Untreated paranoia puts mother-in-law at risk

need help being nice
« on: December 08, 2017, 02:59:56 pm »

[Buddie]

I am having a hard time being nice to anyone right now. In my mind, I think terrible things about everyone and get very aggravated thinking that their every move is about me and that they are being mean to me. My MIL is visiting until next Wednesday and I feel so stressed out.

Benzo Buddies member: “my mind thinks my own father is going to turn on the gas while we are all sleeping and kill us all”

I'm 17 months out and not well now was doing great
« on: November 22, 2017, 12:23:21 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey everyone. I really need some help. Around 12 months off I was doing so well. From 12-17 months off that is. I never had a window where all my symptoms went away but they died down in intensity. Like almost a volume switch was slowly being turned down. Anyway guys, my main symptoms in this have always been paranoia, intrusive thoughts, fear, and can’t calm down feelings. Well anyways, my mind would always feel fear all the time and it would turn my thinking to things to actually be afraid of. I’m really obsessive and once my mind finds something to obsess in fear over I’m done for. The things I’m afraid of “could” actually happen, but the likely hood of these things happening
Is rare but my mind somehow tricks me into thinking that it will happen to me. It always has to do with being killed somehow or another. Right now I’m obsessing over the propane fireplace my parents have in the house. So I bought a carbon monoxide alarm to put into my room to help soothe the fear of “exploding” of someone leaves the gas on or fear of carbon monoxide poisoning. I even bought a gas alarm detector I have plugged into the wall where the fireplace is. I spent 60.00 on this stupid thing. My dad sleeps down near the fireplace because my parents aren’t together anymore since 2009. I don’t really trust my dad and ever since I was in tolerance withdrawal and cold turkeyed my
Paranoia has been focusing on my father and the person who is going to do things to hurt me. I guess I don’t trust him because of his anger issues and verbal abuse. So now my mind thinks my own father is going to turn on the gas while we are all sleeping and kill us all. Isn’t that so crazy to think? This just came out of the blue too, no threats were made it’s just my mind. Please guys please send me some encouragement to go on. I haven’t been sleeping much at all, I’m having total fear, intrusive thoughts, it’s like all the progress I made just went out the window. It really is sad.

Benzo addicts lament glory days of getting high

So...tried pot
« on: September 18, 2017, 03:06:18 pm »

[Buddie]

I live in NV so thought I would try some pot. Being 67 and remembering the great times back when. The good feeling and calmness I felt. Well, not now. I tried it a couple of times and felt wired, with no sense of well-being at all. Never again. How messed up is my body that it doesn’t react at all like a healthy body. My cns is so out of balance. I really feel this is for the rest of my life. 38 months out lots have healed, but my insomnia and fatigue is pretty much holding the same. In a very sad way, I have accepted it finally. Early on really thought I would get a life back. Oh well, tell myself I had 55 or so quite wonderful years. Many have not had that, with or without benzo use. I am grateful for those memories, as that is what gets me through the long lonely days and nights. Hugs to all.😏

Re: So...tried pot
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2017, 03:08:09 pm »

[Buddie]

Oh that’s too bad. Maybe it’s the strain? Either way, that doesn’t like fun.

Re: So...tried pot
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2017, 03:13:29 pm »

[Buddie]

Oh, don’t give up now, […]!! I’m 65 and 42 months out. I have to keep telling myself I’m going to make it through this. I don’t want to have my immune system go down for some damned drugs I’ve taken. I tried pot, too, in earlier times. Had wonderful experiences on it before. Especially liked it for exercising. I should have stayed with it instead of being put on a benzo, but at that time I thought “do the right thing” since it was illegal. HAH!! What a crock. Now I don’t feel the same way at all and had to forget about pot. It’s just not the same feeling anymore, unfortunately.

Re: So...tried pot
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2017, 03:15:19 pm »

[Buddie]

If you tried a high THC strain, that’s why. I would suggest trying a high CBD strain instead. I don’t know how long you’ve been off, but high THC would throw many folks into paranoia.

Re: So...tried pot
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2017, 03:45:56 pm »

[Buddie]

That isn’t the pot from your youth. It’s so much stronger. I’d guess that most of the stuff I did in high school (easy 70s) was 5-6% THC (maybe 8% if we got really good stuff). Nowadays, it’s usually 20% or higher, and can approach 30%. You have to take that into account and go super easy on it when you’re first starting (or re-starting).

Much depends on the strain as some have eluded to. Some strains make me all hyper (good for getting things done, but not for calming down). Some mellow me out. Those are the ones I seek to help with sleep. Best relaxing/sedating strain I found so far has a lot of myrcene (a terpene) in it.

Another route, as […] mentioned, was to add some CBD to the mix. A lot of people like strains that are moderate in both THC and CBD. Some use strains that are almost all CBD. So many choices today, so much information. Not like scoring a dime bag of whatever was available (often little better than ditch weed) back in the day.

Going off doctor-prescribed medication brings back paranoia

Paranoia and insomnia
« on: February 15, 2017, 04:23:51 pm »

[Buddie]

How am I supposed to ever sleep again if I have paranoia that people want to kill me all night long…I’m 6 full months out of a cold turkey (my doctor did to me) and paranoia has been my biggest problem. Half the time I came even tell if the crazy shit I’m thinking is true or false. My body only feels terror and fear which makes it impossible for me to sleep. I’ve tried everything…music… mediation…the paranoia is just too scary!

Addict back on benzos after wild Mary Jane session ends in ER

Made a big mistake and paying for it- help!
« on: January 10, 2017, 08:45:36 am »

[Buddie]

So this weekend I was very stupid and tried medical marijuana (~15mg). Not completely sure why as I’ve never liked pot before and this was my first time having anything pot related in years. I chalk it up to being young and stupid and a little escapist. It gave me such a bad panic attack I went to the ER. Since I was hyperventilating, vomiting, etc and couldn’t control the panic on my own I was given a single Ativan dose, probably 2mg.

My question is- if there is a “hangover” from the weed, how long until it goes away and/or when will the w/d symptoms from the Ativan reach their max point?

I’ve been feeling horrible and it’s about two days out. Slept one of the two nights, I’m up again tonight with anxiety and nausea/heartburn. It’s not the worst w/d symptoms I’ve had but I work now and it’s getting debilitating. I took tomorrow off and now I’m wondering if I need to take the week as well… I know my chance of some of the more life threatening symptoms from w/d are low but my anxiety just won’t let me believe it :/

Edited for typos 🙂
« Last Edit: January 10, 2017, 09:24:19 am by [Buddie] »