

In the car!! By myself!!!

I haven’t been able to go there to do any shopping at all for months and the whole ‘online shopping and getting someone to get bits and pieces in between’ has become so stressful I decided that was one of the first things I was going to try and do when I felt stronger.

Last night I had a better sleep and felt half-decent after lunch so decided to have a go.  I haven’t been able to drive on the main roads outwith the housing estate but thankfully TESCO is about 10-15 minutes away from the house but still within the estate.  However even if I get there, I can’t go in the normal way because there are traffic lights and I seem to freak out if I get ‘trapped’ anywhere like a queue or a busy roundabout or lights.  And then I figured out I could maybe park in the staff car park round the back which is reached via a side street before the main entrance to TESCO and means I don’t have to negotiate any traffic lights at all so that’s what I did today.  And then did a LOT of deep breathing in order to get out of the car and make it to the front entrance!

But make it I did.  I grabbed two filled rolls, two salads and 4 yoghurts, saw an empty checkout and tried not to hyperventilate going through it.  There was a Holland and Barrett shop in the same complex so I popped in there afterwards and got some papaya and pineapple as a snack treat then stopped at the cash machine on the way back to the car to get money out as well.  Three things I would have had to ask someone to do for me normally.

And I discovered the other good thing about the staff car park is that it’s pretty quiet so I was able to give a whoop of delight when I got back to the car without any men in white coats appearing to take me somewhere padded :laugh:

And then I took the car for a 10 minute run which involved going onto one of the main roads which did produce a mild panic attack but I was able to calm myself down once I turned off into a side street.

Now that’s a big deal for me because whenever the panic has started before when I’ve done something like that, it’s always just got worse and worse and no amount of breathing exercises or calming strategies have worked in the slightest.  As you can imagine, being the driver in a car when that happens and still having to have a 20 minute journey to get back home makes that a frightening experience and results in eventual avoidance.  So the fact that I seem to now be able to become calmer while still IN the car says to me that my brain is very definitely healing and reduces the terrible fear factor somewhat.  Well it reduces it in theory ……  ;D

Once home, I popped the shopping in the fridge and took myself off for a walk to celebrate.  Possibly being the only human being on the streets, it being a very wet and windy afternoon but you know how it is – you feel better and you just want to do some ‘normal’ stuff for a change.

I was able to go much further away from the house than I normally do although timewise my walk was only 5 minutes longer than yesterday’s but it was much more of a WALK if you know what I mean.  Yesterday I was tootling around the lanes and paths very close to my house and eking out the walk to give me a decent time – today I was properly walking on the pavements at a good pace and being ‘normal’ tired rather than ‘scared’ tired.

Which of course means I am now knackered, feel terrible and could go off to bed right this minute!! :laugh:

Still it’s nice to put a tick (for a window) in the notebook where I’m keeping track of what I take and how I feel on a daily basis instead of a cross because there’s been somewhat of an abundance of crosses lately :-\

Good start to the year eh?

Mother terrified of post-Ashton taper son

OK, I know I'm always asking questions, but...Hospital?
« on: December 16, 2017, 03:58:14 pm »

[Buddie]

Have any of you had your sx. of obsessive thoughts and psychotic thinking become so bad that you had to be hospitalized? Like making threats and becoming combative? My son has been like that lately. It’s not like him at ALL, he is very tall, and teachers, relatives, and friends have always called him the ‘gentle giant’. He’ll be fine (albeit dressed and anxious and hurting), and then just fall apart.

I could really use some input on this. He was fine before benzos and during benzos. So we (and our family doctor–yes we finally found one that had personal experience with protracted benzo withdrawal iin a young woman he treated)are all-but-certain it is the w/d.

White-knuckle, chest-thumping fear of flying without benzos

Flying tommorow and horrified
« on: December 13, 2017, 05:36:45 am »

[Buddie]

Hey friends, I’m really scared here. Taking my first flight tommorow since quitting benzos. I am horrified of not being able to do anything about an anxiety attack midair. I had my doctor call in a one time xanax refill but my wife is ashamed of me for doing so and is advising me not to even bring them because I will have a huge flare up of anxiety when they wear off. Been benzo free 16 months. Any words of advice on flying without benzos? Should I bring them in secret just to have? Please help!