Benzo Buddies member: site 90% negative doom and gloom

Questions for those who are healed? A more positive section to add?
« on: November 05, 2018, 01:26:35 pm »

[Buddie]

Is there a specific place that members can post questions SPECIFICALLY to those who have healed?
I have not been coming here for support/encouragement as much lately because (for obvious reasons – nobody is to blame) it’s all VERY negative and gloom and doom here.
Why is that? Well, because 90% of the people here are suffering. Everyone wants to (understandably) be heard and discuss their journey/symptoms/suffering.
However, the encouragement from success stories and the sprinkling of responses from those who are healed are TRULY a blessing.
For me though, if I post a question about a symptom I have and get 12 responses from people who are “2 years out” or “36 months out” and still suffering from that symptom, it tends to throw me into a panic. So I don’t post or ask much anymore.
And if I go into a forum specifically for my “symptom” (for example: anxiety)… even just the topics that are listed can throw me into a wave for days.
It would be AMAZING to have a positive place besides success stories to get support and encouragement.
And I would hope to think that once my healing is complete I would participate in this positive section and encourage others through their journey as much as I possibly could.

Thoughts?

83-year-old’s life ruined by cult’s anti-medicine dogma

Coping - I feel like calling the ambulance so I think I'll go for a walk.
« on: March 30, 2018, 07:36:24 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey Buddies! I’m an 83 year old geezer who was on 2.5 mg/day of Klonopin for 25 years as prescribed and have been off for about 22 months. I decided to wean off after realizing that the strange symptoms I had been experiencing for several years were due to tolerance withdrawal. The docs merrily prescribed this stuff without the slightest indication of the inherent risks involved. In any case, I thought it might be useful to my fellow sufferers to learn about my current circumstances given my history.

My typical day starts at about 6:30 AM after a night of fitful frequently interrupted sleep. My bed feels like a war zone. Feeling a bit dizzy and light-headed I make breakfast and sit down to read the paper. About an hour into it I begin to feel like a pall is settling over me; my brain feels leaden (physically) and my thinking becomes wooly. My whole body feels heavier and less responsive and my dizziness increases. I feel faint. An icy-hot sensation blooms over the skin of my arms and legs. With growing agitation I ask myself what the hell is going on? Do I have some horrible tumor like a carcinoid (which causes flushes) or pancreatic cancer? Do I have MS or lupus? I feel like I can hardly move, should I call the ambulance? Then, what’s left of my cerebral cortex sends a directive – Screw this! That’s no way to live! If you’re gonna go, go down swinging; get your ass in gear! (I need a bit of bravado at that point.) So I struggle to my feet, put on a jacket, unlimber my outdoor walker (My back is so bad I can no longer walk any significant distance without one. I wrecked my back running 12 miles/day in my 40s as a means of coping with job stress. I switched from running to Klonopin. Alas.) and head out. I take my driver’s license so I can be identified in case I keel over along the way. But amazingly I start to feel better almost immediately. My head clears, my spirits lift, and the leaden feeling disappears. I go as fast as I can up and down the hills in the neighborhood, covering about 2.5 miles in about 40 minutes, puffing all the way. People stare – who’s this decrepit old weirdo race-walking with his walker? But hey, when I get home I feel much better than when I started out and this exercise-induced window lasts for a few hours, after which that pall, somewhat less intense, begins to settle again. If I could only keep going flat out physically I think all my symptoms (except the skin sensations, which continue to come and go during the exercise) would be alleviated but, alas, this is impossible.

So folks, this is what one benzo sufferer’s life is like. It’s doable though not easy and at my age I don’t feel sanguine about the possibility of completely healing. The most beneficial coping strategy for me is to keep exercising as much as possible. Keep the blood flowing to all those damaged neurons! That will facilitate whatever healing is going to occur.

I don’t know if any of this will be helpful, but I hope so. Best of luck benzo-warriors!

Benzo Buddies cult members wallow in filth ridden benzo-homes in pursuit of eternal taper

My home is one big mess
« on: February 28, 2018, 10:30:33 am »

[Buddie]

I’m really ashamed, but that’s the truth. I don`t usually like this, but I can`t clean. I live alone.

Is it just me who has this, how are you? Do you have any tips?

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2018, 11:31:01 am »

[Buddie]

Hey […]-

I too had this the first 6 months or so when I was in acute phase. I am normally a very tidy person. I have always like things organized & put in place. I was in such bad condition that I was not physically able to do ANYTHING. I literally sat in my chair with laptop or lay in bed for 6 months. It actually may have been longer (I would have to go read my journal but I still am not able to go back & look though that journal PTSD issues :( ) Anyhow,  I do remember at the time telling myself “it is ok, you can deal with this later”.  So I lived in squalor for all that time because I truly had NO one to help me. So just tell yourself that “it is ok & that you will deal with it later when you are better able to cope”. That is all you need to do… :thumbsup:  :smitten:

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2018, 11:49:01 am »

[Buddie]

My house is also much more messy than before because I have less energy and I need to save it for the essential. It’s a benzo-home 

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2018, 11:57:21 am »

[Buddie]

Same as you guys, it was on of the first things to go south. I think it began due to the mental anxiety of the unknown road ahead, I would find myself needing to be distracted positively and not doing things like house work. Then I could not lift a finger without my heart racing and suffering symptoms as I cleaned.

Ironically, I feel soooo much better if the place is clean though 

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #4 on: February 28, 2018, 01:14:00 pm »

[Buddie]

I was keeping up until the valium sedated me so badly. Now, unfortunately it has gotten away from me. My husband does quite a bit but he works all week as well. oh well, it will be here when I feel better again. We’ll tackle it then. I am predicting a lot of stuff that has needed to be thrown away will get thrown away then 

Re: My home is one big mess
 « Reply #5 on: February 28, 2018, 02:01:32 pm »

[Buddie]

The worst part is when my friends come with my food, they have to wait in the doorway, I don`t want to let anyone in. It feels so bad! But maybe I can clean tomorrow? No….

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #6 on: February 28, 2018, 02:08:55 pm »

[Buddie]

I have been messy for a while now, and I really think benzo brain is to blame. I mean, even back when I was still taking them, as prescribed, I had a hard time managing and keeping things clean. I stopped caring what others think about my mess a while ago. I’ll let people in. You would be surprised how many people have times where their places or someone they know is so messy. My old landlady used to come once a month and clean my house with me. That was always so much easier to have someone else to clean with.

I had a cleaning person for a little while, but I think I was too friendly with her, because I felt like she was taking advantage of me. She would mop all the floors and then dump the buckets in the bathttub and leave a giant muddy mess in my bathtub and all my floors would be sopping wet. Then when I asked her to dry the floors she would come up with weird excuses. In fact, she had a ton of excuses. One time I asked her to clean the oven and she told me a whole sob story about how she was chemically burned from oven cleaner. It was so annoying cause she could have cleaned the oven with just regular soap and water, instead of just taking up all that time to tell me the story.

Oh I am very talkative today.

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #7 on: February 28, 2018, 04:22:46 pm »

[Buddie]

Whenever I go into rough patch, my place is an absolute mess. I’m embarrassed about it, but my OCD thoughts about recovery are so overwhelming that I lose sight of connecting with the normal part of myself. Once I get over the hurdle, then I start cleaning again. But then I get into another rough patch. This has been going on for years, and I see no way of it ending until I start feeling really well.

You’re not alone, believe me!!

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #8 on: February 28, 2018, 05:49:56 pm »

[Buddie]

My entire life is in disarray because of this. And it isn’t that I lack the physical ability to do something about it, it is because my organizational skills are so bad that if I move things around I have a very hard time finding them again. The lack of motivation to do anything productive is the icing on the cake. Those two things make it very difficult for me to keep everything clean and organized.

Ashton taper causes brainwashed addict to lose job

About to lose my Job (please help)!
« on: February 10, 2018, 08:22:08 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m about to lose my Job due to being very unproductive, always feeling tired and fatigued, and the cognitive and the OCD issues are just topping all of that.

What can I do?

What can I take that’s not harmful to help with all of that?

I sometimes think of taking Adderall or Provigil/Nuvigil cuz I know they sure help with all the symptoms mentioned above but they’re very harmful to my fragile CNS.

Please help with any suggestions.

Re: About to lose my Job (please help)!
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2018, 08:24:31 pm »

[Buddie]

I feel like I wanna do NOTHING 24/7.

82-year-old Benzo Buddies member needs walker after abusive taper, admits he’ll never recover

Re: Over 60 help and support.
« Reply #204 on: January 26, 2018, 04:15:39 am »

[Buddie]

Hey fellow prunes! (I can say that because, at 82, I bet I’m the pruniest.) I was on 2.5 mg of clonazepam/day, as prescribed, for 25 years (Why didn’t I question this?!). I’ve been off for 20 months and continue to experience head pressure, dizziness, light headedness, non-specific agitation, flu-like malaise, insomnia, cog fog, and I forget what else. The symptoms wax an wane throughout the day. I also have serious back problems which were precipitated by all the running I did (12 miles/day during my 40s), so I need a walker to travel more than 100 yards. So, folks, I feel your pain, and then some. I do my best to retain the modicum of physical fitness I have left by traversing my basement stairs (17 steps) 120 times every morning. It works up a good sweat and gets my heart rate up. Then I do 100 pushups. I’m not saying this to try to impress you but rather to suggest that as much physical activity as you can stand is an important means of fighting the benzo-beast. Often, during my stair exercise, I feel that I can’t go on but so far I’ve always made it through and I really think it’s helping me cope. When I consider the overall withdrawal trajectory I think the symptoms are gradually diminishing, although I still have a long way to go and at my age I’ll probably not achieve full recovery. In any case, I’m not giving up, and neither are you youngsters. Right? Right!

THIS TAPER FAILED

Considering Reinstatement
« on: January 24, 2018, 04:11:57 am »

[Buddie]

I’m considering going back on the diazepam because my sx’s are too unbearable. I’ve been stuck in bed for 2 1/2 weeks now and can barely take care of myself. I keep having severe intense panic attacks, my body hurts so bad all over, and have intense feeling of terror all the time. I no longer feel in control of my body and it is frightening. I also have been experiencing bouts of akathisia.

This all started 4 years ago when I tried to taper off of paroxetine. The severe insomnia is what got me started on diazepam to begin with. I reinstated half my paroxetine dose but I never really stabilized and the diazepam seemed to take the edge off. I’m starting to think maybe the paroxetine is causing the terrible panic attacks and terror now and I need to try to slowly taper off of it first.

I don’t really know if this is a good decision or not but I’m at my wit’s end. 4 long years of no life and living in terror now is horrendous! Any thoughts on this?

Re: Considering Reinstatement
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2018, 04:26:26 am »

[Buddie]

explore your options before you reinstate. if you reinstate the pain and suffering will continue forever, it will never end.

i felt like you once did, but i am 18 (or so?) months out now and i feel much better and i feel free and happiness and freedom are right around the corner.

Re: Considering Reinstatement
« Reply #2 on: January 24, 2018, 07:28:20 am »

[Buddie]

hi, paxil did this to me. doctors think theres no withdrawals from ssri and stuff but this is not true. paxil has lots of akathisia and nasty symptoms. just same intense as benzos