Shocking story of woman who spent 50 years on benzos

After 50 years (yes, really, 50 years) I am benzo free x 2 months
« on: March 02, 2018, 03:07:19 pm »


Greetings everyone,

I’m posting this to give others hope. One of the things I needed most during my interminably l-o-n-g taper, was HOPE. I’m in a category of VERY long time benzo users who started taking the various benzo meds as a child for seizure disorder and I was “cold turkeyed” numerous times without anyone seeming to know what was going on with withdrawal symptoms so when symptoms from withdrawal got bad, they would simply put me back on the benzos — often at an even higher dose. There just is no data or comparison available for someone in my situation so neither I, nor my docs, nor even my pharmacology specialist, has had any idea of what to expect. I realize I am very early days yet and I keep wondering if symptoms are going to come crashing down on me, but after the first two months completely off, things are starting to feel better. I definitely have symptoms and I am concerned, at my old age and with my long term use, about permanent neurological damage, but I am managing day to day and starting to feel better.

I did a long, slow taper starting with the Ashton protocol for a cross over from Lorazepam to Diazepam, then went to liquid micro-tapering for about a year and a half, then ended the last 2 mg of Valium with dry tapering the pills by cutting them into small pieces and and taking rather long holds between the cuts. During the taper I was able to work part-time, travel overseas, move households to another state, travel frequently to another state to help care for my elderly parents, organize a wedding for my daughter and managed to usually be a semi-functioning human being, although there were days, weeks and sometimes months when I was tremoring, in a brain fog, unable to sleep, felt like my head would explode, wearing dark glasses all day, walking with a cane and lying around the house with all the curtains closed fearing it would never end. I will post some of my symptoms, my coping mechanisms and my experiences in the board for those who have been “off benzos for two months or more” in case there is anything others might find helpful.

I was extremely fortunate to have excellent Medical, pharmacological and emotional support along with a stable income from a gainfully employed and incredibly supportive husband. AND, very critical, I had the same Medical Insurance as US senators, Congressmen and Federal Employees have access to. Everyone derseves the kind of help and support I have had and I cannot overemphasize the role that support has played in my being able to do this. I was also fortunate to have received plenty of help and support early on in my taper from all you wonderful folks here on BB. Without your knowledge, experience and encouragement, I wouldn’t have been able to tell my doctors what I needed to do to get better. For this, I am eternally, and deeply from the heart, grateful!

I had doctors, friends and family members tell me tapering off at my age was; “a huge mistake”, “not worth it” and “against medical advice”, and I have no idea what is in store for me long term, but I can honestly say again, with gratitude, excitement and hope, thanks to all the wonderful support, I DID IT AND I FEEL BETTER!!!

Don’t lose hope!

Best to everyone,

« Last Edit: March 02, 2018, 03:31:25 pm by [Buddie] »


Twenty-eight years using daily temazapam
« on: January 03, 2018, 03:38:06 am »


Although extensive blood tests are normal, I have an uncomfortable auto-immune skin disease on forearms and lower legs. A friend who successfully withdrew from benzo use said that skin problems can reflect long-term benzo use or pop up during withdrawal.

I have taken temazapam, 30 mg, nightly for 28 years. I am soon going to taper, sprinkling out some granules since I can’t imagine jumping down to 20mg, the next available dose. I really don’t know if my brain will accept a lesser dose.

My dream would be no longer using this dangerous drug. Right now, being free looks as formidable as climbing Mt. Everest.

Jana Hill of / milk micro-taper fame – reinstates on benzos

Jana has reinstated!!!!
« on: June 27, 2016, 11:57:56 pm »


I have it on solid authority. Evidently her lingering problems from her old site and her disappointment over not getting a patent for her milk microtitration method put her in a wave. She now realized that she tapered too quickly the first time so she has reinstated to 1mg K and will do a proper slow taper this time. Pulling for her.

Re: Jana has reinstated!!!!
« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2016, 12:27:50 pm »



Jana from that benzodetoxrecovery site ?

I don’t know her history, but it looks like she really messed up. Of course, that’s not uncommon.

Re: Jana has reinstated!!!!
« Reply #2 on: June 29, 2016, 05:51:41 am »


I have no idea who this poor person even is, but do you two realize you sound rather gleeful about her troubles? You can say that you’re not, but you chose these words, and that’s how they come across. 

Re: Jana has reinstated!!!!
« Reply #3 on: June 29, 2016, 02:02:42 pm »


Putting words in my mouth, […] ? You’re one to talk !

I’d never be gleeful about something like that. It’s tragic.

Re: Jana has reinstated!!!!
« Reply #4 on: June 29, 2016, 05:37:42 pm »


Okay, I misspoke. It was […] who sounded gleeful with this exclamation-pointed announcement. You, […], were merely judgmental. Since to reinstate means a person was at least off the drugs for some period of time–a goal you yourself are apparently yet to achieve in this journey–where do you get off tut-tutting that she “really messed up?”

And what was the point of posting this sad bit of news in the first place? 

Re: Jana has reinstated!!!!
« Reply #5 on: June 29, 2016, 09:13:31 pm »


We have a Report to Moderator about comments on this thread. I have to agree, what is the point of posting this? It’s gossip and it’s unsubstantiated.

That’s my personal opinion, not my ‘admin’ opinion, by the way.

I don’t see any rules broken here, although the quibbling is borderline and needs to stop. However, if this thread continues to be gossipy and contentious it will be locked.


Re: Jana has reinstated!!!!
« Reply #6 on: June 29, 2016, 09:21:39 pm »


The thought of someone suffering so much as to reinstate is heartbreaking.

Re: Jana has reinstated!!!!
« Reply #6 on: June 29, 2016, 11:39:34 pm »


There are some unsubstantiated remarks to this thread, but there are some important points I feel I should address irrespective of the factual basis for the claims about Jana’s ‘reinstatement.’

Hi […],

It seems that you (and probably the majority of those reading this thread) are unaware that for many years Jana had her own benzodiazepine withdrawal support forum, where she promoted a system of withdrawal (Dual TitrationTM) which she claimed to be superior to all other methods. She would personally devise individualised withdrawal regimes for her members based upon a secret recipe. She eventually filed for a patent on her method – the patent made little sense to me or anyone I asked to review it. I had nothing to say about Jana and her formula until: 1) her method and her forum were being heavily promoted at BB by a few of her members; and 2) she published her (hitherto secret) method via a patent application.

There was a long thread developing at BB about Jana’s method and patent. At this point I posted some detailed remarks about her method and its promotion at BB. My comments did not go down well with the few individuals attempting to promote Jana’s method at BB. Please note, I never disallowed discussion at BB regarding Jana’s method, her forum or her patent. However, I did heavily (and quite rightly) critique her system and how it was being promoted at BB and elsewhere. It is worth noting that at Jana’s forum (and at BB via her supporters), Prof. Ashton’s protocols were being (groundlessly) demonised as “cut and suffer”. You can read more about this matter and my comments from here, onwards:

Anyway, that’s the background. The thing is, if I reinstated benzodiazepines, with my higher online profile within these circles, it probably would be news around here and related spaces. But, it really shouldn’t be. Not, at least, in such ‘shocked tones’. If I reinstated, I could rightly point out that I do not promote my personal experience of withdrawal as being any more valid than that of anyone else. Nor do I promote a personally devised method as being superior to all other methods. In short, I am not a ‘withdrawal guru’ and am careful in how I promote myself to avoid such a mistaken perception. Jana is no more immune than me or anyone else to problems which might lead her to reinstate. My criticism is that Jana should not have played the role of ‘withdrawal guru’. I’ve seen this elsewhere, within and without the benzodiazepine withdrawal community. It is unhealthy and can lead to unrealistic and/or mistaken expectations of outcome (good or bad). Seeing your ‘guru’ falter might lead you to question your own progress. I am sure that being ‘guru’ to many people going through benzodiazepine withdrawal was ever Jana’s intention, but if you do play such a role, others will feel let down when others point out problems with your method, or you suddenly close your forum and cease providing tailored withdrawal services, or when you ‘fail’ in some manner. This is one of the main reasons why BB is organised as a peer-support environment.

I must also address the proposal of reinstatement of benzodiazepines after very many years of abstinence ‘to do the taper properly’: pharmacologically speaking, this makes absolutely no sense! Of course, such a reinstatement does not equate with the reversal of a cut because an individual has tapered too quickly and cannot bear the withdrawal symptoms. Nor does it equate it with someone who has quit (for however long) who subsequently decides to reinstate for whatever (considered) reason. However, I really do wish to nip in the bud the proposal that after a protracted period of abstinence from benzodiazepines that there are any good reasons for reinstatement for the sole purpose of ‘withdrawing again, properly’. I’ve seen this idea crop quite a number of times over the years. It just does not work like that. The three realistic options would be: 1) stay off benzodiazepines; 2) reinstate because it is your (and your doctor’s) considered opinion that this is best for you; or 3) reinstate with a goal of withdrawing sometime in the future when circumstances are better. But to reinstate (after many, many years abstinence) to ‘do withdrawal right’? No way! That’s plain wrong.

Quote from: [Buddie] on June 27, 2016, 11:57:56 pm
I have it on solid authority. Evidently her lingering problems from her old site and her disappointment over not getting a patent for her milk microtitration method put her in a wave. She now realized that she tapered too quickly the first time so she has reinstated to 1mg K and will do a proper slow taper this time. Pulling for her.

I wish Jana very best – I really do. I do not criticise Jana or anyone else who wishes to reinstate their use of benzodiazepines (I refer you all to the BB Mission Statement). But for the benefit of our members and anyone else who might read this thread: there is absolutely no pharmacological benefit/basis to the reinstatement of benzodiazepines years after withdrawal purely for the purposes of supposedly withdrawing again, but this time, ‘properly’.

Do Ashton micro-tapers cause Alzheimer’s and cancer?

Longer tapers equal greater chances of cancers and Alzheimers disease
« on: June 21, 2016, 07:36:28 pm »


I just read using the drug for a long period of time including long drawn out tapers (6 months or greater) is actually bad and can cause Alzheimers disease and cancers. This oncologist my mom sees told me it may be an easier withdraw but the drug is so toxic that it can cause all sorts of cancers and brain damage the longer you keep putting the drug into the blood stream. He said choosing between a slightly rough withdrawal or cancer and or alzheimers disease should be common sense. What is everyones opinion on cancer risk vs slow tapers?

Kooks vow to stay at Benzo Buddies… forever

Re: Welcome TO BB, Place Your Thoughts About Joining BB.
« Reply #17 on: June 10, 2016, 11:59:52 pm »


Thanks, since I’ll be here forever……………..

Re: Welcome TO BB, Place Your Thoughts About Joining BB.
« Reply #18 on: June 11, 2016, 12:06:40 am »


Quote from: [Buddie] on June 10, 2016, 11:59:52 pm
Thanks, since I’ll be here forever……………..

Yep me too, I am not rushing for anything, Been there failed X 2, and I will probably be buried in the BB cemetery. And just think all the Buddies we will follow and the Trolls that will be ousted.  

Church of Ashton’s micro-tapering dogma ruins another life

Why withdrawel at all???
« on: April 03, 2016, 10:24:55 pm »


over the past two years I have gone from Klonopin to valium. Have reduced from 35mg valium to 16.25mg.
1. I lost my job
2. I feel worse with every reduction
3. I’ve lost weight
4. bad physical problems.
5. Isolated myself from the world because i am in a constant state of panic/ depression
6. cannot function. Drive a car, go to the store etc.
Why did I do all this to myself when I probably could have just upped my klonopin and felt ok. I went 18 years of being on it with no problems. Maybe some people just need to take it for life like cholesterol medicine. It seems like everyone on here talks about the horror of withdrawel and ways to do it but no one sais why they did start to taper. Were some of you fine and just didn’t want to take a pill everyday or did you start to have problems with the meds? If so why not try to take more? I’m just trying to figure this out.

Cult abuse: Shocking photos of real life Benzo Buddies member’s home

The above photos are the result of years of cult abuse and brainwashing. All this person has done the last seven years ( ! ) is sit on Benzo Buddies tapering. Both site members, and moderators, have encouraged this person to remain at Benzo Buddies and NOT seek professional help. The member could have gone to a professional rebab/detox facility and successfully conquered their drug abuse/addiction problems in a weekend’s time (with some aftercare).
Please pray for them.

10 signs you have Cyberchondria

You Focus on the Worst Case Scenario

Your head hurts so you Google your symptoms. Instead of clicking on the search result that says it could be a migraine, you hone in on the words: “brain tumor,” “cancer” and “cerebral hemorrhage.”

“Patients coming in with headaches they’re convinced are brain tumor is extremely common. Or they’ll research symptoms that could be two different things and jump to the most crippling syndrome, even if it’s clear they don’t have it,” says Rahul K. Khare, MD, ER physician at Northwestern Memorial Hospital and assistant professor at Northwestern University, Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago.

Khare says one key symptom of Cyberchondria is that you easily believe you have — or could have — these rare disorders without taking into consideration the risk factors, prevalence and incidence of the disease or syndrome.You Surf for Vague Symptoms

You Surf for Vague Symptoms

When symptom surfing, you concentrate on hard-to-diagnose, vague symptoms, such as fatigue, general muscle aches, headaches and strange physical sensations.

“We see patients who have done Internet searches on muscle aches, fatigue, pain and are convinced they have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome,” says Khare.

“Cyberchondriacs are ambivalent about finding out they have an illness,” says Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets. “On one hand, they’re terribly fearful of being sick and dying, but on the other hand, they are looking for something to validate symptoms to get attention and sympathy.”

So vague symptoms, such as fatigue or aches, provide the chance to vacillate between benign and terminal diagnoses, depending on how sorry you want to feel for yourself at that moment.Your \"Favorites\" are Filled with Medical Search Results

Your “Favorites” are Filled with Medical Search Results

Instead of links to recipes, yoga poses, celebrity gossip or dream vacations, your favorites are littered with links to symptom checkers, dire disease symptoms and other medical listings.Thanks to those saved searches, links and symptom checkers in your favorites, you can draw the line from headache to fatal brain tumor with just two clicks of your mouse.You Can't Remember the Last Symptom You or Your Family Experienced That You Didn't Research Online

You Can’t Remember the Last Symptom You or Your Family Experienced That You Didn’t Research Online

Instinct, says Michael Nuccitelli Psy.D., C.F.C., a licensed psychologist in Brewster, NY, is often the devil’s advocate when it comes to symptom surfing.

You get the feeling that something is wrong and keep searching to prove your instinct right – because, well, when is it ever wrong?

Women are particularly susceptible because they’re “typically the ones to keep track of their family’s health so they have to stay current of medical and health issues for their children and family,” he says. The more “informed” they think they are, the more this instinct rears its ugly head.You Ask Facebook Friends About Fevers, Rashes and Other Symptoms

You Ask Facebook Friends About Fevers, Rashes and Other Symptoms

Lieberman says white coat syndrome — the fear of being diagnosed with a previously unknown condition or being told you have to change unhealthy behavior (smoking, drinking and eating) — sometimes make Facebook, Twitter or any other social networking sites a more attractive option for researching symptoms.

But doctors caution you have to take information about symptoms learned on these social media sites with a grain of salt.

“One person’s experience might not be the same as someone else’s,” says Michael Abrahams, MD, an obstetrician and gynecologist in New York City and clinical assistant professor at NYU School of Medicine.

To cure your Cyberchondria, avoid sites where people can share symptom information based on their own lay knowledge of medical conditions, Abrahams says. “Sometimes it’s good to hear from another person what their experience has been for emotional support, however, this is not a good diagnostic tool.”You've Gone Through a Lot of Printer Paper

You’ve Gone Through a Lot of Printer Paper

Have you ever taken reams of paper about a disease you think you might have to your doctor’s office? A word of warning: once you’ve crossed the line from informed patient to informing the doctor, you’ve come down with Cyberchondria.

“When it comes to skin cancers like melanoma, I understand where the patients are coming from. They compare their spots to pictures they find on the Internet and then they come to see me,” says Joshua Zeichner, MD, a dermatologist and director of cosmetic and clinical research at Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York City.

And then there are the patients who take it to another level.

“When someone comes in to the office with a stack of printed out reports on rare skin diseases, I prepare myself. Sometimes, a horse is just a horse and not a zebra, but not all patients want to hear that. Those are usually challenging encounters,” says Zeichner.You Don't Let Up

You Don’t Let Up

Every search result confirms that it’s just a migraine, but you’re not convinced.

“One tip off that a person has Cyberchondria is when they don’t believe the search results that say they’re ok, or don’t have the serious disease,” says Leiberman. “So they keep researching and surfing ‘just to make sure’ or to reassure themselves that there’s a chance they’re ok.”Your Pulse Skyrockets When You Symptom Surf

Your Pulse Skyrockets When You Symptom Surf

Researching your health often leads to anxiety, panic or a little bit of both because you frequently link common symptoms to serious illnesses.

“They look up their symptoms and read that they should be seen immediately. And even though most people don’t have the disease or syndrome; they feel anxious worrying they do,” says Khare.

Then, since the doctor is not available right that second, a cyberchondriac hyperventilates some more over the idea of being a ticking time bomb. As the cycle continues, the feelings of anxiety escalate!You Feel Worse After You Get Off the Computer

You Feel Worse After You Get Off the Computer

After searching for information on your symptoms, you feel worse, not better. In fact, your symptoms may even become more dramatic or intense.

“This is the result of wanting to feel in control of your body,” says Leiberman.

She says that even if you want to feel better, your brain could play tricks on you and exaggerate the symptoms or their severity as a way of regaining control. It’s all in your head!

It's Taking Over Your Life

It’s Taking Over Your Life

Do you find yourself spending more time symptom-surfing than answering emails or making time for the people you love?

“Cyberchondriacs can spend hours surfing the web, since the number of sites and social media outlets that discuss symptoms are endless. This allows the Cyberchondriac to avoid other activities in her life, such as work, dating or doing the dishes. After all, how can she be expected to engage in such mundane activities when she may be dying?” says Lieberman.