Addict develops domatophobia after joining Benzo Buddies

Will I Ever Want to Go Home Again?
« on: September 03, 2019, 11:33:50 pm »

[Buddie]

I know I’ve spoken with a few people on this forum about this. This has been going on with me for about a year now. I don’t like going home at all. I get no joy from being in my own house. I feel mad at my family. I have no hobbies I want to pursue when I’m here. I can’t nap lately. It’s like the moment I’m gone for a while and then have to come back, I dread it. And when I’m here, I just feel mad and miserable. It doesn’t really matter if I’m home alone or not. I don’t know how many others deal with this. Being at home used to be the place I was most comfortable.

Television (and books) forbidden for Ashton cultists

Fear over Books and Television
« on: August 04, 2019, 11:16:50 pm »

[Buddie]

Does anyone become filled with anxiety when you try to watch television or read a book?

I use to love both, but now I can’t handle more than a few seconds of either. It makes it so so so hard to fill the day.

Re: Fear over Books and Television
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2019, 12:48:27 am »

[Buddie]

Yes.

Re: Fear over Books and Television
« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2019, 12:53:29 am »

[Buddie]

YES. I actually stopped watching TV during WD. The violence, the negativity, just became way too much for me. I did not watch TV for several years because of this. I already had enough dark and negative thoughts in my mind. Did not need to add to that. Believe it or not I only resumed watching some TV a few months ago. And you know what? Seven years of NOT watching TV was truly a GOOD thing, a nice thing. I had to find other ways to pass the time.
[…]

Re: Fear over Books and Television
« Reply #3 on: August 05, 2019, 01:25:23 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on August 05, 2019, 12:53:29 am
YES. I actually stopped watching TV during WD. The violence, the negativity, just became way too much for me. I did not watch TV for several years because of this. I already had enough dark and negative thoughts in my mind. Did not need to add to that. Believe it or not I only resumed watching some TV a few months ago. And you know what? Seven years of NOT watching TV was truly a GOOD thing, a nice thing. I had to find other ways to pass the time.
[…]

Same for me. Stopped watching TV completely. Cut back my online reading to only a couple local news and weather reports. Can’t handle the stress. I get too worked up. I am getting better, though. I was much worse a few years ago. So maybe I’ll be able to get back to where I was, though I’m not sure I want to. TV is all propaganda or pornography, and often both, mixed together into one tempting toxic brew. Who needs that?

Addict lands in ER after Benzo Buddies taper fails

Please help.... absolutely hopeless and broken
« on: July 18, 2019, 12:06:20 am »

[Buddie]

So I’ve been off Klonopin about 1 month now. I have a phobia about dying. It’s only gotten worse. Last night I felt very weak and scared and was absolutely certain I’d die in my sleep. This morning I woke up at 6, very weak and TERRIFIED. I can usually tell a panic attack is happening, but I fully thought I was dying and called 911 for the first time. I was telling my boyfriend goodbye, ffs. My vitals were fine, my urine was fine, my blood sugar was fine. They sent me home. I still feel terrible and scared out of my mind. A terror I’ve never felt. I’m obsessing about meningitis or septic shock… I don’t know why. They didn’t do blood tests which is the major reason I cannot calm down. I’m so depressed. Majorly depressed. I’m so done with this. I’m the worst I’ve ever been. I keep going into full panic screaming that I’m dying, begging my Mom to help.

This just feels so real and different. But I’m not in excruciating pain. I just feel weak, confused, really depressed, my head is heavy, and sheer terror that I’m dying and nobody will help me. 🙁 Please tell me this is withdrawal and that I can make it through this, because I’m considering giving up completely.

Anti-doctor maniacs at Benzo Buddies terrify member into believing her doctor is wrong

Wine
« on: March 17, 2019, 11:41:27 pm »

[Buddie]

I am not a drinker generally but I used to like a glass of wine years ago. Lately I have thought I would like a taste of wine. Today it was beautiful out and we went to an outdoor cafe. I had a small glass of riesling. I feel like my withdrawal symptoms settled down a bit. Much more relaxed. has anybody experienced this sense of calm with a bit of wine?

Re: Wine
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2019, 05:02:25 am »

[Buddie]

Ever heard of the term….”liquid benzo”?

Re: Wine
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2019, 11:57:37 am »

[Buddie]

No I haven’t. The clinical director of my residential program said a few sips of red wine are healthy. I have only had a few sips and would never have more. I like a few tastes but nothing more.

Re: Wine
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2019, 01:58:52 pm »

[Buddie]

Please be really careful when it comes to alcohol. I keep reading on this forum that it can cause major setbacks. You may be OK with small amounts, but in my opinion it’s not worth the risk. Best to avoid alcohol, caffeine and sugar. I personally may not ever drink again! Happy healing to you …

Re: Wine
« Reply #4 on: March 18, 2019, 06:27:56 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m at the end of my taper, five more days to jump. I had a small glass of prosseco last Saturday and it gave me tachycardia, I had to take a propranolol, and have felt lousy the last two days.

Re: Wine
« Reply #5 on: March 18, 2019, 10:23:57 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on March 18, 2019, 11:57:37 am
No I haven’t. The clinical director of my residential program said a few sips of red wine are healthy. I have only had a few sips and would never have more. I like a few tastes but nothing more.

Well unfortunatelyT. Yes, red wine has some health benefits for those that have not had their CNS fried by psych drugs. Alcohol affects the Gabba receptors similiar to benzodiazepines and it is strongly advised to avoid alcohol until you are well and truly healed. Some say 6 mths and some say 2 years after you have completely healed, not just finished taper but completely healed.

So this is probably why you felt relaxed, like the effects of swallowing a benzo?

Re: Wine
« Reply #6 on: March 19, 2019, 10:27:54 am »

[Buddie]

[…],
It sure looks that way for me.
When I was in the middle of my taper a glass of prosseco was fine, but now with the tachycardia I can’t touch alcohol. I want to take 10 milligrams of propranolol only when it is absolutely necessary, I’ve only taken it this once. All this symptoms are very tiresome.
Thanks.

Benzo Buddies taper regimen leave addicts disabled, in state of panic

Can't do anything
« on: August 15, 2018, 06:21:16 pm »

[Buddie]

Did quite a bit of housework today and then had a big panic attack. As if my body was telling me to rest. So the panic attack was prolonged and it has left me exhausted and I’ve had to come to bed. Now everything is too much. I have no energy to read a book or magazine and the noise from the tv downstairs is really bugging me.

So I’m lying here doing nothing but I have a nagging voice inside me telling me that I should be doing something or I will never get better. Is it normal to have absolutely no energy at all? Thanks.

Re: Can't do anything
« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2018, 06:43:39 pm »

[Buddie]

I have no energy at all on pretty much a daily basis. If your body is telling you to rest than please rest. It can only help , not hurt. you are not being lazy. In fact resting when your body wants to is a way to help heal in my opinion.

I have so little energy that its scary. Also extreme muscle weakness. From where I was at before fitness wise this is a total nightmare and a joke at how little I can do. I guess this happens in Benzo withdrawal. For me it was bone crushing fatigue and then weakness. Its been going on about 14 weeks for me.

Try not to worry, I know its hard. This is withdrawal and it will eventually pass.

FEAR OF SHOWERING?

Re: More anxiety when I shower
« Reply #12 on: July 09, 2018, 08:47:54 am »

[Buddie]

The first irrational fear for me was getting in the shower. It was puzzling but even though i have always showered at night i didnt that night. And since then its a struggle .some days easier than others. But its been constant.