Shocking story of woman who spent 50 years on benzos

After 50 years (yes, really, 50 years) I am benzo free x 2 months
« on: March 02, 2018, 03:07:19 pm »

[Buddie]

Greetings everyone,

I’m posting this to give others hope. One of the things I needed most during my interminably l-o-n-g taper, was HOPE. I’m in a category of VERY long time benzo users who started taking the various benzo meds as a child for seizure disorder and I was “cold turkeyed” numerous times without anyone seeming to know what was going on with withdrawal symptoms so when symptoms from withdrawal got bad, they would simply put me back on the benzos — often at an even higher dose. There just is no data or comparison available for someone in my situation so neither I, nor my docs, nor even my pharmacology specialist, has had any idea of what to expect. I realize I am very early days yet and I keep wondering if symptoms are going to come crashing down on me, but after the first two months completely off, things are starting to feel better. I definitely have symptoms and I am concerned, at my old age and with my long term use, about permanent neurological damage, but I am managing day to day and starting to feel better.

I did a long, slow taper starting with the Ashton protocol for a cross over from Lorazepam to Diazepam, then went to liquid micro-tapering for about a year and a half, then ended the last 2 mg of Valium with dry tapering the pills by cutting them into small pieces and and taking rather long holds between the cuts. During the taper I was able to work part-time, travel overseas, move households to another state, travel frequently to another state to help care for my elderly parents, organize a wedding for my daughter and managed to usually be a semi-functioning human being, although there were days, weeks and sometimes months when I was tremoring, in a brain fog, unable to sleep, felt like my head would explode, wearing dark glasses all day, walking with a cane and lying around the house with all the curtains closed fearing it would never end. I will post some of my symptoms, my coping mechanisms and my experiences in the board for those who have been “off benzos for two months or more” in case there is anything others might find helpful.

I was extremely fortunate to have excellent Medical, pharmacological and emotional support along with a stable income from a gainfully employed and incredibly supportive husband. AND, very critical, I had the same Medical Insurance as US senators, Congressmen and Federal Employees have access to. Everyone derseves the kind of help and support I have had and I cannot overemphasize the role that support has played in my being able to do this. I was also fortunate to have received plenty of help and support early on in my taper from all you wonderful folks here on BB. Without your knowledge, experience and encouragement, I wouldn’t have been able to tell my doctors what I needed to do to get better. For this, I am eternally, and deeply from the heart, grateful!

I had doctors, friends and family members tell me tapering off at my age was; “a huge mistake”, “not worth it” and “against medical advice”, and I have no idea what is in store for me long term, but I can honestly say again, with gratitude, excitement and hope, thanks to all the wonderful support, I DID IT AND I FEEL BETTER!!!

Don’t lose hope!

Best to everyone,

Mo
« Last Edit: March 02, 2018, 03:31:25 pm by [Buddie] »

LIBERATION?

Psych drug free and liberated
« on: December 16, 2017, 04:33:04 am »

[Buddie]

Hi!
I stumbled upon this site in oct 2017, and it has been the best support ever. I couldnt believe that finally, i found a community who understands benzo and psych med issues, and the stories, guidance, and the forums were and contine to be inspirational and informative. In short, since 2005, i was prescribed clonazepam, and up to may 2017, my daily cocktail was: 30 mg vyvanse, 7.5 zopiclone, 100 mgs seroquel, 15-30 mg remeron, and 1.5 clonazepam. Over-medicated, yes! Over diagnosed? Yep! In May 2017, with finally the ears of two psychiatrists who listened and saw my sleep study results, i started to taper from 1. vyvanse (hellish). 2 seroquel (easy), zopiclone (a bit rough), remeron (what? That was a breeze to finally, today, sitting at 21 days clonazepam free (a ride to hell and back with the aim of reaching heaven here on earth, and can finally see it. Thanks to this website, to All you beautiful pple with such courage. Ill be posting more and sharing my
triumphs and seeking some support as im still having waves and when a small window opens, I see heaven again. Its time to live med and benzo free. And when Im better, I want to yell that outloud. We are free. We are strong. Ttys.

BENZO FREE AND LOVING IT? NOT EXACTLY.

Healed after 12 years!
« on: April 13, 2017, 05:51:33 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m coming up on 12 years benzo free. On may 5, 2005 I was cold turkeyed in the hospital. It was the most horrific and unforeseen event in my life and it has changed me as a human being forever. Slowly, very slowly over 1-5 benzo free years my symptoms waxed and waned until at 5 years benzo free my life was about 80% of what I was pre-benzo. Life was good but not great for a few months. The unrelenting horror, mental anguish and general displeasure for life had abated but the physical symptoms were still alive and well… just milder and I expected them to all abate as well as time marched on.

At almost 6 years benzo free the flood gates reopened again and I was cast back into what I would call acute benzo withdrawal! It was just as bad as the beginning if not worse… as a matter of fact a lot worse! All the progress I made was suddenly gone and I was left a 40 year old man with a wife and two kids, a beautiful home crying on the floor with no hope for a future. It nearly broke me as a human being and I was ready to give up.

Luckily I had tremendous support from the person I had been with my whole life…My loving wife. She knew me since high school and knew that this was not the man she married. Luckily she believed in me because I didn’t and at 6 years I didn’t think recovery was possible. I thought I had permanent brain damage from the ativan and I would never recover.

My wife got busy and contacted many people on my behalf.  Una Corbett, Barry Haslam, Baylissa Frederick (Bliss), and even to professor Ashton herself! They ‘ALL’ said to my amazement ‘HE WILL RECOVER’ and ‘THIS SOMETIMES HAPPENS’. She even made an account here to talk to people on my behalf (I was too unwell to post then). I’m Mr. B by the way!

The symptoms were very hard up until 11 years benzo free and right now at almost 12 years benzo free my life is brilliant!!!  I can see the light again and feel love, joy, and happiness. I’m 47 years old and have a new lease on life and you will too. Please people believe in recovery…BELIEVE!!!

It happens for ‘EVERYBODY’ given time and staying off  benzos and ‘ALL’ chemical crap!

Mr. B

PEARLS OF WISDOM FROM REINSTATED JANA

Jana

Creating a condition that is stable as possible is the first pre-taper work. Here is how to do it:

  1. Take a consistent dose that you find best covers the withdrawal symptoms.
  2. Make or buy a liquid delivery form of your benzo.
  3. Divide that daily dose into from two to four EVEN doses. The liquid makes dividing easy.
  4. Take the divided doses at even intervals through the 24 hour period. That may be every twelve, eight, or four hours. Do not set am alarm to wake up for a dose. Take it as soon as you do awake and then take the rest of the doses on schedule.

That’s the “secret” to feeling better quickly and being in a good place for your real taper. Everyone needs to know this. Pass it on.

Just this simple pre-taper will surprise you and make you realize that you really can have control over this illness.

Happy Tapering,
Jana


Benzo-free since 3/23/06
Reinstated 6/27/16

Sounds like fun

Re: Has anyone had the opportunity to meet someone else who went through this ?
« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2016, 11:24:39 pm »

[Buddie]

I’ve made a number of friends from BB and talked to some on the phone, but have not yet met anyone in person. On my blog I sent an open invitation to my 60th birthday party in October (and hopefully a benzo free celebration too). I am hoping some BB members can make it and we can meet up in person that way.

With love,

[…]