ADULTS ONLY, PLEASE

Disturbing nightmares TRIGGER WARNING
« on: November 18, 2020, 09:31:00 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m reducing valium was on 75mg in 2016 down to 23mg cut last night, so too early to notice anything from cut.
I also take micronised progesterone which is cross tolerant to the valium.
I also have terrible actual-factual real life problems I wont go into.
Anyway, I woke up around 6am, took my second dose of valium as I did not want to get up that early, went back to sleep and had a really disturbing nightmare that is so awful I cannot imagine how my consciousness conjured it up. I will be very vague as it may freak some people out.
It was in a carpark and involved a man who had obviously lost his self respect as he was very dirty and doing something in a public place, he obviously had some medical complaint and he was putting his carnal desires before his personal hygiene, his self respect and the respect for who he was with.
That’s all I will say.
I hope this isn’t going to be the shape of things to come.
I sometimes have dreams where I am lost in some strange place and have to find my way home, I like dreams they tell me a lot about my state of mind.
This tells me I feel lost.
I dream that I am still taking EE which I haven’t taken for a long time and don’t intend taking again.
This tells me I am depressed and long to have a happy feeling, yet ecstasy is false chemical happiness.
The disturbing dream represents me as the man, not the carnal but but the bit who has lost thier self respect and motivation and pride.
I would be scared to go to sleep if I thought I would have dreams more disturbing than that.

Taper causes sexual confusion

The word bisexual = panic
« on: August 03, 2020, 12:07:28 pm »

[Buddie]

I am confused as to why this is happening now. I was perfectly satisfied with my sexuality and all the sudden I am questioning it. So much so that my new engagement makes me feel like a fraud and is sending me into benzo withdrawal symptoms…

I tried telling my boyfriend I am not ready for this commitment but he’s not listening to me. I took off the ring and my heart is shattered again.

I am in a serious wave. I am in so much pain…I would be totally fine coming out as anything that I am but why is this happening now? I’m 37, and did not have these feelings before. I always respected that community greatly, I’m super supportive because I understand their hardships. I just always appreciated men more so than women.

I remember my last inpatient stay I was roomed with another woman that was a lesbian. Totally fine with it just did not want her coming on to me. I have had a woman hit on me in my early twenties, I was not offended at all…just preferred not to date women, again I liked men.

I can sit here and convince myself I am straight, but I think I could also convince myself I am bisexual. I am again, absolutely fine being attracted to women, I just do not feel anything towards either sex right now…

I do however feel severe nerve burning when I think about being lesbian, feel a little better about bisexual. Bisexual seems maybe more natural for me? I can look at women and acknowledge their positive attributes and not actually fantasize about women right?

Same way I look at male attributes but definitely feel something, especially the thought of a strong man like my fiancé etc…sorry too much information.

I feel like if I say I am bisexual its a lie, but if I’m heterosexual it’s a lie. I feel like a fraud and in a wave of symptoms because of it.

I have barely eaten, been shaking, nerve burning, complete and sheer panic for two days. I would hate to come out now as bisexual and have it not be real or say that I am straight and have it be a lie. I guess I just have to be, with this beautiful ring and an uncertain future.

Sexual problems plague Ashton acolyte five years later

5 years off; as of today
« on: May 17, 2020, 11:35:09 am »

[Buddie]

I don’t come on here often anymore, but today marks the 5th year of me being off benzodiazepines, and also all prescription drugs. I took my last bit of liquid diazepam on 17th May 2015.

The mild lingering symptoms I had for about 16- 18 months after coming off a long and slow taper, continue to stay gone.

Since coming off benzodiazepines I have travelled to various countries, started and significantly progressed in a martial art, and have started and have made a lot of progress in learning a new language. I have also returned to work. All things I never thought would have been possible while in the worst of benzodiazepine withdrawal.

The only remaining symptoms I still have is the numb genitals, very low libido, pleasure less orgasms, and emotional numbness, but I strongly suspect this was caused by the SSRI antidepressant citalopram, and not the benzodiazepines, and that I suffer from Post SSRI sexual dysfunction. Each year these sexual symptoms seem to get a little less, but it has been a very frustrating and disappointing process of recovery from these symptoms, and I am very unhappy about how long it is taking.

But on a positive note I am happy to be free from the grip of the benzodiazepines, which until I found the correct way of slowly withdrawing from them (my psychiatrist tried taking me off a large dose in 6 weeks, and I suffered terribly with a lot of severe symptoms for 6 months without relief), caused me all sorts of problems. I no longer have to worry about withdrawal symptoms or being dependant on a substance, so the long process of withdrawal was definitely worth it for me. I feel much happier, healthier, and less anxious now I am free from them.

Keep going everyone, it can take a long time, but there is a better life waiting for you after benzodiazepines.

Take care

Woman’s vagina goes numb after Ativan cold turkey, husband very worried

Private area
« on: November 25, 2019, 04:17:59 pm »

[Buddie]

I was CT off Ativan for 6 week use. I knew nothing of the meds. It was in August and I have so many symptoms I don’t know how I’m surviving. My private area feels numb it started after I stopped the meds had anyone had this happen and does it ever fix. My husband is very worried and I am afraid we will never have what we once did

Re: Private area
« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2019, 04:39:55 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi Mrt, Your sig says that you are still taking .25. But you C/T’d, right?
Anywhere you have nerve endings, one can experience numbness/tingling or pain. It’s hard but I could cope better with this compared to the burning painful nerve sensations. It’s not permanent. You are getting hit hard with sxs right now. Sounds like acute and it is miserable and terrifying. The good new is that is slowly improves. For some, it can improve rather quickly.
Hang in there Mrt.

Re: Private area
« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2019, 04:48:49 pm »

[Buddie]

I have numbness and electrical shock sensations in vagina area.

I have lost all internal sensation and who,e body feels like made of waxy latex.

Do Ashton benzo tapers cause premature ejaculation?

Sexual question for men
« on: June 27, 2018, 05:26:22 pm »

[Buddie]

One horrible thing that’s happened to me after coming off Benzos is I suffer from pretty awful premature ejaculation. It feels like I’m just way over stimulated down below and don’t have the muscle control I did before. Very embarrassing for me but not the end of the world. Would love to hear from those that have overcome it or seen it improve. Before benzos this was not an issue of mine. Doing much better otherwise though. Thanks

Re: Sexual question for men
« Reply #1 on: June 27, 2018, 05:48:48 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey bro . I think you just need to strengthen those muscles again. If you’re back in the gym do some leg based lifting. If you have a partner you might need to do it with them more often or if not you may need to have fun by yourself more often for those muscles to strengthen back up. Also to train your brain as well around it. I noticed that even before benzos it took time to build up endurance if it had been a while.

Kook ditches pills, finds lump in testicle, goes back on pills, starts to cry

Going nuts.... literally
« on: April 20, 2018, 05:36:03 pm »

[Buddie]

Every since i jumped ive had a on and off pain in my testicles, i found a lump and had it checked a while back and doc said it was a cytst and nothing to worry about. Im back on 1mg and this pops up every know and then.i was able to tell myself for a while that it was nothing and push it back. Im not sure why but im getting the impending doom and crying alot in the morning. Especially when my stomach or my tenders are bothering me. My stomach and everything below feels inflamed. I wouldn’t even call it pain just annoying and enough to mess my head completey up. Before i jumped cold turkey i never had one problem out of that area down there. Sorry i know theres females on here and im trying to keep it pg. But anyone else ever had this? The whole inflamed stomach, pelvic tightness, aching tenders ect…

Benzo Buddies members give up sex to devote years-long tapers to cult guru

Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« on: February 12, 2018, 12:05:30 am »

[Buddie]

Does orgasms make your symptoms worse? I feel like my anxiety, fatigue, depersonalization, everything gets worse after orgasm and doesn’t get better until about a week of abstinence…

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2018, 01:27:07 am »

[Buddie]

My head starts hurting and I feel more pressure in it
It scares me
😒 can’t even enjoy sex

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2018, 01:41:21 am »

[Buddie]

Yes, I think this happens to me. If I feel good before, and […] for a few hours after having one, but a few hours later I feel horrid. I guess it takes a lot of our energy, or maybe the pleasure center in our brain is tapped too much. Fortunately, this symptom resolves itself for me after a while. Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one.

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2018, 01:43:10 am »

[Buddie]

It may be linked to hormones. I’ve read a number of posts that indicate pregnancy and menstrual cycles are particularly difficult due to hormonal issues.

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2018, 01:50:45 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on February 12, 2018, 01:43:10 am
It may be linked to hormones. I’ve read a number of posts that indicate pregnancy and menstrual cycles are particularly difficult due to hormonal issues.
Of course, as a guy. this doesn’t apply to me, but very recently I discontinued Melatonin, a hormone which I used as a sleep aid for 18 months, and from what I understand the US (where I am) is the only country that allows it to be sold OTC. Perhaps going off of it contributed to my post-O slump and other problems

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2018, 04:45:36 am »

[Buddie]

Orgasms don’t seem to bother me but I definitely notice feeling way worse during my period, so I can believe that hormones are involved.

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2018, 07:44:31 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on February 12, 2018, 01:50:45 am
Quote from: [Buddie] on February 12, 2018, 01:43:10 am
It may be linked to hormones. I’ve read a number of posts that indicate pregnancy and menstrual cycles are particularly difficult due to hormonal issues.
Of course, as a guy. this doesn’t apply to me

Actually, us guys have hormones as well — they are just different ones. Testosterone is a hormone. And there is in fact a big hormonal change in the brain after orgasm in males. My impression is that the orgasm also has an affect on the central nervous system, and since said nervous system is irritated… It would make sense that there would be symptoms. In my first bad experience with quitting benzos years ago, I would always feel like crap after an orgasm. Never knew why! Now I do…

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2018, 02:02:44 pm »

[Buddie]

sex. i cant even imagine, i can barely make it outside through this much less meet a woman! :P
ugh benzo withdrawal