This taper failed: 60-year-old wants back on Klonopin after sitting in garage with gun in hand, ready to end it

Failure
« on: June 30, 2021, 07:19:46 pm »

[Buddie]

I am 9 wks CT from K at .75 mg that I was on for three months. Now I remember why doctor put me on this to begin with. I have extreme health anxiety. I have been doing fairly well with my withdrawal symptoms and even sleeping pretty well. Now I have just got news that something was wrong with my liver function test. I haven’t talked to doctor or got results, but I am living in extreme fear and panic and it’s not the withdrawal. I just can’t deal with health issues. If he tells me there’s problems with my liver I don’t know what I’d do. I can’t even make the appointment. I don’t know how I’d […] see him or get liver tests done. Seriously what would happen if I went back on K? I know it’s not recommended but lots of people do it. I think I’d rather live my life calmer than live with this anxiety even if it means a lifetime of drugs. Or would it not work for me? I can’t do it. I mean I literally can’t. I can’t get it out of my head the what if’s. I am paralyzed with fear. I would be like this for any health emergency for life, not just because I’m in withdrawal. I have been suicidal. Yes have even sat in the garage with the car running, taken the overdose, had the gun in my hand. Please help me make a decision. What else could possibly help me. Is there a drug that’s not a benzo? I can’t wait for an antidepressant to work. I’ve tried two and they made me sick as a dog. . I can’t […] on like this. I’m 60 yrs old.

THIS TAPER FAILED

Inpatient
« on: June 11, 2021, 01:40:20 am »

[Buddie]

My impatient self is considering going inpatient again because I cannot stand the way I feel and want to rip this band aid off. Taking ativan and Valium right now but feeling like i’m never going to be able to find a stable dose because of how many times i’ve been messed around with my dosing, detox attempts and CT. The detox said they usually use phenobarbital and librium and I wouldn’t leave detox until I was stable there wasn’t a time table. It is the most reputable facility in my area. I asked to speak with someone from the medical team first before I committed to going so I do not get myself into a disaster where its a firm 4-7 days and just try to give you extreme dosages of seroquel for withdrawals like my past experiences. Does anyone know how librium compares to valium as far as sedation? I know librium has an extremely long half life.

THIS TAPER FAILED: DECADE OFF, NOW BACK ON, BUT HEY, WHO’S COUNTING?

hey everyone back again
« on: April 03, 2021, 07:40:07 pm »

[Buddie]

I signed up years ago and I’ve decided to start being active here again. I was on Klonopin 2mg took 1.5 daily for 15 years and completed my withdraw back in 2012 I think. Due to covid stress I asked my doctor to put me back on .5 mg and I only take .25 for about 6 mos. I will withdraw again, it won’t be that bad. Its real easy. I started the tapping method which really works.

If you go on youtube and search “Tapping for anxiety” you’ll find lots of methods to reduce your anxiety without the help of benzos.

Taper terror: 5 mg of Versed for colonoscopy causes complete collapse

MAJOR REASSURANCE NEEDED!!!
« on: March 07, 2021, 11:34:50 pm »

[Buddie]

I need major reassurance!
I’ve been having a hard time lately, a very hard time.
As some of you may know I’ve been struggling to get off a very short time use of Ativan.

Following a colonoscopy in late Oct, where I was given Versed, things have been very bad.
I can’t remember anything, I can’t concentrate, lots of visual and auditory problems.
I also have lots of POTS like symptoms, my body is not holding onto liquids at all, I drink and it goes right through me-literally!!!
Given this, I’m getting tons of dizziness and feeling faint.

I moved to liquid Ativan in Jan and have only been able to taper down to 0.699 mg, and that nearly killed me.

I’m having to file for long-term disability, as my short-term disability has been used up.
I can’t even fill out the paperwork, that’s how cognitively challenged I am (I have a masters degree in engineering and run half of the engineering department for a large municipality – so I’m normally very sharp and with it).

I just found out that the Dr at the colonoscopy gave me 5 mg of Versed!!!

This is why I’ve been the way I am.
I’m now convinced that I will never heal, and I also am feeling very defeated, like I will never be able to get off this drug.

At first I was tapering 0.007 mg a day, I crashed and burned on that, waited two weeks and started 0.001 mg per day and crashed on that after 16 days. I can’t even go 0.001 mg per day!!!!

I feel like my body is shutting down, it feels like my brain is not working at all correctly anymore?
During the day it feels as if I’m fighting to stay alive – very weird feeling.
I do have a bunch of tests coming up to see if they can determine a problem

I don’t know anyone else on this board that has had this happen!!

I need major reassurance that I’m going to be able to recover from this!!

I wake up in the middle of the night screaming in pain from the headaches!

Please, please someone, tell me this is going to be ok!!!

I’m very distressed, I don’t want to die from this, I don’t want to leave my girls!

I can’t take years to get off this drug!!
It feels like it is killing me now!

Please help!!!

Winnie :'(

THIS TAPER FAILED

Just going to say it.
« on: February 05, 2021, 07:04:31 pm »

[Buddie]

Withdrawal causes severe illness and damage in some ppl and they never recover.

Receptors upregulate very quickly – receptor dysregulation is not the problem.

A lot of p develope Mast Cell Activation and other immune system and autoimmune illnesses as a result of withdrawal.

Some ppl develop something indistinguishable from ME/CFS.

Calling these things WD is wrong and gives a false impression that that will miraculously disappear without treatment or at all.

THIS TAPER FAILED: EXTREME TERROR 13 MONTHS OFF

13 months off
« on: January 06, 2021, 12:47:41 pm »

[Buddie]

I continue to be so confused and scared about how worse things get. Things were so delayed for me. I didn’t notice much at all until 5 months off. Then things seemed to resolve and then since month 7 they continued to get worse. Makes me constantly question whether this is benzo withdrawal but had all sorts of other problems ruled out.

Right now I experience extreme nausea (lost 10lbs), terror (this fall/winter is was rapid cycling at all levels, some breaks, now it’s stuck at lower/medium level with no breaks), skin burning, derealization, eyes zone out (like when your eyes want to go out of focus when tired).

The terror is of course the worst. I’m now about to go through some family stress so I know it’s only going to get harder.

As a side note, I experience extreme scalp itching, and things that resemble mosquito bites on my face (like single hives of sorts). Don’t think that is withdrawal, but wonder if something else is worsening withdrawal. May go to dermatologist soon.

This is really hard, I’m struggling so much and feel uncertain for what’s to come. Thanks for reading.