LUCKY NO. 7

CULT OF VICTIMHOOD

Victim playing (also known as playing the victim or self-victimization) is the fabrication of victimhood for a variety of reasons such as to justify abuse of others, to manipulate others, a coping strategy or attention seeking.

By abusers

Victim playing by abusers is either:

  • diverting attention away from acts of abuse by claiming that the abuse was justified based on another person’s bad behavior (typically the victim)
  • soliciting sympathy from others in order to gain their assistance in supporting or enabling the abuse of a victim (known as proxy abuse).

It is common for abusers to engage in victim playing. This serves two purposes:

  • justification to themselves – as a way of dealing with the cognitive dissonance that results from inconsistencies between the way they treat others and what they believe about themselves.
  • justification to others – as a way of escaping harsh judgment or condemnation they may fear from others.
By manipulators

Manipulators often play the victim role (“poor me”) by portraying themselves as victims of circumstances or someone else’s behavior in order to gain pity or sympathy or to evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering, and the manipulator often finds it easy and rewarding to play on sympathy to get cooperation.

Other types

Victim playing is also:

In corporate life

The language of “victim playing” has entered modern corporate life, as a weapon of use even for the most competent of professionals. To define victim-players as dishonest may be an empowering response; as too may be awareness of how childhood boundary issues can underlay the tactic.

In the hustle of office politics, the term may however be abused so as to penalize the legitimate victim of injustice, as well as the role-player.

Underlying psychology

Transactional analysis distinguishes real victims from those who adopt the role in bad faith, ignoring their own capacities to improve their situation. Among the games Eric Berne identified as played by the latter are “Look How Hard I’ve Tried” and “Wooden Leg”.

R. D. Laing considered that “it will be difficult in practice to determine whether or to what extent a relationship is collusive” – when “the one person is predominantly the passive ‘victim’”, and when they are merely playing the victim. The problem is intensified once a pattern of victimization has been internalised, perhaps in the form of a double bind.

Object relations theory has explored the way possession by a false self can create a permanent sense of victimisation[10] – a sense of always being in the hands of an external fate.

To break the hold of the negative complex, and to escape the passivity of victim-hood, requires taking responsibility for one’s own desires and long-term actions.

Hail Xenu: Boozer joins pro-Scientology cult looking for answers to hangover questions

if only i'd known!
« on: April 21, 2015, 03:08:48 am »

saucymouse

this site’s a small haven.

a part of me doubts that what i’m going through is benzo withdrawal, as i was only ever taking between 1mg and 2mg of xanax or klonopin once a week to help me sleep, but i had kept up that habit for about 8 months, and after reading about other people’s experiences with withdrawal, i came to realize my symptoms fit the bill pretty well. something just snapped overnight about two months ago, and i haven’t been the same person since. it’s been a nightmare, really, and i have yet to find a medical professional i trust to help me out.

i took an 1/8th of a milligram of clonazapem about two weeks ago and haven’t had any since. things are definitely improved from this time last month, but i am absolutely still not myself. incredibly scatterbrained, terrible memory and focus, bizarre anxieties about nearly everything, alice in wonderland syndrome, tinnitus, songs stuck in my head ALL DAY LONG. i had two panic attacks last month and i’m just waiting waiting waiting for a third one to happen. it’s awfully nerve wracking.

it took me a month to get an appointment with a sliding-scale psychotherapist, and i finally had that meeting last week. it was an introductory/placement kind of thing, but i hope to start therapy with somebody in the coming days.

today i saw a psychiatrist that charged me 150 dollars and after about 45 minutes wrote me a prescription for wellbutrin. i was so upset about the whole situation because the guy just didn’t seem as invested as i’d wanted him to be. he didn’t say that the benzos were outright responsible for what i’m going through either, but said they probably had something to do with it. and if it isn’t the benzos, then something else is wrong with me and i have NO idea what it is and that makes me INCREDIBLY panicked.

i’ve been coming to this website to see if other people had a similar experience taking as little as i had, and so far i think i’ve found a few stories that might be on par.

and i have no idea what to do with this wellbutrin prescription. i read one sentence somewhere that said caution should be taken when using wellbutrin for benzo withdrawal, but there was no elaboration.

but anyway, i’m still looking for some answers i suppose. has this created a long term anxiety issue for me? is a prescription for an antidepressant really something i need? i’ve had lifelong low level anxieties, but i just don’t know what’s ‘normal’ for me or other people and what isn’t. the idea of being on a medication longterm is frightening; i want to be able to rely on only myself to get by. but i’m not sure if that’s the way to do it, and i don’t even feel i can trust the doctor who wrote me the prescription to really understand my feelings.

c’est la vie.

ah and i was also hoping to be able to use the search function. interested in other experiences with wellbutrin. and also alcohol and hangovers. my hangovers are WEIRD and leave me very mentally absent and confused which never used to happen.

“I wanna sue the both of these mother f*****s”

Medical Malpractice
« on: April 13, 2015, 05:48:54 am »

Blue Comet

Has anybody does any research or sought legal opinions regarding filing medical malpractice towards their prescribing doctors?

I had two doctors screw me up. The first one had me on Valium and Ambien for several years. The second one was my outpatient doctor who gave me gabapentin which totally screwed with my system and improvement.

I wanna sue the both of these mother f*****s but mainly the outpatient doctor because he should have known better than to give me a medication that would hinder my recovery.

Re: Medical Malpractice
« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2015, 03:36:30 pm »

JeweyA

I don’t think that is an option for me. Although I certainly think there has been malpractice on many levels in my situation-but not just with my doctor,hospitals too. I’ve been hospitalized several times and doctors failed to make a connection between drug interactions that were worsening depression and making me suicidal ( a drug called spironolactone- it blocks receptors that antidepressants attatch to and causes mood swings,and klonipin which also can cause depression). No doctor ever made these connections…I’d spend a week in a psych ward and get out and it would start all over. I hate being C/T, but my mood IS improving.

I look at it this way…celebs die all the time like Anna Nicole Smith and Britney Murphy because these doctors just over prescribe and don’t pay attention..why would they care about average Joe? We are just numbers to them. I have learned everything for myself by sites like this and researching drugs.
Our health system is terribly flawed. We can’t just trust doctors and take whatever they say. At least I can’t,not after all I have been through.

Re: Medical Malpractice
« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2015, 05:31:21 pm »

FloridaGuy

Moderator

It’s going to be very difficult to show malpractice with commonly prescribed drugs dispensed in a commonly prescribed manner. It is sad that we have to suffer the consequences of being in the minority of people who have problems with these things but the fact of the matter is that we are “collateral damage” and there doesn’t seem to be much recourse.

Re: Medical Malpractice
« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2015, 05:25:24 pm »

Morreweg

Quote from: Blue Comet on April 13, 2015, 05:48:54 am
Has anybody does any research or sought legal opinions regarding filing medical malpractice towards their prescribing doctors?

I had two doctors screw me up. The first one had me on Valium and Ambien for several years. The second one was my outpatient doctor who gave me gabapentin which totally screwed with my system and improvement.

I wanna sue the both of these mother f*****s but mainly the outpatient doctor because he should have known better than to give me a medication that would hinder my recovery.

Found this for you.
http://www.collinsattorneys.com/attorneys/alysan-boothe-collins/

Re: Medical Malpractice
« Reply #4 on: April 25, 2015, 02:53:40 pm »

Qui-Gon Jinn

Collins and Collins declined my case.

Re: Medical Malpractice
« Reply #5 on: April 25, 2015, 02:59:45 pm »

Morreweg

Quote from: Qui-Gon Jinn on April 25, 2015, 02:53:40 pm
Collins and Collins declined my case.

really ? because of Benzos Qui ?

Re: Medical Malpractice
« Reply #6 on: April 25, 2015, 06:52:43 pm »

Qui-Gon Jinn

Yes – I’ve been turned down by at least 5 firms over the last 2 years – I try not to spend too much time on this, because it looks like a dead end. One lawyer told me that because a Harvard study showed that benzos were effective for 47%, (YES!! only 47% !!!) there was little chance of winning.

I think they also said that “failure to warn,” the backbone of product liability cases, doesn’t always apply in pharma cases.

I’ve also heard that sueing a generic manufacturer is a problem.

Then there’s the whole statute of limitations thing – 1 year in Tennessee, where I live. In states that are controlled by conservatives, they don’t want people like you and I upsetting the money train.

Re: Medical Malpractice
« Reply #7 on: April 25, 2015, 06:54:07 pm »

Qui-Gon Jinn

I think a whistleblower is our only hope – someone who can expose actual criminality and negligence on the part of big pharma.

Re: Medical Malpractice
« Reply #8 on: April 25, 2015, 07:09:46 pm »

Morreweg

Quote from: Qui-Gon Jinn on April 25, 2015, 06:54:07 pm
I think a whistleblower is our only hope – someone who can expose actual criminality and negligence on the part of big pharma.

We’ll need an army of whistleblowers against the Pharma Lobby !

Grandpa joins online pity party, claims accidental addiction

The Accidental Addict
« on: April 05, 2015, 11:10:22 pm »

chessplayer

I didn’t think I’d wind up here. A father & grandfather with a successful career, I never was the druggie type. But here I am, in the scary situation of being a lorazepam addict in need of help. I want to get off this drug and am turning to BenzoBuddies for support and guidance. My saga began about 3 years ago. I was under a lot of work stress and turned to my doctor for help with anxiety. She prescribed Valium, initially a 1-month supply at a fairly low dose, then a refill for a 2nd month. It was effective at relieving my work anxiety. At the time I was totally naïve, I had no idea that this doctor-prescribed drug was so addictive and that it would lead to so many problems down the road. When the Valium ran out, my anxiety level spiked to 10 times worse than it had started out at, to the point where I was not sleeping at all or able to function. I failed to recognize that at the time as a symptom of benzo withdrawal, instead mis-interpreting it as renewed work anxiety. I sought out the help of a psychiatrist, who also failed to recognize my plight for what it was, and who in fact prescribed Ativan to relieve my anxiety. It worked, and under her care I took 1 mg Ativan daily, later increased to 2 mg daily, for over 2 years… Not too long ago, I moved to another state for a job change, and stopped seeing that psychiatrist. I knew my supply of Ativan would run out, but I naively did not expect the drug withdrawal would be a huge deal. On my own I stopped cold turkey, and … wham. I don’t want to go into detail at this point, let’s just say I went crazy for a couple of weeks. I still had a supply of Ativan at the time I went cold turkey. To restore my sanity I had to go back on it, 2 mg / day, which is where I am now. Since then I have been reading a lot. I now know what I need to do is a long slow taper. I have not started the tapering process yet. This will be very difficult. I haven’t yet found a supportive doctor, so at this point I am on my own. Any suggestions on how to find a doctor willing to support benzo withdrawal would be welcome. Also I cannot afford to lose my job during this process and therefore cannot do an extended inpatient kind of thing. For privacy reasons I don’t want to say publicly where I am, I’ll just say in the USA but not in a major city. This is going to be a challenge. Any help & support will be appreciated.

BLAH BLAH BLAH welcome to Benzo Buddies BLAH BLAH BLAH read 
the Ashton Manual BLAH BLAH BLAH make a signature BLAH BLAH 
BLAH you don't need your doctor for anything but a supply 
of pills BLAH BLAH BLAH we are all you need BLAH BLAH BLAH
Re: The Accidental Addict
« Reply #4 on: April 06, 2015, 11:44:03 am »

chessplayer

Thanks for the replies. I am glad I found this group and appreciate the quick responses. Now let me get more specific and see if any of you can offer more specific help. I’ll post a series of questions over the next few days that I need help with. Let me know if it’d be more appropriate to post these question to a different topic than Introductions and I’ll move them. I’m a newbie here.

It would be good to find a supportive doctor. 2 replies here have pointed me to an extremely out-of-date list (2007!?) which is completely useless. It lists 2 doctors in my state, listing them both as working for the same counseling center. Well, Googling and phoning reveals neither still works for that counseling center (left so long ago it had never heard of them), and as far I can tell neither still works in this state or anywhere nearby. That counseling center said they now have nobody who can or will treat benzo addiction. Subsequent phone calls to every shrink in the region turned up a series of flat “no”‘s when they heard the problem I wanted help with. This was even after initially promising conversations (“taking new patients?” “yes”, “what problems do you treat” “a great variety of psychiatric problems”). But when benzo addiction came up, it’s like I said a forbidden word… “ah, well, … , no I don’t treat for that”. I was astonished. My own primary care also flat-out refuses to deal with it. Honestly don’t know where to turn at this point, as far as getting it from the medical profession.

PIG

Benzo Buddies Manson girls attack woman who rejected cult dogma

Could FinallyJoining63 and Morreweg be any more bitter? Any more hateful? FinallyJoining63 can barely hide her jealousy of lindsaylouwho for daring to be recovered. Not having a shred of professional medical experience doesn’t stop pity addict Morreweg from telling lindsaylouwho she will get sick again. They use fear mongering to try to intimidate lindsaylouwho.
To her credit, in Reply #4, lindsaylouwho correctly scores Benzo Buddies as a cesspool of harmful negativity: “I know many people on other support forums who don’t want to quit because they come here once and are completely alarmed by the long-term sufferers. I know this because I have to talk them off the ledge.”
FinallyJoining63 and Morreweg are hateful, bitter women who – with apparently nothing better to do than sit at Benzo Buddies moaning about their victimhood – try to suck the joy out of lindsaylouwho (and don’t succeed). They’re professional victims who blame everyone but themselves for their mental health problems, and related drug abuse issues. Lindsaylouwho isn’t. Bravo lindsaylouwho.
2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« on: March 19, 2015, 11:07:08 pm »

lindsaylouwho

I know it can be discouraging to come to BB and see so many stories of protracted withdrawal. But not everyone will suffer that, and it’s important to go into it knowing you could be one that doesn’t experience long, difficult withdrawal. I refused to suffer long term–I just couldn’t do it, after 2 years of suffering following a serious car accident, head injury, uncontrolled seizures, then benzo withdrawal. And so, I didn’t. I did have the withdrawal symptoms most have–muscle spasms, muscle pain, horrible insomnia, this buzzing feeling everywhere, shortness of breath which I confused with a new case of asthma (but wasn’t), and frequent seizures once I discontinued. (I went on benzos for seizures so the fact I had them was not a huge surprise.) I treated these symptoms as I had been treating similar symptoms for years: Self massage on the muscle spasms, high but acceptable doses of magnesium, a diet very high in potassium and calcium, no glutamate, food additives, or processed food of any kind, lots of water but not too much, adding sodium to my diet to replace what I was flushing away with all the water (important–low sodium adds to muscle spasms). Most importantly, I did deep breathing and meditation during acute, and that made a huge difference. What I say to anyone going through withdrawal is: Don’t assume. Don’t assume your withdrawal will last forever, or you are at risk of making everything worse through anxiety, which will protract your withdrawal. Believe you could be lucky and have an easier experience, because a positive mind can effect your health and well being. And know your nutrition, breathing, and calmness of mind are not just ‘gooshy granola ideas’–they really do make a difference.

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2015, 05:12:15 am »

one year

Your an inspiration. I’ve never looked at this topic and I hope I can someday be writing my own success story. Thanks.

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2015, 05:27:21 am »

FinallyJoining63

I’m happy for you that you recovered so fast, especially since you had already been through the wringer with your accident, but sitting here tonight still feeling shitty 19 months off of Xanax and 26 months off of opioids, I find the implication that somehow I might have prolonged my suffering by fearing the worst and ramping up my anxiety just a bit hard to take. If I had just “refused to suffer longterm” that would have done the trick? Is it too late for me to stand up and refuse? Who’s in charge here? I’ll bet there are more people on this board who went into this hoping for the best, as you did, who are simply appalled by how long their healing has taken than there are people who actually made their healing take longer by fearing the worst. I doubt we can speed or slow down the time it takes our brains to heal in any case. We are not in control.

Further, I think there are a whole lot of A types like me who launched in expecting to have everything under control and have actually had to relax their need for control. I’ll never forget my acupuncture doctor telling me this: “You are doing everything right. And you are going to get well. But you have to stop trying so hard.”

Your attitude kind of reminds me of parents who brag about something that went right with their kids when actually they just got lucky. My first baby slept through the night at ten days old. I didn’t try to take credit for it, though. That was his decision, not ours.

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2015, 10:54:34 am »

Morreweg

Hi lindsay, I’m glad to hear you are feeling so good now after such
a short time, congratulation….keeping a positive attitude during this
process is surely important but unfortunately not always a magic
cure, wish you well. 

P.S. just in case things will change for you again…..keep in mind
Benzo-wd is unpredictable and don’t assume its a nother health issue.
hope it will never happen…just a little tip…….to be prepared. 

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2015, 03:40:07 pm »

lindsaylouwho

A note to all: This was not written for those of you suffering long term with real protracted withdrawal or point fingers or accuse. It was written for anyone coming into it new. I know many people on other support forums who don’t want to quit because they come here once and are completely alarmed by the long-term sufferers. I know this because I have to talk them off the ledge. Not everyone will suffer like that–the vast majority of those who quit and have short term wd (a fair number of people who quit, by the way) don’t stay on this board, or even come here in the first place, so their numbers are very underrepresented here, and this board can greatly overbalance the perception that all withdrawal will be a hellish nightmare lasting at least a year. If you don’t like seeing a story of optimism and hope that you could be a short term sufferer, you don’t need to read it. I’m here to give hope and optimism–and I do believe in Mind over Medicine and that the power of the mind can in some way help control the state of our bodies. You don’t have to believe it if you don’t want, but I won’t apologize for giving hope and setting a sense of optimism, which I believe can help some people.

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2015, 04:00:25 pm »

Morreweg

Love hearing a story of optimism thats why I congratulated you on it,
no harm in sharing some of my wisdom, if its not appreciated…..
i do apologize, no big deal ! 

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2015, 04:08:39 pm »

FinallyJoining63

Lindsey–if you looked at all my posts–not that you should–you would see that I am always quick to assure the fearful launching into this that they really needn’t plague themselves with fears that their healing will take forever because many people do heal quickly.

You should know though, that EVERYBODY reads the success stories for inspiration. Maybe the longtimers are the first to go there looking for something to hang onto. (That’s what I was doing.) Nobody’s asking you to apologize, but you should be aware of how your claim to have simply “refused to suffer longterm” would be taken by many. It’s not as if we ticked off a box marked “Sure, I’ll choose to suffer longterm if it means I can stick with my bad attitude.” I don’t disagree at all with the importance of the mind/body connection, but if you read a lot of the stories here, you’ll see that there are a lot of good people who also believe in this and still have a very hard time waiting out the time it seems to take for their neurotransmitters to repair themselves.

Morreweg’s post was very wise in gently reminding you that you might not actually have every withdrawal symptom in your rearview mirror yet. I think maybe she was feeling better than I was when she read your post and was able to be kinder. 

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2015, 04:21:32 pm »
Morreweg

FinallyJoining63 

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #8 on: March 20, 2015, 05:42:50 pm »

lindsaylouwho

As I said: It was not meant to condemn anyone. And my attitude about not being willing to suffer and doing everything possible to not do so was uniquely mine. You can take that as you will. It does seem almost as if you hope my suffering isn’t over, which is unfortunate. If you knew the hell and fear I’ve lived since I was hit by a drunk driver maybe you wouldn’t be so angry. I am not waiting for wd to reappear, nor do I think it will. Nor will I continue to debate this. I hope this post is inspirational to those who it was intended for. Over and out.

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #9 on: March 20, 2015, 06:01:19 pm »

Morreweg

Quote from: lindsaylouwho on March 20, 2015, 05:42:50 pm
As I said: It was not meant to condemn anyone. And my attitude about not being willing to suffer and doing everything possible to not do so was uniquely mine. You can take that as you will. It does seem almost as if you hope my suffering isn’t over, which is unfortunate. If you knew the hell and fear I’ve lived since I was hit by a drunk driver maybe you wouldn’t be so angry. I am not waiting for wd to reappear, nor do I think it will. Nor will I continue to debate this. I hope this post is inspirational to those who it was intended for. Over and out.

Come on……whats your problem now. Nobody here is hoping your suffering
isn’t over. This is no Kindergarden , there is nothing wrong in having
a healthy debate about your miraculous recovery.

We plead not guilty and wish you all the best, over and out. 

Thousands of writhing pharma victims at Benzo Buddies waiting for cult savior Ashton to descend from the Heavens with the magic taper formula?