52 months out…

Will taking a med to help stop the tremors keep me from healing...
« on: June 30, 2020, 01:54:31 pm »

[Buddie]

I am 52 months out and take carbidopa/levadopoa to control the shaking/tremors so that I can go to work. Does anyone know if this will keep me from healing?

Addict starts downing kpins, with a vodka chaser, after taper fails

Confession -- Reinstatement -- I don't know what to do
« on: June 09, 2020, 09:06:09 pm »

[Buddie]

Three days ago, my akathisia, intrusive thoughts, irritability got so bad. It had been just over one month without klonopin. I wanted to celebrate, but the perceputal distortions, dp/dr, and other symptoms were bad too. I literally was afraid of losing control. I had these awful tics — was laying on the floor screaming “F— you” to any car going by. I had strong urges to yell at my wife, tear stuff off shelves, etc. Mind you, **this is not me.** I was never like this before withdrawal.

Long story short, I felt hopeless and desperate, because I can’t put myself at risk of being like this every day. I took some Kpin and dashed it down with vodka (maybe equivalent of 3 shots). I am not even a drinker — I don’t even like alcohol, so this is not a “pattern” mind you — I just needed reprieve from these tics and thoughts until I could figure out a new strategy, because this CT isn’t working. I had terrible panic and tightness all day long, plus ‘mental akathisia,’ unable to escape my own brain. I am afraid for my future. I cannot stay married like this and do this to my family. Well now that was 3 days ago, the withdrawals are going to kick in again. I really went and did it this time. I thought the worst of the acutes would peak by month one but clearly I was wrong. How to taper a med that’s paradoxical? Seems a V crossover is my only chance but my doc won’t do it.

THIS TAPER FAILED

17 months and 2 days F*** this
« on: May 26, 2020, 10:25:58 pm »

[Buddie]

I have a feeling that I never heal. I have stopped Valium for 17 months and 2 days now man this sh** makes me crazy constant ear pressure,
feeling that my throat is swelling,
very tired all day long also often has to lie down,
increased fears(anxiety),
tensed muscles and painful back and legs,
cannot build a rhythm day and night,
stomach pain and extreme bowel pain pressure on the bladder
tunnel vision

this nightmare doesn’t stop for me!

Sexual problems plague Ashton acolyte five years later

5 years off; as of today
« on: May 17, 2020, 11:35:09 am »

[Buddie]

I don’t come on here often anymore, but today marks the 5th year of me being off benzodiazepines, and also all prescription drugs. I took my last bit of liquid diazepam on 17th May 2015.

The mild lingering symptoms I had for about 16- 18 months after coming off a long and slow taper, continue to stay gone.

Since coming off benzodiazepines I have travelled to various countries, started and significantly progressed in a martial art, and have started and have made a lot of progress in learning a new language. I have also returned to work. All things I never thought would have been possible while in the worst of benzodiazepine withdrawal.

The only remaining symptoms I still have is the numb genitals, very low libido, pleasure less orgasms, and emotional numbness, but I strongly suspect this was caused by the SSRI antidepressant citalopram, and not the benzodiazepines, and that I suffer from Post SSRI sexual dysfunction. Each year these sexual symptoms seem to get a little less, but it has been a very frustrating and disappointing process of recovery from these symptoms, and I am very unhappy about how long it is taking.

But on a positive note I am happy to be free from the grip of the benzodiazepines, which until I found the correct way of slowly withdrawing from them (my psychiatrist tried taking me off a large dose in 6 weeks, and I suffered terribly with a lot of severe symptoms for 6 months without relief), caused me all sorts of problems. I no longer have to worry about withdrawal symptoms or being dependant on a substance, so the long process of withdrawal was definitely worth it for me. I feel much happier, healthier, and less anxious now I am free from them.

Keep going everyone, it can take a long time, but there is a better life waiting for you after benzodiazepines.

Take care

2 month drug use, 4 month taper?

JUMPED
« on: February 14, 2020, 12:26:12 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello!

Please disregard the information I have listed above about my benzo tapper. I did a slow water titration for the end of my taper of Lorazepam until 0.004. I took the medicarion for 2 months and a half and then tapper for almost 4 months. I jumped around the 11 days ago. I still have symptoms, and I havent seen major signs of healing. I am very discouraged. Is this normal? Thank you.

Benzo Buddies members turn to witch doctors after Ashton fails them

Psychics, Shamans etc..
« on: February 04, 2020, 10:48:44 pm »

[Buddie]

Has anyone visited or made contact with such people or got any kind of reading while going through this? it often feels like a spiritual loss of some sorts. wonder if there is any takes on this

Re: Psychics, Shamans etc..
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2020, 01:24:58 am »

[Buddie]

I’ve often thought of going to someone. I remember one BB member who said that he saw a psychic, and she told him he’d get well and be through this. I don’t know who it was, but I think he isn’t on here anymore

Re: Psychics, Shamans etc..
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2020, 05:02:52 am »

[Buddie]

How about a psychic medical person? I’d be interested to hear what they have to say? You can talk to them on the phone? I called a psychic years ago and the man was very accurate about my life.

Re: Psychics, Shamans etc..
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2020, 06:09:06 am »

[Buddie]

I know a lady who does “energy healing”. I’m kind of skeptical but people have told me her treatments work and she doesn’t charge a penny. I might try it. At least if it doesn’t work it just doesn’t work, no nasty side affects. Who knows.

Re: Psychics, Shamans etc..
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2020, 06:09:48 am »

[Buddie]

let us know

Re: Psychics, Shamans etc..
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2020, 09:38:17 pm »

[Buddie]

I had a phone conversation with a medical intuitive. Her reviews were great. But she was entirely useless and cost $300 to boot. I wouldn’t do it again unless I absolutely felt certain that the person was true and reliable.

Re: Psychics, Shamans etc..
« Reply #6 on: February 07, 2020, 12:39:12 am »

[Buddie]

I went to an energy healer once and it made me feel worse. I would never go to one of those again. I wasted alot of money going to this lady.

Re: Psychics, Shamans etc..
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2020, 03:00:06 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on February 07, 2020, 12:39:12 am
I went to an energy healer once and it made me feel worse. I would never go to one of those again. I wasted alot of money going to this lady.

Now that is interesting, and unfortunate.

Patient goes back on Klonopin after Benzo Buddies taper almost causes stroke

My heart couldn't handle my withdrawal
« on: January 09, 2020, 02:11:18 pm »

[Buddie]

I am back now taking my regular dose of clonazepam. I lasted 15 days without a benzo, those 15 days were the longest, confusing, hellish days of my life. Without a doubt my effort to quit caused my blood pressure to spike to the point where I need to take a pill for my heart at age 34. I would love to be happy and benzo free, it just seems like I could get benzo free but I would be regretting it because your body feels so different and changed from the benzo. I’ve already been kicked out of enough Doctor’s offices so I think I’m going to take this Dr.’s advise and stay on the benzo even though it’s not suppose to be taken for more than 2 months and I’m on over a decade. At some point there will be a Class Action Lawsuit on everyone involved in this scheme, however I don’t want money I want myself to be able to live without Big Pharma. Good luck to everyone out there fighting the good fight, keep it up love is reciprocal.

Holiday horror stories pile up as Benzo Buddies members realize Ashton tapers have destroyed their lives

What's the point in trying anymore? (Trigger warning)
« on: December 24, 2019, 08:32:14 pm »

Ptsdmiracle

In 3 months it will be a year off, I have not noticed much improvement. I was slammed into complete dysfunctional and debilitating symptoms causing me to be housebound, and I’m still the same. Cognitive, emotional, mental, physical symptoms are still there when I compare the symptom list I created back in march. I’ve lost a year already. I keep thinking even if I do manage to recover to some functioning level, I’ll never be able to have the life I’ve worked so hard for. I won’t be able to return to my career if my health and sleep isnt 100%, because of the high demand even on a healthy body the stress can be high. I needed to be able to sleep on demand with high quality refreshing naps because of the unpredictable nature of workload. I’ll never be able to go through childbirth because I’m forever traumatized and paranoid that any meds or stress can send me back to acute, I wouldn’t want my kids to witness this let alone not have a healthy happy mother. I’ve cut ties with all my old friends for the past year, how am I ever going to explain to them what happened? Everyone had high hopes for me, now if they knew, I’d be the main topic of gossip in their circles. My social circles and even my extended family who are my generation are all high functioning healthy successful soon to be quite wealthy young adults.

So what’s left for me in this world? I feel like a parasite now, surviving on what the elders in my family can provide for me, and maybe when I recover I might “upgrade” to being a functional hermit.

It’s very difficult for me to have hope and be optimistic and grateful this holiday season. Especially since I’ve been waiting and waiting for symptoms to lessen or go away, but my brain has 24/7 been trapped in this alternate universe that’s hell. I also never have windows, not even glimpses of near normalcy. My brain is so far gone. When I was 22, I wanted to reach 30 because this is the year I could really start settling down and building my life after moving everywhere for training and work. Now that I’m 30, ironically, life is already over. and all I think about is dying so that misery isn’t prolonged.

For those that read this sad and dark post, thanks for listening. Anyone have any uplifting words to say I appreciate even more. I just don’t know the point anymore.

Re: What's the point in trying anymore? (Trigger warning)
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2019, 08:44:38 pm »

[Buddie]

So, I have been ill and unable to work and largely housebound since 1996. All my then friends have had careers and bought homes and had families. I have nothing.

You will almost certainly feel well enough to live a worthwhile life in another year or two.

If your life is pointless where does that leave me? I am 51 now and even if I survive WD I will still have the underlying physical issues I was on Benzos for.

What does it say about all chronically sick or disabled people?

You have no idea where life will take you. Once your get through this you will be stronger and more determined than any of your friends plus you should have some real empathy, something g they will never learn unless something shit happens to them because it sounds like you all live a very entitled and unthinking life.

You will be fine.
« Last Edit: December 24, 2019, 09:01:56 pm by [Buddie] »

Re: What's the point in trying anymore? (Trigger warning)
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2019, 08:53:21 pm »

[Buddie]

I know how you are feeling as im on the same boat.

I found my thinking about life is totally controlled by my sx at that moment. Even when sx is less intense with a brain kind of working for a minute, my perspective would be totally different, planning for thousands stuff for life. You are closer to healing everyday, once that day comes, your confidence, desire, motivation will be back more than ever.

When the sx are strong and you are still in depth of this process, try not to think tomorrow or future. Our thinking in this process is irrational only based on what we feel at the moment.

Just focus on each day and keep going. You survived almost a yr and will survive more days that comes, until you dont have to live by surviving moment by moment and then only enjoy every moment.

When these thoughts come, just vent here and we are around to listen to it. It will pass, possibly in just a few hours when the sx are lessoned.