Self-pitying cult member’s story ends with sappy plea to make Colin the next King of England

Beyond Success Stories
« on: September 12, 2019, 01:03:20 am »

Quietquiet

Hey Folks,

I’ll post this here because it seems the least inappropriate place to do so. I’m actually surprised there isn’t a dedicated section for people who want to pursue action related to questions of justice, advocacy, pushing for research, how to sue practitioners/manufacturers, etc. There absolutely should be. Other sites/organizations may be a better fit to implement action, but BB seems an ideal place to, at minimum, discuss these issues in our own informed, freewheeling, even chaotic manner. I’m pretty new to all this, so I don’t want this to be taken as a criticism of BB. I value this place immensely.

There is a lot of anger and some triggering language below, so if you are not up for that then I wouldn’t read much further. It’s also kind of long.

-Beyond Success Stories-

Everyone appreciates Success Stories. They really do help and I know they have brought many people through some rough patches. At the same time, what I’ve noticed is the air that some of them present, as though writing their story is the last great service that the author is going to provide to those left behind. A final parting gift. And we are very grateful for this gift. I am absolutely, honestly grateful. But BB is a kind of closed community. So that message does not spread very far.

When I want people to understand what I am going through, I tell them to go to BB and read a Success Story, because I think every single person on earth would find it shocking the amount of pain involved in what we call ‘success.’ Ideas like: “withdrawal symptoms may persist for weeks, months or years,” just don’t register with people. Does that mean you have a headache? Some fatigue? You miss taking the drug? No, it means I was force-marched through hell, and I have lost everything dear to me along the way. How’s that for a possible side effect?

I wish every success story was sent by its author to the editorial page of their local paper. To every national paper. To every international paper. They may not run them, but eventually they will read them, and those people have a vast influence. And you don’t need to have achieved ‘success’ to write a letter. I wish there was a collection of them available on Amazon — there is for every other aflicted group, and people read them.

I know some people stick around to offer aid and support, and some people go off and work on these issues in the world in the ways that they can. Thank you so much for doing that. It takes great strength of character. Admins and BIC do such powerful work.

But the overwhelming feeling I get from reading success stories is that people are trying really, really hard to forget about their experience. And that makes total sense. It’s a deep trauma; who wouldn’t want to forget? I’m sure if I ever heal, I’ll want to as well. Some people may not be able to have anything to do with work involving benzo advocacy after the trauma. That is totally understandable. Live your life. You’ve damn well earned it.

But how long has this board been active, 15 years? 15 years of people healing through the solidarity of their fellow sufferers, and still new people keep showing up. New people who have to go through hell because they weren’t told the truth.

This is, of course, not the fault of those who have healed and moved on. And no one should have to live their life in service to a cause they no longer feel connected to. But it is hard to claim to care in any meaningful manner when we willingly turn away from those who are suffering in the way that we suffered. We need to at least be honest about that with ourselves.

Because I know that if even one person had told me of the dangers of benzos I wouldn’t have taken a single damn pill (the potential dangers of the drug is on the package insert of every benzodiazepine – editor). I know this because someone told me about the dangers of a couple of harsh ssris, and when I was offered them, I rejected them. And I also know this because of the street drugs I was warned of and didn’t take. No symptom list can communicate what benzo suffering is like; it takes a survivor.

I’ve read stories where people go back to confront their doctors and then walk away because they just can’t find the words. And I think, who is that doctor going to injure next? Please, please find the words.

They don’t believe us when we are symptomatic because those who are mentally unwell are imminently dismissible. It is much harder to argue with a ‘healthy’ person. Especially one who is going to report you. Especially one who is threatening to sue you. Especially one who will tell every person they know what their trusted doctor did to them if they do not rethink their actions and policies. Phones and email work wonderfully well if you are worried your anger will overwhelm you. Demand a response.

My understanding is that there is no real research being conducted into what has happened to us, nor into ways to help us in our struggle. People have been taking these drugs for 50+ years and they still don’t really know what the longterm effects are in any real way. That is unacceptable, and as far as I know, not true of any other drug of ‘abuse.’ There is a trail of corpses and broken lives all along those decades.

I don’t want to have anyone going through this to feel any extra burden right now. You’ve got enough on your plate. But I see so many threads about whether some vitamin will help, or people passionately debating whether or not to use some supplement. Both of those are important for people to look into when they are suffering. But…

I just wish I saw the same passion being directed at finding ways to convince our elected officials, or the people that run the various departments and institutes of health, or research bodies, or news organizations, or watchdog groups, or our own providers, to at least TRY to do something about this. One ironic thing about victims is that we actually have IMMENSE power, because we KNOW, and we have STORIES. And people believe in stories, and they understand something about pain, and they care when they hear about people suffering. They do, they really, really do care.

They just have to be told those stories enough times and in the right ways. There are some damn good story tellers and experts on this site. Put Fliprain on Dr. Phil. Have […] chair the Benzo Withdrawal Symposium happening in Tucson on the 16th. Make Colin the next King of England. Whatever it takes.

In my darkest moments (and maybe stop reading here even if you have read through the rest, because it is dark) I feel like a person who is chained to the wall of a dungeon with a bunch of other prisoners, being tortured by a psychopath. And every once in a while, a person claws their way out of the darkness and into the light. Into freedom. They escape the dungeon and the torture.

Imagine you are that person who escapes. What is your responsibility to those back in the dungeon, still chained to the walls, with the drills and the saws?

Maybe it’s enough to be free. Maybe you don’t have to do anything. But maybe you can raise Holy Hell. I don’t know. I’m still in the dungeon.

What I want is for us to find out the truth of what is happening to us, and for us to have a lot more help, and maybe eventually to take some action so I don’t feel so absolutely powerless. And above all I want to know that there will one day be a final person to sign up to this forum. And that person will be met with all the knowledge they need, and after they have quickly healed, Colin can close this board down and turn it into a memorial for all the anguish and all the courage that it is a testament to. Or just delete it, because maybe by then we all really could begin to forget, in the fullness of a great victory over such agony and despair.

So this is a desperate rant because I am in pain; I am holding on by my fingernails; I’m afraid of what is going to happen to me. And if I offended anyone then I’m sorry, really I am, unless it makes you do something that helps us. Because a whole lot of stuff in this world was changed because one person got righteously pissed, or just did the hard work. How many people are alive because one doctor in Newcastle opened a clinic and wrote a manual on withdrawal? And why has there been no one since?

Why don’t we have physical places for people to go to in order to recover long-term? Why aren’t there institutes devoted to research? Why isn’t there any real funding? Yes, there are answers to those questions, but those answers are unacceptable. Those places and institutions exist for many other forms of treatment that people need, and often for conditions that impact far fewer people for far less time. We can’t even go to drug treatment centers because THEY MAKE US WORSE. That is insane.

I would feel a lot better if there was more discussion around here about the power we DO have. About the studies we think SHOULD happen, and how they should be conducted, and who we can contact and educate and badger and cajole into taking them on. About the ways we CAN change the minds of those who can immediately do something about this. Because I do know this, we COULD be helped, and quickly. Not necessarily healed, but helped.

Who are the experts on benzo withdrawal? We are. But there are people in the world who know things that we could benefit from. If there is one thing I know about the members of this forum it’s that you can type all damn day long and you do not give up.

Maybe this has all been said before and dismissed for good reasons. If so it’s time to reconsider. I just know I can’t read another post about whether or not I am to blame for increasing my symptoms because I ate some garlic.

Our lives were stolen from us. Stolen. That is a crime. It cannot be allowed to stand and it must not be allowed to continue. The only justice in the world is the justice that you insist on when you have the strength to do so. And sometimes even when you don’t.

My best,

quiet

Benzo Buddies Bedridden Club throws a party

Re: ~~The Bedridden Club~~
« Reply #1089 on: January 27, 2018, 04:19:54 pm »

[Buddie]

It’s going to be a bad circle of all, getting so sad because I can`t do anything. My home is a mess. It feels like I’m stuck, nothing will happen to anything.

Re: ~~The Bedridden Club~~
« Reply #1090 on: January 30, 2018, 02:29:27 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi […], I feel exactly the same. I am looking round this room at the moment and there are so many things to do and yet I can’t get motivated to do them. My Mum came to see me yesterday and it was so difficult talking to her. This is my own mother!
I know there is a pile of pots downstairs waiting to be washed but I am in bed and cannot summon the energy to do them. Maybe I might be able to do them later, I don’t know.
I’m glad this group is up and running again. Please chip in, anyone who is bedbound for physical or mental reasons. Or both.

Re: ~~The Bedridden Club~~
« Reply #1091 on: January 30, 2018, 02:50:58 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on January 30, 2018, 02:29:27 pm
My Mum came to see me yesterday and it was so difficult talking to her. This is my own mother!

Don’t feel bad about it, this happens to many people during withdrawal, me included. Last Sunday a cousin came to visit me, but I didn’t even come out of my room. I know it’s rude, but I just didn’t have it in me, I simply couldn’t do it. I stayed in my bed all day.

Re: ~~The Bedridden Club~~
« Reply #1092 on: January 30, 2018, 02:51:27 pm »

[Buddie]

In bed daily with mental; a year off all meds and so much worse-feel it has to be toxicity in my case…keep getting more and more symptoms…

Re: ~~The Bedridden Club~~
« Reply #1093 on: January 30, 2018, 03:10:03 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m so sorry for your situation, Brainwarp. Everything you went through in your taper was in order to feel better when you were eventually off the tablets and now you feel worse. I hope you improve soon. Meanwhile stick around this thread. It got your answer and an answer from Ginger in about twenty minutes so it must have some relevance to quite a few people.

Ginger, thanks for your answer. I do feel bad when family members come to visit and I find myself looking forward to the next day when they are gone. The worst one is when my bf’s parents come and stay for two or three days. Thinking about that now makes me feel scared. Sorry you couldn’t see your cousin.

I managed to get up and wash the dishes. They will have to dry by themselves….

Ashton taper failing but thank God addict has place to indulge in self-pity

Feel hopeless
« on: July 21, 2017, 11:32:44 am »

[Buddie]

The withdrawals got to me too much yesterday so I took a rescue dose of 10mg valium. I felt better the rest of the day but now I feel like a failure. I don’t know what I did to my taper schedule and where to go from here. Even when I make small cuts and hold I still feel sick. I think I’m going to die every day. I just want to give up. I have no life and haven’t left my house in 2 months, I can’t talk to anyone, I’m useless. I can’t even go outside. I question why I’m even doing this when I was doing so well on the valium. I do want to stop. I need some support from people who understand. Thank God for this forum.

Kooks compare themselves to people murdered by terrorists, want benefit concert

Benefit concert
« on: June 07, 2017, 03:46:46 am »

[Buddie]

Ok, so they had a benefit concert for the injured in Manchester, England after the terror attack. They raised $22 million. Where the hell is our benefit concert for those of us who got injured by benzo’s and Z-drugs and lost our jobs and are on disability and with no health insurance and trying to make ends meet? Something is so wrong in this world. The terrorists are Big Pharma and we are the victims.

Re: Benefit concert
« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2017, 05:48:48 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on June 07, 2017, 03:46:46 am
The terrorists are Big Pharma and we are the victims.

Well said. Unfortunately the rest of the world doesn’t see it that way.

Stevie Nicks blames psychiatry, not abuse of illegal drugs, for her decline


The anti-psychiatry cult venerates Nicks as an anti-benzo apostle yet Stevie was an out of control drug addict:

  • Fleetwood Mac singer Stevie Nicks was so addicted to cocaine, alcohol and Quaaludes she blacked out and nearly overdosed repeatedly
  • She wore gold and turquoise bottle inlaid with diamonds around her neck so she was never without coke
  • To avoid body searches by customs in Europe, they hired Hitler’s private rail car complete with the elderly attendant who served the Fuhrer

She quickly descended into drug hell and became addicted to cocaine, alcohol, Quaaludes to sleep, and cigarettes – until her system broke down and she started having nosebleeds, falls on stage, blackouts and near overdoses.

She bought $1 million worth of cocaine and it burned a hole in her nose the size of a dime. Rumors spread that she had to have the drug blown up her derriere by an assistant.

“There was no way to get off the white horse and I didn’t want to,”  the now 66-year-old Nicks said.

She only slowed down her drug consumption when her doctor warned her she was risking permanent mental and physical damage as well as heading for a brain hemorrhage or an early grave.

The group called for an intervention and saved her life by urging her to check in to the Betty Ford Center.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2941749/Stevie-Nicks-1million-cocaine-habit-fueled-wild-affair-married-Mick-Fleetwood-burned-hole-nose-big-took-drug-private-parts-reveals-new-book.html

Can anyone blame Big Pharma, or psychiatry, for that?

In a March 2017 Rolling Stone interview, instead of advising her younger self never to take illegal drugs, and thereby help other addicts, Nicks irresponsibly blames the psychiatrist who tried to help her recover:

What advice would you give to your younger self?
“How about my early-forties self? That’s when I walked out of Betty Ford after beating coke. I spent two months doing so well. But all my business managers and everyone were urging me to go to this guy who was supposedly­ the darling of the psychiatrists. That was the guy who put me on Klonopin. This is the man who made me go from 123 pounds to almost 170 pounds at five feet two. He stole eight years of my life.”

Look at what this poor, brainwashed, slob at Benzo Buddies says about Nicks:

Resist
« on: May 24, 2017, 02:51:03 am »

[Buddie]

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/stevie-nicks-talks-drugs-men-aging-fleetwood-macs-future-w470914

Start fighting back folks. No more suicides. Lost jobs and homes. No more drugged toddlers and babies, elderly and infirm. Come on guys! This is a grass roots effort! If Stevie Nicks still has the balls to stand up against big pharma and the drug dealers that push their poisons, so do you!

Love you all,

Talk about delusional.

BENZO BUDDIES PITY PARTY

Am I just lazy?
« on: May 21, 2017, 02:56:23 pm »

[Buddie]

Yesterday I got out and cut the grass and felt bad. Today I have the don’t wants. So much to do. Whoa is me.

Re: Am I just lazy?
« Reply #1 on: May 21, 2017, 03:23:38 pm »

[Buddie]

I feel so down. Anything I see depresses me. I wish I had someone to talk to. Nothing are no one to get motivated for. I just sit here and post. It feels like a big weight on top of me.

Re: Am I just lazy?
« Reply #2 on: May 21, 2017, 04:10:42 pm »

[Buddie]

Well you’ve already done more than I have in a year I bet lol. I am normally outside from morning to dark last two summers, nope and I am not seeing much being dif so far this summer.

K sucked the life out of me and I don’t do shit all day.

You’re not lazy I asked the same thing one day, you can’t just change like that.. its the w/d. You will be back to normal one day just keep hanging on.

Addict throws online pity party after being accused of laziness

Because I'm sick ,I was called a LAZY BUM!!
« on: December 16, 2016, 09:58:28 pm »

[Buddie]

I tried to post this before but I guess it didn’t go through. I was called a “Lazy Bum”. People don’t know how debilitating this ordeal is unless they go through it themselves or have a illness that keeps them from doing ordinary things. I pray I get healthy and can go back to work next year. I go to CBT and read self help books, to help with my severe anxiety.However, this W/D has made my inner ear Disease so much worse that I have vertigo,ear pressure and horrible balance everyday. I want to know who could work under those conditions. I’m not talking about minor dizziness either.Head spinning the whole nine yards. People so quick to judge us and that probably couldn’t even handle a week of this torture!!! I been going through this for almost two years. I do feel pathetic but it’s not my fault I know .The Doctor should of known better. I’m stuck suffering and being criticized for it SMDH.

BOOK REVIEW

Healing From Psychiatry: The Artist’s Perspective
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Pn7FPSv5aw
http://alisonzpage.wix.com/recoveryartbook

Alee seems to be full of hatred toward medical science. She comes across as a perpetual victim – blaming doctors, psychiatry and Big Pharma (who have literally saved hundreds of millions of lives with their skill and their medications) for her tragic situation. The book has the feel of a hateful and vulgar masturbatory exercise for a tiny subculture. Not recommended.

Former Xanax eater joins online pity party, immediately blames doctor

New Cry Baby Here
« on: June 07, 2016, 03:25:57 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey everyone. I’m obviously new here… and here’s a little about me, and why I feel like a cry baby.

I was given 1.5mg Xanax for sleep, that was years ago. Never upped the dose, never took more than prescribed… Then like many before me, was given an opiate for pain relief. Well that was for years!

Fast forward to a few months ago. I wanted my life back, and not be chained to pill bottles anymore. Jumped ct off the pain pills. Had a bad 1 or 2 weeks, and boom, recovered from that. No lingering effects or anything. Felt crummy, but after about the 2 week mark, felt like life was back. Here’s where things got interesting…

I thought Xanax was the same type of thing. That I could just ct that too. Boy oh boy what was I thinking. Made it to like day 2, and was taking it again, but that’s where things got interesting. I could never find stability again! I was 100% stable taking the 1.5mg at night only. Never took them during the day… Just at night. No issues, no problems, no inter-dose withdrawal, nothing. I was fine. Well, when I got back on them, no matter what I tried, I felt like my head was going to explode, i basically lived in the bath tub, and damn near wanted to end it.

Someone who I adore took me to the ER, and the folks at the ER said I was suffering benzo dependance. I was like, duh! I’m not here for drugs, i showed her my full pill bottle, and I asked how do I get normal again? She literally said ‘I don’t know, but there’s nothing I can do for you here, unless you want to go to detox, and that’ll actually hurt more than help as its only 5 days, but I have to offer.’

Long story short, it took me 2 weeks to get an appt with my pdoc, and I specifically asked for a good solid taper plan. The pdoc had me reduce Xanax by .25mg every 3 days, while taking 10mg of Valium. The 10mg of Valium was to only last 2 weeks, and at the end of that 2 weeks, I was to go to 7.5mg, and the following 2 weeks, down to 5mg… etc.

Here’s where I went sideways. I pushed down and followed the doctors letter to a T to get off the Xanax. Just so happened, I felt great! I felt like the king of the world. Well, I made the Xanax jump, not thinking ahead, on the same day that I had to drop to 7.5mg of Valium.

3 days later, it got gnarly. I won’t bore anyone with the details, but I had to jump back up to 10mg of Valium just to think straight and take care of my kids. The headaches are horrible, sleep is something of the past, and i’m feeling defeated.

Well fast forward to now… I’m on day 2 of going back down to 7.5mg after getting semi-normal on the 10mg again. Pdoc wants me on this for 4 weeks, and we’ll have a new appt then. It seems the pdoc listened to me, but only kind of. Pdoc said that with Valium, ‘there’s no chemical way you’re feeling withdrawals because of the half-life of Valium. It’s all made up in your head. You need to understand that.’

Anyways, here I sit, at 7.5mg on day 2, feel super super crummy, feeling like i’m losing the motivation to want to quit, because this road is uncharted, hard, and ya. Just feel like a failure at everything because it’s ‘made up in my head’.

Anyways, i’m keeping a word doc of my journey, all the twists and turns, more like a journal, and i’m on page 36 already. That’s how many thoughts and twists and turns I’ve taken. IDK. I know i know, there’s light at the end of the tunnel and all that jazz, but is there a faster way to the end of the tunnel? And if not, how do I get my pdoc to listen? I personally feel that the rate of taper might be a little to fast, but pdoc justifies it with ‘Valium has a built in self taper, and you shouldn’t feel withdrawal at the rate we are going. It’s all in your head’. I mean seriously, how much of this is in my head?

Sorry for being long winded, but that’s just where i’m at, my story (very very short version believe it or not) and ya.

A day in the life of an Ashton cultist

  1. take drugs
  2. plot revenge on doctors/psychiatrists
  3. take more drugs
  4. sit on Facebook commiserating with other accidental addicts
  5. take more drugs
  6. wallow in self-pity
  7. take more drugs
  8. go on rant in tiny Facebook group that fantasizes about a legal case – that will never happen – against Big Pharma
  9. take more drugs
  10. check Benzo Buddies to see if anyone else has been sent into a giant wave by hairspray or bottled water
  11. take more drugs
  12. create an art book no one but other people in the cult will ever see
  13. take more drugs
  14. pretend to other cult members you’re smarter than a doctor or a psychiatrist
  15. take more drugs
  16. plan to taper for 10-20 years, then become protracted
  17. take more drugs
  18. worship one doctor named Ashton – who treated less that 400 patients, most of which were on other drugs – as a demi-god
  19. take more drugs
  20. deny you ever abused illegal drugs, like LSD
  21. take more drugs
  22. scan the media for any mention of benzos, then fly into a rage if a TV show offends you
  23. take more drugs
  24. be afraid, be very afraid, of butter
  25. take more drugs
  26. deny your psychiatrist’s diagnosis because mental illness does not exist
  27. take more drugs
  28. deny any connection to Scientology/CCHR but repeat exactly what they say about drugs/psychiatry
  29. take more drugs
  30. pass out at your computer

Professional victim blames doctor for spending three months in psych ward

This is poison - it is criminal to prescribe poison - how can they?
« on: May 01, 2016, 08:51:29 pm »

[Buddie]

Ok – I spent 3 months in a psych ward trying to recover from this stuff – if I had know then what I know now, I never would have touched it – yet Drs ate prescribing this deadly poison every minute of every hour of every day

They used to have to use straight jackets, now they use benzos –

I would have rather been in a straight jacket – at least when the jacket is off you get better