Mayo Clinic recommends psych ward after wife loses everything to Ashton

Nursing Home until I become healed?
« on: December 09, 2020, 09:28:18 pm »

[Buddie]

After 2 years of being bedridden, unable to care for myself, I cannot live like this anymore. My husband has been doing his best to care for me, but I have not seen any signs of improvement. My mental function is gone. I live in extreme pain, with over 100 extreme symptoms daily. I am only 56 years old but living a life of a senior shut-in.

I am wondering if any of you know people who have ended up in a nursing home because of benzo injury? What happens when our only caregiver cannot take it anymore and wants to get on with their life? Then what? I am unable to go anywhere (have even cancelled all my dr. appts. in the last years), cannot shower except for maybe once every 5 days now, live in my unkempt bedroom all alone while my husband is out living his life. But, he wants to be able to travel, do outdoor activities, ALL the things we once enjoyed together, which kept us extremely busy. He has been leaving town here and there to do some activities but has to be back by dark because I cannot be alone in the dark anymore. My mind has been damaged and I no longer have any hope. I have not had any windows and I’m only getting worse.

The guilt is unbearable to me, even though I know I didn’t cause this injury myself. What am I supposed to do?

P.S. It took me a very long time to write this and everything I have to try to make sense of this post. I cannot express myself, even in writing anymore, let alone with words.

Re: Nursing Home until I become healed?
« Reply #7 on: December 31, 2020, 10:13:04 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on December 22, 2020, 10:03:02 pm
longing

First let me tell you that your post makes sense. As awful as you feel, you are very much coherent. Your sentences string together and your word usage is accurate. As challenging as it was to write, your cognitive function seems fine here.

Your husband is tired. It’s normal. Sometimes caregivers feel they aren’t allowed to struggle, because the person they care for is struggling more. But that isn’t true. It is really lonely to be a caregiver. It is hard work. It is frustrating. It’s normal that he wants his partner to share life with him. This doesn’t make him bad or unloving. I don’t say this to guilt you. More to shine a light on the big picture. Who cares for the caregiver?

I doubt a nursing home could do much for you. First, you would have to qualify by virtue of age. You are too young. Many seniors who are very disabled are waiting to get in to nursing homes. Nursing homes are very expensive, too. Also, it would be so disempowering.
It is like saying that nothing can be done and healing is futile. Maybe this age and money thing is only true in Canada.

You say you have over 100 symptoms every day. Bedridden. Cannot even bathe yourself. There is no improvement at all. So, this is a severe and rare case of protracted withdrawal. What have you done to improve your situation? Again, not to doubt you, because you have likely done many things. Recovery is an active process. It doesn’t happen just by waiting for it. Others cannot give it to us, no matter how well they care for us. Maybe if you list what you have done, then we can perhaps add ideas?

I wish you could find someone to talk to. Possibly locate an online therapist?

I have had many tests, even been to Mayo Clinic two times. They just want to put me into the psych ward because they don’t believe in benzo withdrawal. They tell me it’s just a severe case of depression. Well, of course, I’m depressed. Who wouldn’t in my situation? But I was never depressed or had any kind of mental illness until I became tolerant to the clonazepam. I was on it for over 20 years, daily. My life is gone. I have tried many supplements over the time I’ve been suffering, but none have helped. I take a multi vitamin daily and an adrenal support supplement. I have to take .25 mg. Trazadone to help with sleep, which is pretty much non-existent still. This is the reason I was put on clonazepam in the first place. I have chronic daily migraine and for years, I have not slept. My neurologist is the one who put me on benzos and now he has flat out told me that he doesn’t know anything about benzo injury and withdrawal and therefore, cannot help me. He actually told me that if I find someone to help to let him know. I wish his life would have been ruined, like he did to me. Horrible, horrible doctor!

One of my family members thinks that if I would just start smoking weed that all this will go away. I tried it…one puff…one time about a week ago. I became even more depersonalized and it was awful! Not for me. I hear it helps others though.

If I have to continue to exist in hell like this, I won’t. There are many who have not been damaged nearly as much as I have. Why does God not listen to me? I have been a christian all my life and have always prayed, but it’s like He’s not even real to me anymore.

Two mini brownies sends kook over the rainbow

Terrifying episode
« on: November 14, 2020, 02:23:12 am »

[Buddie]

I just ate two mini brownies and my heart rate sky rocketed over 100 bpm. Is this normal!!??

Re: Terrifying episode
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2020, 02:31:56 am »

[Buddie]

Yes. It is. I avoided sugar, caffeine, chocolate etc. Also, gluten can provoke this. Your heart rate will settle. Maybe just don’t do that again. I hope you feel better soon. Try to breathe slow and deep.

Re: Terrifying episode
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2020, 04:03:45 am »

[Buddie]

Thanks […]

it didn’t feel like a panic attack but my heart was doing it by itself. It slowed down but it was like I was given and injection of a stimulate or coke. Not that I’ve ever tried any illegal drugs but I can imagine that is what it might feel like

Withdrawal worse than COVID-19?

Withdrawal in the time of Corona
« on: March 17, 2020, 12:47:46 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi,

So I had my last dose of valium 7 weeks ago. Cold turkey-ed. Without realising any of the effects or hazards and not knowing the hell I was about to enter into. I realise now I was in tolerance withdrawal for about a month before I jumped off the train wreck that valium was and is.

I had 8 weeks off work. I run my own business. Yesterday I went back to work. Now I can comprehend how stressful my business is. Coupled with many clients being demanding – there is stress at every corner. Stress is bad bad bad for withdrawal I have learnt – the hard way. I must learn mindful mediation, have to learn to deal with stress differently. Today I almost had a volcanic melt down when I was trying to fill out an insurance form. I don’t feel like myself. I miss the person I used to be before I slammed my body into the concrete wall that is Valium. I know there is no magic formula to make withdrawal go any faster – I learnt that the hard way. No supplements. Last week I had days mostly filled with windows – some waves. This week so far I have had days mostly filled with waves – with a few creaks of windows. I crave the windows. I loathe the waves. My appetite came back – I could only eat about 10 things but it was amazing – this week I have to force myself to eat. I was sleeping like a log last week – this week I’m fending off the madness of insomnia.

And then there is Corona craziness, Benzo withdrawal in the time of Corona virus hysteria is not the way forward at all. Supermarket shelves are empty, many people are in a panic. Try benzo withdrawal I want to mutter at them – then you’ll know what panic actually feels like to the core of your very being. I couldn’t have picked a worse time to withdraw from ghastly valium. I will never, ever touch another benzo again. I plead/bargain/beg with god for this withdrawal to be over. I promise to the universe or god or who ever is listening to my silent prayers that I will do anything, anything just to feel like myself again – for longer than a window – for good.

Any soothing words would be greatly appreciated. I”m having one of those moments where I”m losing hope that I will ever feel like I permanently reside in my own body again. At the moment – for most of today – I feel like I reside on the outside – looking in.

Thank you so much.

Benzo Buddies cult dogma leaves addict with nothing to eat

Food sensitivity causes panic
« on: December 17, 2019, 02:04:48 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi I posted on here a couple weeks ago, it disappeared. My husband is extremely light and sound sensitive. He was slowly over this year had to eliminate his foods. Started on a clean gluten free diet that went south, then it was bone broth and apples, grapes, then rice with a little meat, then an all veggie diet, thatworked for a bit then it was blueberry smoothies with vegan protein powder, then to just one certain thing that we could find at the time that would miracoulsy help. Raw cold carrots seemed to be the safety net in all this. If the burn and the panic got too bad he could always eat a handful and it would calm it. Anything he tries to eat that is different it could go horrible or really good. Hes had endoscopy and bacterial testings.. normal except for esophageal erosion from all the acid. He has to sleep proped up takes dexilant and nexium. Every now and then pepto, gavisgon pepcid when it “goes bad”. He also says he can tell when the food isnt going to work anymore because it will taste horrible. When he has something new and it works he says its taste awesome..also if he gets “backed up” or his crap comes out more solid he says it’s about to get bad like a panic attack. So he will keep taking Miramax and do enemas like crazy.. please tell me somebody else has experienced any of this. And give me suggestions please. Thank you

Klonopin for 10 days, Benzo Buddies for life

Re: HELP!! Do I need to taper?
« Reply #11 on: August 28, 2019, 07:04:41 pm »

RKO

Not trying to scare you but I was only on Klonopin for 10 days and my doctor wouldn’t allow me to do an Ashton taper because I was only on for such a short time.

I was hooked by day 7, unknowingly, when I took half a dose one night and woke up with heart palps. Damn pills nearly killed me when I quit after a rapid taper that was basically a CT.

It’s been over 15 months and I’m nowhere near healed.

I’ve come to realize, however, that I am in the extreme minority. You’ll probably be fine though.

Paxil: 2000-2007
2/08: Adverse reaction to 9 days of Saw Palmetto extract for hair loss (PFS)
Klonopin: .25mg PRN 2/08-7/08
Prozac: 11/08-3/09

Drug free for 9+ years, life was great

4/19: Severe ear infection, temporarily deaf, tinnitus – rx Augmentin

4/26-5/1: Steroid taper pack

4/26-5/5: Rx Klonopin .5mg nightly by ENT for insomnia/tinnitus (heart palps on Day 7 with .25mg, dependent in a week?!)
5/6: Cut to .25 mg (cut 1mg tabs into quarters) – BAD symptoms. Run to GP for help
5/10: Cut to .125mg (per GP advice) – even worse symptoms, bad advice from doc
5/13: Jumped. WAY TOO SOON. HELL. Should’ve reinstated, basically CT. Didn’t have sufficient supply, GP wouldn’t prescribe more. Wrongly assumed short use would be short WD

Radiophobia: Benzo Buddies member 4mom’s x-ray panic

Re: Can an X-ray cause sxs? I’m getting one tomorrow?
« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2019, 05:26:08 pm »

4mom

My system is super sensitized by lex taper, had severe reactions to almost everything in the universe, magnesium, all meds, supplements, msg, aspartame, I passed out for 15 minutes after a mri for my back. I was not anxious or scared I swear. It’s the strong magnets.

Even that insanely sensitive, I didn’t have reaction to xray

Television (and books) forbidden for Ashton cultists

Fear over Books and Television
« on: August 04, 2019, 11:16:50 pm »

[Buddie]

Does anyone become filled with anxiety when you try to watch television or read a book?

I use to love both, but now I can’t handle more than a few seconds of either. It makes it so so so hard to fill the day.

Re: Fear over Books and Television
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2019, 12:48:27 am »

[Buddie]

Yes.

Re: Fear over Books and Television
« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2019, 12:53:29 am »

[Buddie]

YES. I actually stopped watching TV during WD. The violence, the negativity, just became way too much for me. I did not watch TV for several years because of this. I already had enough dark and negative thoughts in my mind. Did not need to add to that. Believe it or not I only resumed watching some TV a few months ago. And you know what? Seven years of NOT watching TV was truly a GOOD thing, a nice thing. I had to find other ways to pass the time.
[…]

Re: Fear over Books and Television
« Reply #3 on: August 05, 2019, 01:25:23 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on August 05, 2019, 12:53:29 am
YES. I actually stopped watching TV during WD. The violence, the negativity, just became way too much for me. I did not watch TV for several years because of this. I already had enough dark and negative thoughts in my mind. Did not need to add to that. Believe it or not I only resumed watching some TV a few months ago. And you know what? Seven years of NOT watching TV was truly a GOOD thing, a nice thing. I had to find other ways to pass the time.
[…]

Same for me. Stopped watching TV completely. Cut back my online reading to only a couple local news and weather reports. Can’t handle the stress. I get too worked up. I am getting better, though. I was much worse a few years ago. So maybe I’ll be able to get back to where I was, though I’m not sure I want to. TV is all propaganda or pornography, and often both, mixed together into one tempting toxic brew. Who needs that?

Big Pharma blamed for Benzo Buddies member’s scary trip to the zoo

Setback from walking too much?
« on: August 05, 2019, 06:54:20 pm »

[Buddie]

Went to the zoo with my son and my family in law yesterday and walked so much. Now today my whole body is aching and burning from head to toe and I’m so scared. Has this happened to anyone? Everything burns worse than fire and the pain is so deep across my back, arms, legs, everywhere. Trying hard not to cry at work. This will go away right?