Healed after 12 years!
« on: April 13, 2017, 05:51:33 pm »


I’m coming up on 12 years benzo free. On may 5, 2005 I was cold turkeyed in the hospital. It was the most horrific and unforeseen event in my life and it has changed me as a human being forever. Slowly, very slowly over 1-5 benzo free years my symptoms waxed and waned until at 5 years benzo free my life was about 80% of what I was pre-benzo. Life was good but not great for a few months. The unrelenting horror, mental anguish and general displeasure for life had abated but the physical symptoms were still alive and well… just milder and I expected them to all abate as well as time marched on.

At almost 6 years benzo free the flood gates reopened again and I was cast back into what I would call acute benzo withdrawal! It was just as bad as the beginning if not worse… as a matter of fact a lot worse! All the progress I made was suddenly gone and I was left a 40 year old man with a wife and two kids, a beautiful home crying on the floor with no hope for a future. It nearly broke me as a human being and I was ready to give up.

Luckily I had tremendous support from the person I had been with my whole life…My loving wife. She knew me since high school and knew that this was not the man she married. Luckily she believed in me because I didn’t and at 6 years I didn’t think recovery was possible. I thought I had permanent brain damage from the ativan and I would never recover.

My wife got busy and contacted many people on my behalf.  Una Corbett, Barry Haslam, Baylissa Frederick (Bliss), and even to professor Ashton herself! They ‘ALL’ said to my amazement ‘HE WILL RECOVER’ and ‘THIS SOMETIMES HAPPENS’. She even made an account here to talk to people on my behalf (I was too unwell to post then). I’m Mr. B by the way!

The symptoms were very hard up until 11 years benzo free and right now at almost 12 years benzo free my life is brilliant!!!  I can see the light again and feel love, joy, and happiness. I’m 47 years old and have a new lease on life and you will too. Please people believe in recovery…BELIEVE!!!

It happens for ‘EVERYBODY’ given time and staying off  benzos and ‘ALL’ chemical crap!

Mr. B

Cyber doctors at Benzo Buddies diagnose Teen Mom star with benzo discontinuation syndrome

I think Janelle from 16 & Pregnanat/Teen Mom has benzo discontinuation syndrome
« on: May 27, 2016, 03:44:31 pm »


As I was trying to sleep off a horrible wave last night my wife was watching TV. One of the shows she watches is “Teen Mom 2” is a continuation of the original “16 and Pregnant” show on MTV. Anyway, one of the better known cast members is Janelle and she was reading down a list of symptoms that she has and doctors can’t seem to find out what’s wrong with her. Then I hear her say the doctors cold turkeyed her from Xanax to try and get all of her levels normal so when they do blood tests they will not be influenced and they also said they were going to do an MRI. On the after show she ran down her list of symptoms again and added a few and said she had been almost bedridden for 3 weeks and the doctors still don’t know what is wrong with her.

All of the symptoms she listed are classic benzo w/d symptoms and no one in the medical field on that show even seem to know what’s going on! So blind… And I thought Dr. Drew was supposed to be an addiction medicine specialist.

Mad in America: One psych hospital escapee caught, other still on lam

One dangerous man who’d escaped a Washington state psychiatric hospital is now back in custody. But the man he fled with — who’d been committed after being charged with murder — remains on the loose, and a real threat to anyone in his path.

The arrest of 58-year-old Mark Alexander Adams in Des Moines, a city about 15 miles south of downtown Seattle, was cause for relief among police in Lakewood, where Western State Hospital sits.

Still, the fugitive with an even more horrific track record remains on the lam.

That fugitive, Anthony Garver, was first caught in the summer of 2013 for allegedly tying a woman to a bed with electric cords, then stabbing her to death.

Both Garver and Adams had been ruled not competent to stand trial.

Pair ‘got a considerable head start’

Both Garver and Adams had been committed for mental illness treatment to Western State, described on its website as “one of the largest psychiatric hospitals west of the Mississippi” with more than 800 beds.

The two been seen in that medical facility’s dining hall around 6 p.m. Wednesday, according to Lakewood police.

They weren’t noticed missing until about 1½ hours later after having gotten out — likely through a loose window, which roommates told police was manipulated over five months to open enough to escape from, according to Lakewood police spokesman Chris Lawler.

From there, Garver and Adams apparently walked off together.

“They got a considerable head start,” Lawler told CNN affiliate KIRO-TV in Seattle.

Adams took a bus from Lakewood to Federal Way, Washington, arriving there around 10:30 p.m. and asking about how to get to Seattle-Tacoma International Airport, police said on Facebook. Lawler credited a tipster who’d seen media coverage of the escape with spurring authorities to check surveillance footage from there.

“That makes it very difficult to run, when the public is paying attention,” the police spokesman told reporters Thursday.

Considered not competent to stand trial

The two men had been at Western State Hospital since February 2015, but they’d been on authorities’ radar long before then.

Adams was arrested for second-degree assault/domestic violence in 2014 for choking someone, according to Lawler.

And the 28-year-old Garver — who sometimes uses the last name Burke — was wanted on several outstanding authorities in July 2013 when he was charged with murder in the killing of Phillipa S. Evans-Lopez, 20.

Detectives linked Garver to the woman’s death based on evidence from the scene and surveillance video footage showing the two of them together in the days before her death, according to the Snohomish County, Washington, Sheriff’s Office.

Lawler, the Lakewood police spokesman, said Garver has ties to Spokane. But it’s not known if went there, which is why authorities all around the have been cued in to the case.

He urged the public to be on alert but not to try to approach Garver.

“If you just look at the crime itself,” Lawler said of Evans-Lopez’s killing, “obviously, we don’t want someone who has done something like that free.”

Wife joins pro-Scientology cult, stops having sex with husband – divorce looms

Angry Spouses
« on: March 19, 2016, 06:41:25 pm »


So my spouse gets really frustrated with me….I would be too if I were him. I only make dinner 3 -4 days a week. I also have a low libido. I’m not the usual happy-go-lucky gal that I used to be before benzos. I just don’t feel well and this interferes with everything. All the energy that I have goes towards my job as a teacher. It takes everything in me to get through the day.

I keep telling him that I’m getting better. Unfortunately, he keeps getting frustrated. I don’t know what to do. Any recommendations? 

Cult ghouls devote entire Benzo Buddies thread to talking someone out of going to hospital

Thinking of going to detox
« on: February 15, 2016, 06:31:48 am »
Has anyone done this? any and all comments are welcome.

Lots of people here have tried this, with disastrous results in most cases. I wouldn’t trust this place at all, frankly, because benzo withdrawal/healing (long and slow) and alcohol/hard drug withdrawal/healing (faster and more direct) are nothing alike, and almost all “detox” places are designed for the latter, not the former- no matter what their advertising says. These are money making businesses.

I had a dreadful experience which I wouldn’t recommend to anyone.
  • You are immediately c/t’d off benzos. There is no taper. It’s a cold turkey.
  • You stay in the hospital or facility several days to a few weeks – far less time than is required for healing after a benzo c/t.
  • You are sent home with severe, often unbearable symptoms. In my case, the symptoms were so awful they led to an eventual reinstatement and kindling.
  • There is no follow-up. And for this, you pay many thousands of dollars.
A cold turkey detox can be horrific. I have done three. between them I have had 17 rides in ambulances, 16 in patient psychiatric stays, 1 ride in life flight, dozens of trips to the ER, days in the ICU,

two police rides shackled with leather belts.

I have over 3/4 of a million in doctor bills. Prior to my first detox I had never been to the ER. I had never been in the hospital. I had never had a psychiatric stay, and I had never been in a police car. Stopping suddenly is serious business.

Most of the time a benzo detox is junk.

The place I went to in Houston is called Memorial Hermann PaRC. They cold turkey detoxed me off of Klonopin and it was brutal–extreme anxiety, insomnia, hallucinations, balance issues, lots of physical symptoms and more. They were not benzo savy at all. I was given a different drug cocktail but everyone there attended the same AA based classes everyday. They thought I was being whiny because I felt so bad and wasn’t doing better after a week like all the alcohol patients were. I would never recommend it for benzo withdrawal. They kicked me out after five weeks because my insurance stopped paying. They even cleared me to go back to work immediately. It was extremely rough and only by the grace of God was I able to go back to work and fake my way through each day. Nine months later I’m still having lots of issues with anxiety, depression, cog fog, memory loss, etc…

Don’t do it if you can avoid it!

Abusive father neglects children to post at Benzo Buddies

Don't hurt me. I'm trying to stand up here.
« on: February 09, 2016, 08:40:23 pm »


It seems I get the “I’ve had it!” speech when I act a little stronger.
Yesterday, I step up and start being a dad. Working with the kids to learn some table manners in this case. […] sees it and recognizes I’m feeling a little better. Last night I get the “its just so all consuming I can’t take it anymore, maybe you should move out”

So now I’m… lift face off table…write post to BB…return face to table.

Oh yea … “all you do is sit around and read about benzos”
shame on me

sorry… having a real bad day and edited my post to try to remain on topic.
« Last Edit: February 09, 2016, 09:24:13 pm by [Buddie] »

“Rik’s Story”

If you’ve been unfortunate enough to frequent one of the so-called benzo withdrawal forums over the past few years there is little doubt you’ve run into a predator named “Rik” in one of his many incarnations.  At last tally we counted 46 different screen names Rik used, with 24 of those used at Benzo Buddies alone. Following is small sample of Rik’s more popular names: HopeToBeMeAgain, KonaJim, Razzle, Rik9393, RixRaz, Sail_A_Wai, Sit2KNow, Dr. Rik.

Rik claimed to be a doctor and would offer his services to the poor addicts that populate these forums. He would gain their trust by pretending to be a benzo-wise doctor, obtain telephone numbers and other personal information – next would come the calls/emails and offers of consultation (allegedly for money). We later discovered the suffering Rik was really out on his yacht in the Pacific Northwest.

Continuing the Tradition

It was in the tradition of extending a helping hand through contact made first on the Internet that I met fellow Vancouver residents Rik and Konnie _______ in June of this year. The _______ had just purchased and taken delivery of a 1998 Catalina 22 mkII that the boat’s previous owner had had delivered to them from Arizona. Rik had asked the list some questions about stepping the mast, so I volunteered to come over and give him a hand.

Wow! What a gorgeous boat! Rik and Konnie had bought a time-capsule. The boat is a 1998 wing keel model, with a 1998 8hp Honda, bimini, full cover, stainless steel telescoping mast carrier, mainsail, 150 Genoa, 110 Jib, VHF, Depth Sounder, kick up rudder, dual-axle galvanized trailer, and has only been in the water six times and stored for the last three years.

When I arrived Rik and Konnie had already removed the duct tape and unfortunate sticky residue it left behind, so we were able to set about making sense of all the fittings and wires that hadn’t been put away in a manner most Catalina 22 owners who trailer much would be accustom to. After checking for signs of chafing from the trip up from Arizona, and getting all the shrouds and stays reattached, we raised the mast carrier, walked the mast aft until we could secure it to the mast step, moved to the cabin top, and then swung and lifted the mast into the vertical position. I then went forward and attached the forestay, followed by connecting the two forward shrouds.

The Catalina 22 mkII is suppose to have a “Gin Pole” mast raising system. In fact the hole in the base of the mast was present, and so were the two pad eyes mounted to the tops of the cabin top turning blocks, but the pole and block and tackle wasn’t present, so Rik is going to check with the previous owner to seeing if it is hiding in a garage. I suspect the boom vang could be used in place of the block and tackle, but I’m going to have to see a standard factory gin pole and side cable supports to fully understand this portion of the system.

After get the mast raise, I talked over some of the other aspects of the boat with Rik and Konnie, and then offered to made myself available in the future should they want any additional assistance. The _______ have a beautiful boat, and I look forward to seeing them out on the water.

Following are just a few of Rik’s claims:

  • He was in serious trouble after less than 6 weeks on a very low dose of Xanax.
  • He was in and out of 4 treatment centers, 2 mental hospitals and had more doctors than he could count.
  • He sold a fabulous resort home to rent a small apartment a block from a hospital so he could be close the emergency room.
  • He had absolutely every symptom on the 90,000,000 benzo withdrawal symptom list.
  • He hallucinated often.
  • He was floridy psychotic for months.
  • He tried every holistic and medical treatment known to man.
  • He kept drawers full of failed medicines, natural substances and healing tapes.
  • He went to religious healers of all faiths (perhaps with his best forum friend Flick Rahke – who’s guru was noted deviate Adi Da Samraj).
  • He was so sick he had to hire a live-in caretaker.
  • He bought a pair of regulation police handcuffs to shackle himself to his bed to so he would not commit suicide during the worst days. He used them often.
  • His nights were passed screaming into a pillow, curled up in a fetal position rocking himself.
  • He was only able to sleep 2 hours per night for 2 years.
  • He spent sleepless nights walking – sometimes for 8 hours at a time.
  • He visited the emergency room so often he was on a first name basis with most of the staff.
  • He posed as a doctor and called every major hospital in the United States – holding “rigorous” discussions with the department heads.
  • He spent $5000 on telephone calls to doctors, in search of answers to benzo withdrawal, but found only one doctor who would aid him (and it wasn’t Ashton).
  • His wife chained him to a radiator.

Rik was welcomed to by the hapless Andrew Bressler. TRAP welcomed Rik. Benzo Island welcomed Rik. Benzo Liberty welcome Rik. At Benzo Buddies, Colin also welcomed Rik – that is until he received dozens of complaints and was forced to ban him or face mass defections.

Note: The Benzo Liberty site is gone (it currently seems to be a home decorating site) but that is the origin of the following story.

Rik’s Story

From: “Rik” <rik9393@e…>
Date: Fri Nov 29, 2002 7:41 am
Subject: My Story

Since I have returned back to the is board I have received several E-mails asking about my background and benzo experience.

I seldom post on this board and actually have tried to distance myself from the entire benzo issue for the last few years. I have received a very strong calling to return to help others out of this life passage and will be working towards establishing the Benzodiazepine Recovery Center later in 2003.

This is my thumbnail background: undergraduate degrees in human sciences and pre-medicine, postgraduate degrees in counseling psychology and chemical addictions and lifelong research and writing on medicine, wholistic health and spiritual paths. In spite of this training a persistent and often severe anxiety disorder caused me to believe the medical lie that benzodiazepines were the answer. My degrees and professional credentials did not prepare me for the damage done by benzodiazepines or provide the knowledge necessary to extract myself from their grasp.

On a very, very low dose of Xanax I was in major trouble within 6 weeks, became severely paradoxical in 12 and went on a years crusade looking for a way to get off without enduring the near seizures I experienced with even minute cuts.

I was in and out of 4 treatment centers, two mental hospitals and more doctors than I can count and at one year was so sick on the drugs I had to hire a live-in caretaker. I eventually left my resort area home and rented a small apartment one block from a major city hospital emergency room and began the self directed 8-month titration down and eventually off. In spite of minute cuts my withdrawal was severe; for over 2 years I had absolutely every symptom on the benzo symptom list and in addition hallucinated often and was outright psychotic for months. I tried EVERY holistic and medical treatment known. I had drawers of failed medicines and natural substances, healing tapes, had been to many religious healers of all faiths in the end a bought a pair of regulation police handcuffs to shackle myself to my bed to so I would not commit suicide during the worst days.

I used them often!

I have been off all medications over 12 years now…in the days I detoxed myself there was no Internet, no support groups and I did not meet another benzo survivor until I was over 3 years off. This was truly my dark night of the soul.

Possibly because of the paradoxical effect I experienced my withdrawal was protracted and severe. I had no windows until around my 5th year. For the first 2 years, 2 hours of sleep were maximum, I would spend the days with endless walking, sometimes up to 8 hours continuously!

My nights were passed screaming into a pillow or curled up in a fetal position rocking myself. I prayed to see the next sunrise and the tiny bit of reality the daylight brought.  I prayed to see the next sunrise and the tiny bit of reality the daylight brought. My body went into breakdown- normal colds and flu’s lasted months, my liver was sick from all the drugs I took to stop the symptoms and I experienced literally hundreds of physical breakdowns due to the stress andlack of sleep. I was on a first name basis with the local ER staff for years.

Fast forward: it has now been over 12 years and I have recovered from the benzo damage and the severe anxiety disorder. My only lingering symptom is stress sensitivity.

Along the way done thousands of hours of research, have charted the blind alleys, failed promises of both medicine and wholistic health and the ignorance of those who should have known. At one point as I began to recover I posed as a doctor and called every major teaching hospital and treatment center in North America and had vigorous discussions with medical department heads.

In over $5,000 in telephone calls I found one doctor who had credible knowledge on benzos…the rest denied the patient case I described (myself) or rigorously supported the use of benzodiazepines. The treatment centers were outright dangerous and extremely misguided…and remain so to this day.

It has been a long, unwanted journey. I have learned much and continue to put the pieces into place. For want ever divine plan it appears I am being called back into service to help others though this passage…understand I am very reluctant. Having survived this, most want to distance ourselves as far as possible from any hint of this time….my emotions are the same!!

I am taking the process of opening a Center for Benzodiazepine Recovery on step at time and allowing it to manifest itself.

In a few words the most healing thing I can impart is that absolutely everyone heals no matter how severe your benzo illness…no one remains in acute withdrawals forever.

Be well
James R. “Rik” _______