Pothead begs Benzo Buddies for help

17 yrs benzo and 17 months off + weed
« on: April 10, 2019, 09:44:26 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello to all of you :),

I am extremely happy I found this forum.  :laugh: I am 35 yrs old male single. I was diagnosed with depression/ADD/ADHD when I was 17. The dosage I consume is very consistent throughout the years, 1 benzo and 1 anti depressant. Two years ago, I discover weed reduces my anxiety and sleep so much. I started to hang out with pothead friends then I found out benzo is @(*#! I cold turkey 17 months ago and I created a new habit of smoking pot. Everyday, all day none stop. A year ago, I didn’t smoke for a month and I still had serve symptoms. So I continue to consume cannabis ever since.

symptoms :

anxiety
dizziness and headache
foggy brain, there is like a pressure in the brain
muscle tightness entire body
impossible to have a good posture
extremely isolated with reality
depression
memory lost
hard to concentrate
heart palpitate
hypersensitive to noise, sounds, light
chest pain
hard to breath
blurry eyes
foggy brain
eeeeeeeeeeeeeee on my ear
coordination
directional lost

psychological :

family and friends are the biggest joke ever
2019 we communicate with our fingers and eyes on screen, I can’t stand the fact that people don’t reply or take my messages seriously. I get extremely upset that I would just give up and block the person right away. Why not call?
suicidal thoughts
severe repetitively negative thoughts
especially on tinder ( dating app ) I talk to ppl with respect but I get mistreated, like super mad with these girls. I know their mindset is not very healthy to begin with. Anyway I deleted the app yesterday.
tons of childhood memory came back
unable to maintain any relationship
fear of going out
takes a lot of effort to do a simple thing. ( going to grocery store, food )
is it weed or is it benzo withdrawal
nobody understand and sometimes I think I am crazy
feeling hopeless
tire, fatigue feeling all day
I do get this weird feeling coming back and forth. Sometimes it’s not obvious so I don’t know how to describe it. All of sudden my chest and heart have this tingling feel. It is hard to breath and then it’s gone.

For the past one and half year, I didn’t do anything. Blaze and youtube everyday. Whenever I tell someone my benzo withdrawal. They couldn’t understand and most of them want to argue with me. I don’t have any friends anymore, I don’t talk to my family.  Sometime, I feel extremely lonely but I am so afraid I will end up any relationships. I can’t afford to loose more friends. Is it me or is this benzo withdrawal????????

FM2(Flunitrazepam): Modipanol/Rohypnol        ***7 years
Syndoman 30mg.  FLURAZEPAM HCL                    ****4 years
MESYREL 50MG TRAZODONE HYDROCHLOR
LENDORMIN Brotizolam
Valdoxan Agomelatine

I only take 1 benzo and 1 anti depressant a day. Like the tablets we see from normal pharmaceutical drugs.

My apology for the long and boring words. It’s just so much anxiety even typing these out.

Best,

[…]

Mentally ill cult member begs Benzo Buddies for ways to avoid being committed

How to present to hospital to avoid being forced into psych ward/detox
« on: February 02, 2019, 05:42:14 pm »

[Buddie]

So my new PCP has screwed me. Gave me 30 day bridge and referred me to a psych for taper. Unfortunately the generic from the new pharmacy made me feel sick so we asked to switch to the old one. We brought back 20 days worth of medication to her office in good faith and she wrote a script for… 5. 5 days. On a friday. Same day we finally get ahold of the psych she referred us to – doesn’t even prescribe benzos.

My friend can give me a couple more days but basically I have a week to figure out what to do or be forced to go to a hospital. But the hospital is likely to just commit me/force me into a ward or detox. I feel screwed.

What can I do in this situation? Where should I try to go to find a prescriber to taper in such short notice (1 week)? If I have to go to the hospital for “rescue”, how do I get them to help me without forcing me into a ward or detox? I’m so scared and so alone.

I’m in Anne Arundel county Maryland, if someone can help me.

For the sake of our membership, all references to self-harm and/or harming others have been removed from this thread. Please click on this link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self-Harm/Ideation (Revised)
« Last Edit: February 03, 2019, 06:27:24 pm by [Buddie] »

Meet the Benzo Buddies Team: Pianogirl

pianogirl

My story starts with a trip to the ER for what were some dizzy, lightheaded symptoms I was having. I remember the day clearly, I had been painting our bedroom and although I had had episodes like this before, this time it was much worse. All the tests were normal and my doctor told me it was a middle ear issue and sent me to an ENT. Unfortunately the doctor was very busy and spent little time with me. He gave me a prescription for Ativan and said that the condition I had would just go away. After 6 weeks of taking Ativan I was dependent but didn’t know it, in fact I didn’t even know what a benzo was, because I’m stupid and have lived under a rock for the past 50 years. I was told to stop it, since it was a very low dose, for a vestibular wellness test, and that’s when I became very ill. Little did I know that I was going through withdrawal. My doctor said it wasn’t the Ativan because I had stopped it 2 weeks before. All the many medical tests came back normal. I was indeed anxious at this point and having so many scary symptoms, rather than keep trying the many sample meds my doctor gave me, which also made me ill, I decided to see a psychiatrist.

After being diagnosed as severely mentally ill, I was put on clonazepam and many antidepressants and other medications that my sensitive system could not tolerate. I began to feel sicker still and went for more tests and procedures. Around this time I started to research my medications, and asked my doctor many times about the safety of taking the clonazepam long term. My psychiatrist was on the right route, he just took a wrong turn. He’s stupid. He had my hormones tested as well as my thyroid because he didn’t see a psychological reason for the anxiety and other symptoms. After changing doctors once again, both my new doctor and I decided the medications were making me ill. I came across the Ashton Manual and we used it for a cross over to Valium since I was finding it difficult to taper from the clonazepam.

I found BenzoBuddies after I finished my taper and as with many here I so wish I had found it earlier. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done, but the most important. I am so much more proactive about my health and knowledgeable thanks to the people here at BenzoBuddies. They provided me a safe, kind and caring place to come whenever I needed encouragement or validation that what I felt was normal for withdrawal. This is a community of believers, believing that recovery will happen, that healing will occur, that Ashton and Colin are our gurus. Never lose sight of the goal to be benzo free, every day is a step in the right direction. I am happier than ever before even though I am not completely healed and I am so happy to be able to give back to those who have helped me so much.

2012-03-27

Benzo Buddies member: site 90% negative doom and gloom

Questions for those who are healed? A more positive section to add?
« on: November 05, 2018, 01:26:35 pm »

[Buddie]

Is there a specific place that members can post questions SPECIFICALLY to those who have healed?
I have not been coming here for support/encouragement as much lately because (for obvious reasons – nobody is to blame) it’s all VERY negative and gloom and doom here.
Why is that? Well, because 90% of the people here are suffering. Everyone wants to (understandably) be heard and discuss their journey/symptoms/suffering.
However, the encouragement from success stories and the sprinkling of responses from those who are healed are TRULY a blessing.
For me though, if I post a question about a symptom I have and get 12 responses from people who are “2 years out” or “36 months out” and still suffering from that symptom, it tends to throw me into a panic. So I don’t post or ask much anymore.
And if I go into a forum specifically for my “symptom” (for example: anxiety)… even just the topics that are listed can throw me into a wave for days.
It would be AMAZING to have a positive place besides success stories to get support and encouragement.
And I would hope to think that once my healing is complete I would participate in this positive section and encourage others through their journey as much as I possibly could.

Thoughts?

Moran works brainwashed kooks into frenzy over whether or not cooking with alcohol is safe

Cooking with alcohol?
« on: August 21, 2018, 11:11:14 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi, I'm 18 months off. Wanna know if its safe to cook with alcohol, I don't want a set back.

Re: Cooking with alcohol?
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2018, 11:32:34 pm »

[Buddie]

If it’s heated yes…..

Re: Cooking with alcohol?
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2018, 01:03:09 am »

[Buddie]

I cook with alchohol and have not had any problems. I don’t use a lot but if the recipe calls for it then I go ahead and use half of what it calls for. I don’t do it very often though. I haven’t noticed it making me worse.

Re: Cooking with alcohol?
« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2018, 03:00:11 am »

[Buddie]

I had soup with alcohol and it gave me a wave for several terrible months. It’s a myth that it cooks out. Google it… studies have been done!

Re: Cooking with alcohol?
« Reply #4 on: August 22, 2018, 05:09:05 am »

[Buddie]

I have not had any issues with food cooked in alcohol. I am 21 months off, but have had things cooked in alcohol a few time and never had an issue.

Re: Cooking with alcohol?
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2018, 01:20:43 am »

[Buddie]

I’m 18 months and I wouldn’t have a drop of alcohol if my life depended on it. It always pisses me off how crazy people are that they would be willing to risk pure hell over some damm alcohol! How is it worth it?

I would have healed over a year ago had I known the kind of hell alcohol puts us into with this illness.

“Benzo Buddies ruined my life”

How benzobuddies ruined my life, long proctated withdrawal 4 years off
« on: June 01, 2018, 06:12:39 pm »

[Buddie]

my last name here was pil54, in 2014 here i Registered after a fast taper of 7mg prazepam, i was just reinstated 4,5mg and it wasnt enought to stabilized me, i should have gone back to 7mg at least or even more for it to be effective, and restart a slow taper.

Back of that i was first on 20mg, i discovered the Ashton manual and was doing it even slower, reducing 5% every 2 weeks with barely no symptoms at all, all was very manageable, working full time job through it. For one year i tapered from 20mg to 7mg very easily, it wasnt the hell people describe here to taper at all, everyone here who describe hell tapering psych meds is just going too fast . Until i stupidly lost patience andtryed to accelerate and it went hell and i ended cold turkey 7mg

I can remember moderators here telling me ” You are paradoxical you just need to quit and let your brain heal, Accute only last 3 month then it will get better, everyone heal”, That sentence EVERYONE HEAL, you will read it all day by every people here, those all unknow people behind their screen can litteraly destroy all your life if you listen them advices.

Its what i did, and thats what they did, they ruined my whole life, I tapered those last 4,5mg in 3 month, reducing 0,5or 0,25mg every 8 days, and i went severly ill because i wasnt stable at all before tapering, they told me ” dont care accute last 3 month “

Am still in accute 4 yeas later, next month i will be 4 years off every benzo or psych meds, and i never recovered from the symptoms of my fast taper here in 2014,

I still have akathisia, i wake up Everyday in terror with electricity in my whole body, with surge of feeling loosing my mind like i have mania, severe insomnia, depersonnalization that never went away 4 years laters, during those years i developped pots syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome from the daily severe terror my body was experiencing.

They told me ” its normal if withdrawal for years, and i Believe them, i thought it was normal, IT WAS NOT, IT WAS ABSOLUTLY NOT.

Am now living with the crazy idea on my shoulder that i was better 4 years ago while i was doing my slow micro taper, than now 4 years off after my last dose after my failed tapers.

And it’s been the same for my old friends here who Registered in the same generation of me, Hurtbrain, Crazypants, benzommama, rackshka, all those people who tapered wrong and been told they would heal, they are now 4-5-6 years later never healed because of listening people here on that same forum.

That message is to warm the newbies here and all the people suffering to realy inform you before you do a fast taper and listen people here telling you that whatever the way you tapered you will heal, it’s false, its the worse shit every spammed here but its not reality,

Jennyfer Leigh, baylissa,ian singleton, una corbet, They all lie, they all say what you want to hear just to reassurance, but they have no idea how long a brain damage from a rapid taper can take to recover, for years they lied to me saying i would heal if i avoid alcohol and psych meds, I DID, and i never healed 4 years later.

My life is a living hell now because i regret Everyday the mistake i did to listen unknow people advice behind a screen, even my doctor told me to reinstate to my last dosage if i felt sick and retaper slower, it would have been the think to do, instead i trusted that forum

Please inform yourself, the best safe way to escape benzo hell is a micro taper of 5% every 2 weeks of your dosage