Addict turns benzo taper into lifelong career

Feel like I completely screwed myself and now feel hopeless
« on: November 20, 2017, 10:07:02 pm »

[Buddie]

I can’t help but feel like my failed Valium crossover and then all of the one off updoses that I very stupidly took to help me sleep have completely screwed me up. I’ve never felt so physically sick or mentally off. It’s unbearable I’m bed ridden and absolutely overwhelmed with terror and irrational thoughts 24/7. I don’t know what to do anymore I think I kindled myself so badly. I just wanted relief. This is my history:

Last year I did a daily liquid microtaper from February until November. I would liquefy one of my .5 mg tablets in 100 mL’s of milk and take our 1.2 mL’s a day until it was gone. So I got down to 1.5 mg’s around November of last year when I was slammed with symptoms/side effects and after seeking advice I decided to updose to 2 and then ultimately reinstate back at 2.5. This did not stabilize me at all and I wish more than anything I had just held at 1.5. In May of this year I had a failed Valium crossover. I then went back to 2.5 and tried a dry cut going extremely slow and only got from 2.5 to 2.375 cutting at a little less than 5% but I felt so terrible that I again went back to 2.5 and actually tried going to 3 mg’s for six days to see if I could get relief and did not so I then went back to 2.5 which is where I am now and have been for a few months with occasional 5 mg Valium updoses mixed in.

Elderly forced into years-long tapers

Being Over 60 and Tapering?
« on: September 26, 2017, 12:52:06 pm »

[Buddie]

I was wondering if there are any here who are over 60 years of age and tapering. I feel it is a lot harder now that I am older. I am going to press on with this at a very slow taper rate. I don’t care how long it takes, as long as I have minimal to no symptoms. I need to be able to function and want quality of life. Just thought I would inquire. Thanks.

Re: Being Over 60 and Tapering?
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2017, 02:11:39 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi,

I was 62 when I began my taper, which, of necessity was a fast taper. Though it took me a long time to heal, I don’t regret it at this point, and am much better for being off benzos. It really was worth it. I’m 5.5 years off now.

Re: Being Over 60 and Tapering?
« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2017, 02:26:09 pm »

[Buddie]

I completed my taper just after my 60th birthday. Now I am recovered and I feel good and I feel young again. I’m so glad I tapered off this crap. It’s worth doing at any age.
Love,
[…]

Re: Being Over 60 and Tapering?
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2017, 04:56:22 pm »

[Buddie]

I will be 58 tomorrow so not quite 60 but close enough. I did a slow taper but I am still having issues. I don’t know that it can be avoided completely. Good luck with your taper. I am sure it will all be worth it in the end.

Re: Being Over 60 and Tapering?
« Reply #4 on: September 26, 2017, 07:30:57 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m 64 but don’t know if there is a big difference between tapering at 20-30 years old or 50-60 years old. I just know that whatever time I have left, I want to be totally drug free including antidepressants that don’t work anyway.

Re: Being Over 60 and Tapering?
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2017, 07:37:04 pm »

[Buddie]

I am 61 and took my last xanax May 31st 2016. I tapered for four months and in hindsight I think my healing would have been smoother if I had gone a bit slower on the taper. I am so grateful at this point though to be free of xanax- the battle was worth it. I am living a pretty normal life now and most symptoms have lessened to a tolerable level. I wanted to give you hope that there is life on the other side even when you are 60 or older.

Re: Being Over 60 and Tapering?
« Reply #6 on: September 26, 2017, 08:22:56 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m 68 and have been doing a very slow taper for years. For the most part I have been functional. My fears made and still do make the symptoms much worse! I’m down to 1.75mgs of Valium now. I was only on xanax .25 mgs for sleep for 18 months. I have been tapering on Valium for 4 years. I had some very long holds due to life altering events. I have never updosed. I have learned so much about myself during the last 4 years. I’m grateful for that. I look forward to the future and I know the best is yet to come! I do think age has an impact on tapering. My doctor agrees. Best of luck to you! 

Re: Being Over 60 and Tapering?
« Reply #7 on: September 26, 2017, 09:43:36 pm »

[Buddie]

Thank you all for the encouragement and hope! It’s never too late and I know that I will feel much better when it is completed. Going low and slow is key. 4 years is what I think I may be looking at. That is fine as long as I can function. I have a mother who will be 90 in a few months and have to make sure she is doing well. She lives 3 hours away and I have to be able to travel and keep going. Sometimes we have no control over life’s circumstances and it does get harder as we get older. I also have some friends who are sick and I try to see them and help with their care. I am a retired RN so I still have the nurse in me. My husband is very supportive even though he can’t understand. I have sometimes say no to doing too much activity wise. I commend you all for your determination and positive attitudes! Thank you so much!
Happy Birthday […]!

BENZO BRAIN

Scared, heavy feeling in brain
« on: May 29, 2017, 06:58:34 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m really, really scared right now. I feel like my brain is shutting down, as well as the rest of my body. Breathing is slow, my eyes feel very heavy, it’s like my whole face has fallen. I am so weak and every time I lie down, I immediately go to “sleep” but it’s not really sleep…it feels like I’m getting ready to go into a coma. This feels really bad and really serious and I feel almost mentally retarded. All I can do is lie in bed and stare out the window. Also, my speech has become very, very slow. I’m forcing myself to eat now. I’m so weak, it’s hard to type. What is happening to me? I feel like I will NOT recover from whatever this is.

Re: Scared, heavy feeling in brain
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2017, 07:39:48 pm »

[Buddie]

Omg thought I was the only one experiencing these things! I don’t know why this is happening but it is very scary! I’m hopeful that this will pass soon because it is benzo withdrawl for sure. Hang in there! :'( :smitten:
« Last Edit: May 30, 2017, 11:31:21 am by [Buddie] »

Re: Scared, heavy feeling in brain
« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2017, 07:43:19 pm »

[Buddie]

Hang in there you two.

[…] it will pass, if you’re really scared go to the hospital. Know they will probably find nothing. So sorry wish I had some words for you two. Try to think of it as your brain healing even if it doesn’t feel like it, its just heading into scary healing territory.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2017, 08:57:20 pm by [Buddie] »

Re: Scared, heavy feeling in brain
« Reply #3 on: May 29, 2017, 08:32:01 pm »

[Buddie]

[…] I have a very heavy feeling in my eyes when I wake up, so similar. It is definitely withdrawal.

Praying for you and all of us.

[…]

Re: Scared, heavy feeling in brain
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2017, 08:39:15 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi […], if you feel really bad you might want to go to the ER just to be sure. I never had your symptoms personally.

Re: Scared, heavy feeling in brain
« Reply #5 on: May 30, 2017, 11:32:30 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on May 29, 2017, 07:43:19 pm
Hang in there you two.

[…] it will pass, if you’re really scared go to the hospital. Know they will probably find nothing. So sorry wish I had some words for you two. Try to think of it as your brain healing even if it doesn’t feel like it, its just heading into scary healing territory.
Thank you!

Re: Scared, heavy feeling in brain
« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2017, 11:34:32 am »

[Buddie]

[…], how are you feeling now? Did you go to the ER or waiting it out?

I waited it out and wasn’t feeling much better… I have a pulmonology appointment today, so maybe they can help out.

I feel pretty sure something is more seriously wrong.

I’m seriously on the verge of reinstating…to which I’m assuming I’ll have disastrous results.  :'(

Re: Scared, heavy feeling in brain
« Reply #8 on: May 30, 2017, 01:50:34 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on May 30, 2017, 01:21:59 pm
I waited it out and wasn’t feeling much better… I have a pulmonology appointment today, so maybe they can help out.

I feel pretty sure something is more seriously wrong.

I’m seriously on the verge of reinstating…to which I’m assuming I’ll have disastrous results.  :'(

Oh nooo!  I hope it’s nothing serious. Hopefully it’s just symptoms of benzo withdrawl. I know mine are, and they are similar to yours. I know this withdrawl is awful but if It were me, I would not reinstate, I would hold until this passes. You are sooo close to being done! That’s exciting! I hope your appointment goes well and that it’s nothing more than withdrawl!