Ain’t no love in the heart of the city: Girlfriend dumps addict for man who isn’t tapering Klonopin for 1000 years

Dumped during taper
« on: April 10, 2019, 12:33:03 am »

[Buddie]

Just lost one of the key players in my support network. She said, “I can’t do this for another 6 months, year, however long it’ll be before you’re better. I love you, I want you to get better, and I don’t want to be with anyone else. But I just can’t do this anymore. I have to let go. I have to live my life”

This was 2 weeks ago. I tried to remain her friend, but she couldn’t help but rub her new relationship in my face. When I’d finally had enough and blocked her number, and on social media, she got pissy and finally left me alone. It’s strange how the ones we love the most can end up being the most toxic. Prior to this she would always be at my bedside. Checking in on me every day. Assuring me I’d get through this and that I’m strong for having made it this far.

I found myself up-dosing. I messed up. I let her hurt me even more. I’m trying to get back down to 0.5mg Klon per day, but the nights without her are much harder. Maybe I shouldn’t have been dating in this state. She tapered off klon a long time ago, I thought she’d be more understanding.

If anyone’s suffered a blow like this during taper, any advice would be appreciated.
(I know, “Try not to think about her, occupy your mind with other things.” I got that much, I’m trying.)

Benzo Buddies approved taper ends in crisis unit

throwing in the towel
« on: April 06, 2019, 04:59:05 pm »

[Buddie]

i cant live like this. its not living .everyday is hell and fear for me. im going back on my original dose and hope to feel like i did a few months ago. maybe i really just need them anyway. i wish all you beautiful and strong people a successful taper and much peace. love & light to you all

Re: throwing in the towel
« Reply #13 on: April 07, 2019, 11:39:08 pm »

[Buddie]

i spent the night in the crisis unit. im finally home. and i just want to tell everyone who took time out of you journey to encourage me that i truly love each one of you. family doent understand and they think by making me feel shame or less than because this is so hard is somehow going to majically fix this. i went up a bit. back on .5 in morinng and .5 and night. once im ready i will begin again. so much love and thanks to all you amazing and compassionate warriors.. much love to you all. this group is filled with the kindest and strongest people of ever come across.. thank you so much <3 love & light to all. jill

Another Ashton taper fails

Losing Hope at a Year Off
« on: March 15, 2019, 07:05:47 pm »

[Buddie]

I feel like I’m losing all hope of ever feeling normal again in normal situations. I’m basically a year off and my head feels like it could explode, and the depression is still terrible. I used to try stuff like meal changes, a few supplements, taking time off work, more water, more vigorous exercise, naps, and so on, but now it seems I have run out of stuff to try but other RX drugs. I feel like I’ve run out of people in real life to talk to about this, yet it seems I need to be talking about it constantly just to feel any semblance of normality. Where can I go from here at a year off? What can I do?

Benzo Buddies members compare psych wards

Womp womp psych hospital
« on: February 21, 2019, 10:50:43 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello,

So my taper has ended in the acute mental hospital 2 days ago. Not ideal. Although it’s not that terrible here. I was brought here by family for my ‘withdrawal delusions’ and nighttime terrors.

I’m at 0.06 mg ativan and have been holding. The pharmacist here and psych dr are patiently letting me taper here but would like to see me taper down here. Their diagnosis is that I am manic with delusions about ativan symptoms, and they want to go through withdrawal here to prove a point to myself that it’s not that bad. I don’t want to be on this drug anymore but I am scared to jump here. But maybe better here than at home.

There are other benzo people here. It’s sad. I dont want to say too much but it’s not a good thing to see.

They want me on 12.5 mg of seroquel. I’ve taken 2 doses. Worried about movement disorder because of fahrs.

Sx… high heart rate. Bowel stuff. Brain zaps. Tremors. Burning skin.

I think i have to stop this med soon but worried about acute in front of psychiatric team.

My question I guess is if anyone has advice.

Thanks.

Re: Womp womp psych hospital
« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2019, 11:14:40 pm »

[Buddie]

I am SO SO sorry! I wound up in psyche twice and they were pretty much no help, switched my ADs, put me on gabapentin which I tried to get off and couldnt, Trazadone which stopped working, remeron which made me sick, they did get me stable on a generic brand of K but I’m still not tapering and still sick since my failed rapid taper and now I’m on ambien ::)

I suppose you can fake it as best you can to get out? then go back to your taper? Maybe?

Seroquel can help with sleep and 12.5 is a CRAZY low dose! It is safer in the hospital because they can be there if you seize or need any other meds I guess? I’m happy they let you have your phone at least, we werent allowed ours

Member with 30 terrifying symptoms gets no help from Benzo Buddies ghouls who forced him into dangerous micro-taper

please help me - paradoxical?
« on: December 13, 2018, 03:39:59 am »

[Buddie]

I know I’ve reached out to a lot of you and it seems I almost have an allergy to this class of meds. I was only on klonipin for 2.5 weeks in May during some neuro testing for numbness, tingling and spasms. Tests for MRI and EMG came back ok. I then wanted to stop the klonipin because I felt flat and irritable and was only sleeping until 7:30. I was told to cold turkey per my doctor and had a panic attack and burning. My doc then immediately moved me to Ativan starting at 1 mg and then moving up to 1.5 and 1.75 for one night. I weaned down to 1 mg and held for a month but had horrible inter-dose withdrawal. I was dropping 25% a week and got violently ill (vomiting, light sensitivity, brain pressure) then moved me to Valium (direct cross over which really hurt my gut). Landing at 12.5 mg and I thought i stabilized. I’ve been hospitalized for hyponatremia for three days and have had an insane amount of symptoms which shook my CNS. They also gave me generic Valium pills in the hospital and generic liquid. I know all the info above sounds idiotic, but I kept telling my doctor something was wrong and asking for multiple opinions with no help. With Valium I started a cut and hold at first then liquid and had to ipdose from 8.5 to 9 Bc of hyponatremia. I’m now trying a .001 microtaper pills after trying to stabilize on 9 mg for a month. I’m still not stable and have almost electricity coming off me and a charge in my tongue and throat. I know I’ve had so many changes in a short amount of time, but I don’t feel like I can survive this even dropping .001. I have insomnia as well and have lost 50 lbs since May with muscle wasting. I know I seem like the crazy one on the forum, but I had a great job and life before this and I’m at a loss of how to move through it. Every single day I get worse. I’m wondering since I never had a proper crossover would it be an option to cross over to Librium and hold for a long time? Any advice would be appreciated. I was holding at 9 mg and still felt pretty terrible. I wish I had known about the Ashton manual before all of this. I’m currently holding. It also burns when I take the Valium.

Sxs that come and go

1. electric feeling – mouth, throat, genitals
2. insomnia
3. head pressure
4. metalic taste and smell
5. rapid aging
6. dpr
7. looping/ocd
8. burning in extremities
9. thirst
10. spasms
11. tingling
12. numbness
13. hair loss
14. twitching
15. veins popping
16. GI issues
17. dandruff
18. massive weight loss
19. muscle wasting
20. tongue spasms
21. electricity feeling off my face – this is because the hyponatremia rocked my CNS
22. DEPRESSION
23. gas
24. foot jerks
25. blinking
26. acid reflux
27. benzo belly
28. tooth pain and inflamed gums
29. tremors
30. Edema

Re: please help me - paradoxical?
« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2018, 12:21:36 pm »

[Buddie]

Anyone? Moderators?