Welcome to Benzo Buddies. Welcome to Hell.

Two years in acute detox. Welcome to hell.
« on: March 15, 2018, 07:25:21 am »

[Buddie]

Thank you for reading. I […] my story will instill a sense of […] and encourage the reader. I AM the “hey at least I’m not that guy.”

I am 18 months off of Valium and 11 months sober. I took 20-30mg of Valium for one year. I tapered over 1.5 years to freedom.
My sobriety date is March 9th 2017 (the day I cold turkeyed suboxone)
I am a 28 year old male from California. I am a professional athlete who had 5 years off heroin/oxycodone from november 2009-January1st 2015

Part 1. Purgatory. A dissent.
January 2015. I began a Valium taper after 20-30mg a day habit for one year.
Began 600mg of Gabapentin 300mg three times daily.
February 2016. At 7mg of Valium holding for a total of 90 days.
During which time I injured myself. I fell down 40ft of steep concrete 3x (*athlete).
Prescribed oxycodone for one month. (Fractured heel, dislocated shoulder, concussion, rib damage, two fingernails ripped off and a lot of deep disgusting road rash)
Switched to Methadone.

Part 2. Cruel and Unusual. Methadone. A different kind of monster. February-June of 2016.
I had Kaiser at the time. Dr. “Devil” we will call him was overseeing my Valium taper.
The Methadone clinic wrote down I was a “five year user of oxycodone”. I told them I was five years clean. I told the intake nurse, the doctor, the receptionist, EVERYONE, multiple times I used oxycodone for 30 days and was 5 years CLEAN.
They tested me in at the highest level allowed to start. They jumped me to 72 and proceeded raised me to 100 in the quickest way legally allowed in California. I told them I wanted to do 21 day taper. Doctor said, “that doesn’t work. We need to stabalize you on a high dose and taper you down.”
Holding at 10mg Valium. Dr. Devil has no idea I quit the oxycodone and attempted a 21 days taper at methadone clinic.

At 100mg I began to die. Literally. Having only been on Oxycodone a month, 100 units of methadone while ON Valium should have killed me.
I was vomiting on a regular basis (from being OVERDOSED), I turned grey, was having heart palpitations, sleeping all the time, and woke up every night with my skin ON FIRE drenched in sweat and vomiting violently until 445am in line to dose at 5am.
While seeing the nurse one day at clinic I was screaming at her saying the methadone was killing me and I didn’t understand why I was on such a high dose only being on oxy for thirty days.
She reviewed my notes and said,”It says here you were on Oxycodone for five years. I SCREAMED,” What have you done! I was five years clean literally over and over and dove for the paperwork. A male counselor ran in and tackled me as I screamed and cried hysterically “You’ve killed me. I am going to die repeteadly.”
I requested documentation and planned to sue.

Part 3- The Methadone Mafia.
I booked an appointment immediately with Dr. Devil at Kaiser. I told him everything that had happened. *****I also told him I planned to sue the Methadone clinic for mall practice. A guaranteed win I thought****(remember this detail)
With terror in his countenance he exclaimed,”You can’t be on methadone and valium! You could drop dead at any moment! I need you to authorize the Methadone clinic to send over your paperwork immediately so I can help you.”

The methadone clinic was the enemy. I stormed in to the clinic, demanded my paperwork, and told them they were getting sued.
They wouldn’t give it to me. I cried “HIPPA” its my right! They stalled for as long as legally possible. During which time the owner of the Clinic wanted to meet me.
She was polite, and attractive. Her father a drug czar featured in magazines. She asked what was going on? I told her everything. She teared up apologizing. I didn’t care. They would burn for this. I told her to send my paperwork to Kaiser ASAP.
I remember this like it was yesterday. Her face went cold, looking down. Drawing a deep breath, gathering her composure, carefully raising her eyes to meet mine she spoke as she slowly exhaled,”I don’t trust this doctor devil. I think he has something planned. I have a bad feeling about this. Are you sure?”
“Of course!” I yelled. I was not to be fooled. The methadone clinic was the antagonist of this story. Kaiser is my private healthcare afterall!
“Okay, I’ll do it.”

Part 4- Breaking Doctor Patient Confidentiality. Betrayal and a death sentence rendered by Dr. Devil of Kaiser Permanente.
I called Doctor Devil to set up my next appointment and said I finally got them to send my paperwork.
I could not get an appointment and I was running out of Valium. It was like he was ducking me.
I finally got ahold of his nurse. She promised he would help me and got me an appointment and got me an appointment that week.

I showed up. The nurse called me back. I walk in to the doctors office eager to tell of my plans to sue the Methadone clinic. I was full of […]. Dr Devil is sitting across from me. To my left his nurse/assistant is standing against the wall looking horrificly scared and nervous. Next to her is an armed security guard staring at me.
I look back at doctor devil and ask what the hell is going on? Why is a security guard with a freaking gun in here? Why does your nurse look like she just walked halfway through watching the exorcist? (I literally said this)
Dr. Devil proceeded to say he was there to “protect ME” (Seriously).
He began to speak in a tone I had never heard. He spoke down to me like a second class citizen. A junkie. Scum.
He said that he was cutting me off the valium. He would provide one last script and I was to taper off 10mg with one script.
I asked about having a seizure or dying. He said the gabapentin would prevent seizure. He then said the armed security guard would take me to the pharmacy. He would not be liable for someone on methadone and valium at the same time. Kaiser would not allow it.

Part 5-Hell awaits.
I go back to the methadone clinic. They would let me dose but the methadone clinic owner demanded to see me.
She was right. Dr. Devil screwed me. This next part is VERY important.
She proceeded to tell me that Dr. Devil had “Told her over the phone I was actually serious on planning to sue the methadone clinic, was obtaining a lawyer, and seeking litigation.” She asked, “Is this true.”
Dr. Devil broke Doctor Patient Confidentiality. This is a capital offense for doctors. Guaranteed loss of silence, being sued successfully, and potential jail time.
I was in utter shock and disbelief. I said it was true.
It’s not legal to drop someone off methadone cold turkey from 100. But they could drop me 10 units a week (Your supposed to drop 2 units a week)
So it began. Fearing for my life I asked Kaiser to get me into detox. I was done, defeated, and ready to turn myself in to the care of medical proffesionals fearing for my life.
I was told no detox would allow me in until I reached a MINIMUM of 30 units. Modern medicine was not capable of treating anything higher safely.
A death sentence.
I have one scrip of Valium to taper off.
I was to be rapid tapered of Methadone.
I could only deduce one possibility.
A cruel and unusual death awaits me.

Part 6- WELCOME TO HELL-Rapid tapering Valium and Methadone at the same time.
The methadone clinic violated more laws never giving me my paperwork (HIPPA)
Kaiser and the clinic were sweeping me under the rug.
I tapered off methadone 100, 90, 80, 70, 60. 50. 40, 30, 7 days apart.
I tapered down to 7mg of valium while doing this.
I will not go into detail of the horror of this. I simply can’t put words to it.ng.
I’m dead.”

I hit the magic number, 30 on June 27th 2016.
I coud take no more. I was so far past done. Kaiser said I would get a sleep medication and clonidine for withdrawal. I remember thinking one thi
Part 7-Suicide

********The rest of the story deleted because my login timed out. Will finish tomorow.**************
« Last Edit: March 15, 2018, 08:06:26 am by [Buddie] »

“I’m a victim of forced chemical and electrical alterations”