Addict fantasizes about murdering family after joining Benzo Buddies anti-doctor cult

Fear of Going Home
« on: May 08, 2019, 09:36:08 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m having a really hard time wanting to go home after work. I feel anger toward my family and have intrusive thoughts. I’ve had these things for so long that I’ve formed an aversion to my home. Don’t know what to do at this point. Never thought this would happen at nearly 14 months off. Does anybody have this? Does this sound like benzo withdrawal at all? I may have to quit my job and move at this point.

Re: Fear of Going Home
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2019, 10:01:47 pm »

[Buddie]

Yeah, I think you begin to associate all this horror with your home, and family, and job, and everything around you, and you feel like getting away from it all. I used to hate being at home. I’d just get in the car and drive around the mountains for the whole day. Anything to get away. Of course, if you have a lot of anger, you might not want to go driving around. Might turn into road rage. But maybe some long walks might help.

Re: Fear of Going Home
« Reply #2 on: May 09, 2019, 12:32:14 am »

[Buddie]

You might have some other psychological issues (LOL – editor). This is not a criticism but your posts suggest it and your benzo doses were never very high. Maybe some cognitive behavioral therapy to help you deal with these negative thought patterns. Quitting your job and moving wont change a thing in my opinion. Best of luck.

Re: Fear of Going Home
« Reply #3 on: May 09, 2019, 02:05:35 am »

[Buddie]

Been seeing a therapist since July. I started seeing a second therapist in April too. Nothing has helped.

All I know is that when I quit benzos the second time I didn’t sleep for a full month and it felt like I was going into states of psychosis. I had suicidal ideation up to about a year off. That has eased off and it’s morphed into this fear of going home and fear and anger around other people, particularly my family.

Kooks add hair dye to trigger list

Anyone with a problem in hair dyeing?
« on: May 04, 2019, 07:41:53 pm »

[Buddie]

I dye my hair for 30 years and I never had a problem.
Now, whatever dye I use, immediately after my head is filled with little pimples.
I went to a dermatologist but did not find a skin problem,
just told me not to dye my hair, but I do not want it.

Is there a possibility that this is a w/d symptom?

Benzo Buddies terrifies members into believing they have a disease that doesn’t exist

How Long can the Benzo Flu Last? Years?
« on: April 13, 2019, 02:56:16 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi everyone. I jumped two months ago from diazepam after a long withdrawal taper while in tolerance. I have had every symptom possible. The two symptoms that have never let up while in tolerance or through the taper and after jumping are benzo-flu symptoms and muscle pain throughout my abdominal region which an ultrasound showed nothing.

I’ve been mostly house bound for 3 years fighting this. The benzo-flu use to be 3-4 days a week but since jumping it is 24/7 with no breaks. Nothing helps this and my head feels like it will explode. Just achy, hot, nauseous and anxious. I just want to know that there is an end to this and that I am not the only one.

Has anyone else struggled this long with benzo-flu symptoms? I haven’t read of anyone having it like this. It seems they may have it for a few days one month here and there. This is constant for me. Anyone?

Re: How Long can the Benzo Flu Last? Years?
« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2019, 04:17:11 pm »

[Buddie]

Yep. Its constant for me.

Re: How Long can the Benzo Flu Last? Years?
« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2019, 04:25:23 pm »

[Buddie]

[…], so sorry for you too. How long has this been going on for you? It is really taking a toll on me.

Re: How Long can the Benzo Flu Last? Years?
« Reply #3 on: April 13, 2019, 04:33:49 pm »

[Buddie]

NO your not the only one. I had it on and off during all of my long taper, just continually getting worse and more frequent
until it was 24/7 at about 3 months after jumping. It’s very discouraging & scary when it just keeps getting worse even after stopping the drug.
But after 3 months it reversed and very gradually started getting better until that particular group of symptoms is all but gone now.
My mind is just completely boggled at what I’ve been through and how sick I’ve been the past couple years.
So hopefully yours will start getting better now real soon. At 2 months your very early.

Re: How Long can the Benzo Flu Last? Years?
« Reply #4 on: April 13, 2019, 04:39:34 pm »

[Buddie]

[…], thank you so much for replying and I hate that you went through that. I am just crying now out of some relief. I really was thinking that I was alone. Like you, it was bad before but since jumping it never lets up. I’ve suffered through this for 3 years. It is unbelievable the torture. I hope your health just continually gets better by leaps and bounds.

Benzo Buddies member’s photo revealed: devoted to brutal micro-taper, addict eats by attaching food to fan and having it blow into her mouth

Benzo Buddies approved taper ends in crisis unit

throwing in the towel
« on: April 06, 2019, 04:59:05 pm »

[Buddie]

i cant live like this. its not living .everyday is hell and fear for me. im going back on my original dose and hope to feel like i did a few months ago. maybe i really just need them anyway. i wish all you beautiful and strong people a successful taper and much peace. love & light to you all

Re: throwing in the towel
« Reply #13 on: April 07, 2019, 11:39:08 pm »

[Buddie]

i spent the night in the crisis unit. im finally home. and i just want to tell everyone who took time out of you journey to encourage me that i truly love each one of you. family doent understand and they think by making me feel shame or less than because this is so hard is somehow going to majically fix this. i went up a bit. back on .5 in morinng and .5 and night. once im ready i will begin again. so much love and thanks to all you amazing and compassionate warriors.. much love to you all. this group is filled with the kindest and strongest people of ever come across.. thank you so much <3 love & light to all. jill

Benzo Buddies members prefer 24/7 pity party over healing

Overposting and healing.
« on: March 29, 2019, 02:27:38 am »

[Buddie]

I logon every few months and see the same old people with their same old crap posts. I almost think we have trolls with multiple id’s or maybe some folks don’t want to heal. Maybe some lonely bored trolls. I wish the admins would investigate the IP addresses of the chronic offenders because all the noise gets in the way of real information. This site helped me immensely but I see why it gets a bad rap on the internet. Like most other things, 10 percent ruin it for the other 90….BTW – time causes waves and just because the wind changed directions is no reason to question the wind. As more time goes by you will get less waves and more windows…Get it and don’t forget it. A beer or a burger didn’t cause you to relapse. Jesus Christ help us. This will get taken down but don’t take it lightly. I’ve written this 10 different ways over the past 2 weeks wondering if I should post or not. Ban me, delete it or whatever but I’m not questioning my motives.

BTW – over 2 years out and doing good and only hope to do better. I would not wish this nightmare on anybody.

Kooks add crazy sweating when laughing to list of 90,000,000 benzo withdrawal symptoms

Here's a new one! Crazy sweating when laughing! Taper Side effect?
« on: March 23, 2019, 08:58:41 pm »

[Buddie]

Let’s face it, we’re all hyper aware of every physical symptom throughout this tapering process but my new one? Crazy sweating when I laugh really hard (which isn’t often these days). I never noticed this before as I’m not one to perspire a ton. But lately, it’s kind of freaking me out that after a really hard laugh, I find that I’m sweating like crazy. Any thoughts?

Anti-doctor maniacs at Benzo Buddies terrify member into believing her doctor is wrong

Wine
« on: March 17, 2019, 11:41:27 pm »

[Buddie]

I am not a drinker generally but I used to like a glass of wine years ago. Lately I have thought I would like a taste of wine. Today it was beautiful out and we went to an outdoor cafe. I had a small glass of riesling. I feel like my withdrawal symptoms settled down a bit. Much more relaxed. has anybody experienced this sense of calm with a bit of wine?

Re: Wine
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2019, 05:02:25 am »

[Buddie]

Ever heard of the term….”liquid benzo”?

Re: Wine
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2019, 11:57:37 am »

[Buddie]

No I haven’t. The clinical director of my residential program said a few sips of red wine are healthy. I have only had a few sips and would never have more. I like a few tastes but nothing more.

Re: Wine
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2019, 01:58:52 pm »

[Buddie]

Please be really careful when it comes to alcohol. I keep reading on this forum that it can cause major setbacks. You may be OK with small amounts, but in my opinion it’s not worth the risk. Best to avoid alcohol, caffeine and sugar. I personally may not ever drink again! Happy healing to you …

Re: Wine
« Reply #4 on: March 18, 2019, 06:27:56 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m at the end of my taper, five more days to jump. I had a small glass of prosseco last Saturday and it gave me tachycardia, I had to take a propranolol, and have felt lousy the last two days.

Re: Wine
« Reply #5 on: March 18, 2019, 10:23:57 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on March 18, 2019, 11:57:37 am
No I haven’t. The clinical director of my residential program said a few sips of red wine are healthy. I have only had a few sips and would never have more. I like a few tastes but nothing more.

Well unfortunatelyT. Yes, red wine has some health benefits for those that have not had their CNS fried by psych drugs. Alcohol affects the Gabba receptors similiar to benzodiazepines and it is strongly advised to avoid alcohol until you are well and truly healed. Some say 6 mths and some say 2 years after you have completely healed, not just finished taper but completely healed.

So this is probably why you felt relaxed, like the effects of swallowing a benzo?

Re: Wine
« Reply #6 on: March 19, 2019, 10:27:54 am »

[Buddie]

[…],
It sure looks that way for me.
When I was in the middle of my taper a glass of prosseco was fine, but now with the tachycardia I can’t touch alcohol. I want to take 10 milligrams of propranolol only when it is absolutely necessary, I’ve only taken it this once. All this symptoms are very tiresome.
Thanks.

Klonopin eater can’t get off the toilet, vows to keep tapering

Anyone struggling with diarrhea during taper?
« on: March 17, 2019, 02:38:19 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello. I have been tapering klonopin for a 4 months. I was on 8mg for 23 years. I’m tapering .25mg per 30 days. I can’t get off the toilet. I have lomotil that I have been taking, but it is not helping like it usually does. Has anyone else had this withdrawal symptom?

Re: Anyone struggling with diarrhea during taper?
« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2019, 09:15:49 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey, sorry you’re having stomach issues. That is no fun at all. I (like you) was on Klonopin and when I tapered I had bouts of diarrhea (and vomiting) that would come and go. And yep, when I had it nothing would help. I do believe this is all related to w/d. I was on 2mg for 7 years so with you being on 8mg for 23 years I am willing to bet this is all related to w/d. But again, it did pass for me but it took awhile. If it gets really bad that would be something most def worth getting checked out by the DR. I would hate to see you get dehydrated from prolong bouts of it. I wish I could give you some advice on what helped me, but nothing did. I had to just grin and bear it unfortunately. So sorry you are dealing with that, I feel for you

Re: Anyone struggling with diarrhea during taper?
« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2019, 11:05:34 pm »

[Buddie]

[…] – Bummer. Diarrhea is a really annoying s/x. I’ve had some IBS problems for years but worse during the taper.

I can say that eating more natural foods – fresh fruits and veggies apparently provided more fiber and helped the problem a whole lot. I also cut out most meat though have small amounts occasionally.

The diet change was due to high sugar levels from diabetes which the doctor said would require insulin if I did not get it under control fast. From my reading a whole food, plant based diet would regulate the sugar. The much improved bathroom issue was just a bonus.

I’m really sorry you are dealing with this and know it can be a serious problem. I hope that will level out for you.

All the best, LA

Benzo Buddies loves naturopaths, hates real doctors

Re: Can't shower/can't handle anything anyone have this?
« Reply #17 on: March 09, 2019, 11:56:45 pm »

[Buddie]

Same problem with showers, so only take showers 2x weekly. I start to feel real hyper, and later break out with severe itching and small hives. My naturalpath said that sounds like chlorine allergy has developed with withdrawal somehow. So she suggested a chlorine filter for the shower head. Haven’t done it yet, but I plan on it.