Benzo Buddies hags claw each other’s eyes out fighting over who has it worse

Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« on: July 08, 2018, 06:14:25 pm »

[Buddie]

I always thought I was a strong person, until this experience with Benzos. I’ve been clinging to the edge of my strength and sanity since 9/2016. {I don’t have a sig up because I’m too traumatized to recount the details of my doctor forced CT}. The level of suffering has morphed from vomiting daily for a year every morning, into unbelievable head and neck pain, into severe dizziness and confusion. Amongst 100 other symptoms. Seems the layers to this never end. I’m questioning is it worth the suffering, when all I experience is a shift from nightmare to another. Without any light and hope. My goal has been to get to tolderable, just tolerable! And, I feel as though I’m going backwards, daily. The strain this has put on not only myself, husband (who bailed when I was in tolerance and didn’t know it, haven’t seen him in 3yrs), my beautiful children, and elderly parents has been unconchinable.

Does it truly get better? Or, is it really just some that are genetically luckier than other’s? I just want some reassurance that things will improve. I’m not looking for perfection. I need a reason to stay in the fight…….

Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2018, 06:32:28 pm »

[Buddie]

[…], yes things do get better.

I had a miserable 3+ year long taper with a year of recovery afterwards, but I gradually got to feeling better. I got most of my clients back, can now drive, see friends etc. And I moved twice!! But it was a long road on which I despaired that things would never improve.

If you want advice, I’ll give it: find a couple of BBs who feel as you do, but who are making progress and hang with them. It was my BB friends who helped me along through my ordeal. We cheered each other on, gave each other shoulders to cry on. One of my “gang” formed the Working Thread (because we all had to go to work) and we interacted there. It was very comforting.

Another great comfort to me was my therapist. She knew nothing about benzo w/d, but I educated her. She was always there for me. Alas, my partner not so much. I think we “wear out” those closest to us.

So those are two things that got me through my taper: BB friends and my wonderful therapist. A group that “gets it” . . . and one person who knows you inside and out and can be your “rock”.

Hope this helps you,

[…]

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #2 on: July 08, 2018, 07:38:24 pm »

[Buddie]

Thank you for the suggestions. I appreciate your taking the time to reply. Wishing You Speedy Healing

Re: Reassurance PLEASE……😢
« Reply #3 on: July 08, 2018, 07:39:01 pm »

[Buddie]

Your reason to stay in the fight is for your beautiful children and your elderly parents and for you because you are worth it. I believe with all my heart that you will get better over time. I have read how so many others have recovered and you will too. Like the other poster said, find someone similar to your situation and encourage one another. I will continue to pray until you get a break through.

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #4 on: July 08, 2018, 07:51:04 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on July 08, 2018, 07:39:01 pm
Your reason to stay in the fight is for your beautiful children and your elderly parents and for you because you are worth it. I believe with all my heart that you will get better over time. I have read how so many others have recovered and you will too. Like the other poster said, find someone similar to your situation and encourage one another. I will continue to pray until you get a break through.

[…],
Thank you….. Thank you……

Haven’t found anyone similar to my situation. I’m pretty severe.
My children….I Love Them So Much.

Thank you for your prayers. You will me in mine, as well.
Thank you…..

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #5 on: July 08, 2018, 08:34:13 pm »

[Buddie]

[…], you DID meet someone who was possibly WORSE than you!!! ME. I think you read my Success Story so you should have an idea that this is the truth.
Here is another truth: We ALL think we are the worst off! That is just human nature.

Okay. YES you will feel better. No one knows (yet) why some people have it so rough and have it last so long. But it does happen. I didnt truly feel “normal” until my 4th year.

Going through this was the hardest thing I have ever done. Without a doubt. But getting through it made me such a better person! I now know that I AM truly strong. I learned a lot along the way as well. I learned how to go to sleep normally. I learned how to deal with any anxiety I had and in all truth, I have little to no anxiety now. Just “jitters” when I start a new job, or do something new. Normal anxiety. I learned what caused my awful symptoms, and knowing that helped me immensely!

[…]. You sound like an intelligent person. I personally think that makes it a bit harder, because we KNOW too much! But being smart is also such a blessing as it will allow you to start educating yourself about all of this. And it truly is key to have a basic understanding of WHY you have these awful symptoms. The human brain is very intricate and complicated, but basically, all it is is a bunch of different chemicals that perform certain functions. Our brains do control everything about us. Benzos temporarily mess up all those chemicals. In a huge way. And then, when you take away the benzos, all hell breaks loose. Those chemicals are going to go up and down and cause crazy symptoms until they do finally get back to normal. And they will, given enough time.

I urge you to stay the course. If I can do it, you can, because I am NOT SuperWoman! LOL! Hardly. I am a 68 year old lady with a long and hard history of abusing various substances. Benzos were my downfall. Taking benzos was the dumbest thing I ever did, but getting OFF benzos was the best thing I have ever done. Amen!

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #6 on: July 08, 2018, 09:58:27 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on July 08, 2018, 08:34:13 pm
[…], you DID meet someone who was possibly WORSE than you!!! ME. I think you read my Success Story so you should have an idea that this is the truth.
Here is another truth: We ALL think we are the worst off! That is just human nature.

Okay. YES you will feel better. No one knows (yet) why some people have it so rough and have it last so long. But it does happen. I didnt truly feel “normal” until my 4th year.

Going through this was the hardest thing I have ever done. Without a doubt. But getting through it made me such a better person! I now know that I AM truly strong. I learned a lot along the way as well. I learned how to go to sleep normally. I learned how to deal with any anxiety I had and in all truth, I have little to no anxiety now. Just “jitters” when I start a new job, or do something new. Normal anxiety. I learned what caused my awful symptoms, and knowing that helped me immensely!

[…]. You sound like an intelligent person. I personally think that makes it a bit harder, because we KNOW too much! But being smart is also such a blessing as it will allow you to start educating yourself about all of this. And it truly is key to have a basic understanding of WHY you have these awful symptoms. The human brain is very intricate and complicated, but basically, all it is is a bunch of different chemicals that perform certain functions. Our brains do control everything about us. Benzos temporarily mess up all those chemicals. In a huge way. And then, when you take away the benzos, all hell breaks loose. Those chemicals are going to go up and down and cause crazy symptoms until they do finally get back to normal. And they will, given enough time.

I urge you to stay the course. If I can do it, you can, because I am NOT SuperWoman! LOL! Hardly. I am a 68 year old lady with a long and hard history of abusing various substances. Benzos were my downfall. Taking benzos was the dumbest thing I ever did, but getting OFF benzos was the best thing I have ever done. Amen!

[…],
Read your Success story a couple times. I just watch this weird brain stuff going on in my head would stop. Can cope with the rest. But, the brain stuff is so hard. Feels like fireworks and a LSD trip all at the same time.

Trying to accept all this intense stuff…. If I had truly been intelligent I would have NEVER taken a Benzo.

Thank you for your constant support, and encouragement. It means so much…. Thank You….

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #7 on: July 09, 2018, 01:13:01 pm »

[Buddie]

After 25 years, I did a CT. My husband died. Then, a reinstallation, with Xanax and sleeping pills. CT- again. I have been in a dark room, with hallucinations, until month 23. Have I had worse, than others? No. Everyone, lives in their own little hell, in their own way. There is no scale, on who has the most difficult. My best, and closest word, is Respect. If I wrote, that my symptoms were the worst, I would not have it. It is very difficult, for all of us. Right? :)
« Last Edit: July 09, 2018, 01:24:58 pm by [Buddie] »

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #8 on: July 09, 2018, 01:54:50 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey […], sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time.
I’m feeling much the same at the moment… Feel free to reach out as I completely get the
Strain on family (I’m living with my parents who practically have to look after me) and I’m not even close to jumping… But we can do this 👊🏼

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #9 on: July 09, 2018, 03:29:49 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on July 09, 2018, 01:13:01 pm
After 25 years, I did a CT. My husband died. Then, a reinstallation, with Xanax and sleeping pills. CT- again. I have been in a dark room, with hallucinations, until month 23. Have I had worse, than others? No. Everyone, lives in their own little hell, in their own way. There is no scale, on who has the most difficult. My best, and closest word, is Respect. If I wrote, that my symptoms were the worst, I would not have it. It is very difficult, for all of us. Right? :)

[…],
Not sure what you mean by your comment. I will respond how I think you meant it.
It was suggested to me to find a B.B. with symptoms similar to mine. I have yet to find anyone with symptoms similar to the severity of mine. None of us has fully shared every little thing they have experienced in this journey. I know MY truth and MY experience and have not read anything that closely resembles my journey. Certain general aspects yes, many other aspects no. To have it suggested to me that I don’t have RESPECT I find truly offensive. This forum, I thought was a place to lend support. I reached out for that support. Not to be kicked when I’m down. RESPECT is a word that maybe you should look at the definition. If you can’t help a fellow BB then don’t post anything.

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #10 on: July 09, 2018, 09:05:14 pm »

[Buddie]

[…], get a grip, please. You are pushing yourself into thinking you are so different from others here, worse, THE WORST, etc. And that is a total lie you are telling yourself. That lie will not help you, it will hinder your recovery.

You are NOT the worst off here. I have heard that so many times now it is a bit funny. When I was a Moderator here, we had several people similar to you, (and me-) people who truly thought they were the worst case ever. (And that includes me, because for a fairly long time, I thought I was the worst one here! And who knows, maybe I WAS!) But in the end, none of this really matters. What does matter is how much effort you put into helping yourself, by remaining positive, by learning as much as you can, and by trying to help someone OTHER than yourself.

I disagree with your feeling that most people dont try to tell the truth here. I did, on my Blog and Success Story. I attempted to describe the utter hell I lived in. I DID avoid yakking about it on this part of the forum, the Cold Turkey Dept.. I knew that I should fake it here, and tell the real truth “privately.” This strategy worked very well for me. I did not lie here, but I did avoid talking about how awful I felt, EXCEPT on my Blog and finally, in my Success Story. I think you know how difficult it is to explain these symptoms. It is beyond belief what some of us go through. Nothing prepared me for the hundreds of symptoms I had. It came as an enormous shock to this old Nurse.

You will get through this. Time is on your side, because the brain always tries to heal itself and almost always, it does.

Doctor-hating Benzo Buddies member forces friend fighting cancer to not take life-saving medication

Saved a buddy from a potential long agony.
« on: June 13, 2018, 02:30:12 pm »

[Buddie]

Got a call from a good friend. He’s been fighting cancer for sometime now and is taking 8 different meds a day. The whole process is really starting to make him feel bad. Boy when his doctor heard that he wasted no time scratching out a double script for kolonapin and Zoloft. As if the poor guy ain’t got enough problems already to deal with. He called me and asked what poisons messed me all up and when I told him he fired both meds in the garbage. He never took any thank god. It makes me so angry that these doctors push this crap without a second thought. All he said is that he felt bad about his health situation and that statement earn him 2 poisons that would of destroyed him.

Re: Saved a buddy from a potential long agony.
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2018, 02:32:14 pm »

[Buddie]

yup. 90% of the medical system is a money making scam. there is some limited good stuff, if you break a bone and those type of things. but staying away from chemicals is the key to good health.

Re: Saved a buddy from a potential long agony.
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2018, 03:28:45 pm »

[Buddie]

my hat is off to you for saving your friend from futher agony. these doctors these days shell this poison out like candy. they should be held accountable for this. keep up the good work!

Re: Saved a buddy from a potential long agony.
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2018, 03:55:57 pm »

[Buddie]

Good job. I had a friend recently also turn down ADs because she thought of me and my suffering, and then said, “No.”.

Re: Saved a buddy from a potential long agony.
« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2018, 03:57:54 pm »

[Buddie]

I think they use it as a gateway drug to get you on other meds $$$$$$$$ I will keep informing as many as I can for the rest of my life to help others not have to go through the hell we here on BB have and are. I did email a local tv station a while back about this benzo situation but I never heard anything from them. They seem to only want to run stories about pain meds. Benzos are 20 times worse. I’ll keep fighting.
« Last Edit: June 13, 2018, 04:33:46 pm by [Buddie] »

Re: Saved a buddy from a potential long agony.
« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2018, 06:11:02 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m 5 months out of C/T (uninformed) Klonopin. Horrible withdrawal experiences. I moved to a new town and got a new PCP. On my new history chart I wrote I was allergic to any and all antidepressants and benzos. The nurse reviewing my chart laughed when she read this. She said “You’re allergic…I can’t make it through the day without mine!” What kind of message is this sending out to us poor unsuspecting patients that unknowingly blindly trust these so called medical professionals?

Re: Saved a buddy from a potential long agony.
« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2018, 06:25:55 pm »

[Buddie]

I wish that my daughter would listen to me and take my wonderful grand daughter off the A.Ds and benzos that her Dr / Therapist prescribed. It breaks my heart that my clueless daughter would rather believe an unthinking and careless professional than her mother . By not listening to me she discounts all the evidence, knowledge and heartbreak that my recovery has brought to our family. I have given her access to all the information that is out there and nothing has helped change her mind. Gracie is seventeen and cannot make her own choices. All I can do is be there for her if the worst happens .

Re: Saved a buddy from a potential long agony.
« Reply #8 on: June 13, 2018, 06:37:08 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on June 13, 2018, 06:25:55 pm
I wish that my daughter would listen to me and take my wonderful grand daughter off the A.Ds and benzos that her Dr / Therapist prescribed. It breaks my heart that my clueless daughter would rather believe an unthinking and careless professional than her mother . By not listening to me she discounts all the evidence, knowledge and heartbreak that my recovery has brought to our family. I have given her access to all the information that is out there and nothing has helped change her mind. Gracie is seventeen and cannot make her own choices. All I can do is be there for her if the worst happens .

Oh […], that would drive me nuts! :tickedoff: I get really mad when I hear about children being drugged. I definitely sympathize with you.

Benzo Buddies member stops eating, has first window

7 months today and have had my first all day window!!
« on: February 12, 2018, 01:28:00 am »

[Buddie]

7 months today with a great window all day! What a nice suprise for me. Felt good mentally however physically still not there yet or afraid to push it. In the last month have started with diet changes. Dropped dairy products, most all red meat, all nightshade fruits and veggies. It seems to be helping alot. I have been making a special crock pot chicken, cabbage, carrots, onions, green bean and peas dish for myself daily to clear skin problems and it’s working quite well. Ad salt pepper garlic and a couple of chicken bullion cubes and it’s pretty tasty as well. I’m looking forward to more of these good days, what a long strange trip it’s been!! I choose not to fill any of physic drugs thE doc wanted to try on me in the last 7 months and now I’m glad I don’t have them to taper.

15 years Xanax multiple fast tapers
30 day rehab 10 years ago unsusfull
Home tapers cutting pills
Liquid K taper
Two year slow taper finished July 11 17
7 month free from benzodiazepines today!!

Benzo Buddies Bedridden Club throws a party

Re: ~~The Bedridden Club~~
« Reply #1089 on: January 27, 2018, 04:19:54 pm »

[Buddie]

It’s going to be a bad circle of all, getting so sad because I can`t do anything. My home is a mess. It feels like I’m stuck, nothing will happen to anything.

Re: ~~The Bedridden Club~~
« Reply #1090 on: January 30, 2018, 02:29:27 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi […], I feel exactly the same. I am looking round this room at the moment and there are so many things to do and yet I can’t get motivated to do them. My Mum came to see me yesterday and it was so difficult talking to her. This is my own mother!
I know there is a pile of pots downstairs waiting to be washed but I am in bed and cannot summon the energy to do them. Maybe I might be able to do them later, I don’t know.
I’m glad this group is up and running again. Please chip in, anyone who is bedbound for physical or mental reasons. Or both.

Re: ~~The Bedridden Club~~
« Reply #1091 on: January 30, 2018, 02:50:58 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on January 30, 2018, 02:29:27 pm
My Mum came to see me yesterday and it was so difficult talking to her. This is my own mother!

Don’t feel bad about it, this happens to many people during withdrawal, me included. Last Sunday a cousin came to visit me, but I didn’t even come out of my room. I know it’s rude, but I just didn’t have it in me, I simply couldn’t do it. I stayed in my bed all day.

Re: ~~The Bedridden Club~~
« Reply #1092 on: January 30, 2018, 02:51:27 pm »

[Buddie]

In bed daily with mental; a year off all meds and so much worse-feel it has to be toxicity in my case…keep getting more and more symptoms…

Re: ~~The Bedridden Club~~
« Reply #1093 on: January 30, 2018, 03:10:03 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m so sorry for your situation, Brainwarp. Everything you went through in your taper was in order to feel better when you were eventually off the tablets and now you feel worse. I hope you improve soon. Meanwhile stick around this thread. It got your answer and an answer from Ginger in about twenty minutes so it must have some relevance to quite a few people.

Ginger, thanks for your answer. I do feel bad when family members come to visit and I find myself looking forward to the next day when they are gone. The worst one is when my bf’s parents come and stay for two or three days. Thinking about that now makes me feel scared. Sorry you couldn’t see your cousin.

I managed to get up and wash the dishes. They will have to dry by themselves….

Benzo addicts jealous of opioid addicts

does anyone else feel frustrated about the amount of attention on opioid WD
« on: August 09, 2017, 10:34:34 am »

[Buddie]

It is hard not to feel angry about the amount of attention being given to the opioid problem and the amount of financial support or resource support going to opioid use / withdrawal……. i suspect benzo WD is far more profound a problem but because benzo use is associated with anxiety and many of the WD symptoms appear to be “psychological” – we are dismissed …….. i know anger is not a productive emotion but yesterday saw a press conference with President Trump and how he’s tackling this and it was hard not to feel angry….. i worked so hard in corporate america for 20 yrs – 50-60 hour weeks – paid a fortune in taxes and yet there is no help and i could lose everything for taking a prescription given to me following a surgery and used according to the instructions provided…… from people i know who got off opioids – their WD is not fun but its nothing compared to this…… we deal with both GABA and dopamine receptors being screwed up …… you read stories where people say getting off heroine was easier…. what does that say? feeling very frustrated by this….

FDA MedWatch Program campaign failing, only 277 kooks fill out complaints to date

“277 reports may not be enough!” – panicked Benzo Buddies member

Benzo Buddies claims to have 33,085 members yet can’t rouse a paltry 1% of them to fill out a complaint to the FDA. The tiny, secret Facebook groups have perhaps 2000 members combined (most join multiple groups in order amplify the self-pity they can wallow in everyday as they talk about how bottled water can send them into a wave) but despite hounding by zealots can’t get more than a handful of their members to do this.

Kooks compare themselves to people murdered by terrorists, want benefit concert

Benefit concert
« on: June 07, 2017, 03:46:46 am »

[Buddie]

Ok, so they had a benefit concert for the injured in Manchester, England after the terror attack. They raised $22 million. Where the hell is our benefit concert for those of us who got injured by benzo’s and Z-drugs and lost our jobs and are on disability and with no health insurance and trying to make ends meet? Something is so wrong in this world. The terrorists are Big Pharma and we are the victims.

Re: Benefit concert
« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2017, 05:48:48 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on June 07, 2017, 03:46:46 am
The terrorists are Big Pharma and we are the victims.

Well said. Unfortunately the rest of the world doesn’t see it that way.