Ashton fanatic begs cult’s permission to get a dog

Dogs
« on: October 17, 2017, 12:36:38 pm »

[Buddie]

Is a dog a good idea or a bad idea. 12 months out still not too well. My wife bought a puppy for me.

Husband wants back on pills after Ashton taper leaves him unable to get off floor

At the risk of incurring the wrath of everyone here...
« on: October 09, 2017, 01:58:31 pm »

[Buddie]

my husband has been benzo free for 4 months and 1 week, and he is considering reinstating!!  :'(  It’s just too much. He feels like he will have an actual breakdown. He is being driven by the intrusive thoughts about his symptoms never getting better. He is lying on the floor all day, hardly able to walk to the bathroom, watching a few benign things on tv (but still on mute), but mostly panicked about his breathing symptoms. He still can’t feel himself breathing -loss of sensation in nostrils/numb nose/feels like nose is blocked/feels like nose is collapsing- and his nose is getting drier still and black chunks are coming off the walls. Really bad air hunger from (seemingly) the incredibly tight muscles in his chest. Throat constriction. This is hell folks.

I know the mantra on this site is to soldier through, but seriously, I had to invoke the Baker Act 5 years ago, and he was put on these benzos after that. He might not make it through this.

I’m sure I’m going to get a slew of “you can’t do it” posts, and “don’t reinstate” posts, but seriously, if you have experience with late reinstatement, or reinstatement that relieved your physical symptoms, I want to hear them. Even if you tell me it relieved it at the time, but you wish you hadn’t because it kindled the next withdrawal, at least tell me that you got some relief initially.

Alternately, if you had similar nose issues, when did they get better for you?

Ashton disciples compare themselves to insects

Our Pupa stage
« on: September 30, 2017, 08:43:49 pm »

[Buddie]

Even though this is an otherworldly, hellish experience. We just have to be patient until we are healed and are stronger and more beautiful inside and out!

My draw-ring for today:

http://anxiousinklings.com

Best 🙂
« Last Edit: September 30, 2017, 09:13:40 pm by [Buddie] »

Kooks robotrip with DXM-based cough syrup to stave off benzo withdrawal

Re: NMDA Antagonist reverse withdraws and up regulate receptors
« Reply #13 on: September 07, 2017, 02:14:58 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m happy I found this thread.

I about a month ago I drank a decent bit of dxm syrup. It gave me a weird buzzy feeling. I did notice the next few days after drinking it were quite rough. I had a bad wave probably 2 or 3 days after taking it but it quickly went away.. and 3 days after that I had a horrific setback from opiates which I’m still in. I would be careful with any chemical you put in your body. You never know what might happen

Porn saves benzo addict’s life?

Porn ? Really need advice please
« on: August 27, 2017, 09:10:56 am »

[Buddie]

Hi enveryone.

I’m shamefull about it but i think its also a problem like another.

I was wondering if porn (like masturbating at least 2 Times a day...) can prevent the CNS from healing. Because I know that it takes energy and stimulates the CNS.

I’m in a rough period of my withdrawal at 2.5 months and i’m a afraid of quitting porn and be even more stressed and depressed, like just quitting another addiction…

I don’t know if I should stop because it hurts my CNS a lot or if I should consider quitting later… ?
My symptoms are actually: depression, anxiety, lethargy, weakness and other little things…

Thank you all
« Last Edit: August 27, 2017, 01:23:36 pm by [Buddie] »

Re: Porn ? Really need advice please
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2017, 02:04:39 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey buddy,

Im willing to bet that it can be taxing on your CNS. And it definitely doesn’t help your practice for self control which can be very harmful for you and your mental health. I understand that this is something that is not easy to admit to people that you do, and asking for help in this area takes a lot of guts, so I totally commend you on this for taking the first step which is asking for helping. And remember that we all need help in one area or another. You are not the only one.

I’m a Christian, and I know that we are suppose to refrain from having religious talks on this forum, but I gotta tell you, if you give this area of weakness over to Jesus, you will be amazed at the victory you can have. I know I can’t overcome my problems by myself.

You may or may not believe, but it’s just some thought I figured I’d give you hat I know has helped me in the past, and he has changed my life.

Anyways, keep up the good fight, and we are here for ya!

Scrappy

Re: Porn ? Really need advice please
« Reply #2 on: August 27, 2017, 02:14:19 pm »

[Buddie]

I agree with Scrappy:)

Keep healing

Re: Porn ? Really need advice please
« Reply #3 on: August 27, 2017, 03:20:52 pm »

[Buddie]

You will find this strange, i’ve never been really religious, but since me beginning of post-benzo i go like every 2 weeks at church to pray and thanks God and Jesus to give me strengh.

I know that i need to quit this and this is a bad addiction, but it’s really worst since post-benzo, i really want to quit but it seems too hard for now… And my psychiatrist doesnt really help me !

So i’m asking myself if i need to quit now or later to heal better…

Re: Porn ? Really need advice please
« Reply #4 on: August 27, 2017, 04:18:18 pm »

[Buddie]

I don’t think the porn is necessarily going to stop healing. If you are exhausting yourself with any activity, that could not be good, cause you need to take care of yourself and give yourself the rest your body needs. This could also be your personal way of stress-relief, and maybe it’s helping? Maybe take a few days off and see.

Re: Porn ? Really need advice please
« Reply #5 on: August 27, 2017, 07:37:10 pm »

[Buddie]

……and risking carpal tunnel is just another worry you don’t need..

Re: Porn ? Really need advice please
« Reply #6 on: August 27, 2017, 08:19:49 pm »

[Buddie]

I don’t think watching porn will delay the healing, but stopping a porn addiction can cause nasty withdrawal symptoms on top of the benzo withdrawal symptoms. This will increase depression, anxiety, insomnia an fatigue. During porn withdrawal your dopamine and GABA levels will go down. During most dopaminergic drug/behaviour addiction withdrawals, the levels of corticotropin releasing factor and dynorphin increase. This will make you feel like shit, until the brain reaches homeostasis in kappa opioid and dopamine receptors. Some people even expierence porn PAWS.

Re: Porn ? Really need advice please
« Reply #7 on: August 27, 2017, 08:47:24 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m no expert but while withdrawing you should listen closely to your body and mind. If it seems to have adverse effects, then cut […]. Masterbation is not an addiction unless it controls you. Porn is another story. If you are addicted and go cold turkey, it could increase you symptoms. I’m not advocating anything here but there are some things to consider. Nothing to be ashamed of!
« Last Edit: August 27, 2017, 08:53:12 pm by [Buddie] »

Re: Porn ? Really need advice please
« Reply #8 on: August 28, 2017, 04:47:30 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on August 27, 2017, 02:04:39 pm
Hey buddy,

Im willing to bet that it can be taxing on your CNS. And it definitely doesn’t help your practice for self control which can be very harmful for you and your mental health. I understand that this is something that is not easy to admit to people that you do, and asking for help in this area takes a lot of guts, so I totally commend you on this for taking the first step which is asking for helping. And remember that we all need help in one area or another. You are not the only one.

I’m a Christian, and I know that we are suppose to refrain from having religious talks on this forum, but I gotta tell you, if you give this area of weakness over to Jesus, you will be amazed at the victory you can have. I know I can’t overcome my problems by myself.

You may or may not believe, but it’s just some thought I figured I’d give you hat I know has helped me in the past, and he has changed my life.

Anyways, keep up the good fight, and we are here for ya!

Scrappy

As a 25 year old woman who is engaged to the best man in the world and continued to have a rocking sex life all through withdrawal as well as look at porn a few times a month I can say it was my saving grace during the worst time in my life aka withdrawal from benzos.

[…] you are not shameful in the least bit, not sure if you are a man or a woman but watching porn is NOTHING to be ashamed of and unless it is causing you to not be able to have real relationships with people or if you feel it is an addiction in and of itself then don’t worry about it, it can help to release the major stress of benzo withdrawal and recovery, provide some temporary pleasure in your life and also just distract you.

Also highly recommend sex and connection with real people if you are up to it, withdrawal is a beast but it ends, I swear. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY OR ASHAMED OF YOUR SEXUALITY and you have zero reason to fear it will effect your CNS whether you quit or keep going with watching porn.

PS. Do you […] and don’t let anybody make you feel bad for how you choose to express your sexuality.

2015: Kooks add vibrating genitals to list of 90,000,000 benzo withdrawal symptoms

Vibrating Genitals?!?!?
« on: April 12, 2015, 11:28:49 am »

[Buddie]

I’m just gonna come out and say it! Does anyone else’s genitals vibrate, not in a good way LOL

I mean when I’m in a wave like NOW I literally vibrate all over all day and night, not shake, vibrate but even my genitals vibrate it’s the weirdest thing. If that isn’t a sign of my nervous system being messed up I don’t know what is!

:crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:

Last wave lasted three weeks, God I hope this one passes quicker  :-X

Re: Vibrating Genitals?!?!?
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2015, 11:49:39 am »

[Buddie]

Now THIS is a new one…lol….sorry to laugh at your pain, but my feet and hands are vibrating so it comes from a place of understanding….i needed that laugh though. I suppose anywhere with nerves can buzz.

Re: Vibrating Genitals?!?!?
 « Reply #2 on: April 13, 2015, 12:34:49 am »

[Buddie]

My genitals don’t vibrate, but I have a lot of wet dreams almost one every other night! My genitals are super sensitive….

Re: Vibrating Genitals?!?!?
« Reply #3 on: April 13, 2015, 01:24:59 am »

[Buddie]

When I was 9 days off benzos through a detox I could not feel my genitals. Like, it felt like they weren’t even there. No sensation whatever. You could’ve kneed me in the balls and I don’t think I would’ve felt it.

I was so terrified and went to the ER right away where, after examination, they told me everything was fine and nothing physically was wrong with me. After being terrified that this would last a long time, it went away about a week later or so.

I thought I was prepared for withdrawal, but that one took me by surprise.

With your situation, I’m like 99% sure that it’s all because of withdrawals, nothing to do with any physical abnormality. Don’t worry about it when it comes along.

Elderly mom forging Xanax prescriptions, obtaining endless supply illegally

Mom's Personality Changed - Xanax To Blame?
« on: July 19, 2017, 01:21:44 am »

[Buddie]

About 2 years ago my mom’s whole personality changed. Her OCD symptoms got much worse, she says incredibly rude things she NEVER would’ve said before & her memory has gone down the toilet. Her routines & rituals are set in stone & she won’t deviate from them. She leaves the stove on 2x per month on average now. She started taking Xanax (1mg-2mg per week on average) around the same time her personality changed. The worst memory lapses–such as leaving the stove on & forgetting basic words–always happen the day after she takes her Xanax dose. She’s also excessively tired the day after taking Xanax. Worst of all, she denies any change in her personality & gets defensive even talking about it.

Could using Xanax one night per week be sufficient to affect someone’s mood, cognition & anxiety levels to this degree? She’s had a CT scan of her brain at my insistence to see if there was any sign of previous strokes or other issues, and it came back relatively normal. (Some age-related shrinkage & atherosclerosis). The doctor did not seem concerned about it, though it was an ear/nose/throat doctor rather than a neurologist. She’s 65 w/ no family history of Alzheimer’s but at moderate risk for stroke. She’s lost a good bit of vision & hearing due to age, so it’s hard to tell whether she’s doing things like leaving the stove on because of those impairments or something more sinister.

I’m not asking anyone to definitively diagnose her here; just wanted to see if anyone’s experienced this degree of side effects from low dose, once weekly benzo use. (Personally, if I took a benzo or barbiturate one time per week, that would be sufficient to cause rebound mood/anxiety problems but I don’t know how common that is). My mom absolutely refuses to go to doctors, so that’s out of the question. She swears up and down she doesn’t take Xanax more frequently than 1x per week, which I believe because she’s so regimented & afraid of drug addiction, but she could be taking it more often. I’m at a loss.

OCD runs in our family, as do other mental illnesses. I’m absolutely terrified it’s dementia, which would probably cause me to kill myself or be institutionalized because I could not handle that. Cancer is preferable to dementia. I’m praying it’s the Xanax at this point because the alternatives are so awful.

Thanks.

Re: Mom's Personality Changed - Xanax To Blame?
« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2017, 01:31:29 am »

[Buddie]

I am curious to why she takes one Xanax a week. It seems like she would be in perpetual withdrawal. Her symptoms could well be withdrawal symptoms. It certainly causes brain fog and forgetting things.

Re: Mom's Personality Changed - Xanax To Blame?
« Reply #2 on: July 19, 2017, 02:26:13 am »

Also, you might want to take into consideration paradoxical reactions:

Benzodiazepine Side Effects: http://www.benzo.org.uk/sidefx.htm

So-called “Paradoxical” Effects
According to Professor Malcolm Lader, 5% of those using benzodiazepines may be affected by so-called “paradoxical” reactions in response to the drugs rather than the desired tranquillising effects. Such reactions include increased aggressiveness (in some individuals even violent behaviour), depression (with or without suicidal thoughts or intentions), and sometimes personality changes.

Paradoxical” side effects occur in all age groups but are more likely to be found in children and in the elderly where they may be fairly frequent yet erroneously diagnosed as various psychiatric disorders. The risk of such reactions is generally greater with short-acting compounds but may occur with all benzodiazepine drugs. It is important to remember that the “paradoxical” reactions can also be encountered in short-term use and, in rare cases, even following the first ingestion of the drug.

Cognitive Side Effects
Memory functioning is markedly and measurably impaired, especially the ability to store acquired knowledge into long-term memory. This memory impairment is highly relevant to students. The risk of acute amnesia is more pronounced with short-acting drugs. Ativan (lorazepam), Halcion (triazolam), Xanax (alprazolam) and Rohypnol (flunitrazepam) are especially likely to induce such memory impairment.

Re: Mom's Personality Changed - Xanax To Blame?
« Reply #3 on: July 19, 2017, 03:00:09 am »

[Buddie]

Here’s some more info on this: http://w-bad.org/paradoxical/

I hope it’s the Xanax and your Mom might agree to stop taking it to test out whether this is the case.

Kind regards.

Re: Mom's Personality Changed - Xanax To Blame?
« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2017, 06:41:33 am »

[Buddie]

Thank you so much 

She’s very regimented due to OCD (which has gotten worse with age/Xanax use). She goes shopping one day per week, so the Xanax is to help her sleep the night before. I’ve seen her take it twice in a week when she had other things to do, so she may be taking it more often than 1x per week.

She has an endless supply obtained from…well, let’s just say this isn’t coming from a doctor. She’s had prescriptions for it in the past & even forged one prescription to have 4 refills instead of zero. So that tells me she’s got some kind of issue right there. But she could’ve just forged it because she hates going to the doctor. Either way, it’s a crime & she could’ve gone to jail for it. But back then she didn’t take Xanax as often as she does now.

I’m very familiar with rebound symptoms like anxiety & low mood, as I get them after a single use of barbiturates, benzos or Ambien. Thanks again for the links & quotes. That gives me some peace of mind. The part about short-acting benzos being even more likely to cause issues is especially comforting. I’ve tried explaining rebound effects to her before, but she doesn’t believe that can really happen even after SEEING what a single dose of benzos does to me the following day. She once became manic from a single dose of Valium too.

Ugh. This is all very frustrating since I now live with her. But if it’s “just” the benzos causing her insanity, that would be a good thing 

Ashton tapers cause amnesia

FREAKING OUT!! PLEASE HELP!
« on: July 01, 2017, 05:49:55 am »

[Buddie]

Ive been having EXTREMELY BAD short term memory problems for the past few days. I can’t remember yesterday, a few days ago, a week ago or a month ago. I’m a long term user. I have tapered to a low dose. And this just started. I feel like everything before today is just a black hole. I’M FREAKING OUT!!!!! Is this permanent? I’m seriously afraid. And i can’t handle this being a withdrawl symptom permanently or long term. Hopefully you guys understand this post.

Is this amnesia!?!?!
« Last Edit: July 01, 2017, 02:17:02 pm by [Buddie] »

Xanax no longer fun for addict

Feeling like such a failure...
« on: May 26, 2017, 09:48:48 pm »

[Buddie]

:(

Tonight my husband took me out to a local historical attraction. It was a pleasant evening. The weather had cooled off and I knew that walking would be good for me. I had asked him to take me out this evening for some air. Plus I was excited to be able to face what anxiety I’ve been having and work through it. Prove to myself I was safe. I had been feeling a bit jumpy and anxious all day but yesterday when we went out,  I had quickly dealt with it and felt really decent.

Tonight all of a sudden the panic hit me hard. I told him as we were walking up the steps to the memorial I felt anxious. My breathing was funny and my heart of course was pounding.  :-\ We sat for a while and I calmed down. We talked about it and took some pictures and even though I was anxious I was working through it. Off and on the anxiety just kept hitting me. As soon as I calmed down it was back.

Then we stopped to get sandwiches for dinner and while I waited in the car I started feeling awful. My head was hurting,  my neck hurting…I swear to God I started feeling “withdrawal” symptoms but I know it was just my anxiety.  >:(

I thought I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to jump out of my skin! My pulse was normal but I just felt like my while body was vibrating with flight or fight you know?

I had .5mg of a Xanax in  my pocket that I carry around FOREVER but I never take it. Like a safety thing. I know, stupid. I broke down and said screw it. I was so angry and just to wanted to feel better for once since starting this weaning…so I let it start dissolving (not a oral tab btw ) on my tongue. I could feel the saliva building up and taste it on my tongue, the xanax, and then I opened the door to the car and spit it out!  I was so ashamed for being weak ya’ll.  :-[ How could I do this????????

I worry I sat myself back and I just feel like a big loser because I couldn’t handle the freaking anxiety and I wondered why I thought I could ever do this.

I am only coming up on three weeks and I read all of you doing so well and I’m like WHAT A FAILURE!!!

Thanks for listening.