Driver License renewal
« on: September 07, 2019, 02:24:49 pm »
I’m curious for those that are at end of taper or very recently finished.
Could you renew your drivers license in your present condition?
Synthroid. 88 mcg
6/10/19. 1.90 sxs Holding
This is ridiculous!
« on: September 01, 2019, 09:32:59 am »
“Here I am typing this on my phone as I lie on my bathroom floor, where I have found myself on numerous occasions over the past 12 months, pondering how the hell I can survive any longer.
I feel like I’ve reached the end this time, that I have no more left to give. My withdrawal has been no more or less brutal than anyone elses but my issues externally to this keep lining up and seem insurmountable at best. Perhaps it’s the benzo lies talking, perhaps not….who really knows what they’re thinking is rational or not in this situation?!
But right now everything feels too hard. Maybe this is a cry for help…knowing nothing and no-one can fix this though, essentially renders it useless. Errrrrrrmagod
I hope everyone whom finds themselves in a similar position right now finds the strength and courage to keep moving forward.
Love Peace and Taco Grease
Sometimes I wish I never discovered BenzoBuddies
« on: May 23, 2019, 03:54:57 am »
This website is great for support and advice etc but it feels like a magnet I can’t detach from.
I try my best not to come on here but it’s so hard not to and the more I read the information on here the more I am woken up to the reality of how long this is going to take and if healing actually happens or not.
Sometimes I feel like being on here is my only distraction but at the same time, it feeds the subconscious mind negativity and hopelessness.
Not sure why I posted on here. Just needed to vent.
17 yrs benzo and 17 months off + weed
« on: April 10, 2019, 09:44:26 pm »
Hello to all of you ,
I am extremely happy I found this forum. I am 35 yrs old male single. I was diagnosed with depression/ADD/ADHD when I was 17. The dosage I consume is very consistent throughout the years, 1 benzo and 1 anti depressant. Two years ago, I discover weed reduces my anxiety and sleep so much. I started to hang out with pothead friends then I found out benzo is @(*#! I cold turkey 17 months ago and I created a new habit of smoking pot. Everyday, all day none stop. A year ago, I didn’t smoke for a month and I still had serve symptoms. So I continue to consume cannabis ever since.
dizziness and headache
foggy brain, there is like a pressure in the brain
muscle tightness entire body
impossible to have a good posture
extremely isolated with reality
hard to concentrate
hypersensitive to noise, sounds, light
hard to breath
eeeeeeeeeeeeeee on my ear
family and friends are the biggest joke ever
2019 we communicate with our fingers and eyes on screen, I can’t stand the fact that people don’t reply or take my messages seriously. I get extremely upset that I would just give up and block the person right away. Why not call?
severe repetitively negative thoughts
especially on tinder ( dating app ) I talk to ppl with respect but I get mistreated, like super mad with these girls. I know their mindset is not very healthy to begin with. Anyway I deleted the app yesterday.
tons of childhood memory came back
unable to maintain any relationship
fear of going out
takes a lot of effort to do a simple thing. ( going to grocery store, food )
is it weed or is it benzo withdrawal
nobody understand and sometimes I think I am crazy
tire, fatigue feeling all day
I do get this weird feeling coming back and forth. Sometimes it’s not obvious so I don’t know how to describe it. All of sudden my chest and heart have this tingling feel. It is hard to breath and then it’s gone.
For the past one and half year, I didn’t do anything. Blaze and youtube everyday. Whenever I tell someone my benzo withdrawal. They couldn’t understand and most of them want to argue with me. I don’t have any friends anymore, I don’t talk to my family. Sometime, I feel extremely lonely but I am so afraid I will end up any relationships. I can’t afford to loose more friends. Is it me or is this benzo withdrawal??
FM2(Flunitrazepam): Modipanol/Rohypnol ***7 years
Syndoman 30mg. FLURAZEPAM HCL ****4 years
MESYREL 50MG TRAZODONE HYDROCHLOR
I only take 1 benzo and 1 anti depressant a day. Like the tablets we see from normal pharmaceutical drugs.
My apology for the long and boring words. It’s just so much anxiety even typing these out.
How to present to hospital to avoid being forced into psych ward/detox
« on: February 02, 2019, 05:42:14 pm »
So my new PCP has screwed me. Gave me 30 day bridge and referred me to a psych for taper. Unfortunately the generic from the new pharmacy made me feel sick so we asked to switch to the old one. We brought back 20 days worth of medication to her office in good faith and she wrote a script for… 5. 5 days. On a friday. Same day we finally get ahold of the psych she referred us to – doesn’t even prescribe benzos.
My friend can give me a couple more days but basically I have a week to figure out what to do or be forced to go to a hospital. But the hospital is likely to just commit me/force me into a ward or detox. I feel screwed.
What can I do in this situation? Where should I try to go to find a prescriber to taper in such short notice (1 week)? If I have to go to the hospital for “rescue”, how do I get them to help me without forcing me into a ward or detox? I’m so scared and so alone.
I’m in Anne Arundel county Maryland, if someone can help me.
For the sake of our membership, all references to self-harm and/or harming others have been removed from this thread. Please click on this link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self-Harm/Ideation (Revised)
« Last Edit: February 03, 2019, 06:27:24 pm by [Buddie] »
My story starts with a trip to the ER for what were some dizzy, lightheaded symptoms I was having. I remember the day clearly, I had been painting our bedroom and although I had had episodes like this before, this time it was much worse. All the tests were normal and my doctor told me it was a middle ear issue and sent me to an ENT. Unfortunately the doctor was very busy and spent little time with me. He gave me a prescription for Ativan and said that the condition I had would just go away. After 6 weeks of taking Ativan I was dependent but didn’t know it, in fact I didn’t even know what a benzo was, because I’m stupid and have lived under a rock for the past 50 years. I was told to stop it, since it was a very low dose, for a vestibular wellness test, and that’s when I became very ill. Little did I know that I was going through withdrawal. My doctor said it wasn’t the Ativan because I had stopped it 2 weeks before. All the many medical tests came back normal. I was indeed anxious at this point and having so many scary symptoms, rather than keep trying the many sample meds my doctor gave me, which also made me ill, I decided to see a psychiatrist.
After being diagnosed as severely mentally ill, I was put on clonazepam and many antidepressants and other medications that my sensitive system could not tolerate. I began to feel sicker still and went for more tests and procedures. Around this time I started to research my medications, and asked my doctor many times about the safety of taking the clonazepam long term. My psychiatrist was on the right route, he just took a wrong turn. He’s stupid. He had my hormones tested as well as my thyroid because he didn’t see a psychological reason for the anxiety and other symptoms. After changing doctors once again, both my new doctor and I decided the medications were making me ill. I came across the Ashton Manual and we used it for a cross over to Valium since I was finding it difficult to taper from the clonazepam.
I found BenzoBuddies after I finished my taper and as with many here I so wish I had found it earlier. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done, but the most important. I am so much more proactive about my health and knowledgeable thanks to the people here at BenzoBuddies. They provided me a safe, kind and caring place to come whenever I needed encouragement or validation that what I felt was normal for withdrawal. This is a community of believers, believing that recovery will happen, that healing will occur, that Ashton and Colin are our gurus. Never lose sight of the goal to be benzo free, every day is a step in the right direction. I am happier than ever before even though I am not completely healed and I am so happy to be able to give back to those who have helped me so much.
Questions for those who are healed? A more positive section to add?
« on: November 05, 2018, 01:26:35 pm »
Is there a specific place that members can post questions SPECIFICALLY to those who have healed?
I have not been coming here for support/encouragement as much lately because (for obvious reasons – nobody is to blame) it’s all VERY negative and gloom and doom here.
Why is that? Well, because 90% of the people here are suffering. Everyone wants to (understandably) be heard and discuss their journey/symptoms/suffering.
However, the encouragement from success stories and the sprinkling of responses from those who are healed are TRULY a blessing.
For me though, if I post a question about a symptom I have and get 12 responses from people who are “2 years out” or “36 months out” and still suffering from that symptom, it tends to throw me into a panic. So I don’t post or ask much anymore.
And if I go into a forum specifically for my “symptom” (for example: anxiety)… even just the topics that are listed can throw me into a wave for days.
It would be AMAZING to have a positive place besides success stories to get support and encouragement.
And I would hope to think that once my healing is complete I would participate in this positive section and encourage others through their journey as much as I possibly could.