This taper failed: 60-year-old wants back on Klonopin after sitting in garage with gun in hand, ready to end it

Failure
« on: June 30, 2021, 07:19:46 pm »

[Buddie]

I am 9 wks CT from K at .75 mg that I was on for three months. Now I remember why doctor put me on this to begin with. I have extreme health anxiety. I have been doing fairly well with my withdrawal symptoms and even sleeping pretty well. Now I have just got news that something was wrong with my liver function test. I haven’t talked to doctor or got results, but I am living in extreme fear and panic and it’s not the withdrawal. I just can’t deal with health issues. If he tells me there’s problems with my liver I don’t know what I’d do. I can’t even make the appointment. I don’t know how I’d […] see him or get liver tests done. Seriously what would happen if I went back on K? I know it’s not recommended but lots of people do it. I think I’d rather live my life calmer than live with this anxiety even if it means a lifetime of drugs. Or would it not work for me? I can’t do it. I mean I literally can’t. I can’t get it out of my head the what if’s. I am paralyzed with fear. I would be like this for any health emergency for life, not just because I’m in withdrawal. I have been suicidal. Yes have even sat in the garage with the car running, taken the overdose, had the gun in my hand. Please help me make a decision. What else could possibly help me. Is there a drug that’s not a benzo? I can’t wait for an antidepressant to work. I’ve tried two and they made me sick as a dog. . I can’t […] on like this. I’m 60 yrs old.

THIS TAPER FAILED: DECADE OFF, NOW BACK ON, BUT HEY, WHO’S COUNTING?

hey everyone back again
« on: April 03, 2021, 07:40:07 pm »

[Buddie]

I signed up years ago and I’ve decided to start being active here again. I was on Klonopin 2mg took 1.5 daily for 15 years and completed my withdraw back in 2012 I think. Due to covid stress I asked my doctor to put me back on .5 mg and I only take .25 for about 6 mos. I will withdraw again, it won’t be that bad. Its real easy. I started the tapping method which really works.

If you go on youtube and search “Tapping for anxiety” you’ll find lots of methods to reduce your anxiety without the help of benzos.

Benzo Buddies cult hero Parker goes back on benzos, panic ensues

Re: Parker new post?
« Reply #4 on: July 13, 2020, 03:39:21 pm »

[Buddie]

I think there is still a lot of confusion for BB members. Parker posted that she reinstated and this was placed in the Success Stories?? I know success stories have to be approved by admin. This is very confusing.

Reinstatements do happen but have been posted in an appropriate section. This was upsetting to say the least for many members. A brief explanation would be appreciated. Success stories are the only hope many people cling to. What happened here?

Re: Parker new post?
« Reply #9 on: July 13, 2020, 06:28:27 pm »

[Buddie]

I wish her well too.

But this just goes to show that not everyone who suddenly disappears from the forum goes on to heal. I’ve always wondered why someone as active, influential and devoted to the forum and people on here as Parker would suddenly disappear without telling ANYONE why she left, What happened, etc. If you look back at Parker’s posts before she “disappeared” she was literally posting multiple posts a day. For someone to just up and leave without coming back at all, something must have happened or they reinstated. People kept telling folks on here “well healed people don’t hang out on this forum anymore they move on with their lives”. That certainly isn’t the case here, and provably many other cases out there.

I’m glad she came back and told us. It’s a little odd she posted In the success story section, but at least now we know what happened.

Re: Parker new post?
« Reply #10 on: July 13, 2020, 07:16:44 pm »

[Buddie]

Oh, so that is why I couldn’t find it. Thought was going mad….
I am glad she is ok.
If I could reinstate and stay on I would.
I should have done that in December 2017 when tried and it still worked before damaged was caused to muscles and joints instead of listening to ppl on here saying not to and drugs are bad etc.
They were the right thing for me.
Now can’t take anything and body literally crushing itself.

Re: Parker new post?
« Reply #12 on: July 13, 2020, 07:29:11 pm »

[Buddie]

Well the truth here is that she did not go on to heal. That’s what I mean by people on here making assumptions about people leaving and healing. False reassurance.

Re: Parker new post?
« Reply #22 on: July 20, 2020, 01:23:52 am »

[Buddie]

It’s just completely bizarre to me that someone who KNOWS how horrific Wd is and how long the suffering is would willingly put the poison in their body again. I’d die before I physically put another pill in my mouth. It’s different if the wd wasn’t as bad or long, but Parker was on here for like 7 years..

It’s like someone who almost died of peanut allergies would risk eating it again.

Re: Parker new post?
« Reply #27 on: July 24, 2020, 10:19:33 pm »

[Buddie]

I don’t think Parker healed and then went on drugs after. She was 32 months off and still bad.

Big Pharma blamed for Benzo Buddies member’s scary trip to the zoo

Setback from walking too much?
« on: August 05, 2019, 06:54:20 pm »

[Buddie]

Went to the zoo with my son and my family in law yesterday and walked so much. Now today my whole body is aching and burning from head to toe and I’m so scared. Has this happened to anyone? Everything burns worse than fire and the pain is so deep across my back, arms, legs, everywhere. Trying hard not to cry at work. This will go away right?

Jelly legs worse than benzo belly?

Alright, this is not just jelly legs
« on: July 26, 2019, 09:22:11 pm »

[Buddie]

So I am between 2-3 months out of C/t rapid detox (had some overlap of drugs they gave in hospital)
As awful as it gets with a host of symptoms, but my most profound physical symptoms is beyond jelly legs.
My legs started out where I couldn’t lift them or walk at all, and they began contracting nonstop, the clenthcing was very large and you could totally see it happening….they did this for 6 weeks straight without EVER stopping even if I slept, which most of time I didn’t. They then started calming down a bit and have settled into a constant movement of muscles and twitching (both surface and deep)
They have still never stopped. When I walk (can walk from room to room and stand in shower) they just start getting worse.
So here I am, cannot walk on them to make them stronger and they cannot ever rest to heal. Because even when resting them….they are moving. It is an unbelievable, impossible situation.
Anyone relate?
Btw…I am a mom and was a competitive athlete until the last 10 months of all these meds. Not being active is hindering my recovery, and we all know that these drugs have destroyed life as we know it. But not being able to use my legs…is stopping me from everything

Addict fantasizes about murdering family after joining Benzo Buddies anti-doctor cult

Fear of Going Home
« on: May 08, 2019, 09:36:08 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m having a really hard time wanting to go home after work. I feel anger toward my family and have intrusive thoughts. I’ve had these things for so long that I’ve formed an aversion to my home. Don’t know what to do at this point. Never thought this would happen at nearly 14 months off. Does anybody have this? Does this sound like benzo withdrawal at all? I may have to quit my job and move at this point.

Re: Fear of Going Home
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2019, 10:01:47 pm »

[Buddie]

Yeah, I think you begin to associate all this horror with your home, and family, and job, and everything around you, and you feel like getting away from it all. I used to hate being at home. I’d just get in the car and drive around the mountains for the whole day. Anything to get away. Of course, if you have a lot of anger, you might not want to go driving around. Might turn into road rage. But maybe some long walks might help.

Re: Fear of Going Home
« Reply #2 on: May 09, 2019, 12:32:14 am »

[Buddie]

You might have some other psychological issues (LOL – editor). This is not a criticism but your posts suggest it and your benzo doses were never very high. Maybe some cognitive behavioral therapy to help you deal with these negative thought patterns. Quitting your job and moving wont change a thing in my opinion. Best of luck.

Re: Fear of Going Home
« Reply #3 on: May 09, 2019, 02:05:35 am »

[Buddie]

Been seeing a therapist since July. I started seeing a second therapist in April too. Nothing has helped.

All I know is that when I quit benzos the second time I didn’t sleep for a full month and it felt like I was going into states of psychosis. I had suicidal ideation up to about a year off. That has eased off and it’s morphed into this fear of going home and fear and anger around other people, particularly my family.

Benzo Buddies member wistful over days benzos made her feel happy and high all the time

remember when benzos made you feel good??
« on: March 26, 2019, 08:36:10 pm »

[Buddie]

does anyone remember when benzos made them feel good and wonder how it got to this point of feeling like hell and dying??
i felt really good on them for a period of about 3 years between 2014-2015-2016
but always had to combine it with energy drinks to feel alert and would feel so happy and high all the time
– it caught up with me and stopped feeling good in 2017
– very insidious drug
– tolerance withdrawal sneaks up on you without knowing it

« Last Edit: March 27, 2019, 07:49:41 pm by [Buddie] »