TERROR AT TESCO

I went to TESCO today!
« on: January 02, 2018, 05:19:06 pm »

[Buddie]

In the car!! By myself!!!

I haven’t been able to go there to do any shopping at all for months and the whole ‘online shopping and getting someone to get bits and pieces in between’ has become so stressful I decided that was one of the first things I was going to try and do when I felt stronger.

Last night I had a better sleep and felt half-decent after lunch so decided to have a go.  I haven’t been able to drive on the main roads outwith the housing estate but thankfully TESCO is about 10-15 minutes away from the house but still within the estate.  However even if I get there, I can’t go in the normal way because there are traffic lights and I seem to freak out if I get ‘trapped’ anywhere like a queue or a busy roundabout or lights.  And then I figured out I could maybe park in the staff car park round the back which is reached via a side street before the main entrance to TESCO and means I don’t have to negotiate any traffic lights at all so that’s what I did today.  And then did a LOT of deep breathing in order to get out of the car and make it to the front entrance!

But make it I did.  I grabbed two filled rolls, two salads and 4 yoghurts, saw an empty checkout and tried not to hyperventilate going through it.  There was a Holland and Barrett shop in the same complex so I popped in there afterwards and got some papaya and pineapple as a snack treat then stopped at the cash machine on the way back to the car to get money out as well.  Three things I would have had to ask someone to do for me normally.

And I discovered the other good thing about the staff car park is that it’s pretty quiet so I was able to give a whoop of delight when I got back to the car without any men in white coats appearing to take me somewhere padded :laugh:

And then I took the car for a 10 minute run which involved going onto one of the main roads which did produce a mild panic attack but I was able to calm myself down once I turned off into a side street.

Now that’s a big deal for me because whenever the panic has started before when I’ve done something like that, it’s always just got worse and worse and no amount of breathing exercises or calming strategies have worked in the slightest.  As you can imagine, being the driver in a car when that happens and still having to have a 20 minute journey to get back home makes that a frightening experience and results in eventual avoidance.  So the fact that I seem to now be able to become calmer while still IN the car says to me that my brain is very definitely healing and reduces the terrible fear factor somewhat.  Well it reduces it in theory ……  ;D

Once home, I popped the shopping in the fridge and took myself off for a walk to celebrate.  Possibly being the only human being on the streets, it being a very wet and windy afternoon but you know how it is – you feel better and you just want to do some ‘normal’ stuff for a change.

I was able to go much further away from the house than I normally do although timewise my walk was only 5 minutes longer than yesterday’s but it was much more of a WALK if you know what I mean.  Yesterday I was tootling around the lanes and paths very close to my house and eking out the walk to give me a decent time – today I was properly walking on the pavements at a good pace and being ‘normal’ tired rather than ‘scared’ tired.

Which of course means I am now knackered, feel terrible and could go off to bed right this minute!! :laugh:

Still it’s nice to put a tick (for a window) in the notebook where I’m keeping track of what I take and how I feel on a daily basis instead of a cross because there’s been somewhat of an abundance of crosses lately :-\

Good start to the year eh?

White-knuckle, chest-thumping fear of flying without benzos

Flying tommorow and horrified
« on: December 13, 2017, 05:36:45 am »

[Buddie]

Hey friends, I’m really scared here. Taking my first flight tommorow since quitting benzos. I am horrified of not being able to do anything about an anxiety attack midair. I had my doctor call in a one time xanax refill but my wife is ashamed of me for doing so and is advising me not to even bring them because I will have a huge flare up of anxiety when they wear off. Been benzo free 16 months. Any words of advice on flying without benzos? Should I bring them in secret just to have? Please help!

Ashton-inspired scaremongering drives short-term Xanax user into arms of anti-psychiatry cult

Looking for some advice New Here
« on: April 26, 2017, 09:31:37 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey guys, I’ve been taking .25 of Xanax for 1 month now. I want to taper off. My doctor thinks I will be fine just stopping cold turkey but I don’t feel ok with that. I began tapering last week taking 3/4 of a .25 by breaking it up into 4 peices. Did that seven days. Now taking 1/2 of .25 plan to do this for 7 days. Then take only 1/4 of .25 for a week then stop. Could someone tell me is this a good taper plan? I have heard some scary stories of tapering that makes me nervous. Let me know any advice please guys. Thank you!

Benzo Buddies maniacs demand hallucinating Ashton devotee keep tapering

Paranoia
« on: July 07, 2016, 09:34:17 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello everyone!
I need all the help and advice I can get about this topic. It’s really embarrassing for me to talk about, but it’s a real serious issue and it’s causing severe pain in my life. I was on clonazapam .5 mg 1x a day for 5 years for anxiety and insomnia. I am currently off of it and am going through a Nasty withdrawal. I got off of it because I noticed that things were getting bad for me. Anxiety was getting worse, insomnia would happen even when I took the pill sometimes, I developed ocd on this drug. And this is the topic I want to discuss..the ocd. I have/developed irrational fears of thinking someone is going to kill me. It can be anyone, if my mom just yells at me I think she is going to kill me. Literally. If my brother is sad, I think he’s going to kill us. If I don’t do my check..there is someone in my room going to hurt me. Now that I haven’t taken clonazapam
For a few days it’s getting worse. I did do a taper off of this drug. I realize I’m probably going through withdrawal, but I seriously can’t sleep at night not only because of the withdrawal, but because of these rediculous thoughts. My mind can’t calm itself down anymore, so when a thought comes in…regardless of how nuts it is..it sticks and my body reacts in fear and panic. I’m struggling with insomnia because I can’t get these crazy thoughts out. Last night I thought there were bombs placed in my room. I know I’m sleep deprived and being on clonazapam I haven’t gotten good sleep in 5 years…but how can I control these thoughts. Please talk some sense into me. I’m falling apart. I’m 23 years old, and going through a lot.

Re: Paranoia
« Reply #1 on: July 09, 2016, 12:23:33 am »

[Buddie]

Hi […], you did the right thing and stopped taking the pills. I cannot say they gave me OCD but I do know the bad thoughts are part of this. I have all kinds of crazy intrusive thoughts and we just have to tell ourselves the reality of the situation. Like your mom or your brother probably are not going to kill you, well I don’t know them maybe they will, just a little joke. That is beside the point my craziest thoughts are around suicide and I have to tell myself I’m never going to go through with it so why do I keep telling myself I will. I cannot answer that question myself. But I’m sure it is all part of this difficult thing we are going through.

Re: Paranoia
« Reply #2 on: July 09, 2016, 06:06:35 am »

[Buddie]

You were tapering too fast. I would go back to .5 and try again tapering much slower. OCD feeds on anxiety and so once you will go back to .5 you will have relief. It may take a few times until you learn how your body reacts to the withdrawal so don’t look at this as a failure. I now gone back to my original dose again because I tapered too fast. Everyone has different way they react to withdrawal and take different time to taper off. You need to give yourself time and keep trying.

SIG LINE TERROR

Turning off user signatures
« on: December 30, 2015, 07:42:43 am »

[Buddie]

I noticed that I was obsessing too much with other users’ signatures and taper histories. I’ve turned that off, and it’s made me feel better….

Re: Turning off user signatures
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2016, 09:58:17 pm »

[Buddie]

I’d like to make a suggestion for you- try a lightbox. It may be just the ticket you need to feel better.

Re: Turning off user signatures
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2016, 09:20:51 pm »

[Buddie]

I agree about user signatures. They can really freak me out too. I stay away from the horror stories and stick with threads like Accentuate the positive. Also, when I started my taper 7 weeks ago I literally sat on my couch all day on benzo buddies. I now go on twice a day for fifteen minutes and get on with my life. We have no choice in what we are going through but we do have a choice in how we deal with it.

Re: Turning off user signatures
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2016, 12:22:10 am »

[Buddie]

Thank goodness the signature lines are in small print. Many are way too lengthy and to me your entire history and tapering schedule from day one doesn’t belong there. I wish folks would modify their signatures. I just try to ignore these unless I have some reason to want to know a person’s back story.