Holiday horror stories pile up as Benzo Buddies members realize Ashton tapers have destroyed their lives

What's the point in trying anymore? (Trigger warning)
« on: December 24, 2019, 08:32:14 pm »

Ptsdmiracle

In 3 months it will be a year off, I have not noticed much improvement. I was slammed into complete dysfunctional and debilitating symptoms causing me to be housebound, and I’m still the same. Cognitive, emotional, mental, physical symptoms are still there when I compare the symptom list I created back in march. I’ve lost a year already. I keep thinking even if I do manage to recover to some functioning level, I’ll never be able to have the life I’ve worked so hard for. I won’t be able to return to my career if my health and sleep isnt 100%, because of the high demand even on a healthy body the stress can be high. I needed to be able to sleep on demand with high quality refreshing naps because of the unpredictable nature of workload. I’ll never be able to go through childbirth because I’m forever traumatized and paranoid that any meds or stress can send me back to acute, I wouldn’t want my kids to witness this let alone not have a healthy happy mother. I’ve cut ties with all my old friends for the past year, how am I ever going to explain to them what happened? Everyone had high hopes for me, now if they knew, I’d be the main topic of gossip in their circles. My social circles and even my extended family who are my generation are all high functioning healthy successful soon to be quite wealthy young adults.

So what’s left for me in this world? I feel like a parasite now, surviving on what the elders in my family can provide for me, and maybe when I recover I might “upgrade” to being a functional hermit.

It’s very difficult for me to have hope and be optimistic and grateful this holiday season. Especially since I’ve been waiting and waiting for symptoms to lessen or go away, but my brain has 24/7 been trapped in this alternate universe that’s hell. I also never have windows, not even glimpses of near normalcy. My brain is so far gone. When I was 22, I wanted to reach 30 because this is the year I could really start settling down and building my life after moving everywhere for training and work. Now that I’m 30, ironically, life is already over. and all I think about is dying so that misery isn’t prolonged.

For those that read this sad and dark post, thanks for listening. Anyone have any uplifting words to say I appreciate even more. I just don’t know the point anymore.

Re: What's the point in trying anymore? (Trigger warning)
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2019, 08:44:38 pm »

[Buddie]

So, I have been ill and unable to work and largely housebound since 1996. All my then friends have had careers and bought homes and had families. I have nothing.

You will almost certainly feel well enough to live a worthwhile life in another year or two.

If your life is pointless where does that leave me? I am 51 now and even if I survive WD I will still have the underlying physical issues I was on Benzos for.

What does it say about all chronically sick or disabled people?

You have no idea where life will take you. Once your get through this you will be stronger and more determined than any of your friends plus you should have some real empathy, something g they will never learn unless something shit happens to them because it sounds like you all live a very entitled and unthinking life.

You will be fine.
« Last Edit: December 24, 2019, 09:01:56 pm by [Buddie] »

Re: What's the point in trying anymore? (Trigger warning)
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2019, 08:53:21 pm »

[Buddie]

I know how you are feeling as im on the same boat.

I found my thinking about life is totally controlled by my sx at that moment. Even when sx is less intense with a brain kind of working for a minute, my perspective would be totally different, planning for thousands stuff for life. You are closer to healing everyday, once that day comes, your confidence, desire, motivation will be back more than ever.

When the sx are strong and you are still in depth of this process, try not to think tomorrow or future. Our thinking in this process is irrational only based on what we feel at the moment.

Just focus on each day and keep going. You survived almost a yr and will survive more days that comes, until you dont have to live by surviving moment by moment and then only enjoy every moment.

When these thoughts come, just vent here and we are around to listen to it. It will pass, possibly in just a few hours when the sx are lessoned.

If you’re four years off benzos and get hit with a wave your problem was not benzos, it was Benzo Buddies

52 months out - a wave from hell
« on: December 17, 2019, 03:19:26 am »

[Buddie]

I just got hit by a strong wave and it’s wreaking havoc. The anxiety is bearable but the nerve pain and muscle spasms are horrendous. Therefore sleep is minimal and poor.

At 52 months out I would think I am close to the finish line but it seems otherwise.

Any feedback is much appreciated.

Ps . Today considered making an appointment with a psychiatrist to may be get amitryptalin for the nerve pain but held off. If this wave continues much longer I may have to do just that

Thanks
« Last Edit: December 17, 2019, 03:40:06 am by [Buddie] »

Stay away from corn and prawns?

Corn
« on: December 07, 2019, 08:01:17 pm »

[Buddie]

Has anyone had a bad reaction to eating corn? I ate a corn cob last night and about a half hour afterwards i got huge adrenaline surges that have lasted for hours, bp went sky high 260/144 and runs of Afib, managed to keep out of the hospital thank god. I read it’s high in glutamate, anyone know anything?

Re: Corn
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2019, 08:49:07 pm »

[Buddie]

I have been fine with corn, but seriously, I have heard people reacting strangely to so many different kinds of foods, who knows. I would keep a list of the foods you react poorly to. That sounds really scary for your BP and Afib. Hope you are feeling better today

Re: Corn
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2019, 09:04:39 pm »

[Buddie]

Thanks Green, yeah i definitely need to keep a list, i had a similar reaction to prawns a few weeks ago but it passed off very quickly, at least my bp is down today, normally it’s really low, i just feel totally wiped out today. Hopefully i won’t get a repeat performance.

Suffering Benzo Buddies member regrets being brainwashed into stopping Valium

Re: What happened to Benzodiazepine Information Coalition?????
« Reply #11 on: November 14, 2019, 10:56:08 pm »

[Buddie]

I think it is important to say that for some people it is not the right thing to get off of them

I should never have tried to stop diazepam which I was on the same low dose of for 20 years for muscle spasm from spinal injury and surgery.

WD is literally crushing my spine and I am now paradoxical to all meds.

I had no interdose WD or to,ere veg on the diazepam.

I know ppl in dystonia groups who only get relief from Clonazepam some of whom have been on it for 40 years without problems.

Bone broth, tomato sauce, spices and ANYTHING containing glutamate sends Benzo Buddies members into acute

Bone broth and Glutamate
« on: November 03, 2019, 10:29:27 pm »

DBM

Anybody have bad experiences with bone broth? Apparently it can contain glutamine, which converts to glutamate. We make our own broth with quality chicken. This last batch was simmered for 2 hours because it doesn’t release as much glutamate when cooked for a short time. I ate some yesterday and was revved up all night and sleep was horrible. Any opinions are appreciated.

Things we add in our food
« on: October 24, 2019, 05:11:06 pm »

Liberty30

I’d like to know if adding spices, tomato sauce, or any other sauces to my cooked food can Rev up my symptoms… I used to eat anything with no trouble. But some times after meals I feel awful. Anyone with advise on this, please.

“A number of Benzo Buddies participants report that the overall tone of the group is judgmental and can border on abusive”

Benzo Buddies Support Groups: Do They Help or Hurt?

Irrational fear of furniture forces Bigglesworth to sleep on the floor (furniturephobia can be treated with medication)

Was exposed to insecticides please help!!
« on: September 24, 2019, 04:02:41 pm »

Mpershe

Please, please no triggering comments. On Friday evening we had to have our master bedroom and bathroom and my sons room sprayed (baseboards) with insecticides due to carpet beetles. They said to not go in the room for 2 hours but we left the house for 24 to be safe. I am now in acute with horrific chemical anxiety, no sleep, can barely function because mental and cognitive are so bad. The product is no longer ‘airborne’ but something has gone terribly wrong!! I’m still tApering, I’m on.16mgs klonipin but now holding. Please, anyone help me!!! (The product the used was onslaught)
My husband is going to wipe the baseboards down tonight and I’m not sleeping in there but it’s sohard to even be in my house as I’m afraid to get worse!

Re: Was exposed to insecticides please help!!
« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2019, 03:10:53 am »

Bigglesworth

So sorry youre going through this. I can relate as I have severe chemical sensitivity, and cannot even be around new furniture without having breathing difficulties and over stimulation of my nervous system. I actually sleep on the floor in my bedroom with just a pile of pillows and some old blankets, because I am allergic to every new mattress I’ve tried. So much for claims of being hypoallergenic. All that memory foam stuff is a toxic nightmare for me.

I see this post is a week old so I hope you were able to get the situation under control and are feeling better.