Anti-psychiatry gang at Benzo Buddies unable to help terrorized cop’s wife

In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« on: January 13, 2018, 05:35:39 am »

[Buddie]

He came home yelling at me. He’s a cop. He was in his uniform and he pulled out his gun, waived it around then stuck it to his head and then said he was going to blow his brains out. I threw myself off the other side of the bed to get away. I covered my head and screamed for help. He left. I’m in shock. I’m in the worst stages of withdrawal from an inhumane taper. I already have PTSD. I don’t know if I’m going to be alright. I am safe now. I just keep hoping I will wake up tomorrow and this will have been a nightmare.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2018, 05:38:08 am »

[Buddie]

This is not good, you need to get out— he is coming back and you are not safe. Get out now and call 911 please.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2018, 05:42:34 am »

[Buddie]

He came back and locked the gun up. I locked myself in the bathroom until it was locked up. He’s crying. Idk what to do. I’m in shock. It took a few hours for me to stop shaking enough to use my phone. My heart is hurting physically. A lot of pain. Huge migraine. Dear God someone please save me. My daughter is at a school function for the weekend. There’s one good thing.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2018, 05:44:45 am »

[Buddie]

Don’t let her come home. Have to believe in people outside of this situation, that they will believe you and help.

Moderators can help with this. I have notified them.

Hang in there and breathe slowly.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2018, 05:48:43 am »

[Buddie]

Please no one call the police. Please. There’s no point.They will believe him […] me like when he hurt me before. He would never admit to them the truth. He’s already said that. Just please be there for me on here. Please

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2018, 05:53:35 am »

[Buddie]

http://msmagazine.com/blog/2015/10/26/police-wife-the-secret-epidemic-of-police-domestic-violence/

DO NOT CALL POLICE

PLEASE SEE ARTICLE

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #6 on: January 13, 2018, 06:33:12 am »

[Buddie]

[…], has your husband seen what benzo withdrawal looks like in his line of duty? Does he understand what it’s like? Does he understand what’s going on? Does he suffer from depression?

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #7 on: January 13, 2018, 08:03:39 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on January 13, 2018, 05:48:43 am
Please no one call the police. Please. There’s no point.They will believe him […] me like when he hurt me before. He would never admit to them the truth. He’s already said that. Just please be there for me on here. Please

I personally think you need to admit that you, and your child, are going down a path that historically doesn’t improve on it’s own and doesn’t end well for anyone involved. There are avenues that exist, including recording the violent encounters, and seeking an order of protection through the courts, that can free you from your situation.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #8 on: January 13, 2018, 08:17:15 am »

[Buddie]

If a domestic situation escalate, I think that a voluntary inpatient stay would make a lot of sense. A temporary safety and an opportunity to see if meds need to be adjusted. It’s extremely difficult dealing with severe withdrawal, and such difficult domestic situation at the same time. Safety always comes first.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #9 on: January 13, 2018, 04:43:13 pm »

[Buddie]

Are you okay?

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #10 on: January 13, 2018, 06:10:58 pm »

[Buddie]

Do you have any parents or aunts or uncles or cousins or old friends places, that you and your child could go stay with? I really think you need to find a place to go to. I hope you are doing okay.

TERROR AT TESCO

I went to TESCO today!
« on: January 02, 2018, 05:19:06 pm »

[Buddie]

In the car!! By myself!!!

I haven’t been able to go there to do any shopping at all for months and the whole ‘online shopping and getting someone to get bits and pieces in between’ has become so stressful I decided that was one of the first things I was going to try and do when I felt stronger.

Last night I had a better sleep and felt half-decent after lunch so decided to have a go.  I haven’t been able to drive on the main roads outwith the housing estate but thankfully TESCO is about 10-15 minutes away from the house but still within the estate.  However even if I get there, I can’t go in the normal way because there are traffic lights and I seem to freak out if I get ‘trapped’ anywhere like a queue or a busy roundabout or lights.  And then I figured out I could maybe park in the staff car park round the back which is reached via a side street before the main entrance to TESCO and means I don’t have to negotiate any traffic lights at all so that’s what I did today.  And then did a LOT of deep breathing in order to get out of the car and make it to the front entrance!

But make it I did.  I grabbed two filled rolls, two salads and 4 yoghurts, saw an empty checkout and tried not to hyperventilate going through it.  There was a Holland and Barrett shop in the same complex so I popped in there afterwards and got some papaya and pineapple as a snack treat then stopped at the cash machine on the way back to the car to get money out as well.  Three things I would have had to ask someone to do for me normally.

And I discovered the other good thing about the staff car park is that it’s pretty quiet so I was able to give a whoop of delight when I got back to the car without any men in white coats appearing to take me somewhere padded :laugh:

And then I took the car for a 10 minute run which involved going onto one of the main roads which did produce a mild panic attack but I was able to calm myself down once I turned off into a side street.

Now that’s a big deal for me because whenever the panic has started before when I’ve done something like that, it’s always just got worse and worse and no amount of breathing exercises or calming strategies have worked in the slightest.  As you can imagine, being the driver in a car when that happens and still having to have a 20 minute journey to get back home makes that a frightening experience and results in eventual avoidance.  So the fact that I seem to now be able to become calmer while still IN the car says to me that my brain is very definitely healing and reduces the terrible fear factor somewhat.  Well it reduces it in theory ……  ;D

Once home, I popped the shopping in the fridge and took myself off for a walk to celebrate.  Possibly being the only human being on the streets, it being a very wet and windy afternoon but you know how it is – you feel better and you just want to do some ‘normal’ stuff for a change.

I was able to go much further away from the house than I normally do although timewise my walk was only 5 minutes longer than yesterday’s but it was much more of a WALK if you know what I mean.  Yesterday I was tootling around the lanes and paths very close to my house and eking out the walk to give me a decent time – today I was properly walking on the pavements at a good pace and being ‘normal’ tired rather than ‘scared’ tired.

Which of course means I am now knackered, feel terrible and could go off to bed right this minute!! :laugh:

Still it’s nice to put a tick (for a window) in the notebook where I’m keeping track of what I take and how I feel on a daily basis instead of a cross because there’s been somewhat of an abundance of crosses lately :-\

Good start to the year eh?

Mother terrified of post-Ashton taper son

OK, I know I'm always asking questions, but...Hospital?
« on: December 16, 2017, 03:58:14 pm »

[Buddie]

Have any of you had your sx. of obsessive thoughts and psychotic thinking become so bad that you had to be hospitalized? Like making threats and becoming combative? My son has been like that lately. It’s not like him at ALL, he is very tall, and teachers, relatives, and friends have always called him the ‘gentle giant’. He’ll be fine (albeit dressed and anxious and hurting), and then just fall apart.

I could really use some input on this. He was fine before benzos and during benzos. So we (and our family doctor–yes we finally found one that had personal experience with protracted benzo withdrawal iin a young woman he treated)are all-but-certain it is the w/d.

White-knuckle, chest-thumping fear of flying without benzos

Flying tommorow and horrified
« on: December 13, 2017, 05:36:45 am »

[Buddie]

Hey friends, I’m really scared here. Taking my first flight tommorow since quitting benzos. I am horrified of not being able to do anything about an anxiety attack midair. I had my doctor call in a one time xanax refill but my wife is ashamed of me for doing so and is advising me not to even bring them because I will have a huge flare up of anxiety when they wear off. Been benzo free 16 months. Any words of advice on flying without benzos? Should I bring them in secret just to have? Please help!

Brainwashed Ashton cult members terrified of full moon

Full moon? Does it effect youv
« on: December 02, 2017, 04:11:26 am »

[Buddie]

Does a full moon rev anyone up? I always see people talking about this

Re: Full moon? Does it effect youv
 « Reply #1 on: December 02, 2017, 10:40:10 am »

[Buddie]

Not me personally, no. One of the first nights I was actually able to avoid a panic attack.

Re: Full moon? Does it effect youv
« Reply #2 on: December 02, 2017, 10:53:43 am »

[Buddie]

Yes, and has always affected my sleep before this benzo nightmare.

Re: Full moon? Does it effect youv
« Reply #3 on: December 02, 2017, 01:34:44 pm »

[Buddie]

Full moon is my friend as well as the universe.

Re: Full moon? Does it effect youv
« Reply #4 on: December 02, 2017, 02:47:37 pm »

[Buddie]

Yes, For the past five months on the night before the full moon and the night of my blood pressure spikes and I cannot sleep. It happened again last night! Apparently tonight the full moon is suppose to be particularly strong. Not looking forward to it!

Re: Full moon? Does it effect youv
« Reply #5 on: December 02, 2017, 02:50:30 pm »

[Buddie]

Yes, I have trouble sleeping with a Full Moon, worse with Benzo withdrawal but it had the same effect before I stopped using Diazepam, last night was miserable.

Benzo Buddies member: “my mind thinks my own father is going to turn on the gas while we are all sleeping and kill us all”

I'm 17 months out and not well now was doing great
« on: November 22, 2017, 12:23:21 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey everyone. I really need some help. Around 12 months off I was doing so well. From 12-17 months off that is. I never had a window where all my symptoms went away but they died down in intensity. Like almost a volume switch was slowly being turned down. Anyway guys, my main symptoms in this have always been paranoia, intrusive thoughts, fear, and can’t calm down feelings. Well anyways, my mind would always feel fear all the time and it would turn my thinking to things to actually be afraid of. I’m really obsessive and once my mind finds something to obsess in fear over I’m done for. The things I’m afraid of “could” actually happen, but the likely hood of these things happening
Is rare but my mind somehow tricks me into thinking that it will happen to me. It always has to do with being killed somehow or another. Right now I’m obsessing over the propane fireplace my parents have in the house. So I bought a carbon monoxide alarm to put into my room to help soothe the fear of “exploding” of someone leaves the gas on or fear of carbon monoxide poisoning. I even bought a gas alarm detector I have plugged into the wall where the fireplace is. I spent 60.00 on this stupid thing. My dad sleeps down near the fireplace because my parents aren’t together anymore since 2009. I don’t really trust my dad and ever since I was in tolerance withdrawal and cold turkeyed my
Paranoia has been focusing on my father and the person who is going to do things to hurt me. I guess I don’t trust him because of his anger issues and verbal abuse. So now my mind thinks my own father is going to turn on the gas while we are all sleeping and kill us all. Isn’t that so crazy to think? This just came out of the blue too, no threats were made it’s just my mind. Please guys please send me some encouragement to go on. I haven’t been sleeping much at all, I’m having total fear, intrusive thoughts, it’s like all the progress I made just went out the window. It really is sad.

Addict turns benzo taper into lifelong career

Feel like I completely screwed myself and now feel hopeless
« on: November 20, 2017, 10:07:02 pm »

[Buddie]

I can’t help but feel like my failed Valium crossover and then all of the one off updoses that I very stupidly took to help me sleep have completely screwed me up. I’ve never felt so physically sick or mentally off. It’s unbearable I’m bed ridden and absolutely overwhelmed with terror and irrational thoughts 24/7. I don’t know what to do anymore I think I kindled myself so badly. I just wanted relief. This is my history:

Last year I did a daily liquid microtaper from February until November. I would liquefy one of my .5 mg tablets in 100 mL’s of milk and take our 1.2 mL’s a day until it was gone. So I got down to 1.5 mg’s around November of last year when I was slammed with symptoms/side effects and after seeking advice I decided to updose to 2 and then ultimately reinstate back at 2.5. This did not stabilize me at all and I wish more than anything I had just held at 1.5. In May of this year I had a failed Valium crossover. I then went back to 2.5 and tried a dry cut going extremely slow and only got from 2.5 to 2.375 cutting at a little less than 5% but I felt so terrible that I again went back to 2.5 and actually tried going to 3 mg’s for six days to see if I could get relief and did not so I then went back to 2.5 which is where I am now and have been for a few months with occasional 5 mg Valium updoses mixed in.