Benzo Buddies member: “my mind thinks my own father is going to turn on the gas while we are all sleeping and kill us all”

I'm 17 months out and not well now was doing great
« on: November 22, 2017, 12:23:21 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey everyone. I really need some help. Around 12 months off I was doing so well. From 12-17 months off that is. I never had a window where all my symptoms went away but they died down in intensity. Like almost a volume switch was slowly being turned down. Anyway guys, my main symptoms in this have always been paranoia, intrusive thoughts, fear, and can’t calm down feelings. Well anyways, my mind would always feel fear all the time and it would turn my thinking to things to actually be afraid of. I’m really obsessive and once my mind finds something to obsess in fear over I’m done for. The things I’m afraid of “could” actually happen, but the likely hood of these things happening
Is rare but my mind somehow tricks me into thinking that it will happen to me. It always has to do with being killed somehow or another. Right now I’m obsessing over the propane fireplace my parents have in the house. So I bought a carbon monoxide alarm to put into my room to help soothe the fear of “exploding” of someone leaves the gas on or fear of carbon monoxide poisoning. I even bought a gas alarm detector I have plugged into the wall where the fireplace is. I spent 60.00 on this stupid thing. My dad sleeps down near the fireplace because my parents aren’t together anymore since 2009. I don’t really trust my dad and ever since I was in tolerance withdrawal and cold turkeyed my
Paranoia has been focusing on my father and the person who is going to do things to hurt me. I guess I don’t trust him because of his anger issues and verbal abuse. So now my mind thinks my own father is going to turn on the gas while we are all sleeping and kill us all. Isn’t that so crazy to think? This just came out of the blue too, no threats were made it’s just my mind. Please guys please send me some encouragement to go on. I haven’t been sleeping much at all, I’m having total fear, intrusive thoughts, it’s like all the progress I made just went out the window. It really is sad.

FEAR OF BACON

Bacon
« on: September 14, 2017, 01:08:16 pm »

[Buddie]

Anyone have any trouble with bacon when in pretty accute state? I really need to eat a piece of bacon… Please, any opinions good or bad.

Re: Bacon
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2017, 05:19:45 pm »

[Buddie]

I understand your query. True – I don’t have any problems now, but i’m 3.7 years out. When I was in acute, milk products kind of gave me loose stool (not quite diarrhea). I had a fair bit of reflux and a little bloating. It wasn’t terrible, but I did have some minor GI issues/food sensitivities. I could pretty easily treat those ‘issues’ (e.g. with OTC antacids) or I could just ignore them (e.g. loose stool). I only dropped one ‘food’ (an artificial sweetener that seemed to give me hot flashes followed by night sweats). But it’s true – GI issues weren’t as big a withdrawal symptom for me compared with some of the other symptoms (insomnia had to be my most debilitating symptom). Perhaps others will chime in about bacon.

Re: Bacon
« Reply #23 on: September 17, 2017, 04:41:39 pm »

[Buddie]

There is uncured and no nitrate bacon.
« Last Edit: September 18, 2017, 12:50:24 am by [Buddie] »

Re: Bacon
« Reply #29 on: September 18, 2017, 06:07:37 am »

[Buddie]

Guys slightly off topic, but I added coconut oil to my diet yesterday (and i am going to create a new thread for this). Now it did not seem to rev me up, that is I did not 30 mins later suddenly start panicking, or tiwtching or anything like that BUT it kind of made me extremely mellow… EXTREMELY, as if I just hit a fat green weed flavoured pegasus bong. Following this I have never felt so chilled, not in 5 weeks, sleepy and chilled and well calm… NOW im no scientist and I should probably be thankfull but im worried AF now. How cna that be. Does coconut oil mess with your GABA receptors? I think its good to have fats like coconut oil in your brain right for nerve healing, but whats up with that effect? Would you all be worried? IS coconut oil one of those foods that we should be avoiding like certain herbs that people avoid which interact with GABA? Any feelings on this? then we can go back to the bacon.

Re: Bacon
« Reply #35 on: September 18, 2017, 11:54:25 am »

[Buddie]

new girl do you weigh 42 kg’s? eish…. I may have some other issues rolled in though. doctors are sending me for MS screening. I am fine most days then out of the blue I get hit with these head symptoms, I become instantly dumb, feels like there is a block in the left side of my face, struggle to think and concentrate, get deeply detached and hazy. Very scary. I am hoping that is not he case. I was free of this best for 10 months, and then I took like 55 times the amount of vitmain b complex that a normal human should take per day for 3 days and suddenly anxiety started, then physical symptoms and now full on cognitive symptoms. So my problems are pretty huge right now. I dont know if this think is a benzo relapse, some kind of permanent damage from the high number of multivitamins I took (which in hindsight I have learned can actually do nerve damage) or some sort of MS attack. Very scary. I am HOPING like hell it is a just a benzo fall back and not MS or the multiple types of complications that vitamin hypertoxicity can cause. Its pretty scary. I’m pretty chilled by its a scary place. the fact that symptoms come and go tell me its very possibly a benzo wave. But it has lasted 5 weeks now with very little improvement if any. At least on the mental side. I think that I have just generally damaged my nervous system at this point, who knows.

Re: Bacon
« Reply #36 on: September 18, 2017, 12:40:43 pm »

[Buddie]

Oh, […], I’m so sorry to hear you have these terrible symptoms, must be really tough! 

It’s good that you are seeing some doctors about this, even if they don’t find anything, it’s better to be reassured. I don’t have much experience with PAWS, as I am still tapering, so I don’t have much advice here, maybe you could also post in the Post-withdrawal support thread about this?

Just out of curiosity, if you don’t mind sharing, what did you take the vitamin b complex for? And how did you manage to obtain such a high dose?

Big hugs and all my strengths to you!!! I hope you’ll get soon over this!

Re: Bacon
« Reply #37 on: September 18, 2017, 12:58:29 pm »

[Buddie]

NewGirl,

I’m a complete idiot. it was a collection of vitamins that I had built up over probably the space of a year and a half. I got a mild headache and thought hey maybe I will just give myself a vitamin BOOST and that will clear it up. it was 6 different bottles. 3 were B-complexes, one was a Maxi-B, one was an iron and folate (which also had B vits), and the other 2 were multivitamins. All had B-complexes all of them basically. I had been healed for o long that withdrawal was no longer a part of my life, I was healed 100 percent. I never even thought ” hey this could trigger me” thats how war out and healed I was. I took all 6 pills each day for a few days, I might have even doubled up on one day. Im so embarrassed even typing this actually, its like i potentially threw my life away. the damage seems permanent and I seem VERY sensitive to foods, I think high vitamin b-6 foods. So i eat no meat. I am eating enough in my opinion to maintain my weight but alas it still drops at least 250 grams a day… SO in short, my issues may not even be benzo related, I may have simply poisoned my nervous system (potentially fatally), especially if I cant eat meat. Im basically holding on, hoping my weight doesnt drop to levels where they have to hospitalize as this would lead to medicating by doctors who dont understand benzo withdrawal let alone vitmain hypertoxicity. so I want to avoid that. You see, im not sure if this is maybe a benzo setback, GOD i hope it is NewGirl. then I know i have hope. If it is poisoning then I dont think I see the year out. Which I have made peace with actually. Its just my kids that worry me… My heart is breaking for my kids, one is 4 and the other is 4 months. All I can do is hold on. its so complicated, what if i get diagnosed with MS but it isnt MS and they treat me and it aggravates my potential benzo withdrawal further. What if it really is MS and they medicate me with steroids or something that I would obviously need but that is not compatible with my benzo history? Do I then live my whole life in withdrawal due to the medication that I need to live continuously triggering withdrawal? Its a complete mess. OR it is vitamin hyper toxicity and the doctors hospitalize me and pump me FULL of nutrients to help me pick up weight, including more B-vits thus doing more damage. SO Ja, I went from being in the absolute best position ever, healed from benzo withdrawal after just a month and a half (maybe 2 months) to basically the worst position that a mortal person could be in. I basically check mated myself. Apologies for the long respond and for killing the fun nature of the post.

And dont worry, surprisingly my mind is in the right place regardless of all of this, I am getting used to it. the thing that makes me worry that its not withdrawal but more just some kind of permanent toxicity damage to the nervous system is that it has reached a point where it just isnt improving at all. Im hoping something just happens and it begins to lift or fade with time, like the nerve damage can magically heal over time. But in the mean time im not sure what to eat and what to avoid so as to fascilitate this repair. Real tough. I live with a lot of powerful anxiety which is not in the mind but in the nervous system, if you have withdrawn from benzos then you know what that feels like, I have detachment, fear, pain in limbs, tired limbs. So unbelievable, and I was a new man, healed, new house, new kid, beautiful wife. All pretty much on its way out. Tough one.

Apologies again 

Angry addict’s rage puts two-year old at risk

Extreme Rage/Anger
« on: September 11, 2017, 10:23:00 am »

[Buddie]

I have this constant rage or anger where I just want to start screaming or punching walls. It lasts almost all day. I have zero patience with anything/anyone. Can anyone relate/validate this for me? When did it subside for you? I have a 2 year old daughter and I get so frustrated way to easily.

I need reassurance 

Re: Extreme Rage/Anger
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2017, 10:30:00 am »

[Buddie]

deep massage in the liver

it went away with time for me

Re: Extreme Rage/Anger
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2017, 03:05:03 pm »

[Buddie]

I’ve been having this on and off during my taper. It is very hard to not actually get very angry at something for me. I think the longest it lasted was two weeks but it seems to keep coming and going for me.

2015: Mass hysteria causes Restless Genital Syndrome outbreak at Benzo Buddies

Vibrating Genitals?!?!?
« on: April 12, 2015, 11:28:49 am »

[Buddie]

I’m just gonna come out and say it! Does anyone else’s genitals vibrate, not in a good way LOL

I mean when I’m in a wave like NOW I literally vibrate all over all day and night, not shake, vibrate but even my genitals vibrate it’s the weirdest thing. If that isn’t a sign of my nervous system being messed up I don’t know what is!

:crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:

Last wave lasted three weeks, God I hope this one passes quicker  :-X

Re: Vibrating Genitals?!?!?
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2015, 11:49:39 am »

[Buddie]

Now THIS is a new one…lol….sorry to laugh at your pain, but my feet and hands are vibrating so it comes from a place of understanding….i needed that laugh though. I suppose anywhere with nerves can buzz.

Re: Vibrating Genitals?!?!?
 « Reply #2 on: April 13, 2015, 12:34:49 am »

[Buddie]

My genitals don’t vibrate, but I have a lot of wet dreams almost one every other night! My genitals are super sensitive….

Re: Vibrating Genitals?!?!?
« Reply #3 on: April 13, 2015, 01:24:59 am »

[Buddie]

When I was 9 days off benzos through a detox I could not feel my genitals. Like, it felt like they weren’t even there. No sensation whatever. You could’ve kneed me in the balls and I don’t think I would’ve felt it.

I was so terrified and went to the ER right away where, after examination, they told me everything was fine and nothing physically was wrong with me. After being terrified that this would last a long time, it went away about a week later or so.

I thought I was prepared for withdrawal, but that one took me by surprise.

With your situation, I’m like 99% sure that it’s all because of withdrawals, nothing to do with any physical abnormality. Don’t worry about it when it comes along.

TAPER PSYCHOSIS

Panicked to be alive?
« on: February 26, 2017, 09:51:55 pm »

[Buddie]

3 weeks off xanax and im suffering from bad anxiety
Can someone relate to this: I get waves that im being paniked to be alive
it feels unpleasant to exist. Is it depersonalization?

No addict should be allowed to get behind the wheel and endanger others

Most of the benzodiazepine addicts, that haunt Benzo Buddies and the secret Facebook groups, describe themselves as totally disabled: needing to crawl to the bathroom, experiencing auditory and visual hallucinations, unable to walk (Alee Sun/Ally Nugent claims she needs a walker years off benzos), claims that a single apple causes a night of myoclonic jerking and that a stick of chewing gum can send them into months-long waves, etc. Why should they be allowed to drive? Do you want to share the road with some poor, mentally ill drug addict who thinks Kentucky Fried Chicken is a government plot to poison them?

During their often years-long tapers, they should lose their driving privileges. As many addicts relapse, post-taper they should be subject to random drug testing – as a condition of the taper. This should be enforced by the state and the prescribing doctor.

Society has to be protected from drug abusers who break the law and drive just as we protect it from drunk drivers.

Norway test drivers for BZO
« on: July 13, 2016, 07:05:52 am »

[Buddie]

http://www.aftenbladet.no/nyheter/Dette-apparatet-har-gitt-UP-en-ny-og-skremmende-rekord-for-ruskjoring-3960544.html

OMG, the repercussions this will have to people who have been off the drug for weeks will be jailed/fine for driving under the influence of BZO, unlike a alcohol test this does not measure a percentage, but just the fact its in your system. I can understand this for truck drives, public transport, but to random test drivers for BZO is outrageous. Because of the fact it not measured in percentage to lawfully drive. Someone who has been off the drug will test for weeks and weeks.

Re: Norway test drivers for BZO
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2016, 08:03:35 am »

[Buddie]

This is actually what got my mother to start her tapering! She put her car in the garage and started the day she found out! I imagine that she is not the only one!

Re: Norway test drivers for BZO
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2016, 08:09:27 am »

[Buddie]

http://nhi.no/livsstil/helsetjenesten/diverse/forerkort-og-b-preparater-35928.html
This thread may be useful to see how it actually will effect drivers with the new rules!

Re: Norway test drivers for BZO
« Reply #3 on: July 13, 2016, 08:32:06 am »

[Buddie]

Problem is there is no way to detect the percentage of the drug BZO in your system, unlike driving with illegal drugs, which is understandable, BZO will test you positive, even weeks after stopping, So you will be charged with driving as if you took 3 or 4 10 mg doses, make no difference whether or not you stopped weeks ago. The time and money involved to clear you would be enormous, let alone the jail time and fine, maybe you could win in court but that would be a long and expensive road, and for those that cannot afford will suffer the wrath of the judicial system. I really am frustrated people using BZO prescribed are targeted the same as ifusing cocain or crack or any other illegal drug!