Mayo Clinic recommends psych ward after wife loses everything to Ashton

Nursing Home until I become healed?
« on: December 09, 2020, 09:28:18 pm »

[Buddie]

After 2 years of being bedridden, unable to care for myself, I cannot live like this anymore. My husband has been doing his best to care for me, but I have not seen any signs of improvement. My mental function is gone. I live in extreme pain, with over 100 extreme symptoms daily. I am only 56 years old but living a life of a senior shut-in.

I am wondering if any of you know people who have ended up in a nursing home because of benzo injury? What happens when our only caregiver cannot take it anymore and wants to get on with their life? Then what? I am unable to go anywhere (have even cancelled all my dr. appts. in the last years), cannot shower except for maybe once every 5 days now, live in my unkempt bedroom all alone while my husband is out living his life. But, he wants to be able to travel, do outdoor activities, ALL the things we once enjoyed together, which kept us extremely busy. He has been leaving town here and there to do some activities but has to be back by dark because I cannot be alone in the dark anymore. My mind has been damaged and I no longer have any hope. I have not had any windows and I’m only getting worse.

The guilt is unbearable to me, even though I know I didn’t cause this injury myself. What am I supposed to do?

P.S. It took me a very long time to write this and everything I have to try to make sense of this post. I cannot express myself, even in writing anymore, let alone with words.

Re: Nursing Home until I become healed?
« Reply #7 on: December 31, 2020, 10:13:04 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on December 22, 2020, 10:03:02 pm
longing

First let me tell you that your post makes sense. As awful as you feel, you are very much coherent. Your sentences string together and your word usage is accurate. As challenging as it was to write, your cognitive function seems fine here.

Your husband is tired. It’s normal. Sometimes caregivers feel they aren’t allowed to struggle, because the person they care for is struggling more. But that isn’t true. It is really lonely to be a caregiver. It is hard work. It is frustrating. It’s normal that he wants his partner to share life with him. This doesn’t make him bad or unloving. I don’t say this to guilt you. More to shine a light on the big picture. Who cares for the caregiver?

I doubt a nursing home could do much for you. First, you would have to qualify by virtue of age. You are too young. Many seniors who are very disabled are waiting to get in to nursing homes. Nursing homes are very expensive, too. Also, it would be so disempowering.
It is like saying that nothing can be done and healing is futile. Maybe this age and money thing is only true in Canada.

You say you have over 100 symptoms every day. Bedridden. Cannot even bathe yourself. There is no improvement at all. So, this is a severe and rare case of protracted withdrawal. What have you done to improve your situation? Again, not to doubt you, because you have likely done many things. Recovery is an active process. It doesn’t happen just by waiting for it. Others cannot give it to us, no matter how well they care for us. Maybe if you list what you have done, then we can perhaps add ideas?

I wish you could find someone to talk to. Possibly locate an online therapist?

I have had many tests, even been to Mayo Clinic two times. They just want to put me into the psych ward because they don’t believe in benzo withdrawal. They tell me it’s just a severe case of depression. Well, of course, I’m depressed. Who wouldn’t in my situation? But I was never depressed or had any kind of mental illness until I became tolerant to the clonazepam. I was on it for over 20 years, daily. My life is gone. I have tried many supplements over the time I’ve been suffering, but none have helped. I take a multi vitamin daily and an adrenal support supplement. I have to take .25 mg. Trazadone to help with sleep, which is pretty much non-existent still. This is the reason I was put on clonazepam in the first place. I have chronic daily migraine and for years, I have not slept. My neurologist is the one who put me on benzos and now he has flat out told me that he doesn’t know anything about benzo injury and withdrawal and therefore, cannot help me. He actually told me that if I find someone to help to let him know. I wish his life would have been ruined, like he did to me. Horrible, horrible doctor!

One of my family members thinks that if I would just start smoking weed that all this will go away. I tried it…one puff…one time about a week ago. I became even more depersonalized and it was awful! Not for me. I hear it helps others though.

If I have to continue to exist in hell like this, I won’t. There are many who have not been damaged nearly as much as I have. Why does God not listen to me? I have been a christian all my life and have always prayed, but it’s like He’s not even real to me anymore.

62-year-old woman at end of her rope after being abused by Benzo Buddies

Checking in after 4.5 years
« on: April 01, 2019, 08:04:08 am »

[Buddie]

Just wanted to stop by to check in as it’s been a few years. I bounced in to BB in 2014 whe I was about to get off my clonopin. I was a mess. Well I got off them and became more of a mess. Then put on Prozac and gabapentin.

Here’s my timeline now:

4.5 years off benzos
2.2 years off Prozac
2 years off gabapentin

Med free

It’s been grueling. I live all alone with no support except online. I had to keep working to stay off the streets which has been extremely difficult. I declared bankruptcy after I spent 12,000.00 on an amino acid therapy and countless other things I thought would help.

My symptoms are still extreme and all mental, psychological, emotional, spiritual and cognitive. I’m scared and alone.

I thought I would reach out to you all. I have had no windows or any breaks though I’m better than I was 4 years ago. In total it’s been about 10 years of hell on and off meds. So I’ve lost hope. 2010 was wake up call when I rapid tapered off Xanax and nearly died while unconscious. Fortunately my Neigbors found me and I woke up in a hospital with extreme hallucinations for 3 weeks. Once released I had to go back to work but couldn’t so they put me on clonazepam. On and on until I got worse and worse with more meds (ad’s)

Then found BB

Long story long road

Like many others

Anyway here I am med free and could use some hope if your not to busy

I’m 62 and it doesn’t seem or feel like I’ll ever heal. Maybe something else is wrong but had 2 MRIs and tests which bankrupt me. So now I’m just trying to keep a roof over my head.

All I want is to be well to feel love and joy and know what well being feels like again.

Thank you

Woman wasting away to nothing in grip of insane Benzo Buddies taper regimen

Family is now concerned
« on: October 03, 2018, 02:41:01 pm »

[Buddie]

I’ve been battling Benzo discontinuation syndrome for almost 3 years now. No one but my husband has really ever taken me seriously… must be your original symptoms coming back.. Yada Yada.. well this year my body just started wasting more. I’ve lost weight all along but this year 25 pounds and now I look sick. Now I’m being worried about and being told to see specialists by my parents. I don’t want to see them worry but I don’t have the energy to go through all the testing for all the symptoms I have. I also don’t want to be put under for an upper and lower GI. Their badgering now makes me think it’s something else.. it’s getting in my head and now I think I have cancer.

Re: Family is now concerned
« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2018, 10:09:57 am »

[Buddie]

First let me say, I’m glad your husband understands, at least you have someone on your team. Let me akso say, I know it’s hard to get the testing, physically and mentally hard to do…but if you do it, both you and your family can get done relief. Either they treat a bigger problem or they find nothing. Either way it’s a win win situation.

May I ask, off subject, has the lamictal helped you?

Re: Family is now concerned
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2018, 10:29:47 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on October 04, 2018, 10:09:57 am
First let me say, I’m glad your husband understands, at least you have someone on your team. Let me akso say, I know it’s hard to get the testing, physically and mentally hard to do…but if you do it, both you and your family can get done relief. Either they treat a bigger problem or they find nothing. Either way it’s a win win situation.

May I ask, off subject, has the lamictal helped you?

Hello, thanks for responding I did wind up making a appt. to get started with tests starting with blood work. I started the Lamictal the same time I started Klonopin in 2015. I’ve never increased my dose and don’t plan to but yes it did help me greatly at the time. I was having extreme rage and could not be a good parent. I was so hesitant but I had to and lucky for me I have absolutely no issues with it so far… now coming off might be a different story. What I do know is that I can miss a day of taking it and I don’t notice. I hear when I do decide to come off the anger will return but it’s the very last one I plan to remove.

Mentally ill cult members go on SEVEN PAGE RANT to deny they’re mentally ill

Re: False Charge: BB Is Full of People with BPD
« Reply #63 on: January 18, 2018, 02:58:38 am »

[Buddie]

Your Nurse/Professor friend could be suffering from CRI (Cranial Rectal Insertion). I don’t think it is borderline! I think it is full blown CRI!
« Last Edit: January 18, 2018, 03:09:50 am by [Buddie] »

Re: False Charge: BB Is Full of People with BPD
« Reply #64 on: January 18, 2018, 03:48:47 am »

[Buddie]

OMG!!!  Now that is hysterically funny!!
Laughing like a lunatic!  Very creative disorder!
Thanks for the laugh, […]  :laugh:

Re: False Charge: BB Is Full of People with BPD
« Reply #65 on: January 22, 2018, 06:14:41 pm »

[Buddie]

And her point is?

This ticks me off. I’ve been diagnosed with this for over 30 years–yeah, I’m old–and recently received another dx of the same symptoms (although lessening in severity; a few mechanisms for this decrease have been proposed). This doc called it complex PTSD. I’m Aspergerish and was bullied and ostracised as a kid. She was adamant that that was traumatic.

ADD is another possible differential diagnosis. She ought to look up advances in the diagnosis and treatment of BPD, for there is a lot going on she seems, from OP, entirely unaware of.

BPD has nine criteria, five of which must be met to establish the diagnosis. Most of these are pretty different from one another, so guess what, psych nurse: the population of BPD patients is a diverse bunch. Those of us who are aware of our symptoms as they arise often take great pains to avoid a stereotypically ‘borderline’ response when triggered or otherwise displeased. We know that to react in the moment brings, as often as not, unwelcome consequences.

Yeah, some ppl with this condition are rageful, childish and manipulative as hell, seeking to incite drama where there need be any. Many do have anxiety disorders, for any number of reasons, and so have been prescribed that one thing we all have in common: benzos. (And since benzos are so good at dysregulating thoughts and actions, I will concede that someone with BPD who is also under the influence of benzos and/or alcohol is indeed capable of creating controversy and dissent. may seek to manipulate. May effectively do so until her target chooses to act to stop it.

But I doubt that many people with BPD who do NOT use benzos come on here to p%$# people off.

Just sayin

Heartless family sends woman flying into arms of another family… a cult family

Pisses me off that this is not seen as a legimate illness (rant)
« on: December 14, 2017, 01:54:09 pm »

[Buddie]

My mom and other family members love to laugh about panic disorder and anxiety. Why? Because they don’t understand it. My distant cousin who’s gone through some trauma of her own is on 4 different medications for anxiety and depression. The way they just talked about her and another family member who has social anxiety really angered me. They dismiss everything about this illness and just made fun of how she shakes constantly and how the other one can’t look up to say hi to a stranger. I heard them in the back laughing how everyone has a panic disorder. The ignorance just blows my mind.

I don’t find this funny at all. I’m shaking cause I’m so upset right now. What would they do if they experienced 5 minutes of panic? 5 minutes of the mental torment. I bet they’d swallow every pill in sight as well in the hopes of feeling normal again. I know I’m healing and what I’m going through is w/d but there are people out there with legitimate illnesses. For some people this isn’t w/d and is a part of their everyday lives..

Do we need to get cancer for someone to actually care? Do people with mental illnesses need to be hooked up to 4 ivs in a hospital bed for someone to understand? This is not cool. There needs to be more awareness, more compassion in our society. This just sickens me.

I might’ve lost my temper at them and am complelety ok with that. Someone needed to.

Benzo Buddies members can’t stop crying after torture of years-long tapers

Cannot Stop Crying......
« on: December 09, 2017, 08:58:05 pm »

[Buddie]

From the relentless nonstop torture utter despair and sorrow this has all caused me
The sorrow is so deep
Please make it stop

Re: Cannot Stop Crying......
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2017, 10:09:37 pm »

[Buddie]

I’ve so been there. Sending hugs.

Re: Cannot Stop Crying......
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2017, 10:15:07 pm »

[Buddie]

Me too….. incredibly hard at times. ….and to make things worse my boyfriend basically gets upset with me and tells me to “get myeflf under control”. 🙁 Sending you comforting hugs.

Cult member praises anti-doctor brainwashing

Unlearning the lies benzos told me
« on: March 09, 2017, 03:06:43 pm »

[Buddie]

As you can see, I am tapering from Ativan, directly. I dose only once a day, which produces interdose withdrawals. It’s not easy, but none of it is for any of us. It’s not just me. I cut last night, and today is terrible. Chest pain and palps. Anxiety. Anyway, this morning I am deciding to try to unlearn everything that Ativan has taught my body…here are some lies that Ativan taught my body…
1. You can’t handle your anxiety or insomnia. You need me.
2. What, you are going to go off me, gonna cut me out of your life slowly? No, you need more of me!
3. See, you can’t sleep without me. Here you are cutting me out of your life. You need more of me, not less. And I will fight you to prove it.
4. You are so sick: your tummy hurts, your head hurts. You need me. Just don’t cut me out. I will make you feel better.
5. See, you are cutting me out of your life, and your anxiety is worse. And you aren’t going to get better until you add me back into your life.
6. Oh, your chest hurts? Your heart is racing? Feel those occasional thumps, all me baby! Let me in and it will feel better!
7. Tinnitus, hmm. I will make you forget about it. It won’t exist.
8. Honey, I see your tears and hear your failure. You’re a failure because of me. Let’s start all over. Those tears and fails will go away.
9. Your body isn’t dependent on me. I only hurt you now because you are pushing me away instead of adding me to your life.
10. Life as you know is changing. You have lost interest in everything and it’s not my fault. You chose to give me up.
11. I am not the cause of you losing joy in your life. You miss the little moments. If you would take me back and add more of me in your life will be normal.
12. You know because you are cutting me out of your life, you are a failure. Yes, you are. You failed because you were too dumb to know what I could do to you. You chose to take me in. Now look at you, a shell of yourself, and a failure.
13. You think you are smart don’t you? Cutting me out slowly…I will create a hell that you have never experienced. You will never let me go. You will beg for me back. You wait and see.

What about you?! how has your benzo lied to you? Feel free to add. I know as I taper more, I will!

Cult leaders lie to drugged-up, mentally ill members about useless petition

Possibly biggest way to help benzo sufferers...
« on: March 07, 2017, 09:56:40 am »

[Buddie]

The link to this petition takes TWO minutes to sign, very easy. On my benzo legal group, I’ve been informed that this UK inquiry may be the single biggest thing that can be done toward our benefit. With enough signatures (1000 needed, we have about 500 right now)…it would enable British victims of benzos to speak before parliament on their horrible medical experience with benzos. This has the potential to change the game with benzos…to bring medical awareness, to change how these meds are prescribed, to stop this harm from happening to others after us, and to compensate victims. Let’s stop the benzo pandemic so sights like this don’t have to exist. ANYONE can sign, not just UK residents. It’s extremely easy to sign. The publicity this inquiry would create would affect things around the world, not just UK. The UK has been ahead of things more so than the USA. Please spread and share with friends, post on facebook, etc….
https://www.change.org/p/health-select-committee-an-independent-inquiry-into-benzodiazepines

Re: Possibly biggest way to help benzo sufferers...
« Reply #1 on: March 07, 2017, 10:48:11 am »

[Buddie]

If we get this enquiry it will be the biggest breakthrough in 30-40 years in the UK. I am in no doubt now that my doctors are LYING to me and coming up with spurious diagnoses to cover up the truth about my health problems. They are not ignorant, they are being deceitful and dishonest. I feel totally and utterly betrayed. I have lost my entire adult life to these drugs. If they had had the decency to be honest it would have helped a little. I hope my story will be in the national press but there are many other stories to be told. Prof Malcolm Lader will be a key witness if this enquiry goes ahead. He is about 70 years old so I hope it happens soon. Sadly Prof Heather Ashton is now too old and too unwell. They tried to expose this scandal decades ago. This is not just about us. It is about all patients in the future. The medical profession is making so many people sick. Hopefully any enquiry will include antidepressants.

I hope you can spare a few minutes.

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