I went to TESCO today!
« on: January 02, 2018, 05:19:06 pm »


In the car!! By myself!!!

I haven’t been able to go there to do any shopping at all for months and the whole ‘online shopping and getting someone to get bits and pieces in between’ has become so stressful I decided that was one of the first things I was going to try and do when I felt stronger.

Last night I had a better sleep and felt half-decent after lunch so decided to have a go.  I haven’t been able to drive on the main roads outwith the housing estate but thankfully TESCO is about 10-15 minutes away from the house but still within the estate.  However even if I get there, I can’t go in the normal way because there are traffic lights and I seem to freak out if I get ‘trapped’ anywhere like a queue or a busy roundabout or lights.  And then I figured out I could maybe park in the staff car park round the back which is reached via a side street before the main entrance to TESCO and means I don’t have to negotiate any traffic lights at all so that’s what I did today.  And then did a LOT of deep breathing in order to get out of the car and make it to the front entrance!

But make it I did.  I grabbed two filled rolls, two salads and 4 yoghurts, saw an empty checkout and tried not to hyperventilate going through it.  There was a Holland and Barrett shop in the same complex so I popped in there afterwards and got some papaya and pineapple as a snack treat then stopped at the cash machine on the way back to the car to get money out as well.  Three things I would have had to ask someone to do for me normally.

And I discovered the other good thing about the staff car park is that it’s pretty quiet so I was able to give a whoop of delight when I got back to the car without any men in white coats appearing to take me somewhere padded :laugh:

And then I took the car for a 10 minute run which involved going onto one of the main roads which did produce a mild panic attack but I was able to calm myself down once I turned off into a side street.

Now that’s a big deal for me because whenever the panic has started before when I’ve done something like that, it’s always just got worse and worse and no amount of breathing exercises or calming strategies have worked in the slightest.  As you can imagine, being the driver in a car when that happens and still having to have a 20 minute journey to get back home makes that a frightening experience and results in eventual avoidance.  So the fact that I seem to now be able to become calmer while still IN the car says to me that my brain is very definitely healing and reduces the terrible fear factor somewhat.  Well it reduces it in theory ……  ;D

Once home, I popped the shopping in the fridge and took myself off for a walk to celebrate.  Possibly being the only human being on the streets, it being a very wet and windy afternoon but you know how it is – you feel better and you just want to do some ‘normal’ stuff for a change.

I was able to go much further away from the house than I normally do although timewise my walk was only 5 minutes longer than yesterday’s but it was much more of a WALK if you know what I mean.  Yesterday I was tootling around the lanes and paths very close to my house and eking out the walk to give me a decent time – today I was properly walking on the pavements at a good pace and being ‘normal’ tired rather than ‘scared’ tired.

Which of course means I am now knackered, feel terrible and could go off to bed right this minute!! :laugh:

Still it’s nice to put a tick (for a window) in the notebook where I’m keeping track of what I take and how I feel on a daily basis instead of a cross because there’s been somewhat of an abundance of crosses lately :-\

Good start to the year eh?

‘If not being on the floor shaking uncontrollably is a success, then yes I am there!’

A little confused by what people consider success
« on: August 26, 2017, 12:40:45 pm »


I’m getting close to being off 3 years. I’m a lot better but can’t say that I am healed. I see some that claim to be healed at 6 months and others that say they are not symptom free even 6 years out. I won’t post a success story untill I have at least a 6 month period where I don’t even give withdrawal a thought. I still can’t make plans without considering what symptoms will pop up and when.

This proccess has without a doubt impacted the quality of my life. To say otherwise would be lying and giving the wrong impression to those looking for answers.

I have learned to live with this but it doesn’t mean that I feel better. I do have stretches of time that I feel good and don’t think about this healing process. This is an improvement from even a year ago. I am hopeful that I can see a marked improvement this tim next year. This is what keeps me going.

I am very active and at 66 I look and feel much younger. This is probably due to how I have taken care of myself throughout my life. I take some supplements, d, e, k, c, omega3, and coconut oil. I stopped multiple vitamins and herbal supplements shortly after I began my withdrawal. I think that herbal supplements can cause a lot of issues that send people to the doctor only to have him prescribe a benzo to counter their side effects. This is my theory anyway!

Here is where I am now! If not being on the floor shaking uncontrollably is a success, then yes I am there! If being able to have a conversation with someone without having moments of lightheadedness or shortness of breath or my jaws tighten, then no! I don’t leave the house without thinking that this will possibly happen sometime during my day.

I urge those that are looking for answers and comfort to not put too much importance on others experiences. It is is a good guideline but each of us will have our own timeline in this healing process. I promise that when I consider myself healed, it will be 100% and not any less.


Have just done a rapid detox
« on: May 19, 2013, 06:49:32 am »

[Name hidden]

From 100-150mg of Valium a day (plus stacks of painkillers and alcohol.)

Wow. Feeling awful. I was in there for two weeks and they dropped me down so fast. I had a couple of really bad days in the hospital but its now that I am home (stayed 2 weeks in detox) that the symptoms are really kicking in. I knew it would
Be like this as I have attempted to quit cold turkey before and couldn’t handle it so started drinking heavily and taking painkillers which just led me back to using Valium again.

I used to take a handful in the morning then bump it all day and night by snorting more.

My symptoms are :

Thee world is swimming
Feel depersonalised
Sense of unreality
Restless legs and well, restless everythjbg.
Random twitches and spasms in my body evey 20 seconds or so
Feel like everything under my skin is buzzing and sometimes burning
I have no emotions
Dilated pupils
Brain zaps
Headaches that I know only Valium will take away
Finding it hard to sleep and never feel restless
Constant tooth grinding for the last 5 days
Leg cramps
I get this numb, nearly like I’m going blind behind my eyes
Tremors and shaking

I’m sure there’s more.

This is awful!!!! I can’t handle it. My hubby has to go back to work tomorrow and I have to look after our 5 kids.

Re: Have just done a rapid detox
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2013, 11:25:33 am »

[Name hidden]

Do you still have medical guidance and have you been told what to expect after those two weeks you stayed in detox?It all seems like ‘normal’ symptoms but if I were you I would seek medical help. Good luck!

Re: Have just done a rapid detox
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2013, 12:07:18 pm »

[Name hidden]

No. I live in the country and the doctors here have said they don’t know much about Benzos. Also, I asked so many times at the hospital in the city about the coming weeks and none of them were willing to have a bar of the fact that symtoms can go on for along time after, and infact only really start at the 2 week mark sometimes.

From what I read, it is ‘normal’ but I just feel so terrible and I can’t function. I have 5 kids to look after 

Re: Have just done a rapid detox
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2013, 02:36:40 pm »

[Name hidden]

I feel for ya […].

I came off Vicodin, alcohol, soma, ambien and finally xanax.

BUT I did them one at a time over a couple of years. The benzo
was last and definitely the hardest.

To do it all at once in 2 weeks is nothing short of sock treatment.

I only have a few minor symptoms left and doing the best I have in years.

Best wishes and hang in there.