THIS TAPER FAILED

Just going to say it.
« on: February 05, 2021, 07:04:31 pm »

[Buddie]

Withdrawal causes severe illness and damage in some ppl and they never recover.

Receptors upregulate very quickly – receptor dysregulation is not the problem.

A lot of p develope Mast Cell Activation and other immune system and autoimmune illnesses as a result of withdrawal.

Some ppl develop something indistinguishable from ME/CFS.

Calling these things WD is wrong and gives a false impression that that will miraculously disappear without treatment or at all.

THIS TAPER FAILED: EXTREME TERROR 13 MONTHS OFF

13 months off
« on: January 06, 2021, 12:47:41 pm »

[Buddie]

I continue to be so confused and scared about how worse things get. Things were so delayed for me. I didn’t notice much at all until 5 months off. Then things seemed to resolve and then since month 7 they continued to get worse. Makes me constantly question whether this is benzo withdrawal but had all sorts of other problems ruled out.

Right now I experience extreme nausea (lost 10lbs), terror (this fall/winter is was rapid cycling at all levels, some breaks, now it’s stuck at lower/medium level with no breaks), skin burning, derealization, eyes zone out (like when your eyes want to go out of focus when tired).

The terror is of course the worst. I’m now about to go through some family stress so I know it’s only going to get harder.

As a side note, I experience extreme scalp itching, and things that resemble mosquito bites on my face (like single hives of sorts). Don’t think that is withdrawal, but wonder if something else is worsening withdrawal. May go to dermatologist soon.

This is really hard, I’m struggling so much and feel uncertain for what’s to come. Thanks for reading.

TRIGGER WARNING! 49 MONTHS OFF AND FRYING!!

49 months off news deeper level of hell
« on: December 13, 2020, 08:53:21 am »

[Buddie]

Trigger warning ⚠️
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I’m sorry to post again so soon but I’m freaking out and I’m absolute hell 😥 I just don’t understand this these symptoms have hot yet another level and increased dramatically even since the last time I posted a few days ago! About a week ago I noticed a major increase and not just increase but even a different level of hell hit and this is the 2nd massive uptick in symptoms since coming off antibiotics about 4 months ago for a infected tooth but this time is much different. Not only have I noticed and been experiencing a much greater level of hell over the last week but it’s different I don’t know how to explain it it’s all the same symptoms the severe physical torment in my head burning ripping binding pressure and acid feeling on or in my brain and the severe emotional darkness evil and panic but this is over the top horror 😭 I have not been this scared and horrified since I was CT off xanex in the hospital 49 months ago and this is much greater and more severe than any wave o have experienced since coming off the Benzo and so hard to know what’s causing what because I was put back on Zoloft in the hospital after they ripped me off the xanex but I haven’t made any changes in the Zoloft I’m quite some time other than my syringe broke that the pharmacy gave me so I had to buy one from Kroger’s but still measures 10ml and I don’t see how that could make a difference and this massive increase hit before that happened so I’m at a loss.

All I know is I had to take antibiotics about 4 months ago and after about two weeks after coming off the antibiotics i got hit with a bad wave then about a week ago I noticed the symptoms changing and worsening but this time it’s like being all the way back to the beginning of not worse and I’m laying here now scared out of my mind not knowing what’s causing what what has changed so drastically over the last week or how these symptoms can morph or increase to this level seemingly overnight and increased so greatly over the last even few days that I’m terrified I’m gonna end up back in the hospital 😭

The level of hell that has hit is literally the same way I felt right before my CT although I’ve never really gotten a break not many Windows just varying degrees of hell this whole time but this is over the top worst level of madness I have know in the last 49 months by far!

I can’t breathe the severe burning ripping pulling binding pressure and and acid feeling in my head has not only increased but doesn’t even feel the same anxiety and burning in my body can’t set still can’t sleep pacing terror severe akathisia crawling out of my own skin feeling like I’m gonna completely lose it it’s like being back in severe acute like I was still on the Benzo and I’m hell but worse ask the emotional symptoms are just as evil and horrible as they were in the beginning something has changed it’s a new deeper level of hell and suffering same symptoms but a new deeper level of torment and hell I don’t understand nothing has changed as far as the Zoloft still holding at 80mg and have been for awhile but this is the 2nd massive hit or increased level of hell since the antibiotics 4 months ago but this is much worse and something has changed dramatically and I’m scared and really don’t know what to do anymore 😥

Electroshock therapy could have cured this person

Updosing. WARNING
« on: December 01, 2020, 06:59:56 pm »

[Buddie]

Updosing . WARNING

I am in such a bad state I see updosing and then micro tapering as the only way I can withstand this.
I got on this roller coaster in 1990 quite innocently and not knowing what I was being given. Got dependent after about 4 weeks and went through hell when stopped suddenly. Was told it was a nervous breakdown. Panic attacks from the withdrawal led to diagnosis of Panic Disorder which they treated with Xanax. Doctor reassured me it was safe. I only realized what happened in 1990 and after was due to Xanax in 2018 when I found information about tolerance withdrawal as I got sick and was looking for answers. I was horrified at my reality.

I decided I had to taper. I started July 2019 using Ashton method and my NP. Crossed from 4mg Xanax to Valium. Psychiatrist wanted to do it too fast plus wanted to give me shock therapy which I didn’t need so I stopped seeing him.

I went through a host of symptoms but tried to be strong. I’m at 12mg Valium and it’s hell. I live alone. Only family in this country are my 2 kids who are 4 hours away. They don’t even call. I am existing on oats and banana smoothie for the last 6 months. I was hoping getting lower I would feel better. I’m not functioning at all. I won’t get into details but it’s very bad. I stopped driving 7 months ago. I’m now trying to get a walker to get to the bathroom and kitchen.

I now think my only way to try again is to updose to a functioning dose and try liquid micro taper. Believe me I have tried, I really have. I know updosing is not ideal but this is unbearable. No good will come of plodding on with no support, crippling symptoms almost 24/7.
I called 911 a week ago. They did ecg which was normal but asked if I wanted to go hospital. They’ve never asked this before so I figured it was covid situation.
ON TOP OF ALL THIS IM DEALING WITH MS DIAGNOSED IN 2013. This is too much for one person with no help and support.

What are your thoughts please?

I live in Ontario Canada and originally from the islands.

Ignoring the risk of suicide, Benzo Buddies ghouls spend five pages trying to convince someone not to check into a psych ward

Checking into psych ward
« on: October 24, 2020, 05:42:46 pm »

[Buddie]

Im going to check myself into the psych ward for the 6th time since this happen.

At this point i dont care anymore. Im going to have them load me up on whatever even if it is benzos.

I am experiencing something terrifying in my head for nearly 2 years and im done. Racing and looping thoughts 24/7. No words to describe this torture. Im sick of people telling me its just severe anxiety. Im sick of just surviving to the end of the day and then having to do it all again tomorrow.

If your coming off benzos please for the the love of God dont take another drug. Going on remeron was the worst thing i could have done because i listened to stupid people on this website who were probably just mentally ill.

Peace out.

Re: Checking into psych ward
« Reply #1 on: October 24, 2020, 05:51:54 pm »

[Buddie]

Do you realize that you are only making it worse? Do you want to get lifelong tardive extrapyramidal disorders from antipsychotics? You are at great risk. Read the side effects of the drugs you are about to take.

Re: Checking into psych ward
« Reply #2 on: October 24, 2020, 05:55:32 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on October 24, 2020, 05:51:54 pm
Do you realize that you are only making it worse? Do you want to get lifelong tardive extrapyramidal disorders from antipsychotics? You are at great risk. Read the side effects of the drugs you are about to take.

Yrs i am aware but like i said i dont care anymore.

Re: Checking into psych ward
« Reply #3 on: October 24, 2020, 06:05:32 pm »

[Buddie]

Psychotropic drugs can cause such physical pain that anxiety, tension and insomnia seem like nonsense. I went through this. Don’t be silly, don’t take neurotoxic poisons.

Re: Checking into psych ward
« Reply #4 on: October 24, 2020, 06:18:38 pm »

[Buddie]

I had incredible stress last year. I was ready to go to a psychiatric hospital, anywhere, to stop it. Then, I could not sleep for 4 months and no one could understand what was wrong with me. We thought it was a strong anxiety. The biggest tragedy is that neither myself nor anyone else could understand that it was caused by benzodiazepines.

Re: Checking into psych ward
« Reply #5 on: October 24, 2020, 06:21:34 pm »

[Buddie]

I was polydrugged by Reglan while in benzo tolerance/withdrawal. I had akathasia. I paced the floor like a patient at a psych ward and I survived.

It took Baylissa Frederick 3 years to get through. Read her book Recovery & Renewal.

Follow Michael Preibe of “The lovely Grind” on You Tube. He survived benzos AND antidepressant withdrawal.

It’s true. Taking other psychotropic meds while in benzo withdrawal complicates it. Reglan is for migraines and gastroparesis, but it’s also an old antipsychotic from the 60’s. I learned all of this in hindsite. So, basically I was in Ativan tolerance and got a drug that was like Haldol. Just one dose. One time.

Look up Michael Priebe. He beat both benzos & an antidepressant. He’s very positive and motivating.

So sorry to hear of your suffering. It’s so hard. Hang in there.

Re: Checking into psych ward
« Reply #6 on: October 24, 2020, 06:23:38 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on October 24, 2020, 06:05:32 pm
Psychotropic drugs can cause such physical pain that anxiety, tension and insomnia seem like nonsense. I went through this. Don’t be silly, don’t take neurotoxic poisons.

Im experiencing something way worse than just physical pain. The mental is way worse than anything you can imagine. Brain racing and looping 1000 miles an hour 24/7 for 2 years straight and counting. 100s of mental symtoms all at once. Ive reached my breaking point.

Re: Checking into psych ward
« Reply #7 on: October 24, 2020, 06:26:05 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on October 24, 2020, 06:21:34 pm
I was polydrugged by Reglan while in benzo tolerance/withdrawal. I had akathasia. I paced the floor like a patient at a psych ward and I survived.
It took Baylissa Frederick 3 years to get through. Read her book Recovery & Renewal.

Follow Michael Preibe of “The lovely Grind” on You Tube. He survived benzos AND antidepressant withdrawal.

It’s true. Taking other psychotropic meds while in benzo withdrawal complicates it. Reglan is for migraines and gastroparesis, but it’s also an old antipsychotic from the 60’s. I learned all of this in hindsite. So, basically I was in Ativan tolerance and got a drug that was like Haldol. Just one dose. One time.

Look up Michael Priebe. He beat both benzos & an antidepressant. He’s very positive and motivating.

So sorry to hear of your suffering. It’s so hard. Hang in there.

I follow everyone. They werent this bad 24/7. I cant even distract for a second. The people as bad as me are 4+ years off and still suffering. There is no point in putting yourself through something like this

Benzo Buddies lifer agonizes over whether or not to hop back on pill cocktail

Back again after 5 years off - worse than acute - could it be related??
« on: October 17, 2020, 04:23:19 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello! I’m hoping someone can PLEASE help or connect me with a member or moderator who might help!
I haven’t been on this site in years. I had horrendous and protracted withdrawals from Xanax, Klonopin, Gabapentin and Remeron. I was cold turkey’ed many times, out on, off, etc etc. I nearly lost my life. Anyway, I was finally off all of everything and slowly recovering. I was able to work part time – sleep between 5-8 hrs a night without a blood sugar crash (regularly) – I also have severe hypoglycemia and adrenal issues from all of this – and could exercise a decent amount. This was back in Feb. I still had issues but was perhaps 65% recovered. But then I started getting stomach issues that the doctors could not figure out. It was severe. I would go from pain, to acid, etc and my nervous system would kick in to try to numb the pain. Drs tried natural remedies bc I’m still super sensitive to meds but nothing helped. I started losing function and so much weight we had to try PPIs etc but they too did not work. I felt like I was back to being in acute withdrawal. My exact symptoms were back. One of my natural drs recognized it and said since my nervous system never fully recovered that is probably why this is happening. I have also been SEVERELY isolated, super stressed because I can’t work, have NO SUPPORT at all where I live – it is just me etc etc and afraid of everything going on in the world. Well, as the summer progressed, I kept getting worse. ALL of my doctors could not figure it out as my symptoms are MORE severe than they ever were in any withdrawal They all quit and said go to my home state of Ohio where I have some friends, old drs who got me through the last withdrawal etc. and it was cheaper to live. I was thinking about moving out of state but then that became too stressful too. I now cannot sleep at ALL! I try to relax and my heart BOOMS out of my chest. I get extreme adrenaline surges that set my whole body on fire – I feel like I am being dipped in acid and then I vomit. I have lost 30 lbs. I have kept trying to endure this on my own but the pain and burning the stomach, nerves, etc is so severe. I have had a seizure – I NEVER had that in acute. Othertimes, when I may get a few hours of sleep (usually every 3rd or 4th day) I wake DRENCHED in sweat, confused. My hypoglycemia at that point is so severe. It gets so low. My muscles are constantly twitching and shaking whenever I calm down but the second I calm down I realize the severe issues the cortisol for all these months has caused and the pain and agony is unbearable and my body can’t take it. I don’t really know how to endure this – at this point I am losing function to take care of myself on my own – I don’t have anyone to else or care for me here so drs are saying I must move for help. They will not prescribe benzos again but are suggesting if I get to Ohio that I should ask my old psych about it or go back on the regimen of K, Rem, and gaba. I don’t know if it will work. And I’m afraid after all I have been through. We have tried other anxiety meds like visterol CBD etc and it made me sooooo much more anxious. However, I cannot live like this – Has anyone EVER HEARD of anything LIKE THIS?????? What do people do??? Am I too far gone to ever heal? Even when I am calm in the day it comes out in my sleep with these horrible jerky surges. I do not want to go back on Benzos but I don’t know how else to deal with this. Would I kindle? Thanks for any of your replies!!!

PS Sorry this is so long!
« Last Edit: October 20, 2020, 06:07:22 pm by [Buddie] »

THIS TAPER FAILED

I reinstated my klonopin please help everyone scaring me!!
« on: September 20, 2020, 05:45:53 pm »

[Buddie]

I was tapering and I got from 2mg daily down to 1.25mg over the course of some
Months I was doing well… my mom passed and I just had back to back panic attacks and 5 trips to the ER, in a week! So I reinstated yesterday and I feel
Much better but I absolutely want to get off, I’m
Just wondering why do people fear monger? NOT in this forum but in others I’ve been told
If I try to wean again I will be in horrible condition, I will not be able to do it, I’m at a larger risk for seizures… is this really true please help!

Re: I reinstated my klonopin please help everyone scaring me!!
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2020, 07:51:46 pm »

[Buddie]

I can relate, don’t know what to tell you. I am freaking out 24/7 for almost nothing and everything at the same time. Everything is a trigger and race my anxiety and fear. But I notice that when I go for a walk and do my sport and yoga (I do it almost every day), my mind is busy and I am less triggered. But still… I can barely being around people. Some days are better than other, for exemple today I was incapable to see anyone but Friday I went to the restaurant with a friend, I was anxious but I managed. I try to push myself to get my brain use to a normal life style, don’t know if it help or not because usually if I do something and force too much, seems that I pay it for days after… I cannot help you with taper because I cold turkey 🙁