SHOCKING CULT DEPRAVITY

“My hand picked up raw meat from the counter and tried to put it in my mouth… my brain was telling me to eat non-edible objects”

binge eating
« on: September 18, 2018, 01:49:36 am »

[Buddie]

While I was on benzos, I ate a lot. It was another way to cope with stress. (Along with alcohol and isolation). During my w/d alone I lost 20 pounds. I’m 26 days benzo free now and my really difficult mental sxs are starting to go away. Within the past week however, I have been overeating including binge eating. I did have a difficult social engagement on Saturday that I’m recovering from. Have my mental sxs shifted to behavioral coping like bingeing? I’ve also been hiding and hoarding food and eating alone. I’m grateful I’m not dealing with the really difficult thoughts as much but the overeating behaviors are really not healthy. Anybody else experience overeating post w/d? Is it a part of coping? A sign that I continue to heal? I feel if I restrict, the negative thoughts will come back. It’s hard for me to moderate. Thanks for your shares and thoughts

Re: binge eating
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2018, 01:57:05 am »

[Buddie]

Yeah. I lost over 30 pounds (~14kg) from my acute, and when my stomach recovered and I could eat again I managed to put all of it back on in about three months.

Re: binge eating
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2018, 02:09:42 am »

[Buddie]

Thanks for posting, […]. Did you binge eat? Why am I bingeing? I know I’m doing it and I know it’s unhealthy. I’m obese. I don’t need to put it back on. I want to get my healthy weight back that I had before I started any of these f’ing psych meds.

Re: binge eating
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2018, 12:16:48 pm »

[Buddie]

I have constant obsessional craving to binge every moment I am awake. I have been fighting it since end of last year.

It got so bad when I was off completely my brain was telling me to eat non-edible objects, my hand picked up raw meat from the counter and tried to put it in my mouth.

I crave sugar and carbs which I never did prior to this.

Re: binge eating
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2018, 02:02:34 pm »

[Buddie]

It’s like when illicit drug addicts gain weight – new “sober” sensations make things different. Food tastes amazing to me. It’s normal but needs to be controlled. A tip I have is drinking water with red cider vinegar – helps fill you up.

Re: binge eating
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2018, 03:39:28 pm »

[Buddie]

I haven’t experienced this YET in withdrawal, but I can certainly identify with the binge eating when I was still on kpin. I too lost quite a bit of weight when I jumped. I don’t know the answer now, but just wanted you to know I understand am right there with you! Hang in there.

Quote from: [Buddie] on September 18, 2018, 01:49:36 am
While I was on benzos, I ate a lot. It was another way to cope with stress. (Along with alcohol and isolation). During my w/d alone I lost 20 pounds. I’m 26 days benzo free now and my really difficult mental sxs are starting to go away. Within the past week however, I have been overeating including binge eating. I did have a difficult social engagement on Saturday that I’m recovering from. Have my mental sxs shifted to behavioral coping like bingeing? I’ve also been hiding and hoarding food and eating alone. I’m grateful I’m not dealing with the really difficult thoughts as much but the overeating behaviors are really not healthy. Anybody else experience overeating post w/d? Is it a part of coping? A sign that I continue to heal? I feel if I restrict, the negative thoughts will come back. It’s hard for me to moderate. Thanks for your shares and thoughts.

Re: binge eating
« Reply #6 on: September 18, 2018, 03:40:56 pm »

[Buddie]

Yes! Food tastes SO much better to me now! Love the cider vinegar tip. Thank you.

Quote from: [Buddie] on September 18, 2018, 02:02:34 pm
It’s like when illicit drug addicts gain weight – new “sober” sensations make things different. Food tastes amazing to me. It’s normal but needs to be controlled. A tip I have is drinking water with red cider vinegar – helps fill you up.

Re: binge eating
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2018, 04:29:11 pm »

[Buddie]

I can’t taste or feel anything in my mouth properly.

Sometimes things taste rotten and disgusting.

Gratitude for psychiatry

Benzo Buddies alcohol experiment

5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« on: April 28, 2018, 01:20:38 pm »

[Buddie]

I am 5 months off of 1mg Klonopin after 6 years of daily, as-prescribed use. It should be noted that I wasn’t well-educated about benzo withdrawal until after I jumped, so my taper was pretty fast in retrospect (0.25mg cuts every 1-2 months).

Aside from anxiety/anger, muscle tension and episodic bouts of lethargy, I’ve been in a pretty good place since the start of month 4.

I know it’s frowned upon, but I’ve been having ONE beer every two months or so to see how I react. In my mind, this is the way to tell if/when I’ve completely healed (when I no longer experience negative effects from a single drink). I’ve never been big on alcohol, so I’m not worried about trading one dependence for another or anything like that.

Anyway… Here’s my latest report.

4/27/18
16oz Coors Light at dinner
(I drank it pretty quick and didn’t nurse it)

Tinnitus (only lasted about an hour) 1/10
Muscle tension 6/10 (worse when asleep)
Sleep sweats 3/10 (not as bad as previous times)
Flatulence 5/10 (still not as bad as previous times)
Neuro weirdness (Eyes darting around/coordination issues/brain zaps 5/10 (not as bad as previous times)
Anxiety 3/10 (mindfulness that this will pass and is par for the course helps- no outright panic)
Overall lethargy 5/10

I’d like to point out that the weird “burning” sensation in my legs has completely gone away after having a drink, so that’s exciting.

I definitely feel “hungover,” but nothing crazy. I do know that sometimes a few of the effects lag and don’t show until a solid 24 hours later, so we’ll see what tonight brings, I suppose.

Does anyone else occasionally try this method? At first I was strictly no alcohol at all, but… I’m angry. I’m done. I want normalcy returned to my life. And dammit, I will get there. :P

***I don’t recommend this method to anyone. This is my own experiment but surely I can’t be the only one.***

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2018, 01:35:26 pm »

[Buddie]

5 months off and feeling pretty good, you are lucky!!!

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2018, 02:03:42 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on April 28, 2018, 01:35:26 pm
5 months off and feeling pretty good, you are lucky!!!

Thanks! Yeah, I really am. Especially considering I tried CTing about 3 years back. I only lasted maybe 3-4 days before reinstating at full dose because I turned into a monster. It was bad. I have tremendous support from my husband and friends, which has been so helpful.

I try to keep a positive outlook, because I refuse to be beaten by this.

Swift healing to you!

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #3 on: April 29, 2018, 08:37:38 am »

[Buddie]

let us know how it goes, I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine since new years. But I had a glass each time over 4 5 hours haha still too scared to drink how I used to. I’m sure we’ll get there we just need time unfortunately.

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #4 on: April 29, 2018, 04:42:38 pm »

[Buddie]

Alcohol is called liquid Benzo in this trip. Chose for yourself. You’ll heal faster without it.

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #5 on: April 29, 2018, 06:41:33 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on April 29, 2018, 04:42:38 pm
Alcohol is called liquid Benzo in this trip. Chose for yourself. You’ll heal faster without it.

Some truth to this, although I’ve never heard it called liquid benzo. They both affect the same receptors (GABAa), which may be why the burning went away after a drink.

Even at six years off I rarely drink, but when I do I limit it to 1/2 glass of wine as alcohol has led to borderline panic a few hours later, and I am normally never panicky.

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #6 on: April 29, 2018, 06:49:27 pm »

[Buddie]

I’ve never been a big drinker and I didn’t have an alcoholic drink until I was sure I was healed. I didn’t want to do anything to derail the slow progress I had towards recovery. Once healed I’ve been able to enjoy a glass of wine or a margarita on occasion. I don’t feel any negative effects from the drink. I am a one and done kind of person, no refills for me.

[…]

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #7 on: April 29, 2018, 10:10:25 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m personally too scared to go near alcohol, I’ve heard too many horror stories of it ramping up people’s symptoms and I feel bad enough as it is. I would be careful with your experiment, tolerating alcohol is not the best litmus test for healing. If you have a bad reaction I would wait a good while to test the waters again.

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2018, 10:12:53 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote
Once healed I’ve been able to enjoy a glass of wine or a margarita on occasion

Me, too. I have a (small) glass of wine maybe twice a week with dinner. No problems.

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #9 on: April 30, 2018, 12:42:39 pm »

[Buddie]

I am scared to even use rubbing alcohol on my skin.