BenzMom’s off pills but will be right back on them after a few months at the online Jonestown called Benzo Buddies

BenzMom Introduction
« on: February 05, 2018, 06:33:25 pm »

BenzMom

I am the mother of two children who was placed on Xanax over 15 years ago shortly after my daughter was born. In the course of those years I went off and on Xanax for about 5 years then my mother who was battling a long term battle with a malignant brain tumor became very sick. The Xanax led to other drugs all prescribed by my dr but I like many others needed more not realizing I was dependent. My mother passed away and other tragedies followed in my family. This past August I entered a rehab facility in another state for 5 weeks and gained my life back. I am off of Xanax and all other meds I was on for almost 6 months.

Thank you to this forum.

RELAPSED!

Relapsed
« on: January 22, 2018, 02:41:09 pm »

[Buddie]

I want to join for support as I have relapsed.
I did a successful taper off Klonopin using Ashton from 2012-2014 with help of Psy NP. I cannot go back to him as he has retired and no one took his place.
Took 19 months to get off 4 mg K—was benzo free for 3 years then had A major life trauma — my son committed a crime attempted suicide and I had to help him through the criminal justice system by getting him lawyer and being his support person.
It was a horrible time and I fell apart after it was all over.
I started taking left over K and V I kept from original taper.

Relapsed around March 2017 on small doses – now up to 20-30 mg Valium or 2-3 mg K or a mixture of 5-10 mg V and 1-2 mg K
I am not going to beat myself up for going back on when I knew better.
I am starting down the path of dark hole depression, staying in bed, unable to take care of my house, I know it’s the drugs.
I need to get off and I want to do a CT as these are leftover pills from my table and I am not under a doctors supervision.

Relapsed
« on: January 22, 2018, 02:58:06 pm »

[Buddie]

I did a successful taper off Klonopin using Ashton from 2012-2014 with help of Psy NP. I cannot go back to him as he has retired and no one took his place.
Took 19 months to get off 4 mg K—was benzo free for 3 years then had A major life trauma — my son committed a crime attempted suicide and I had to help him through the criminal justice system by getting him a lawyer and being his support person.
It was a horrible time and I fell apart after it was all over.
I started taking left over K and V I had kept (should have tossed it all) from original taper.
I Relapsed around March 2017 on small doses – now up to 20-30 mg Valium or 2-3 mg K or a mixture of 5-10 mg V and 1-2 mg K. Running low on stach.
I am not going to beat myself up for going back on when I knew better.
I am starting down the path of dark hole depression, staying in bed, unable to take care of my house, not wanting to go anywhere or do anything. There is no food in the house because I do not want to shop. I know it’s the drugs and some PTSD from my son.
I need to get off and I want to do a CT as these are leftover pills from my previous taper and I am not under a doctors supervision.
Hello and help!
« Last Edit: January 22, 2018, 03:38:01 pm by [Buddie] »

RESCUE DOSE HELL

F*ing Rescue Dose
« on: April 08, 2017, 01:24:49 pm »

[Buddie]

The past week since CT has been going pretty well considering…up until 2 nights ago. My husband surprised me with a 3rd year wedding anniversary to the beach. Getting out of my environment was great as well as the sun and sand.

HOWEVER, first night I get hit with insomnia for the first time since tapering/CT. Falling asleep wasn’t the issue, but I woke up at 3:30 AM and for the life of me, could not go back to sleep.

Same thing last night…fell asleep about midnight to wake up at 3:30 AM and lay here trying everything to go back to sleep…fail. Then once I got up, the nausea hit, upset bowels, pouring sweat, then freezing…body temp back and forth totally crazy. Unfortunately, I still had my pills in my purse and broke down and took a rescue dose for the first time. I am SO disappointed. Maybe if I weren’t on this trip, I could’ve rode it out. But I don’t want to ruin the trip.

What’s strange is the rescue dose did nothing for relief and actually seemed to amp up the sweating/chills/freezing body temp symptoms. Why would it have the reverse effect like that?

12mg a day Xanax eater’s 2 year taper

waI Stopped taking Benzos last year after 15 years use
« on: February 03, 2016, 01:13:05 am »

[Buddie]

I began tapering two years ago from Xanax, 12 mg per day; by Feb. 14, 2015 I took my last pill and have been benzo […] for one full year with just one exception. Sadly, I still suffer from fairly extreme withdrawal problems. I am looking for advice, help, and support.

Re: I Stopped taking Benzos last year after 15 years use
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2016, 01:44:29 am »

[Buddie]

Wow!
Congrats!
Hope all goes well!

Re: I Stopped taking Benzos last year after 15 years use
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2016, 02:27:09 am »

[Buddie]

Welcome from me too! Wow, 12 mg…that is quite the accomplishment!

Re: I Stopped taking Benzos last year after 15 years use
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2016, 03:31:56 am »

[Buddie]

A one-year taper is actually short for 12mg of Xanax for 15 years, since it’s
one of the “super benzos” (like Klonopin and Ativan). So I’m not surprised
that you are having trouble one year after jump day.

In my 26 months of hell since ending Klonopin (and ssri’s), I’ve learned to avoid
foods and situations that spike my symptoms. Glutamates are the enemy since
neurons are exposed to them, and I’m still not sure how to control them.
(If you post a signature it will help you define your history for yourself
and others who comment.)
I think that lack of sleep and exercise badly hurt my situation.

My 6-week self-taper was totally inadequate after 20 years of prescribed meds.
I’m still in deep trouble. Some things improved a bit, but other things declined
a bit due to my circumstances, my lack of personal knowledge, and lack of
informed medical help.
I would look for a quality book on your condition, since it will deal with
the spectrum of issues.

Nostril damage from snorting pills causes nose picking leading to liver failure? Huh?

Anyone dealing with terrible nose problems??
« on: May 19, 2013, 04:34:19 pm »

[Name hidden]

I posted earlier about how I have reached bedrock as far as my nostrils go. Going on 6 months and I dont ever think I will regain anyutyp of lining in my nose. And the roof of my mouth is raw also.

Re: Anyone dealing with terrible nose problems??
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2013, 04:49:47 pm »

[Name hidden]

[…],
Ive been complaining about something like this for weeks. When I breathe in, the air feels too cold and sort of raw. And Ive had a runny nose for 9 monthes. (Watery, harmless but annoying.) The inside of my mouth feels raw and burns, even my throat and my gums itch and burn. Sometimes my teeth feel sort of metallic.
Is this anything like what you are feeling?
[…]

Re: Anyone dealing with terrible nose problems??
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2013, 05:36:15 pm »

[Name hidden]

Yep. My mouth has cycled through many changes from one end of the spectrum to the other. After c/t I had burning mouth as if I had a few habrenero peppers. My teeth feel like they contain a electrical charge. I tap them together and they feel hollow but echo in my skull. My biggest problem is my nostrils. I had a cold last week and for the first time in many months I had some color blow out. But i have pardon the pun but I have picked up a nose picking issue. This watery stuff summons me to constantly go after it. My finger has been in there way to long and so when i say I hit bedrock I mean I down to bone. And these intense violent sneeze attacks.

Re: Anyone dealing with terrible nose problems??
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2013, 05:47:10 pm »

[Name hidden]

I couldnt help it…I laughed when I read this. A nose picking habit! A friend and I have an ongoing joke about this as we both admitted to secret nose picking.
I live with a box of tissues in every room.
Unfortunately I lost a few teeth after my cold turkey…old crowns, mostly, one large filling (where food always gets stuck! Yeek!) and I broke one tooth. I know dentures are in my future but hell, I cant afford a dentist, even.
Could you possibly have allergies???
[…]

Re: Anyone dealing with terrible nose problems??
« Reply #4 on: May 19, 2013, 05:59:37 pm »

[Name hidden]

My entire life its been nuts and cats. No offense I know you have several cats. I cant single cats out, I am allergic to many breeds of dogs. But yes I have developed allergies. I started to get more concerned when I started to itch after i ate. It was Greek yogurt which I have never had befog9re. A member replied check your liver. Well I cant pop the hood and take a look so I did a follow up on some other blood work. Enzymes are in range and so are kidneys but that is not a real check. All of my intense reactions to smells and chemical sensitivity and also new allergies just adds to the pile of liver problems namely cirrhosis. I went on another forum and read those with end stage cirrhosis and all complained of weakness and debilitating fatigue which I no longer have. I can work 10 hours and the fatigue has been gone for about 2 months. My liver pain persists so I just live and eat as if I did have a serious problem. If I turn yellow I am going in and say look now doc, what do you think.

Re: Anyone dealing with terrible nose problems??
« Reply #5 on: May 19, 2013, 06:47:33 pm »

[Name hidden]

My sinuses feel like I have cement stuck on the walls of my cartilage. And everytime I sneeze it jolts my whole head and makes my whole body ache. It’s like when you have the flu. I also find myself digging for treasure constantly throughout the day. I’m obsessed with trying to clear it out that I have run dry of mucus in my nose. And to top it off it feels like the sinus muscles are swollen and adds to my list of breathing issues.