Benzo Buddies members drink booze, snort ketamine to deal with failed benzo tapers

Alcohol setback
« on: July 20, 2019, 06:21:46 pm »

[Buddie]

Drank some beer about two weeks ago, and a few hours later I started to feel this weird electric feeling in my chest and my sleep got way worse. Over the next few days I started having all sorts of weird physical sensations. It felt like electricity was surging through my body, my skin was burning, and I had this weird electric butterflies in my stomach type feeling. Horrible anxiety set in, I started to feel like I was losing my mind, and my sleep got worse and worse. The anxiety has faded pretty much entirely and I’m having less of the weird bodily sensations, but my sleep SUCKS now. I’m getting 1-2 hours a night. I was doing so much better before I drank. I felt like I was finally turning a big corner. I was mostly getting 4-6 hours of sleep a night, sometimes a bit more, without taking anything to help me sleep.

I’m 13.5 months off, and am pretty concerned about this lack of sleep. It’s like I’m back to where I was at the start of my withdrawal with sleep.
Anybody else experienced something similar?

Re: Alcohol setback
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2019, 06:39:11 pm »

[Buddie]

Oops I meant to post this in the post withdrawal recovery support section

Re: Alcohol setback
« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2019, 07:41:32 pm »

[Buddie]

I am sure one of the mods or admins will move it soon. How much beer did you drink?

Re: Alcohol setback
« Reply #3 on: July 20, 2019, 07:51:05 pm »

[Buddie]

Only one tall glass of beer. This is crazy.

Re: Alcohol setback
« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2019, 08:38:35 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on July 20, 2019, 06:39:11 pm
Oops I meant to post this in the post withdrawal recovery support section

I’ll move this over to the Post Withdrawal Support Board! :thumbsup:

Re: Alcohol setback
« Reply #5 on: July 20, 2019, 08:42:41 pm »

[Buddie]

Drinking alcoholic beverages tends to be a highly charged topic here. For some, perhaps many people, drinking can cause a return of withdrawal symptoms. Others may be able to tolerate it fine.

I’ll just share my personal experience. I am not a big drinker, just a glass of wine on occasion and a mixed drink even less often. However, I did not drink anything, not one sip, until I was completely healed. Even then, I didn’t have a drink right away, it took some time.

I’ve been recovered for many years now and do enjoy a glass of wine or a mixed drink at times with no ill effects. Everyone is different in this regard. Personally, I would not rush into beer again if you had a negative reaction.

[…] 🙂

Re: Alcohol setback
« Reply #6 on: July 20, 2019, 09:20:51 pm »

[Buddie]

I had one small glass of wine after many weeks of feeling better. I then had many weeks of feeling worse! And it happened pretty immediately. No more alcohol for me.

Re: Alcohol setback
« Reply #7 on: July 21, 2019, 01:09:30 am »

[Buddie]

Two beers set me back for a month. Still not where I was prior to the beers. Im alcohol free for the foreseeable future.

Re: Alcohol setback
« Reply #8 on: July 21, 2019, 01:14:23 am »

[Buddie]

I experimented with drinking wine a year off my taper. First 1/4 glass, then 1/2 glass, then a whole glass. 3 oz. No problems. So now I drink a glass of wine a couple of times a week.

But everyone is different. How alcohol will affect us is a crap shoot imo. I would definitely wait awhile before trying beer again. And then maybe a small glass.

Hope your sleep improves.

[…]

Re: Alcohol setback
« Reply #9 on: July 21, 2019, 10:37:53 am »

[Buddie]

4 months after finishing a long benzo taper, I slammed 5.5 beers within a two hour period or less. I had to pour out the rest of the 6th beer after realizing that I messed myself up. I was back in acute for several weeks but recovered after a solid month or so. It’s been 18 months since I touched alcohol. I’ve messed with small quantities from tinctures though without any ill effects. I suspect I can have a few drinks if I wanted to now but I just wrapped up tapering some other stuff. I’m thinking by the new year I can drink in moderation hopefully, assuming things work out for me. If I’m ever in a situation where I’m stuck with a bunch of people drinking and I can’t, snorting ketamine helps me get through it, and I don’t feel like I’m missing out so much. Alcohol should be consumed in moderation anyways. I can never go back to binge drinking anyways, which may lead back to benzos. I distinctly recall starting to take benzos to cope with hangovers in the beginning.

Re: Alcohol setback
« Reply #10 on: July 21, 2019, 10:53:20 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on July 21, 2019, 10:37:53 am
4 months after finishing a long benzo taper, I slammed 5.5 beers within a two hour period or less. I had to pour out the rest of the 6th beer after realizing that I messed myself up. I was back in acute for several weeks but recovered after a solid month or so. It’s been 18 months since I touched alcohol. I’ve messed with small quantities from tinctures though without any ill effects. I suspect I can have a few drinks if I wanted to now but I just wrapped up tapering some other stuff. I’m thinking by the new year I can drink in moderation hopefully, assuming things work out for me. If I’m ever in a situation where I’m stuck with a bunch of people drinking and I can’t, snorting ketamine helps me get through it, and I don’t feel like I’m missing out so much. Alcohol should be consumed in moderation anyways. I can never go back to binge drinking anyways, which may lead back to benzos. I distinctly recall starting to take benzos to cope with hangovers in the beginning.

I think you should stop snorting Ketamine.

Addict lands in ER after Benzo Buddies taper fails

Please help.... absolutely hopeless and broken
« on: July 18, 2019, 12:06:20 am »

[Buddie]

So I’ve been off Klonopin about 1 month now. I have a phobia about dying. It’s only gotten worse. Last night I felt very weak and scared and was absolutely certain I’d die in my sleep. This morning I woke up at 6, very weak and TERRIFIED. I can usually tell a panic attack is happening, but I fully thought I was dying and called 911 for the first time. I was telling my boyfriend goodbye, ffs. My vitals were fine, my urine was fine, my blood sugar was fine. They sent me home. I still feel terrible and scared out of my mind. A terror I’ve never felt. I’m obsessing about meningitis or septic shock… I don’t know why. They didn’t do blood tests which is the major reason I cannot calm down. I’m so depressed. Majorly depressed. I’m so done with this. I’m the worst I’ve ever been. I keep going into full panic screaming that I’m dying, begging my Mom to help.

This just feels so real and different. But I’m not in excruciating pain. I just feel weak, confused, really depressed, my head is heavy, and sheer terror that I’m dying and nobody will help me. 🙁 Please tell me this is withdrawal and that I can make it through this, because I’m considering giving up completely.

Five years wasted listening to the idiots at Benzo Buddies

Please help. What are my options?
« on: July 06, 2019, 05:03:01 pm »

[Buddie]

Buddies,

I recently had a nearly 5 year complete recovery interrupted by a massive flare up that sent me back into acute withdrawal. The recovery I made was beyond words. I was completely healed, and living an amazing life. I am 2 months into this flare up, and one thing is evident – I absolutely destroyed my recovery, and it almost feels as if I am starting entirely over again.

I am not entirely sure what caused the flare up.

I am absolutely broken – scarred by my massive post traumatic stress memories – making my doubt I can do this process over again.

What are my options? If my life were in danger, do I have any option of reinstatement?
I am 31 years old, and quite frankly doubting that I have any more time to fight through this process again.

Years wasted tapering the Benzo Buddies way only to realize you’ll never feel normal again without psych drugs

Skeptical About Healing
« on: June 12, 2019, 04:50:52 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m really tired of feeling skeptical that I’ll ever get better. I’m 14.5 months off now, and over 12 months off all alcohol.

I’m dealing with intrusive thoughts, anger at my family for no reason, depression, anhedonia, fear, and the list goes on. I have burning in my calves still and facial pressure.

I’m just worried I’m never going to feel normal again without trying other psych drugs. I’ve done everything I can. I drink lots of water. I have been exercising daily (I am still very active). I get between 10,000 to 17,000 steps a day and do at least a half hour of cardio. I notice no immediate benefit from working out. I don’t really notice it later in the day either. I eat better, for the most part. No other drugs. No alcohol. I have recently tried caffeine again and notice it doesn’t hurt or help me at all.

I get constant reassurance from a few people who have gotten better that I will get better but it doesn’t help and I need to be hearing it all day. But I can’t do that all day. I’m just over this. Want to feel normal and enjoy things again.

Cult nerves on edge as kooks realize their heroes never recovered

Whatever Happened to Matt Samet?
« on: May 16, 2018, 05:01:39 am »

[Buddie]

I am well into my 5th year and no end in sight. I don’t get windows, just alleviated symptoms for short periods of time. I “get” this is going to take a very long time. However, I follow the long term protracted users to give me guidance and I’m just not seeing it. Matt Samet’s last post in Mad in America was from 2015.

Resolution for the New Year: Lay Down the Burden of Proof

Does anyone know of he has healed? Also, Jack Hobson-Dupont has not reported a success story. Any news of him?

Re: Whatever Happened to Matt Samet?
« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2019, 07:33:19 am »

[Buddie]

I’m going to assume that 6 years later Matt samet has not recovered from his setback. Very disheartening. I do hope he is okay.

“I live in the dark”

K taper making EMFS WORSE
« on: May 07, 2019, 09:24:26 pm »

[Buddie]

The lower I get on klonopin the EMFS get worse
I live in the dark
Anything with voltage
Are my voltage gated calcium channels open?
I do have mold toxicity and that’s the reason for EMFS BUT they’re still getting worse coming off klonopin
I can’t live at all
I read about it but still not taking it all in
Do these VGCC close eventually ?
Thanks

Re: K taper making EMFS WORSE
« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2019, 01:05:37 pm »

[Buddie]

I know someone who was on Ativan… got off slowly. She has the EMF thing. First it was screens, phone, computer, now apparently anything that plugs in!
What effects do they have on you?

There is some place in W.Virginia, I think, a place free from EMFs…

Cult member turns to alcohol to feel normal after benzo taper fails

Where to live? Dilema
« on: May 07, 2019, 04:52:24 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi everyone,

I need to make a major life decision and whilst I have people who care for me trying to help I feel like the only people who can truly understand the factors involved in a decision like this are others who have gone through or are going through b.withdrawal. Therefore any comments on this would be hugely appreciated.

I’m due to move house next month but the area I want to move to is very expensive. The reason why I want to move there is because I have some friends and contacts there, and feel I’d be able to my life forward. Whilst going through withdrawal I’ve been making some extra income with art and illustration and think this city will facilitate being able to take that to a career-level. (Which is also amazing therapy). I have also been producing some music remotely with a guy who lives near there and if I moved closer we’d take the music to another level too. In a nutshell I feel like it’s the place to be to start getting myself back on my feet and feel some sense of ‘living’ and working again, even whilst still in recovery.

I’ve lived in numerous different cities and across two countries for work throughout my twenties but I turn 31 next week and I’d like to put some roots down – which this city feels right for.

One major thing is the fact that since being in withdrawal I have been relying on alcohol to feel ‘normal’ when going out and about. It’s not been regular, I’d say I’ve been housebound on average 5 days a week and then will have a couple of glasses of wine to meet up with family for example at the weekend – that kinda thing. It’s something I’m deeply ashamed of, although now I understand this was due to withdrawal. But, I know in order to make a full recovery I need to steer clear of it, maybe for a year and allow the brain to heal. That’s my goal. To do that living alone seems like the best option, rather than with a housemate. If I’m around people when I’m feeling particularly bad it’s too tempting sometimes to have some wine to ease the symptoms (otherwise literally the symptoms can get so bad people call for paramedics despite trying to suppress/stop them).

It seems the most realistically way to do this self-styled ‘rehab’ is to be in an environment that I can control. I’ve also had bad luck with housemates during my twenties where they’ve always turned out to be slightly nuts and I don’t think I can handle the stress of that again, especially at the moment.

However, the cost to rent a studio place is above what I can afford whilst relying on disability support (due to withdrawal). I’m two and half years into this and hopeful in a year or so I will recover and therefore be able to work again. So my friends and family are encouraging me to get something above my budget, even offering to help financially a little in the beginning and telling me to be positive that I’ll be able to work again soon. But, as we all know from BW it’s unpredictable and it’s one thing being positive I will be able to work again soon, it feels like another thing betting the roof over my head on it.

So here are the options I’ve come up with but I’m just going round in circles in my head trying to figure this out – hence reaching out on here.

Option one:
I rent something suitable for my health, slightly above my budget, accept some help from my father and work hard to get my art and design business off the ground to sustain the payments. Risk: fail to meet payments – have to move again.

Option two:
Share with someone. Cheaper but not ideal for a ‘rehab’ environment or lifestyle and probably not much space to grow the art business (I work quite large). Risk: using alcohol to keep up appearances / stressful situations with housemate/s – have to move out again.

Option three:
Rent a studio in a different part of the country. In my budget we’re looking at somewhere fairly rural/crappy city. Risk: feeling isolated / lack of opportunities and friends. Mental health could suffer.

My closest confident that I’ve known for ten plus years, who’s seen me go through this from day one, got frustrated with me for not being able to just pull myself together and got a full time job so I can afford a studio in this city. My Dad is encouraging me to ‘think positive’ and ‘take the adventurous risk’, but it’s exacerbating trying to explain that just getting through this is being positive, and that it’s a balance between being positive and being prepared for any worst case scenarios/risks.

I don’t think (understandably) anyone fully understands the mental and physical challenges that come with BW. There are days when I just feel I need to be alone to recharge, not putting on a brave face to housemates, and equally I want to be able to go out and do things that lift my spirits (meet gallery owners / record music) when I feel able to. NB – I find travelling challenging too at the moment (and currently don’t drive) so being within a short walking/cycling distance to a community feels pretty key.

I want to live in my own little safe space where I can recover at my own pace, sustainably without financial stress, in a community that encourages some socialisation and a brighter future. It just seems like I can have two of these things, not all three.

Any suggestions from anyone?
(Thank you)